Emily lingered in the foyer of Rossi's expansive mansion while collecting her jacket, squinting through the warm yellow glow of the overhead light beyond the open door at the retreating form of her girlfriend who was strolling towards the profiler's car while speaking rapid French into her cellphone. Emily sucked in a deep steadying breath and held it a moment, trying to collect herself. She avoided bringing Miranda around the whole team at once with any frequency because it took such a toll on her. Both in her efforts to soften the other woman's less than pleasing personality quirks and the fact that Emily just couldn't completely be herself around Miranda. She was used to the latter being par for the course with just about everyone, but it took a special something out of her when it was around her team, her family.
She smiled automatically when JJ ambled into the foyer, a mostly empty glass of chilled wine still in her hand and her eyes lit up with the ghost of the belly laugh she'd been sharing with the others still further in the house. "You really leaving already?" she asked, leaning backwards slightly to see where Rossi was before setting her sweating glass down on one of the decorative tables.
Emily nodded. "Andi's got early morning meetings so it's either take her back to my place now so she has time to prep, or stay later and have to stay at her place."
JJ wrinkled her nose and shrugged her understanding. "Yeah, you'd better leave then and do us all the favour."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Emily asked with a faked affront, raising an eyebrow as she shrugged on her jacket.
"Come on, Emily." JJ teased, rolling her eyes. "You're a total pain in the ass on anything less than four hours of sleep and any time you stay at Bambi's, we all have to hear about her loud upstairs neighbours and how you couldn't sleep worth a damn." She leveled a pointed gaze at her friend when Emily looked like she was about to protest. "Plus I don't want to have to beat you down for the coffee pot tomorrow." She jerked a thumb behind her. "I already have to fight Spence enough as it is."
"Fair," Emily laughed, shaking her head. "That's fair." She ignored JJ's whine of protest as she grabbed the blonde's wine and drained the rest of its contents before thrusting the empty glass back into her hands. "You're buying my silence for putting your glass on Rossi's imported rosewood."
JJ narrowed her gaze playfully and huffed. "Fine, if you want to be a jerk. I'm gonna go hang out with people who appreciate me." She stuck out her tongue petulantly and then grinned, waving casually as she made her way back into the house, holding up her glass and muttering 'it was in my hand the whole time' to Rossi as she passed by him.
"Do I want to know?" Rossi chuckled as he came to a stop near the younger profiler.
Emily shrugged and smiled. "Thanks for having us over," whatever she was going to say next was cut off by Miranda's dulcet 'are you coming Emmy?' from near the top of the driveway. Emily's nigh unnoticeable posture stiffening at the nickname wasn't muted enough to escape Rossi's attention and he cleared his throat gently, drawing her attention back towards him.
"Do you mind if I ask you something?" he wondered; only meeting her gaze briefly so she didn't feel put on the spot.
"Sure," Emily replied, flipping her hair out of the collar of her jacket and sticking her hands in the various pockets to make sure her wallet and keys were where she'd left them.
Rossi swirled the negligible amount of scotch in the tumbler in his hand and directed the first half of his question into the glass. "Are things going well?" he let the pause stretch between them for a few seconds before elaborating though it was clear she knew what he was talking about. "With Miranda, I mean."
She gave him a tight smile. "Why wouldn't they be?"
"You know I trust your judgment, Emily; and I don't want to overstep…" he said seriously, before tilting his glass towards the open door where they could just make out Miranda's features thrown into sharp definition by the light of her phone as she was texting. "But really?"
Emily rolled her eyes and brushed off his mildly confused expression with a shake of her head. "Rossi…" she trailed off with a not-so-stern warning in her exasperated tone.
Rossi held up one hand indicating he got the message. "I'm just saying I've been married three times; I know a little about these things."
"Tenere a freno la lingua," she laughed in only half-feigned horror. "We're definitely not getting married."
He chuckled and shrugged casually. "No, maybe not." He didn't continue but he knew she understood the look on his face; that he could see the relationship wasn't really making Emily happy.
"Thanks." Emily said, her expression softening with her tone, letting him know she'd understood his meaning. She offered him a brief but sincere smile before heading down the walkway and unlocking her car, opening the passenger's side door for Miranda who kissed her with a grin before slipping into her seat. Taking another deep breath and casting a brief gaze at the dark sky overhead, Emily went around to the other side of the car, ignoring the fleeting wish that she could go back inside before getting in and starting the engine.
Emily kept a stopwatch in her head whenever she was around Miranda lately. Once her girlfriend started talking, the timer would count up to how long it took for the program specialist to start nitpicking at Emily's life. She didn't know why she was so optimistic that she was going to break the five-minute mark since she'd started keeping track she hadn't ever hit it.
"I rather like David." Miranda was saying (Emily had honestly tuned her out for the opening of what she presumed was supposed to be a conversation since it was clear her attention wasn't required). "It was nice of him to invite me as well."
Emily hummed absentmindedly and turned onto GW Parkway.
