Glorfindel could not remember the last time he had been this nervous.
The Last Alliance?
The Fall of Gondolin?
He was sure this eclipsed all of them.
What HAD he been thinking? Sleeping with Erestor had seemed so right at the time. Why had he not just said no? Why had Erestor even asked him? He couldn't even blame it on drink, he had been a bit tipsy but not THAT drunk.
He paced the floor in Elladan's room as he waited for him to return and hoped with all his heart Elladan hadn't gone to see Elrohir after all.
The door swung open and a wave of nausea rushed over him at the realisation the moment of truth was upon him.
"Glorfindel!" Elladan's face lit up when he saw him. So he obviously hadn't seen Elrohir yet. Somehow his joy at finding Glorfindel waiting for him made things even worse. If only he had come in angry and antagonistic. Now he had to take that lovely shining face and smash it in to little pieces. Glorfindel could not bear to look at him.
He sat down in the bed rather hard as his legs gave out from under him but Elladan did not notice his distress, instead he happily sat down beside him leaning up against him as he did so.
"I am so annoyed with Erestor." He said
"You are?" Glorfindel was confused, could it be he already knew? If so why was he not more angry?
"Yes." Elladan sounded very put out. "Aragorn did not want to see me at all. In fact he looked as if he thought I was completely mad. He said Erestor had been to see him and run out halfway through a conversation...Do you think he is well? It sounded very odd, perhaps he is having some kind of breakdown -"
Glorfindel interrupted him, he had to put a stop to this endless babbling and just get on with it.
"Elladan," He began but Elladan didn't hear him, he was too busy pondering on Erestor.
"Perhaps it is because of Maglor," he said thoughtfully, "Perhaps he suffers some kind of delayed grief ?"
"Elladan!" Glorfindel said sharply, "Do not worry about Erestor. I need to speak with you!"
Elladan looked at him in confusion,
"He is your friend, surely you are concerned he is not behaving normally?"
Glorfindel took a deep breath. This was going to be so very hard.
"He is my friend yes, but there is nothing to worry about. I need to speak with is something we need to discuss."
"Oh, you sound serious, is it about Elrohir and Legolas? I saw Elrohir before-"
"You saw Elrohir?!" Glorfindel could not have been more alarmed at that news. "What did he say? Because Elladan, he is quite misinformed. Don't not listen to him. I have not been near Legolas!"
Elladan frowned,
"You said you saw Legolas this morning. Anyway Elrohir did not mention you, do you know what it is they are fighting about? He is very unhappy but he refused to tell me. I do not think Legolas is any good for him. I wish he would see sense."
Glorfindel paused to wonder just how he was going to approach this. He really hadn't had any kind of plan.
"Elrohir has jumped to conclusions and he is wrong. If you will just listen I will try to explain, Elladan, do you promise you will hear me out?"
"Of course!" Elladan was so sweet and trusting it tore at Glorfindel's heart.
He took a deep breath and tried to start at the beginning.
"Elrohir believes Legolas and I have been together-" A look of disbelieving horror flitted across Elladan's face and he rushed to reassure him.
"No, no," he grasped his arm, "It is not true. I would never do that. He overheard us talking this morning and got the wrong idea completely."
"About Legolas going to your room? Why does he not explain that you were not even there?"
"He does not explain," Glorfindel said patienty, "because he is trying to protect me. He keeps a secret for me. I asked him to years ago."
"A secret? A secret I do not know? You have told Legolas something but not me?" Elladan looked so very hurt at that and he wondered if he should have just explained his and Erestor's history to him in the first place. Well he would just have to try now.
"Things have not always been as they are now Elladan. For the Noldor I mean, In the past...we were perhaps more as Legolas's people are, that was why I spoke to him. He understands it and he struggles with it too. When I first returned...well it was rather hard to adjust."
Elladan stared at him with deep concentration.
"You used to live in trees? he said, "I thought Gondolin was a proper city?"
"No we did not live in trees," Glorfindel
sighed, "that was not what I meant. We were ...freer. More like the Silvans, We did not...well sometimes we... Let's say the idea of bonding to one person forever was not always the way of it. I mean, you could do that if you wanted, " he said hurriedly, he did not want Elladan thinking that was not what he wished for the future,
"but you did not have to."
Elladan stared in amazement.
"You cannot be serious. I mean my Grandmother and Grandfather...they are bonded...forever..."
"Well," he said reluctantly, he really didn't want to shed any more light on Galadriel's sex life than he needed to. "Yes they are now of course," To be perfectly honest he had no idea what really went on in Lothlorien.
"But in the past...well they may not have always been so...monogamous."
"They love each other!" Elladan exclaimed.
