Finding Answers

Chapter Two – Regrets and Revelations

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Thank you to all of those who have favorited/followed and reviewed!

Sirius didn't heed to Alastor's warning of staying inside. If anything, it fueled his determination to find Cassie and Robyn. He replayed the night Lily and James died in his mind for 12 years in Azkaban, and every night since. He never talked about the fate of Cassie with Remus, despite being her older brother. But after another unsuccessful search, he found himself alone with the lone werewolf in the kitchen after an Order meeting.

It was becoming habit between the two best friends that they would wind up with a bottle of firewhiskey on nights that Remus wasn't on duty. Ever since talking to Harry at Christmas, they would settle into the routine, drinking and reminiscing about their past. Sirius knew deep down that Remus was drinking away his pain, just like Sirius was. But unlike Sirius, Remus knew there was no hope of ever seeing his wife again.

It was one of those nights and after a couple glasses of alcohol, Sirius brought up that fateful October night.

"What happened after?"

Remus looked up from twirling the ice cube in his glass and up to Sirius with a look of confusion. "After what?"

"After I went after Peter. You never told me."

Remus swallowed and sat down his glass. "After it was announced that Voldemort was dead and you were captured, I was angry," he admitted. "Not just for thinking you had double crossed us or that Lily and James and Peter were gone, but I was angry for Cassie. Mind you, I didn't know you were innocent. But I had gone to your place to make sure she and Robyn were okay. She was in the process of packing. I thought she'd been out of the loop too, and had just been trying to defend you, like she always did."

He gave a short bitter laugh, and Sirius was afraid to hear what happened next. "You two had a row?" he asked quietly.

"She was trying to convince me that you were innocent and you wouldn't have done what you did without a good reason." Remus picked up his glass and shakily poured another round. "I thought she'd gone mad."

"You thought she was talking about Lily and James?"

Remus nodded and quickly wiped his eyes. "I wasn't in my right mind myself, Sirius. I had just lost three of my friends, I was still reeling over the fact it had been a year since Liz...and I thought you were a murderer. I don't remember exactly what I said to her, but it was horrible. I know that I accused her of being involved and then we were both yelling at each other. She kicked me out. When I went to apologize the next day, they were already gone."

He downed his drink before setting it back down on the table harder than he meant to. Sirius looked down at the table in silence. No wonder Cassie hadn't stayed in touch. She thought her brother hated her and he had been in prison. One best friend was presumed dead and the other had sunken down into such a stupor that not even Cassie's optimism could make a difference.

"I've replayed that moment in my mind for years," Remus croaked. "I don't think she would forgive me even if we did find her."

"Once she knew the truth was in the open, I think she would," Sirius said. "She's had a few years to calm down."

Remus gave a strangled laugh. "At least she'd be proud that her optimism rubbed off on you."

"It was contagious." Sirius gave a small smile. "I just want to know they're safe. I would be at peace if I just knew that she and Robyn were happy, wherever they are."

Remus nodded, clinked his glass with Sirius's and the two downed the rest of the firewhiskey, lost in their thoughts.

Sirius and Remus didn't talk anymore about that Halloween night. They did continue their drinking binges of nostalgia, at least until Molly Weasley had taken their bottle of alcohol and poured it down the drain. After a quick sobering charm and a lecture on acting like adults and wallowing in their past, the two Marauders realized they had sunken into their memories and weren't paying full attention to the present.

So the two best friends decided to leave most of their past where it belonged. Sirius was still adamant of finding Cassie and Robyn, though.

A few weeks later, as January faded in February, Sirius arrived after another unsuccessful search as Padfoot in time for another Order meeting. He ignored Alastor's growled warning and flopped into his usual chair, avoiding everybody's gaze.

The few Ministry workers who were in the Order arrived, including Kingsley Shaklebolt. "Ah, Shacklebolt," Moody barked. "Since you are the one in charge of finding Black, perhaps you can remind him how important it is to stay indoors!"

Before Kingsley or Sirius could reply, Remus spoke up, glaring at Moody. "Maybe if Alastor had a family that he hadn't seen in over 15 years, he'd understand why Sirius has been risking his safety!" he snarled.

"What the hell has gotten into you, Lupin?" Moody snapped back. "I'd expect this from Black, but not from you!"

"Maybe you've forgotten that Sirius was married to my sister!" Remus shouted. "Excuse us for wanting our family back!"