"I find it a little odd that he chooses to have such relaxed get-togethers with your whole unit though, don't you?"
Emily glanced at the clock on the display screen on the dash. "Why odd?"
Miranda shrugged. "He's a man of certain reputations,"
Emily held in the snort of laughter that threatened to escape and force her to explain why that was a poor (or excellent) choice of words.
"And I can understand why he'd want some of them around, and you all work together of course, but if there's no reason to gather like that, I just find it a bit…off-putting is all."
"Three and a half minutes." Emily murmured. "We were so close."
"Speak up baby, you know I can't understand you when you mumble."
Emily kept the distasteful expression off her face at the very Elizabeth Prentiss-like tone to Miranda's voice coupled with the term of endearment. "Off-putting is an…interesting turn of phrase." She said instead.
Miranda scoffed. "Don't say it like that, Emmy, you know what I mean."
Emily did, more or less, which was really the problem but she couldn't seem to stop herself from saying, "humour me."
Miranda sighed. "It's just that…well, obviously you make sense. You're a Prentiss and an invaluable resource."
Emily gripped the steering wheel more tightly.
"And even your boss who came by earlier, Aaron? I know he worked with your mother and even on his own, he makes sense too."
"So what's wrong with everyone else?" Emily couldn't stop the offended tone from creeping into her voice.
"Don't put words in my mouth, Emily, honestly. There's nothing wrong with them, they're just…they're just not the right caliber for our crowd."
"Our crowd?"
Emily could hear the frustrated eye roll in Miranda's voice. "You know very well what I mean."
"Unfortunately." She muttered under her breath.
"It's not at they're bad people. I mean, I could see potential with Spencer. He's clearly got a lot going for him. A bit awkward maybe, but no more so than some of the boosters mon oncle is friends with and at least he's young, handsome, and charming."
"I'm sure he'll be thrilled you think so."
"Naturally. Remind me to get him Doctor Zerrin's number, I think he could do a lot more." Miranda replied, either ignoring or not picking up on the profiler's tone; Emily could never be sure which it was with her. "So him, I definitely understand—for grooming purposes, of course."
"Of course," Emily agreed flatly.
"But the others…"
Emily clenched her jaw for a moment. "Go on."
"Emmy," Miranda started, her tone already slightly pleading. "I don't want you to get mad because I know she's one of your best friends…"
Emily sighed tiredly. "Spit it out, Andi."
"I just don't want you to get upset! You're so touchy sometimes."
Emily rolled her eyes and shrugged a shoulder. She had a gut feeling that this was going to turn out to be more than just one of their semi-usual Arguments and as such, she could have stopped it right then since all she really wanted was to go home and fool around halfway into some mindless movie on TV until she passed out but she had a strange, almost maladjusted compulsion to keep this conversation going. She was genuinely fascinated with the amount of willfulness and mental gymnastics involved in Miranda's ignorance. "I guess I'll just have to do my best then." She said wryly.
Miranda let out a short hum that could have been a noise of agreement and Emily bit the inside of her bottom lip to keep from letting out a sardonic chuckle. "I know you insist that everyone you work with is very capable, but they mostly stand alright on their own merit without that endorsement, you know?"
Emily let out a noise that must have been one of encouragement because Miranda continued.
"Your boss was a well respected prosecutor and top of his field in many respects and I know he went to a liberal arts school, but at least it was a private school."
Emily let out a heavy breath of air that could have been a laugh.
"Spencer is obviously very intelligent and it's nice that he's found this to hold his attentions for a while and your friend Derek went to Northwestern which is impressive especially given his circumstances,"
"Circumstances?"
"I know you know what I'm trying to say; I don't understand why you're always repeating me like that."
"Evidentially because I'm unconcerned about self-afflicted ulcers." Emily groused under her breath. "I just like everything to be as clear as possible." She said more loudly after registering the vexed look Miranda was shooting her about her 'mumbling habit.'
"You would think someone who learnt six languages before the age of twenty and spent nearly all their life in such cultured environments would enunciate better." Miranda teased with no small amount of fondness in her tone.
Emily resisted the urge to shrug her off irritatedly when she felt the other woman's fingers brush across her face to tuck some of her hair behind her ear. It was times like this Emily had no earthly idea why she put up with Miranda. She supposed that the infrequency with which they actually saw each other alone tended towards making her forget, forgive, or diminish a lot of the things they butted heads about. Maybe absence didn't make the heart grow fonder, but stupider.
"It's okay," Miranda continued earnestly as if Emily had apologized. "It's rather endearing in a funny sort of way. But as I was saying, even Jennifer has her own merits."
"What does that even mean?" Emily asked perturbedly. "JJ is hands down one of the hardest working people on the team and an incredibly valuable member the same as any of us."
Miranda rolled her eyes. "Of course she is, no one is saying she isn't. It's just, what's her big claim to fame? She shoots better than the rest of you?" she scoffed. "Did she learn that from taking pop shots at tin cans on the ol' fence post behind the barn growing up?"
