This chapter has spoilers from Same As It Never Was and Good Genes.

Solo Session #10

Donatello POV

My name is Donatello and I am NOT a crazy person. There is something about seeing a psychologist that makes any one worry about their own mental well-being. Molly has been seeing us for nine weeks and I'm finding it easier to talk to her. I would have never dreamed that I would see anyone to talk about my problems or that my problems were problems in the first place. I'm just hoping things aren't too rocky for my brothers but knowing them, it's probably worse than being locked in a Triceraton prison.

Third Person POV

As she made her way through the tunnel from April's basement, she gathered her thoughts about the past few sessions. There was still a lot of work to do and she barely scratched the surface these past ten weeks. There had to be some way of breaking through. She noticed that it helped when she stopped bringing a clipboard. Perhaps the turtles felt better about her not writing down every little thing they shared. She would have to write her notes from memory which wasn't too hard for her. The clipboard was more for show to lull people into thinking there were important things to be written. It was mostly doodles to help clear her mind as she assimilated each session. The turtles were a special case which made the lack of doodling manageable.

When she entered the lair she noticed three of the brothers sitting on the couch in front of the tv. It appeared that Michelangelo had bandages wrapped around his head. Knowing that she would hear about the story behind that from, Michelangelo himself, she decided not to wonder too much about it. She made her way to the shoji doors that led to Splinter's room and gently rapped on them.

"Enter." The rat master's voice called from inside. Molly slid the door open. On either side of the door, were stair cases. She made her way down and turned toward the area in which Splinter typically sat. The sensei was at a table on the floor with his legs cross over the other in lotus position. Candles lit the the room, giving away the dance of shadows on the wall. Leonardo was sitting before his master with his head hanging. Internally, Molly winced. It seemed like she just interrupted a lecture. "Miss O'Shea. I apologize, I did not recognize what time it was."

"That's actually my fault." She stated on the contrary. "I arrived a bit early. I can wait."

"No, we are done here." Splinter said more to Leonardo than to her. The eldest turtle stood, bowed and brushed passed her with a grim expression.

Oh, Splinter...Molly thought, briefly glancing in the turtle's direction. You have given me something to work on. You beautiful, rat genius.

"Please, Miss O'Shea. Sit." Splinter gestured to the floor in front of his table. She slipped her shoes off and stepped in, gingerly closing the sliding door behind. She lowered herself before the sensei, sitting on her heels as she propped herself on her knees. Molly was no stranger to sitting before a master. Her mother had made her take Tae Kwon Do as a child and she never really stopped.

"You wanted to see me before I started my session with the boys?" She inquired.

"Have you had any luck in these sessions?"

"Michelangelo speaks more easily though we have yet to brush on his inner demons. Donatello is still nervous about something. I cannot quite reach what it is." Tipping her head back, Molly thought of Raphael. "Raphael has moved from silence to answering yes-no questions. I say that's improvement. Your eldest son..." Here is when Molly and the rat made eye contact. "You may have trained him a little too well in the art of Ninjutsu. He answers my questions honestly but avoids going into depth. To the untrained mind, he would appear well-adjusted and in control."

"Yes..." Splinter sighed. "I fear I may be at fault for this. I am hardest on him."

"From a cultural standpoint, I understand how you are raising him." Molly murmured. "I am not Japanese but my mother is Korean and the discipline and high expectations are quite similar. I am concerned that they are putting their lives at risk at this age...but they are not normal teenage boys. I fell that you aimed to keep them safe from the outside world that initially will not try to understand the hardship of mutated turtles."

"Miss O'Shea, I am grateful to your dedication to my sons." Splinter bowed his head and Molly bowed back.

"It is my pleasure." A smiled made its way to her lips. "In fact, they are sort of growing on me..."

