Disclaimer: I own nothing of Psych and its related characters. This is just for my own enjoyment and the potential enjoyment of other Psych-Os like me, and no monetary gain was expected or received.
Rating: T+
Spoilers: None.
A/N: Well, I lied. I thought it would be a one-shot, but last night I had another crazy-ass dream and I had to put it down.
Yet Another Crazy-Ass Dream
Lassiter stirred sugar and creamer into his coffee the next morning at the coffee bar as O'Hara made up her own cup.
"Sleep well last night?" she asked. He looked sheepish.
"I had another weird-ass dream," he said.
"Oh no. What was it this time?"
He sighed. "I dreamt I became convinced that my middle name was 'Diamond.' I have no idea why: it only just now occurred to me that there's an actor named Lou Diamond Phillips. I don't know of anybody else who goes by that name, first or middle. Neil Diamond is the only other Diamond I know, period."
She chuckled. "Well, that's weird, but not nearly as bad as those other two dreams you had," she said.
"Oh, it gets worse," he said. "I went to my mother and asked her why I thought my middle name was Diamond. My middle name is Jebediah, and even in the dream I knew that, so I wanted her to tell me why I thought my middle name should be Diamond instead. She couldn't. But then she said, 'The baby was named Diamond.' And I said, 'What baby?' and she said, 'Your sister's baby.' Again I said, 'What baby?' and she said, 'The one born November 10th, 1981.' Now, my niece Zoe was born November 10th, but that was in 2005. No one else I know was born November 10th, and one of my two sisters wasn't born until 1982. The other one was eight years old in 1981. So I tried to get Ma to explain how this baby was possible, but she wouldn't. She started walking away from me super-fast, and I followed her, down long twisting, turning halls, and into this restaurant all done up in yellow and white and looking like the Tropicana nightclub from the old I Love Lucy show. And that was when I realized that my mom was Phylicia Rashad, and always had been. And then, thankfully, I woke up."
Juliet collapsed against his chest, laughing helplessly. "Good God, Carlton. Maybe you need to talk to somebody," she said.
"I thought that was what I was doing," he said, whining a little.
"Somebody professional," Juliet said.