It was clear from her tone that it had been meant as a joke, but Emily wasn't laughing.
"Baby, don't be like that." Miranda chastised gently. "I'm only kidding. It's very noble how defensive you get about your coworkers, but it's a compliment for goodness sake. I only meant to say that Jennifer managed to rise above her station and that's very admirable."
"Are you serious right now?" Emily retorted with rising ire. "'Rise above her station'? You make it sound like Medieval Europe. We're FBI Agents, Andi, not vassals."
"My point, Emily, if I could get there,"
"By all means."
"My point is that everyone stands on their own fairly well."
"Everyone except…" Emily fed, noticing a glaring omission in Miranda's criticisms.
"See? You do understand where I'm coming from!"
Emily only just barely managed to contain a derisive snort.
"What's her name? Honestly I don't understand why you all insist on using surnames like they're your given names, it's terribly isolating, don't you think?"
Emily shrugged and decided not to start an entirely different argument based on the fact that 'their crowd' was one of the most purposely insular groups society had to offer. "Garcia." She offered, internally bristling at the idea of Miranda calling Penelope by her first name.
"Yes, that's right, Garcia. She's so out of place, isn't she?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"She didn't even finish college, Emily; at least even Jennifer did that!"
"She taught herself enough practical coding to get put on a watch list that was directly responsible for getting her into the FBI in the first place," Emily defended hotly. "She's amazing at what she does and we'd fall apart without her in more ways than one. What on earth would she need a two-hundred thousand dollar piece of paper to tell her as much for?"
"I'm only saying that if she wants to be a-an," she gesticulated vaguely while trying to find the right words. "An eccentric, uneducated, common hacker, then I suppose that's her prerogative, but she could do better. Be better. You could do better and you know th-"
"Ta gueule!" Emily all but shouted, casting an angry glare at her (she was now quite certain soon to be ex) girlfriend. "You know, I've put up with a lot of shit from you the last several months and I thought maybe it was only because we don't see each other very much so I was just over exaggerating issues because when things are good, Andi? Things are pretty damn good, but this? This is fucking ridiculous and I refuse to sit idly by while you ridicule my family and their effectiveness at jobs you can't even comprehend but refuse to take seriously anyway!"
Miranda huffed and crossed her arms. "Don't be so melodramatic, Emily, I'm not ridiculing anyone. And your family?"
"You know damn well I'm not being facetious. I would, and have, put my life on the line for any one of them and they for me. So yes, Miranda, my family. And of course you're not belittling them! Everyone's fine and respectable as long as they meet your arbitrary standards of what those things really are, is that's what it is?"
"You're being ridiculous and defensive and you know I can't talk to you when you're like this."
"No, Andi, I'm not. And I know you 'can't talk to me when I'm like this' because it means if we want to move past it, I'm the one who has to drop the issue and I'm sick of it. You can say whatever you want about me or how you feel about my job, but you leave them out of it. I'm so sick of your bullshit elitist attitude."
"My bullshit elitist attitude, as you put it, isn't any different than the attitudes you were raised with, Emily." Miranda pointed out protectively.
"And yet somehow, in spite of that, I managed to come out of the ordeal with a modicum of compassion."
"You think I don't have any compassion?! Ça me fait chier! You know very well that just last year I personally donated over,"
Emily cut her off by laughing outright. "That's what I'm talking about! You think that compassion and empathy and worth can be measured in dollars and titles and connections. I'm sick of all of that. I've been trying to get away from all that my whole life." She shook her head ruefully. "I honestly thought you would have understood, but I was wrong."
Miranda sobered at the tone in Emily's voice and she turned away from her to look out of the window for a few quiet moments. "Look, I really don't want to fight, Emmy." She said quietly, trying to ease the tension.
"Neither do I."
"Then let's not, okay? I'm not used to, to being down in the trenches, as it were." She frowned at Emily's eye roll. "You're getting too upset and I hate it when we fight. Just help me understand."
"I've been trying to."
"Maybe I just didn't realize how much things got to you. See, we've upset each other so much that neither of us even noticed you've gone right by Georgetown."
Emily shook her head. "We're not going to my place, I'm taking you home."
"Emily," she pleaded. "Don't be like this."
"That's the thing, Miranda, there's no other way I can be and until you can figure out how to listen to people instead of just hearing what they're saying, we don't have anything more to talk about with each other."
Emily was listening to Miranda; listening to her shy, fumbling attempts at apologizing and itemizing the realizations she'd made in the two months since they'd split up—she was listening but couldn't keep her mind from simultaneously replying the night she'd broken up with the other woman. Part of her wanted to believe Miranda was currently being sincere. After all, Miranda was anything but shy or hesitant in any aspect of her life, which made Emily inclined to believe that her apologizing-without-specifics tactic was genuine. But Emily wasn't stupid either. She and Miranda were the same age and one didn't unlearn so many years of that kind of thinking in seventy days or less.