Molly took advantage of what she had just walked in and started her round of sessions off with Leonardo. She feared he would have regained his composure by the time she left Splinter's room but he still looked dejected. Raphael seemed a touch amused as Leonardo left the group of brothers to head toward his room. They have decided to run the sessions in their preferred spaces for better privacy and to free up the media center. Leonardo's room was simple and oriental in décor. A mat for sleeping laid at the far end of the room. In the middle of the room was a table with a vase holding a single Sakura branch. Against the right side of the wall was a book shelf. At first glance, Molly could see books on Bushido, tactics and poetry. She sat on the floor at the table and Leonardo sat across from her. It was then she noticed bruising on the side of his cheek.

"You don't seem like yourself today." Molly said. Or should I say that you're not like the person you're trying to show me?

"It's been a difficult day." The terrapin stated looking at his hands as they rested on his knees.

"Would you like to share?"

"Not especially."

"How about you try." Molly asked firmly. Leonardo quickly looked up and hesitated. "I know it's only been a couple of months but I think that's enough time to show you that I'm not here to tear you down. Utilize me. Even if it's simply to vent over the frustrations of the day."

"...I don't know what happened." He began. "We were running on the rooftop. We rarely every go out during the day but I talked Master Splinter into letting us work on out stealth. Mikey was goofing off as usual. I decided to teach him a lesson and suggested a spar. He wasn't paying attention. Later, Mikey told me that he suddenly couldn't see during it. Donnie thinks that the sun hit something reflective and it hit him in the eyes. I-I didn't notice until after I had kicked him in the chest and he went flying off the roof. Luckily, there was a fire escape not too far below but he hit his head on the rail."

"How did you get the bruises to your face?" Molly inquired.

"Raph." He sighed out the name. "He lost it..."

"Are you even seeing this as an accident?"

"What do you mean?"

"I've come in a few times when you four were training." Molly went on. "In fact, I have seen you spar with Raphael. He was not too happy at that time as well and you dodged him with ease, taking advantage of his anger. So now you're saying he lost it. Has he learned how to aim better when enraged within the last few weeks?" She could see Leonardo tensing. "I think you let him hit you. Perhaps you are punishing yourself?"

"It was my fault..."

"It was an oversight." Molly said. "Mistakes happen but the result was not fatal."

"We can't afford to make mistakes!" Leonardo snapped. "I can't afford to make mistakes..."

"Do you trust your brothers?"

"Of course, I do!"

"To protect you?"

"Yes!"

"To protect each other?"

"Yes."

"Do you trust them to go on a serious mission without you?"

"What are you implying?"

"Do you?"

"Of course...I mean...I..." Leonardo grit his teeth. "I would prefer to be there..."

"Have the others ever taken charge before?"

"Yes."

"Did it make you uncomfortable?"

"Yes."

"Why?" Molly watched as Leonardo struggled with the answer. "What happened today...was not because of you. There were factors you couldn't have possibly predicted. Sometimes the sun just blinds you. Sometimes people can't dodge like they normally can. Sometimes we miscalculate. If we can't make room for mistakes, how can we learn from them? I get the feeling you will work on your awareness of how your brothers are faring when you spar with them. Leonardo, you are a hard worker. Leaders are not meant to be infallible. There is no growth when one is 'perfect' and perfection does not truly exist. Trust yourself to make mistakes. Trust your brothers to be there when that happens. More importantly, trust them to be independent of you once in a while. You can't always be there."

"..." He looked at his hands again.

"I'm going to cut our session short. We made a huge leap today and I think you should rest and take some time to think. Not on your failures. Think about how you can learn from this." Molly stood and left the eldest turtle to his thoughts.

As Molly sat on a short stool, she watched Raphael pace back and forth. His room was a bit messy. Weights, a punching back and posters of motorcycles decorated the room. She gathered that the hammock was his choice of bedding. Hands folded in her lap, she allowed the fiery turtle to continue his pacing for another minute or so before she cleared her throat to indicate it was time to talk.

"I gather you are upset about something." She stated.

"You're damn right, I am!" Raphael growled. "Leo! That idiot! Every time he feels like he messes up, he loses himself and puts us in danger! It's like since that-" The larger turtle caught himself and paused. "Since before you came here, he's been going down a dark path. Only this time, he's just not focusing at all."

