Karkat was an excellent nurse. Too good really. He insisted Dave stay in bed for nearly a week. He wouldn't let Dave do anything requiring even the most remote amount of effort. And cuddled him whenever Dave asked; doing that adorable purring thing that always made Dave fall asleep; which sucked because it meant he never got to enjoy the sound for long. Still, it was nice.
They were in the bath together. Karkat gently washing Dave's back, tracing the scars, like his body was a canvas. The echo of blood was the medium used for the masterpiece on his skin. Something that would fade; but forever mark him. Damaged, unloved; no, Karkat loved him…the others loved him too. How he managed to win them over he will never know. But he felt a well of gratitude every day when they showed up and cared, really cared. Not like he was some burden that they were saddled with; but a person whom they cared about.
Karkat had put his sickles away, locked up, for Dave. The blonde couldn't handle the sight of weapons anymore; the sound if he knocked them over made him tremble. In exchange, Dave would watch Karkat's spars with Dirk. Those two liked fighting; found it therapeutic or something, Dave didn't get it. But Karkat asked him to watch so he could improve his form. Dave was still teaching him ballet. It would be awhile before Karkat could perform those moves in battle automatically. They still did drills most days of the week; well, when Dave wasn't sick. The troll loved battle, he didn't like the results of a battle; people killed, lives draining, blood watering the plants. He liked the action though, and battle scars, hence why he was so fascinated with Dave's body. Humans scar far more easily than trolls, Karkat hadn't even seen a scar before the two were on the meteor. Said he liked them. Coaxed Dave out of his long shirts, show his arms, his ugly disgusting arms…no, Karkat hated when he talked that way about himself. The tracing had moved to massaging now. Rubbing his shoulders; Karkat must have notice him tensing. …He still hasn't told him about bro. He doesn't want to think about bro.
Focusing on the feeling of his matesprit's fingers working his muscles loose. The tenderness that melts him and makes him forget. Forget where he came from, allows him to get lost him the moment. Dave lets out an involuntary groan of relief. He hadn't realized how tight his shoulders got when his mind travelled into that painful dark cave of his childhood. He heard Karkat snicker; the troll loved it when Dave relaxed. Which didn't happen often. More so now than the first days on the meteor…still he can't help but anticipate attacks. Even though he knows Bro is gone and Karkat would never do that. It's ingrained in him now; it's part of who he is and he hates it. He wanted to forget that part of him exists. He wanted to kiss his boyfriend.
Dave turned around meeting Karkat's eyes. A playfulness lived there, it only showed itself when the two were alone, and it filled Dave's heart with joy. Karkat gave him a questioning look and Dave made his move. Kissing him sweetly and slowly and with a quiet passion. A passion that said he would die for the troll, he would sacrifice everything to make sure he was always happy; but he was damaged and didn't deserve the one in front of him. All this conveyed in the one little kiss, a message of love larger than the universe could ever contain, yet at the same time broken and fragile and if Karkat didn't want it he could chuck it aside. Of course the troll never did. He took that love gently between his hands cradling it, feeding it, stoking it. Asking permission for the kiss to grow and shift ever so slightly. Asking if he can add another element to the devotion and love and kindness Dave always displayed. And the human granted him the request; adding a hint of lust to their kiss which only grew between them. The troll let his tongue explore the human's mouth. He had done it countless times, but he never got tired of it. The blunt teeth and the warm wetness. Human's sure had a lot of drool. Karkat adored it though; just as he adored every part of Dave. He let his hands wander up, threading his fingers through Dave's hair. Massaging the scalp just as the boy likes. Dave sucked on his tongue and he lost control of a split second tugging on the blonde hair. Eliciting a soft groan from his matesprit. He tugged again, the same response.
The tugging felt weirdly good, it tingled and sent shivers down Dave's spine. He pulled away just a bit "Harder", it wasn't a command, merely a suggestion. And how happy he was when Karkat took it. Tugging more aggressively, a light delicious burn that only heightened every bit of his senses. Oh, it felt so good. And kissing Karkat felt good, and who'd of thought he would have a hair pulling kink? Like, was he a masochist or something, nah, he….hated….pain…..no….no no no. He didn't want to like it. Fuck, his head is all fucked up now. How can he like this kind of pain? He hated the pain when bro was kicking his ass; and liking this ….and now the two images were fucking enmeshed in his mind and he wanted to hurl. Karkat clearly picked up on his mood and they stopped kissing.
Dave's eyes held a level of disgust and fear. At first Karkat worried he did something wrong, but as he looked at Dave he saw that the boy wasn't looking at him. His eyes were unfocused, this only happened once before, on the meteor. Dave had refused talk about it. The prospit dreamer hated that look on his matesprit's face; one of suffering, bordering on despair. He needed to be brought back from whatever forest he got lost in. "Davey, you okay? Speak to me. What's going on?"