Emily knew that it was a case of 'there but for the grace of God, go I' since she attributed her rather critical views on what she'd been raised with almost entirely on her father's absence and mother's neglect. JJ and Garcia both believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that Emily would have turned out her 'fabulous self' regardless of her upbringing but there was a reason why so many other people from Old Money regarded her as unusual even when they had a favourable opinion of her. The only real difference Emily saw between herself and Miranda in regards to developing attitudes was that her exceedingly large family were very earnestly involved in her life. Emily could have just as easily turned out the same way if circumstances were different and it was for that reason that she didn't feel comfortable writing Miranda off as a person entirely. She certainly had no intention of getting back together with the freckled brunette regardless of how sincere she was being, but it might not be so terrible to try to maintain a friendship.
"I realize I was out of line on a lot of things and I just…" Miranda was saying. "I just can't stand the thought that you might hate me."
Startled back into full attention, Emily blinked at the taller woman in confusion before sighing. "Andi, you know I don't hate you, it's just that you can be so dismissive and…" she searched the other woman's face trying to come up with something that didn't sound as harsh as the words floating through her mind.
"Obnoxious?" Miranda provided with a hesitant smile.
Emily's laugh was relieved and she shook her head amusedly. "Yeah, obnoxious." She was sure her ex hadn't changed drastically in such a short time, particularly given the laden greeting she'd used with JJ, but as unusual as it was for Miranda to be shy or reticent, it was equally noteworthy if she ever applied a negative label to herself so there had been at least some sincerity in her apologies. Emily felt she'd be willing to put her on at least a probationary level of friendship to see if the change of heart stick and improve.
"What do you think, Emmy?" Miranda stuck out her hand casually but the hopeful note in her voice was genuine. "Can we try this friend thing?"
Emily smiled and took the proffered hand to shake it gently. "We can try." Miranda's eyes lit with her responding smile and they shook. It didn't escape Emily's notice that the other woman trailed her fingers across her palm as they unclasped their hands. "You know it's going to be more than just an unclear apology to me though, right?" Emily reminded her seriously. She didn't want Miranda to think she was off the hook that easily.
Miranda nodded seriously. "There's a lot to talk about of course," she agreed. "And I suppose we'll see what happens from there, won't we?"
"I suppose we will."
Miranda smiled, the nervousness that had been resonating throughout her body language fading slightly and making the action more genuine. "Why don't you come and join us?" She inclined her head towards the tables she and her group had been occupying. "Let me buy you a drink at least. There's plenty of room and there's no interruption, it's just some friends from work."
Emily was about to voice the fact that Miranda had assumed that she wasn't the one interrupting but pushed it away immediately. The only thing Miranda was interrupting was her minds increasing ease at settling comfortably into wishful thinking territory. Still, she shook her head. In another set of circumstances she may have taken her up on the offer, but she definitely wasn't going to leave JJ alone in her post-supernatural thriller mindset. She'd be fretting over the blonde's state of mind until she was sure JJ either had Garcia on the phone or at her house. Emily was about to offer a half-sincere 'maybe some other time' when she noticed JJ entering the restaurant again, her body language hyper alert and her expression a strange mixture of determination and distress as she reached the glass doors.
Miranda watched Emily carefully as the profiler frowned a bit. She was a great deal of things but unobservant wasn't on that list. She could note the second Emily's eyes landed on her blonde friend because the way Emily's whole being relaxed slightly as if she'd finally been allowed to take a breath after holding it for ages had not escaped her attentions. Nor had the immediate look of concern that coloured the profiler's features, copying almost exactly the expression from when JJ had unceremoniously darted out of the building.
Miranda had known within the first five minutes of being around Emily and Jennifer at the same time that they were attracted to each other. She had never been worried about being cheated on while she and Emily were together. Not only was that wildly out of Emily's character, as clear as the seriousness of their attraction was to Miranda, it didn't seem to be that clear between them. For whatever reason, they chose to dance around each other and for a few months that had worked out very nicely to her advantage. She was sure that whatever awful things Emily thought about her (even if true) had been aired to her two blonde coworkers and Miranda was positive Jennifer would have used that as an opportunity to express her attraction to Emily because that's what she would have done; but watching at Emily look at JJ made it apparent that still hadn't happened.
Which meant that that could work out in Miranda's favour again. She knew she and Emily were over romantically and while it still stung a bit, she was fine with that. But being friends with an unattached ex when you were still attracted to one another had benefits all its own, and she could live with that. For now. "Jennifer is more than welcome as well, of course." She said, pulling Emily's gaze back towards her.
Emily smiled briefly and shook her head slightly. As adorable as JJ's nonsensical anxieties were, they were real and if she didn't express them, she'd never be able to unwind. Emily wasn't going to make the blonde tax herself by pretending to not be on high alert while around a collection of strangers headed by the questionably reformed ex of one her best friends. "JJ's had kind of a rough day." She said by way of explanation and correction. "Another time, maybe?"
Miranda nodded and smiled, laying a fleeting touch on Emily's shoulder. "Another time definitely."