"Something happened before our sessions began." Molly smoothed out the wrinkles in her skirt. "Do you care to share what that is?"

"No."

"Another time, then. I noticed he had quite a bruise on his face." She quirked a brow as he winced.

"I-I got so mad." He mumbled. "I thought Mikey was dead and I just saw red. He let me, too. He just let me like he was asking for it. Donnie was busy checking on Mikey to stop it. He usually stops it."

"There are other times you and Leonardo butt heads?"

"Yeah..." Raphael stopped pacing and stared in her direction. "I don't even know why I'm telling you this. I just...I need to do something." He started pacing again. "I don't need your help or anything. I'm just talking out loud so don't go thinking that I'm trying to share my feelings or whatever."

"Feeling anger is normal when a family member is hurt." Molly followed him with her eyes. "It's what you're doing with your anger that is a bit troublesome."

"Well, what do you expect me to do?!" Raphael snapped. "Hold Leo's hand and tell him it's okay? Our fearless leader fucked up! He acts like he's Mr. Perfect and keeps trying to show us up but when he starts making mistakes, the world is over! Fuck him!" He slammed his fist into the punching back. "It's all his fault anyway. He treats us like we can't do anything without him but he's the one trying to take on everything. What are we supposed to do?"

"You're worried about him." She let it sink in before she continued. "This is where your anger comes from. Your inability to express your concern, fear, anxiety...any negative thought or emotion, you turn it into rage. Something you can act with."

"Oh, no." The turtle took a few steps toward her and pointed a finger at her. "You're not going to be analyzing me. Not today!"

"It's okay for people to see who you are underneath the anger, Raphael." Molly said leaning forward. "It doesn't make you weak. You're a protector of your brothers but you seem to resist that role until there is a need. Regardless, the trust they have in you is very apparent. That anger can be very dangerous, however."

"Yeah, yeah! I've heard it all before!"

"But you don't allow it to bother you until it escalates. Then you try to convince yourself that you are entitled to that anger and all the actions that come from it."

"Shut up!" He growled. "Who are you? You don't know a damn thing about me! You don't know what me and my brothers have been through! You sit all prim and proper without a fucking care in the world! I bet you've never had your hands dirty! You don't even know the first thing about what it's like for us here! You're nothing like us!" Molly slowly breathed out. Though her expression showed nothing of the sort, she wanted to give him a good slap.

"I understand it's easy to try to push all this on someone else but this is not about me and what I have or have not experienced." She asserted standing up. "You make a valid it point. I don't know what you have been through but it's because of the things you've been through that I am here. It obviously bothers you, given your reaction, and you are not taking a healthy approach to working it out. You can continue to think it's fine leaving things as they are but then that puts you in the same place as your brother. You are concerned about him putting your brothers in danger but you also run that risk with your anger. How long before it gets out of control?"Raphael walked up to Molly and stood face to face with her. They stood in a staring match, neither one relenting. He turned and gave the punching back another strike.

"You think you're so smart!"

"No. I think we have accomplished something we haven't been able to to do for the last nine weeks."

"What's that?"

"We actually had a conversation that lasted more than a few sentences." Molly smiled, taking a seat. "You finally spoke about how you felt about a situation. Even if it is about your anger, that is better than sharing nothing. That is a step toward healing."

"Whatever."

"Listen. All that pride you are holding that keeps you from saying how you feel, that's going to eat away at you. I will reiterate that my job is to help you. I don't gain anything material from doing this. I'm not the enemy. I'm not here to deem you a crazy person. Your anger is a problem. That's something even you know. Half the battle is done. You just need be ready to better it before I can work my magic." Molly glanced at her watch. "Looks like it's time to wrap this session up. Just think about what I said." She stood and started to leave the room.

"Hey, Molly."

"Hm?" She stopped and turned to the teenager.

"Thanks." He muttered, looking away. She smiled again and gave him a nod. As she left the room, she could hear him going to work on the punching bag.

