Karkat opened his bleary eyes, he had fallen asleep on the couch again. Puberty really fucking sucks, horny constantly, falling asleep in random places, and his skin was fucking peeling, new layer meant to hide scent more from predators. Except, what did Dave refer to it as, Pon-far? Whatever, that fucking mating ritual that made him go crazier than he had been the past few weeks. The horniness was starting to subside (still pretty active by human standards though), which meant he was heading into the latent stage of his mating cycle, it would hit again in a couple of years, then happen every month for a few years, before it finally settled into some sort of rhythm. At least Dave had fallen asleep on top of him, so he wasn't cold.

Today was the day. They were going to learn to cook. Locking all the doors, covering all the windows, making sure no one had the opportunity to sit back and laugh as they struggled. Apparently though, Dave had been watching videos, Jake and Jane were pretty nice about offering advice too. They even offered to come over and teach the boys. Dave didn't want that though, he liked Dirk and Roxy, but didn't want them to come over; which would inevitably happen, invite one human alpha, you invite them all. They were both related to Dave and Rose, which meant ribbing the entire fucking time for their own amusement, which would end with every joking around and no one learning a god damned thing.

"Mm" Dave was stirring. He lifted his head, giving Karkat a sleepy smile. "You have the most comfortable body, you know that. Firm and soft in all the right places, like the best mattress in the world."

"I really don't even know what to fucking make of that."

"It's a compliment dude."

"Sounds like you're calling me furniture."

"No, I wouldn't have sex with my sofa non-stop while it was going through weird sofa puberty."

"Sofa puberty?"

"Yeah, sofa puberty, like more stuffing in places it didn't have stuffing before. It's out growing the fabric, so there's rips and tears in certain places. And it keeps eyeing the loveseat and those chairs with lust and trying to control its weird sofa boner."

"Sofa boner? Really?"

"Yeah, you know how some sofas have that reclining function, where the footrest pops up? That's a sofa boner."

"Dave this is getting really weird, can we get the fuck up now?"

"Oh, yeah."

Dave rolled of Karkat landing on the floor, just his way of getting off the couch. Karkat sat up, stretching his arms and chest before absent mindedly scratching his stomach. After a few moments Dave stood up, grabbing his boyfriend's hand and made his way to the kitchen. "First up, French toast. Breakfast is supposed to be one of the easiest things to make." The boys entered the potentially dangerous room and donned their aprons. Karkat's read GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY KITCHEN! While Dave's was surprisingly cutesy, a green background with apples all over it, with a really stupid joke that read What do you get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider. Jane and Roxy made them for the boys, Karkat's was sparkly and had a ton of glitter, Dave's was hand-embroidered. He suspected John convinced Jane to put in the stupid joke. Dave reached into a canbinet and pulled out the "Cooking for Beginners" book from their cabinet. Flipping through to the instructions for making French toast.

"Okay, first we need bread, check. Next eggs, check. Now, we crack open three eggs and scrambled them… wait how the fuck do we do that?" Jane truly was a life saver. Not only had she alchemized this book for them, but she actually went through with post-it notes and left instructions. "Okay, so we take a whisk and stir the eggs with it?" Dave grabbed his whisk and started whisking the eggs. He was able to break the yokes, but was making slow progress in the actual scrambling department.

"Here Davey, let me try." Karkat took the whisk and started stirring faster, adding a slight tossing motion to his stir and within seconds the eggs were well scrambled.

"Good job Kitkat! Okay, next we pour this onto a plate and soak the bread. Karkat took a piece of bread and plopped it onto the egg covered plate only to result in some mild splashing, a wash cloth was necessary to clean the mess. Dave took over from there and was much more successful. "Okay, next we fry these up and up and we officially made breakfast."

Working together the two managed to not burn the house down and only mildly charring their toast. It wasn't perfect, but it was edible and maple syrup covers up all sins. After eating the two chatted a bit in the breakfast err, eating area ("Dave why the FUCK WOULD ANYONE CALL THIS A NOOK!?), and Karkat noticed a bit of stray syrup on Dave's chin. "Oh, Davey, you have something on your face."

"Where?" Dave started to touch his cheek.

"I'll get it." Karkat gently took his chin and leaned his, sucking the sticky substance off before gracing the human's lips with a kiss. As he pulled away, his matesprit became the color of those crimson apples he loves so much.

"How the fuck do you STILL manage to make me blush like this?" A small smile brightening his face as his hand tried to cover his bashfulness. Karkat reached and pulled the boy's hand away.

"Because I love you and you love me-"

"Great, we're a fucking Barney song."

"-and I know just what to do to get the reaction I want. I love your blush and I love you." Dave's smile grew, teeth showing, such a rare occurrence, precious human. …God damned puberty. Thankfully, Karkat had a bit more control of himself now. It was important to Dave that they learn how to cook. They still had soup to make and Karkat didn't want to distract him. After that though, all bets are off, no holds barred, whatever else stupid euphemism humans would use to imply that Karkat was going to fuck Dave.

Dave seemed like he wanted to extend the intimacy, he got up, climbing into his troll's lap. Arms around him, nuzzling his neck. Okay, Karkat could do this, pale affection sounded nice right now. He entwined his arms around Dave, kissing his head and ears and everywhere else he could reach. Purring beginning in his chest and Dave pressed himself further against the troll, as if trying to meld their bodies into one. "I know I say this every time, but I really fucking love that purr."