Emily watched her ex make her way through the restaurant traffic back to her table, not bothering to chastise herself when her eyes wandered to the sway of the other brunette's hips momentarily before swinging her gaze forward to watch as JJ pulled out her chair and sat down with nervous movements. Any other thoughts in her head dimmed as she looked at her friend with worry. JJ had been making her way back to her seat with some manner of clear resolve but by the time she reached the table and sat down, it had quickly melted into nothing short of barely contained morose kind of anxiety.
Emily frowned and pushed JJ's iced tea that had arrived in her absence towards her. "Are you okay? What happened?"
JJ's mouth opened and closed a few times before she shook her head tightly and took slow, measured sips of her drink to try and collect herself. Her plan of action had seemed so workable when she'd been outside but now, sitting here in front of Emily, she knew she was going to chicken out. She was still absolutely certain that they'd accidentally managed to get themselves into a date, even if she were the only one that had consciously realized it, and she was still pretty certain that something had passed between them before they'd been interrupted, but that turned out to be part of the problem.
JJ hadn't been hyperbolic when she was nervously rambling to Garcia and had said she couldn't do meaninglessness with Emily but she'd been too wound up to have the wherewithal to explain herself better. JJ was just as aware as Emily that they thought the other was attractive, that had never been an issue. The issue lay in the very harsh reality that it was easily possible to be attracted to someone and never want anything from or with them. Jennifer thought Morgan was pretty sexy but the idea of doing anything with him was so ludicrous that she honestly couldn't picture it even on a joking level.
Up until her conversation with Garcia, JJ had believed that that's the kind of attraction Emily had towards her and in return, she prayed Emily assumed as that much about her. But even with the reality that there had been something in Emily's gaze and even though JJ had a tiny knot of thrill still sitting in the pit of her stomach that if she could just say the right things, there was a reasonable chance that she could make something happen tonight, she couldn't do it. Penelope had been one hundred percent right that Emily didn't do anything meaninglessly—platonically or otherwise—once she let someone in; that had never been a doubt in JJ's mind. But JJ had been stewing in her growing attraction, affection, and finally love for Emily for the three years she'd known her. In that entire time she had never seen that little flicker of 'something different' in the way Emily looked at her before.
Pulling the trigger on whatever might be between them had seemed like a good and reasonable idea outside but it meaning more to her than to Emily rattled something deep within JJ that for all her verbal skills, she was sure she didn't have a name for. Even just looking at the soft frown on the brunette's face and her warm dark eyes searching her face with care made JJ feel a little choked up. Just the idea of Emily telling her in some gentle and sincere way that she wasn't looking for serious commitment and loved her but wasn't in love with her was devastating enough that she knew she couldn't confront the reality. Between getting off the phone with Garcia and sitting down, Jennifer had come to the sudden and oddly painful realization that she had fallen into a kind of love that she hadn't experienced before.
More than a few times in the past, she had been in love with people that cared for her a great deal but didn't love her and she pursued them anyway. It was probably a stupid habit, but incredibly painful though it was, it was a habit she could rarely seem to stop indulging in. JJ had always figured 'something's better than nothing' when you got to spend even a little time with someone you were in love with so the resulting pain had always seemed worth it in the long run. Until now. The thought of being with Emily if Emily didn't love her shattered JJ in a way that made her want to relive every breakup from all those ill advised relationships and flings consecutively and in vivid Technicolor. Less than six hours ago she'd been so sure that if she knew there was a chance with Emily, she'd take it and now here she was making a liar out of herself in the worst way.
Jennifer Jareau never did anything half-assed and when she got herself stuck between a rock and a hard place she really wedged herself in there.
She blinked a few times and cleared her throat when she registered that Emily was still waiting patiently for an explanation; that heavy realization had hit her so fully and sucked the wind out of her sails so completely that she'd gotten a little dazed and disconnected. JJ shook her head again, this time trying to do something physical to get these new thoughts clamoring for her attention out of her head. There was only room in her small frame for so much anxiety at once and now was the most inconvenient time to deal with this.
She nodded her head up quickly to indicate the back of the restaurant behind Emily and said; "There was a guy by the bathrooms who had a tattoo just like the ones the infected werewolves had." She lied, knowing full well that she was feeding her own temporary paranoia now that her mind was going to have to dwell on that idea. "I panicked and went to ask Pen about animal attacks in the area, and it's not like I really wanted to have Miranda privy to that conversation." At least that was partially true.
Emily nodded sympathetically, but the worriment on her face didn't dissipate as she reached across the table and squeezed JJ's forearm briefly. "Well I ordered for you while you were talking to Garcia so once you get that post-monster movie burger in you maybe you'll feel better."
JJ let out a breath and relaxed a little as she nodded, furrowing her brow slightly. "Don't call it a monster movie, Em. You make it sound like we just watched Monster Squad."
"Excuse me, Jennifer," Emily laughed with sarcastic contriteness, leaning back as their waiter came by to set their plates in front of them. "But I honestly can't see the difference."