Donatello's room was full of gadgets, tools and wires. He had a single bed, a table for assembling things and a desk for his computer and notes. Every techno geek would be drooling at the sight of his set up. Top-of-the-line computers with neck-breaking wireless speed. He sat in his computer chair and Molly sat on the perfectly made bed, wondering if he even slept in it. It wouldn't surprise her if he had told her he spent most of his sleep in that chair.

"I take it they talked about what happened today." Donatello stated. He was always the one to start the sessions.

"That's right." Molly replied. "I take it you have a word or two to say about that?" Their sessions had been gaining speed as of the last few weeks when they spoke about the time he was affected by the mutagen that turned him into a monster turtle. Something that was a result of a crazed government agent's experimentation.

"Leo and Raph have always been at each other's throats but it's been getting worse lately."

"How does that make you feel?"

"I don't know. Frustrated? It's counterproductive and it's been getting physical. Mikey and I usually break it up before it gets too far but I couldn't today...As you probably know, I had to take a look at Mikey. I think he was more stunned than anything but head injuries are no joke. His neuros have been fine."

"Donatello." Molly sighed. "Let's talk about you. You're like a mother hen worrying about your brothers. All is calm now. Michelangelo is fine. Your brothers aren't battling it out. Let's focus on you. There seems to be something that is triggering all of this."

"Twice, so far, I wasn't there for them."

"Today?"

"No. I mean..." Donatello paused and gathered his thoughts. "You know about the time I was mutated...Well...Moreso than usual."

"Yes."

"Mikey told me that it was hard for them without me there. They needed me but I couldn't be there for them. I always thought I was unimportant until..."

"Until?"

"This may sound crazy. Insane even, but you have to believe me." Donatello asserted.

"Believe what?" Molly felt like she was in a sci-fi film with Donatello. He always shared the most fantastic things.

"Way before I mutated, I was transported to the future. The others were transported to other dimensions or places in the universe...But me..." His features became grim.

"Go on."

"It had been 30 years. Mikey...His left arm was mostly gone. He looked so tired. But that wasn't the worst of it." Donatello chuckled bitterly. "Raph and Leo had a big blow out, I guess, and had left. Master Splinter was gone. Casey was gone. I wasn't there to stop it. I couldn't help anyone. I wasn't there. I managed to get everyone together again. Raph, Mikey, Leo and I... We were together. But...they all ended up..." Molly watched him choke over the last word that he simply could not get out. He didn't need to. She could tell where this was going.

"So after that, you mutated again and all of this brings back that fear of not being able to be there."

"With Leo and Raph at each other's throats, I can't stand the thought of never being around. I can't have them disappear. I can't have them leave Mikey alone."

"But you are here. Every obstacle you have faced; you have overcome." Molly assured him. "Witnessing your brother's demise is a heavy memory to carry even if they are alive and well now. Do you ever get flash backs?"

"I dream about it sometimes." He confessed.

"And how well do you sleep on a normal basis?"

"Not very well. I have trouble falling asleep so I work until I pass out."

"You have symptoms of PTSD, but you're already subconsciously treating it." Molly pointed out.

"I am?"

"Exercise, connecting with others, keeping yourself busy...When you are moving, you keep yourself from getting stuck in the trauma. It's a good start. Now when you are sleeping, that is a time when all you have is your thoughts so it is easy to let them drift to the trauma. From now on, we will be facing your trauma in our sessions to help you cope in a healthy way. Does this sound like something you would be up for?"

"I don't think it could make it any worse." Donatello responded. "As long as it stops the nightmares."

"Trying is all we can do for now." Molly affirmed.

Michelangelo had a room full of comic books, videogames and snacks. His room was probably the messiest of the four. He had a bunk bed with disheveled sheets. An orange cut slept on the bottom bunk, undisturbed by Molly's presence. She took a seat on a clean part of the floor across from the youngest turtle. He happily flipped though the latest issue of The Justice Force as he hummed to himself.

"Have you read it yet?" He asked eagerly.