"I know." And the stayed that way for a while. Karkat the only noise existing in the house. Lightly petting Dave's hair as the blonde started to drift. The weight pulling him down, the warmth of Karkat and his full belly drawing him towards a peaceful slumber. His arms becoming more relaxed with every breath, drifting so far as to lose control of the appendages, one falling off Karkat and to the side, jerking Dave out of his stupor.

"Nn, Sorry."

"It's fine, you're cute when you let yourself relax." Cupping the time player's face, kissing him once more with a dash more passion.

Dave smirked, "C'mon, the soup is supposed to take a while, so let's get started." Karkat obliged.

The soup didn't actually take that long. Jane had given them basically an idiot proof recipe. The boiled the chicken, no real issues there. The chicken pieces were small enough that they cooked quickly and Dave had made tea before. Basically the same thing, only with a bigger pot…and meatier. They let it cool, opening about five cans of different beans and dumping them all into a pot, followed by chicken broth (canned because they were intimidated by the process of making it from scratch), and a can of chili peppers. They then chopped bell peppers, per Jane and Jake's err…visual instructions…those two could not draw. At least there were words to go with the images. Once everything was chopped, the chicken was then cool enough (it took the 45 minutes to chop 4 bell peppers). That went a bit faster (only 20 minutes). Putting everything into the pot, they set the stove on a medium heat and sat back down.

"That was tiring. My neck hurts now."

"Davey, that's because we suck at cooking."

"Hey, we don't know that yet. Let's test out the soup first, then we can say we suck."

"How long is that supposed to take anyway?"

"About a twenty minutes, why?"

"Come here." Karkat pulled at Dave's hand, which the human was happy to obey. Back in his matesprit's lap, snuggling close.

"You're horny again aren't you?" Was muttered into the alien chest.

"Yeah, we don't have to do anything. It's not like it's unmanageable."

"Mmnn~, maybe after dinner." Dirk could practically feel the devious smirk forming on his boyfriend's face. "Nothing kinky."

"Deal."

The two stayed like that for a little while longer. Eventually hearing the ring that of their day's work demanding attention. Dave served them both a bowl, returning yet again to their no—dining area. "Okay, together, one, two, three!" The both took a bite and simultaneously both spit out the soup. "Oh my god! I can't breathe. How the fuck is it that spicy?!" Dave managed to sputter out as his tongue began going numb.

"Since we like spicy things, I added cayenne pepper." Karkat had tears streaming down his face, his mouth burned, but he was in better shape than Dave.

"How *cough* muth did ywo *cough* puth in?"

"The entire jar."

"Wath the futh Karthat?!" That was all Dave could get out before he fell into another coughing fit.

"Shit what do we do?"

"Milth, geth the milth."

"Milth? What milth? Wait, I thought it was MILF, that's what Roxy said, and how the fuck is that going to help us?"

"Noth Milf, Milth!" Dave managed to force himself up and stumble to the fridge, coughing the entire way. Dark spots decorating his vision from the immense amount of pain he was in. He ripped the refrigerator door open, grabbing the whole milk (Thank god Jane convinced them to keep it on hand, although, she may not have had this in mind); drinking as much of it as he could. After downing nearly a third of a galleon he was able to stop. His mouth still tingled, but there was no longer that searing pain like a hot poker was in his mouth. He coughed a little, not anywhere near as bad as before. Holding the jug out to Karkat. "Drink, it will help."

Karkat made his way over, drinking a bit of the thick substance. A look of relief crossing his face. "Next time, just follow the fucking recipe. Okay?" Dave looked disappointed. Shit, Karkat ruined his project. It didn't even seem like that much spice compared to everything else they were putting in.

"Sorry Davey."

Dave sighed, "It's fine, what do we eat now though?"

Karkat looked shame faced at Dave, pulling out a frozen pizza. "Since we hadn't done so well the last time I alchemized this just to be safe." Dave gave him a soft smile.

"You got my favorite." Cheeseburger pizza with bacon.

Karkat gave him a soft smile in return. The two popped the pizza into the oven, cleaned themselves up (Dave's nose was running like crazy and Karkat still had tears rolling down his face). Once that was done, the cuddle up on the couch, eating their pizza, watching some shitty romcom; and falling asleep in the same position they started the day in. No, Karkat did not get laid.

Notes:

So, I'm making a tentative change to the update schedule. Updates will now be every two weeks instead of one. Sorry, but my school has finally started up (just started on Wednesday) and it has come with homework (around 500 pages of reading a week + other work), a 3 hour commute daily, and a host of problems that I'm trying to clean up (these should be cleaned up with the next two weeks, at least I hope). Plus I'm tutoring starting next week (only 3 hours a week though, so it's not like it's a lot) and I have to start schmoozing some of my professors into giving me letters of recommendation for grad school applications. The reading more than anything is taking more time than I thought it would, so I have to push back my schedule, sorry guys.

All that being said, I am always open to suggestions for chapters. So if there is anything you'd like to see, tell me!

Linda065cliva: I don't know why I love them drawing each other so much, but I do! I'm glad you like it too!

Hikary Sanoko: Yay! Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad your enjoying it!