"You," JJ picked up a french fry and pointed it accusatorily at Emily before biting into it aggressively but she was trying not to smile. "Are such an asshole sometimes and I honestly don't know how I've managed to know you this long and not to shoot you."
Emily set down the fork she had picked up and gestured to herself with a wave of her hand, a convincing look of shocked disbelief on her face. "And ruin all this? You would never."
"Keep testing me, Prentiss." JJ said sternly, glaring at her.
Emily didn't reply but didn't look away either and they looked at each other until the amusement in Emily's eyes slipped fleetingly into that something from earlier. JJ wasn't sure if Emily even knew she was doing it but since she'd had her little epiphany, it wasn't something she wanted to, or could dwell on anymore. At least not right now. She cleared her throat and made a show of focusing on starting to deconstruct her hamburger.
"So besides the obvious," JJ said as casually as she could manage. "What did Miranda want?"
"To apologize, if you can believe that." She chuckled at the look on JJ's face and nodded understandingly. "I know! She seemed…" Emily tilted her head to one side. "I think 'serious' is too strong of a word, but definitely somewhere around there. At least she seemed really honest about wanting to not be,"
"Such a bitch?" JJ interrupted.
"More or less." Emily laughed. "She said, with no prompting from me I might add, that she wanted to actually talk things out with me and, get this, she wants to eventually apologize to you and Garcia."
"And you believe her?"
Emily rolled her eyes. "Hardly; it's only been two months and this is Miranda we're talking about."
"Just checking."
"I really don't think the complete attitude adjustment is real but I do think she's serious about wanting to actually try. I feel…I don't know, obligated to help her get her head out of her ass."
"You're really the best of us sometimes, Em." She shook her head in fond confusion. "I'm sure Pen'll be glad to hear you haven't lost your mind."
"Why would she think I had?"
"I'd mentioned Bambi was here," JJ explained. "And making doe-eyes at you." Close enough to the truth. "And she got worried for a second you guys were going to try and get back," she cut herself off with a laugh at the mildly horrified look on Emily's face.
"God no." Emily insisted with a shake of her head. "Friends only." She shrugged and smirked. "Friends with benefits maybe, but only if she's actually not such a collection of problematic bullshit anymore."
JJ snorted. "Right? I think I'd forgotten how hot she is because all the pretentious ignorance just kills it."
Emily looked at her thoughtfully. "Isn't that an oxymoron?"
"Could be, but am I wrong?"
"You know I'd fight people off to be the first to admit it if you were."
"Keep testing me, Prentiss." JJ laughed with a shake of her head.
They fell into easy conversation over the rest of dinner and JJ realized how much she'd missed just being in the other woman's company. Obviously there were plenty of lovesick related reasons for her to want to be alone with Emily, but the brunette was her friend first and foremost and it had been far too long since they'd spent time together where their attentions weren't divided. Towards the end of dinner, JJ really had seen a man near the back of the restaurant who sported a large red tattoo on the front of his neck that looked eerily similar to the infected werewolves they'd seen in the movie and she'd very nearly had a panic attack when he couldn't seem to keep from staring at her. A small part of her—a very small part of her—acknowledged that the design hadn't been unusual or complex so it wouldn't be unlikely for someone to have something similar, but the overwhelming majority of her brain decided to inform her that not only had she ensured his turning up by lying about it before, he obviously knew that she knew which threw open every door imaginable JJ had for worst case scenarios and given the job she had, there were a lot of doors.
Emily had been able to calm her rising panic to the level of a dull roar, her transitory paranoia taking sudden precedence over the baseline anxiety of being flustered with herself for dissolving into such a state every time, the anxiety she'd developed on realizing that she wouldn't be able to keep Penelope on the phone as long as usual since she had plans with Reid the next day, and the anxiety over the far too recent grasp on just how in over her head she was with the woman across from her. Emily had tried to reason that the guy was 'regular checking her out' and not 'turning into a rabid bipedal wolf terror to murder her checking her out' which she admitted wasn't appealing either, but it was definitely better than having your entrails ripped out. When that hadn't been terribly effective, Emily had turned in her seat to catch the guy's eye and JJ wished she could have seen the black look the brunette must have given him because he averted his gaze immediately and shifted slightly in his chair so his line of sight couldn't land on JJ without twisting uncomfortably in his seat. Emily'd then ordered that 'horrific' fried banana peanut butter sundae to go and decided that that was enough being in public spaces for the night.
"It's fine, Jay, really." Emily was saying to JJ's latest protest as they waited for the dessert order. "You're too worked up to drive as it is, I'm not going to make you drive me to the city and then drive back alone."
"For god's sake, Emily," JJ countered exasperatedly. "I live in Ballston, not Argentina. It's only like fifteen minutes to your place and my place from here either way so let me just take you home. It'll make me feel better."
Emily rolled her eyes fondly. "I know you're worried, but I do have a gun."
"On you?"
"A switchblade then."
"Those are illegal in DC, Em."