"I haven't and I would appreciate it if you didn't give away and spoilers." Molly chuckled.

"No problem, Molly-O!" A nickname he dubbed her for whatever reason.

"Well, Mikey," Molly began. He insisted she call him that, stating hearing his full name made him feel like he was in trouble. "Shall we start?"

"You want to talk about my head, right?"

"I take it you're doing alright since you still have your usual untapped energy."

"Nothing can stop me!" He declared, putting the comic book away. "I really thought I was a goner when I went over the edge. Then everything went black. When I woke up, Donnie was shining a light in my eyes. He said he was checking my pupils. I could hear Raph shouting at Leo. Man, he was angry! He finally stopped when Donnie called out that I was okay. It was a good thing, too."

"How do you feel about all this?"

"I mean, it was scary at first, but I'm okay now." Michelangelo shrugged his shoulders. "The others are taking it pretty hard. It was obviously an accident."

"I've been meaning to ask." Molly moved on. "What keeps you from getting angry?"

"It's all about the positivity, man! If I let the good energy in, then I won't have room for the bad energy. That's why Raph and Leo are so messed up. Bad energy. They just need to chill and take in the good energy. It follows you around, you know?"

"I guess that's a good theory." Molly couldn't tell if he was really this well-adjusted or if it was just a cover. "I have to say, it's amazing that you have that kind of optimism given all the chaos around you."

"I can't let everything bring me down. That's a waste of energy. I have everything I want here." He grinned. "I have my brothers, Master Splinter, my comics, movies and videogames. I'm also the Nexus Battle champion."

"What about 'the incident' everyone is tiptoeing around?" She could see his face drop.

"Aw, Molly-O, I would love to tell you but Raph would bury me ten feet under if he found out I squealed."

"Fair enough. You don't have to talk about it, but it has changed things. How does that make you feel?"

"There's nothing I can really do about it. Raph and Leo are going to do the same thing they always do. The only thing Donnie and I do is make sure it doesn't get too bad. Leo was in a good place, too, before it all happened." Michelangelo shrugged his shoulders. "We always get things thrown at us. Every time we think the coast is clear, something else comes Shredder, Baxter Stockman...even the Triceratons! I got to do some pretty cool things but not everything was great. Leo got like this before when we were beaten by The Shredder. I just think he need to go and train with the Ancient One again, but he probably won't."

"You talk an awful lot about your brothers. Let's talk about you." Molly took her glasses off. "You lost your home twice. You and your brothers have escaped death numerous amount of times. You're constantly exposed to the strife within your family."

"I don't like to think about it too much. I'm fine this way. I don't need to be angry like Raph or worried like Donnie or a buzzkill like Leo."

"My concern is that being too well-adjusted can mean there are some hidden demons that have yet to get out."

"Not here." He picked up his comic book and began to hum again as he flipped through the pages. She knew when she was being shut down.

As Molly walked back through the tunnel, her thoughts drifted to the challenges that awaited her. She made some head way with Leonardo and Raphael. Donatello had been consistent in his sessions. Michelangelo surprised her. She had initially figured he would have been the easiest to work with but his happy disposition was the hardest wall to tear down. If she tried too hard, she could shatter him but if she left it alone, he would potentially snap. April greeted her at the entrance and the two went to her apartment for tea.

"Part of me thinks that it would be easier to know them if I went on patrol with them. If they are focused on their mission, they wouldn't be able to put their guard up around me." Molly mused.

"They have the strangest luck." April shook her head. "Every time they think they have time to relax, they end up getting thrown into a new situation. I don't know how they do it."

"They have each other but there is something blocking that now and I'm determined to get to the bottom of this."

Author's note: This story is running away from me. I am trying to decide if I want to ignore the Fast Forward Season or not...I haven't watched them and I'm not sure if I want to touch it. For now, this is pre-Fast Forward, Post-Ninja Tribunal.

Update 12/21/15: Decided to add 1st person narrated intros to give it the same feel as the 2003 cartoon.