Why was this such a hard concept for Elladan to understand? Glorfindel wondered.
"Yes, but a physical connection...doesn't have to equal love...just comfort, or pleasure. It can be fun ...to try others..." Somehow that had not come out the right way at all.
He knew that for certain when Elladan's lovely open face clouded over with a scowl as finally the penny dropped.
"And who have you been 'trying' then Glorfindel?"
"I did not mean now." he clasped Elladan's hands between his. 'Yes you did, yes you did,' whispered his concience.
"In the past," he plowed on, "Erestor and I, we have sometimes, occasionally..." He trailed off as his words ran out.
Elladan's eyes were large and disbelieving as he stared at him. Eventually he spoke, his voice tight and tense.
"All those rides you used to take in Imladris...the ones you would never let me go on."
"Yes, well," Glorfindel did feel a bit bad about that.
"That all stopped, a long time ago when I realised...when I knew what you meant to me. You have to understand Elladan, Erestor and I, we go back centuries. It was not about love, not the kind of love we have," he swallowed down the thought that for him at least perhaps once it had been.
"You know for Erestor Maglor is everything but when I came back...everything was so different, I was lost, I was unhappy and it helped."
He was desperate for Elladan to understand this.
"So you tell Legolas this? Legolas! And not me, you did not think it important enough to tell me? I am not so stupid that I could never understand this Glorfindel and you did not even give me a chance!"
"Legolas came to me!" Glorfindel pleaded, "Early on when he was concerned how he and Elrohir would manage things. It is not as if I sought him out with this. I was simply trying to advise him. I did not mean to exclude you." But he knew he had, he had not been fair, he and Elladan should have had this conversation long before this.
Elladan gave him a long hard stare.
"Something about this makes no sense" he said coldly. " You expect me to believe Legolas will not defend himself, he will throw away his relationship with my brother just so he needn't tell him of your past with Erestor?"
"I asked him to promise..." Glorfindel spluttered.
"Elrohir is precious to him, is it really worth losing him if Erestor is in the past?" He paused for breath, and Glorfindel had to wonder, possibly for effect. Then he leaned closer to him, his eyes were ice and his voice cutting.
"But he is not in the past is he Glorfindel? Why were you so keen to tell me you were not with him last night? What did Legolas see when he went to your room? Do not deny it!"
"You don't understand Elladan!"
"Oh I do. I do understand! All too clearly."
"It was a difficult night, so many we knew are here no longer, It was upsetting,"
"And yet you did not come to me. I was here Glorfindel, if you found things hard. I would have listened!"
How had he lost so much control of this conversation so quickly? Glorfindel wondered.
"You are too young Elladan." He said sadly, " Erestor understands, he knows the people I grieve for, he has actually met them."
"I am sorry I am such a child." Elladan spat the words out viciously and he rose to his feet. Glorfindel flinched as each and every word felt like a wound directly to his heart.
"Stay with Erestor then who understands you so well. I cannot help the Age I was born in. If that is what you want there is no point me even trying!"
He swung around more than a bit dramatically and headed for the door.
This was not going at all the way Glorfindel had hoped for.
"Elladan, where are you going?" He cried.
"Away from you!" Was the angry answer he recieved before the door slammed resoundingly in his face.
And he wondered exactly where Elladan was going,
Did he not realise he had just stormed out of his own room?
He was not left alone there for long, however it was not Elladan who came back through the door minutes later but his brother.
Elrohir stopped mid step and stared at him.
"What are you doing here?"
Oh dear, Glorfindel thought, this may even be worse than Elladan.
"Wishing I had not done many things." He said bluntly.
"Oh?" Elrohir was all sarcasm, "Why did you do it then Glorfindel?"
Glorfindel had had enough, he was not about to let some jumped up boy child march in here and lecture him.
"Just what is it you take offence at Elrohir?"
"You know what. Legolas is not yours to have!"
Glorfindel was angry, mainly with himself but that did not matter. He was not in the mood to hold his tongue.
"And I have not had him Elrohir. Nor do I want to. Do you really think so little of him? I can tell you now as far as I know it has been years since he has desired anyone but you!"
He watched as Elrohir's jaw dropped open and he did not stop there.
"How quick you are to throw such accusations about. Should you not be defending him instead of starting rumours that damage his reputation?"
"He would not explain himself."
"Because it was not your right to hear the explanation!"
"You tell me then," Elrohir cried, "You tell me what was going on this morning."
Glorfindel had no intention of telling him anything.
"No you tell me, Elrohir. You can tell me why exactly you are so quick to suggest Legolas is anything but honorable. It is a disservice that you do him. What kind of lover ARE you?"
And he swung on his heels and marched to the door.
He had had quite enough of the sons of Elrond today.