Emily shrugged. "We're not in DC right now, Jayje." She said with a cheeky smile, idly tapping the pen she'd used to sign the cheque against the table. "You're not going to win this one. As much as you want to act like I didn't notice, you were shaking not five minutes ago. I'm driving you home, we'll call Garcia, and I'll catch a cab after she gets there, it'll be fine."
JJ frowned and muttered, "tomorrow's Sunday."
Emily nodded in understanding and checked her ever-present watch. It was ten to two in the morning and she knew since Garcia wasn't used to functioning on little to no sleep like the rest of the team—she likely wouldn't be able to talk JJ down without falling asleep even though she'd for sure try her damndest. Emily was doing her best to mentally shuffle around the list of things she had to do the next day with picking up her car later than planned when JJ cut into her thoughts.
"Pen said I could still call her, and I will if I need to," she said, not meeting Emily's gaze too long as she was busy casting her own around the slowly emptying restaurant. "But is there any way I could bribe you to stay tonight? Feel free to say no if you can't, I know you have a lot to do tomorrow and promise it'll be fine." JJ mentally pat herself on the back for doing an excellent job at keeping the over hopeful tone out of her voice. She was glad they didn't work on the weekends when there wasn't a case since she knew that while she'd calmed down some, the fears she had only faded either with feeling safe or with time. She'd never admit to such a thing, but her internal upset was enough that if she were left alone tonight, there was no way she was going to sleep. At least if Emily wouldn't be able to stay, she'd have most of tomorrow to nap off tonight's anxious alertness when she eventually came out the other end of the Tunnel of Preposterous Paranoia. JJ couldn't tell by Emily's expression which way she was going to answer but whatever she was going to respond with was put on hold when Miranda stopped by the table on her way out with her friends.
"We're heading out," she said, inclining her head towards the boisterous group moving towards the door. "And I wanted to say goodbye, and that I realized I'd forgotten to tell you I moved too."
"You moved?" Emily asked with a little interest as she smiled a thanks at the waiter who set a white plastic bag containing JJ's dessert down on the table.
"To a townhouse in Dupont Circle." Miranda confirmed with a nod. She smiled a little as she watched Emily catch on to what she was actually saying. Miranda now lived less than two miles away from the profiler and she had no upstairs neighbours. "I know it's really late, or really early, but I was wondering if you wanted to come by? You know, continue our discussion and I'd like you to see the place at least." she glanced over at JJ. "If you're not busy, I mean."
JJ tensed up and bit the inside of her lower lip to keep from blurting out something stupid. She'd given Emily an out from staying with her but she hoped she didn't take it. She could muscle through the aimless panic of wandering around her apartment turning on every light and talking to Garcia until the hacker fell asleep on her, but not only was that a wholly unappealing turn of events, Miranda hadn't needed to use any kind of undertone to convey what she was offering. The 'date' she'd been on with Emily had been rendered effectively over once the cheque had been paid so JJ wasn't surprised that she wasn't feeling jealousy spurred annoyance about Miranda's interruption but she was surprised, and unnerved, that she did in fact feel jealous.
JJ had never had any problems accepting the fact that if she wasn't with someone she had feelings for; they were likely going to be with other people. Even when she was in love with a few of the flings in her past that hadn't loved her in return and hadn't wanted anything exclusive, she was able to acknowledge that they were free to be with other people and she really only got upset about it when it impacted her time with them too much. She'd been that way with Emily as well—they could talk to each other about other people and JJ never really felt any pain about it as long as Emily was happy and as long as their time together wasn't intruded on. JJ had no reason to think that attitude would change, but here she was, filling slowly with a melancholy sort of jealousy that Miranda could just outright say something like that and reasonably expect a positive answer. She hoped to god for the sake of her friendship with Emily and her own sanity that this new development would fade the more she got used to the idea that she hadn't been in love like this before.
She breathed in deeply with guilty relief when Emily shook her head.
"I can't tonight," she said, glancing warmly at JJ to let her know she was going to stay. "But I'll give you a call?"
Miranda's expression was disappointed, but she smiled brightly. "Sure thing." She briefly touched Emily's arm. "I hope you have a good night, then. It was good seeing you, Emmy." She nodded to JJ, her smile twitching almost imperceptibly. "You too, Jennifer."
"Likewise." JJ replied and nudged her foot against Emily's under the table when the brunette snorted quietly while trying to hold in a chuckle at the imitation of Miranda's falsely sincere tone.
"You ready?" Emily asked after her ex left, pushing herself away from the table to stand up.
JJ nodded and did the same. "You didn't have to do that," she said, seemingly unable to stop herself from digging emotional holes and diving into them headfirst. "You could have gone."
Emily laughed and handed JJ the bag before moving to walk slightly in front of her. "Please, I'm not that easy." She said good-naturedly. "I'm not stepping foot into anywhere with her that's not a public space until she can demonstrate that she's not just angling to get me in bed."
"You're mighty sure of yourself there, Agent Prentiss." JJ teased, too busy feeling her senses rise back to high alert once they stepped out of the restaurant to notice Emily move closer to her and set their pace at a brisk walk.