He kissed Dave's forehead and cheeks and wrist. Lust gone, only love. Here, flashlights and breadcrumbs, come back. Warm blankets and hot cocoa await. Nothing to fear, you are safe, the demons can't get you because you're loved ones will kick their ass. But only if they have you first. Don't run away with the shadows, don't let them envelop you.
Dave found the edge of reality again. Look once more at his boyfriend's face, shit he ruined everything. Expecting a barrage of questions, he was surprised when he was given a strong hug. Like the finest armor in all the land, welded using dragon fire, impossible to mar or hurt the one wearing it. Protect him from all of the elements and trials he faced and would face. And he hugged back, the feeble sword that would break if touched. Not much use to anyone.
"Want to talk about it?"
He owed Karkat an explanation. But being naked in a bathtub spilling his guts was just too much. "Yeah, but can we get out first?"
"Sure."
After a quick and slightly awkward drying off and clothing period, Dave took Karkat's hand and led him to the living room. He didn't want their bedroom to be tainted with the talk. Like any mention of what he had been through carried a horrendous curse that would seep into and infect anything and everything around.
They sat on the couch and Dave told Karkat everything. The constant fighting and midnight alarms that involved a sword in his face. The demonic puppets and fucking cameras everywhere, the lack of food or clean clothes. The constant surveillance when he was on the internet or even his phone. The fucking smuppets everywhere. How he lived in constant fear and pain; and now it's like his mind is still there sometimes. He also took the opportunity to explain what happened in the bathtub.
"I liked it when you pulled my hair; I really did, but the idea of like that pain made me think…I don't know. If I liked you pulling my hair, then some part of me probably liked the constant fighting and suffering I experienced living with Bro. And that made me sick. I hated it, I hated every bit of it and …I just…" He let his head fall into his hands.
Karkat was a little stunned. He had fought with Crabdad before, but it was always to calm his lusus down. Nothing more than tussling really. The troll had never felt willfully hurt by his lusus; his lusus actually protected him on a couple of occasions from some of the other trolls. He had food too, and Crabdad was actually a stickler for cleanliness, so he never had to live in filth or anything. And poor Dave felt confused about everything and how does he comfort him?
The troll inched over, putting his arm around Dave. Giving him the chance to pull away. Sometimes Dave didn't like to be touched. Karkat was realizing now that it was when he was thinking about bro. Dave didn't pull away, he didn't lean in though either. "The pain from the hair pulling and the pain from the strifing are two different things." He couldn't really say anything about Dave's childhood, he had no real frame of reference. He didn't know how to comfort Dave in that regard; but he could at least make him feel better about the here and now.
"What?"
"The pain you felt, they were completely different."
"How do you figure?" Dave said derisively. Not at Karkat, at himself.
"The pain you experienced was less severe and you were in control of it. I think you know that if you wanted me to stop, I would have. You were in complete control; in fact that's probably why you liked it. To me it sounds like you living situation was all kinds of fucked up chaos, uncertainty, and things that were out of your control. So, having some control about what happened to you and how someone else touched you was probably a nice feeling. I think you like that you can be vulnerable with someone and have them not use that against you. The fact that it was sexual was more tied to the fact that you enjoyed the feeling of control and trust than anything else." Shit that control thing was actually a little closer to home than he would have liked. Karkat had REALLY enjoyed having that brief moment of domination over Dave. He didn't like hurting Dave, but that feeling that he can make Dave feel good seeing the boy like putty in his hands was awesome….okay focus. Dave needs him.
The pale boy leaned into him now. Clearly not convinced, but not on the brink of a defcon level one meltdown any more. He seemed less likely to take off into the woods again and that was something that made Karkat smile. He was still a little wound up; anything more than cuddles and a few kisses would be too much for him tonight. So, that's what Karkat did. He held his matesprit close; kissing his head and putting in one of the few romantic comedies that Dave actually liked. Never pictured him as a Miss Congeniality fan, but there you go. And the boy relaxed. Slowly melting into Karkat, allowing himself once more to enjoy the feeling of intimacy. Watching as Sandra Bullock's character tried to hide donuts in her bra. He still wasn't convinced of Karkat's words, but, he didn't want to be dictated by his past anymore. He would work to overcome these feelings and give Karkat the matesprit he deserved.
Notes: This is probably the most serious this story will get. I prefer to keep this mostly lighthearted (although Karkat will have an insecurity chapter in which Dave comforts him). However, this was something that I wanted to address. I hope you guys don't mind the way I handled it. It was just hard for me to picture Karkat having the right words to comfort Dave; he doesn't really understand the way human parents are supposed to behave. He can recognize that Dave had a fucked up relationship with Bro, but doesn't know how to make him feel better in regards to the relationship.
Also, I tend to view Dave as kind of a kinky person. But, with every thing he's gone through; I think there would be a level of self-disgust because he equates an aspect of the kink with something from his past (even if they don't really match up 100%).
Linda065cliva: Aren't they just? Freaking cinnamon rolls, both of them.