Emily shrugged and smiled cockily. "I have reason to be." She assured.
"I'll bet." JJ returned, relieved that her mind was too busy using all of its functions to stay alert to speculate on the brunette's statement.
"Keys." Emily requested with an upturned palm once they were close to JJ's car.
"Emily," the blonde whined. She knew she was a ridiculous mess right now but that didn't mean she wanted to be reminded or that she couldn't navigate her car five miles with no problems. "I can manage driving us home in one piece."
Emily rolled her eyes. "Like you managed to not drop your sundae to reach for a gun that's not there when that car with the loud speakers drove by? I'm sure." She wiggled her fingers. "Keys."
JJ sighed dejectedly. "I didn't even get to open the carton."
"As much as I think the universe was doing you a favour, if you have the stuff at the house, I'll make you one when we get there." Emily promised. "Now give me your keys before go after them."
JJ seriously contemplated her odds of Emily actually checking her pockets against how terrible of an idea that would be in the long run before deciding to just hand them over. As she pulled out her keys, a small white card came out with them and fluttered to the ground between them.
"You dropped something." Emily said absentmindedly as she bent to retrieve it. "Antoine?" she asked, exchanging the card for JJ's keys.
Honestly with everything else that had gone on that night, JJ had totally forgotten about the brief encounter and the business card in her pocket. "The guy who used my cellphone." She explained, getting into the car.
"He gave you his business card?" Emily asked while adjusting the mirrors after she'd sat down.
"He asked me to dinner sometime." JJ had been almost sure that she saw Emily's face fall, but it was shorter than a heartbeat and it was more likely wishful imagining. "He gave me his number on the card so it would be up to me to set it up."
"Are you going to call him?"
JJ shrugged and pretended to look out of the left side of the windshield so she could try and catch Emily's expressions. "I don't know, maybe. He seemed pretty nice; would you?"
Emily chuckled. "You mean would I or would I if I were you?"
"Either," JJ laughed. "Both."
"Dunno," she shrugged. "It takes more than a pretty face to lure me in."
"I'm sorry," JJ said with pretended confusion. "But did we not just run into Miranda back there because if I imagined that, I'm really appalled that that's what I came up with."
"That," Emily drawled. "Is an excellent point."
"Of course it is, look who you're talking to." She grinned when Emily just shook her head. "So now that we've established that, would you if you were me?"
"If I were you…" Emily trailed off for a moment and gave a sad sigh that was drowned out by JJ's text notification going off. "If I were you, I would."
JJ turned her head to look out of her own window and tried not to be disappointed in the answer. After all, he really had seemed nice and there was nothing she could justifiably be disappointed about Emily's answer. "Maybe I will then." She said, clearing her throat as a way to distract from the too-solemn tone in her voice. She pulled out her cellphone to see a message from Garcia: 'How did it go? The suspense is killing me! Text back ASAP!'
In the middle of formulating a reply, another message came: 'On second thought, don't text me! I don't want to interrupt if you guys are [getting] busy! Have a GOOD night, sugar! XO'
JJ tapped against her screen with a shake of her head: 'She's staying over, but in the guest room like always. I couldn't do it. I realized something and couldn't do it. Call you about it tomorrow though. I'm probably going to get all emotional and I don't have any space for that right now.'
She briefly skimmed the words on her screen when her phone chimed again, Garcia expressing concern and love but JJ had been serious about not having space for that kind of thing so she stuck her phone back in her pocket. "Stop at that Harris Teeter." JJ directed, pointing to the grocery store. "We need bananas."
"You need bananas." Emily corrected. "I'm not eating that shit."
"You said it was plenty good the last time you tried it." JJ protested.
"I was also really drunk." Emily pointed out while pulling into a space in the mostly empty lot.
That was fair. Emily had had wonderful things to say about a piece of plain restaurant bread that night too. "If you hate it so much, why do you know how to make it?"
Emily smiled and shook her head. "I know how to make a lot of things I care about myself too much to eat." She flipped the radio on and unbuckled her seatbelt. "Stay in the car and watch the front door and that's it, okay?"
JJ smiled gratefully at Emily's implementation of distraction methods and nodded, turning away from the windshield to look at Emily who was now standing outside the car and leaning an arm on the open door, ducking her head down so she could see JJ.
"I'll see if they carry silver bullets in the back." She said with a wide smile, laughing when JJ threw the travel pack of tissues from the cup holder at her.
"We're not friends anymore." JJ informed her, catching the tissues when Emily tossed them back inside.
"You say that now," Emily said knowingly. "But watch how happy you are to see me when I get back." She shut the door loudly and made a show of doing a visual sweep of the parking lot while she quickly made for the front of the store by slightly exaggerating her movements.
JJ knew she was doing it for her benefit and it did lower her panic slightly to know that Emily was being careful. She groaned and let her head fall heavily against the rest without taking her eyes off the doors to the supermarket. Emily had no idea how right she was and JJ had no idea what she was going to do now.