There was silence at the table. While everybody currently in the Order were either from the first war or knew their past from family members who had been involved last time, it was almost an unwritten rule among them that Liz or Cassie were never mentioned.

About that time, Dumbledore arrived with the Hogwarts leg of the group, and the tension melted away for the moment. As he took his seat, Kingsley slid a folder to Remus. "That's everything I could find in the archives, Remus. It hasn't been updated in years, but...I hope it helps you out."

Remus nodded and stared down at the folder. He caught a glance from Sirius, who gave a curious look before indicating down at the folder. Remus shook his head and mouthed, "Later," before trying to focus on what Dumbledore was talking about. It was a relatively short meeting, with the Hogwarts Headmaster asking for volunteers to take Arthur Weasley's patrols since was still recovering from being attacked by Voldemort's snake a few weeks earlier. After Sirius and Severus had their short argument on making sure that he wasn't torturing Harry with his Occlumency lessons, the meeting dispersed, leaving the two former Gryffindors alone.

"What in the folder?" Sirius asked quietly as Mrs. Weasley, Tonks, and Bill Weasley returned.

Wordlessly, Remus pushed the folder to his best friend. Tonks and Bill sat the other end discussing Gringotts business while Mrs. Weasley cooked. She only looked up when Mr. Weasley came into the kitchen and sat beside his eldest son. Sirius looked at the top of the folder, noticing it was an official Ministry file. Inside on the top of the first piece of parchment was the missing persons report that had been filed for one Elizabeth Mallory-Lupin.

Sirius swallowed and looked at his best friend. Remus continued to avoid his gaze as he finally spoke. "Something keeps bothering me, Padfoot. I just have this feeling that there's something we missed."

"Do you think they may have missed something and discarded her case?" Sirius asked.

"Considering the people who were in charge back then?" Remus scoffed. "I doubt Barty Crouch, Sr. even opened a case."

Sirius saw the same hope and determination in Remus's eyes that he was positive could be found in his own. After years of being alone and apart from their loved ones, both Marauders were clinging onto any shred of hope they possibly could.

"Remus, it's been 15 years, do you really think she would still be alive?" Sirius asked. "I mean, even after Dumbledore had confirmation that–"

"I just have a feeling," Remus said, cutting him off. "Something is telling me...she's still out there."

Sirius knew the logical side of him was saying there was little chance that Liz would ever be seen again. There were so many people who had gone missing from the first war that had never been found. But the side of him that wanted to support his best friend told him that he needed to have faith and trust what Remus was saying.

He just hoped for Remus's sake that his search had a positive outcome.

A few days later, Sirius was helping Remus sort through some of the old files that Alastor had kept from the first war. They were written in the same way that Auror's wrote their mission reports at the Ministry, which was a clear indication that the ex-Auror himself had a hand in the assignments back then. They were looking at reports that had been filed during the time that Liz had left for her mission, but were having no luck in finding out any new information about what happened between the last time that Liz had checked in with her correspondent and when she had went missing.

"Who was supposed to meet her again?" Remus said, shuffling papers, "I swear to Merlin if that thing says Mundungus Fletcher I'll curse him six ways from Sunday."

"Calm down, Moony," Sirius said, also going through the papers. They both knew how reliable Mundungus was, and was notorious for misleading information and sneaking away from his posts to make some kind of illegal exchange. "Here. The person on duty that night was Fabian Prewett."

"Bloody hell," Remus breathed, but Sirius could hear a small sigh of relief in his voice. Fabian had been somebody who was trustworthy and could count that his reports were thorough and precise. Molly had always said that's where Percy's drive had come from, but ever since the third oldest Weasley had abandoned his family, nobody mentioned it.

"Sorry, Remus," Sirius said quietly.

Remus sat back in his chair, tossing the quill that had been in his hand onto the table. He ran his hand through over his face and closed his eyes. The nagging thought in the back of his mind told him not to give up, and he had thought his heart had moved on. Apparently that hadn't been the case. The discovery of her final letter at Christmas break had just brought everything back. Cassie had once joked that the two were soul mates, but being teenagers at the time, he had brushed it off. Now he was starting to think he had his chance at true love and had it taken away from him in the blink of an eye.

"What if all this is pointless," he said outloud. "What if I'm just reading into things too much?"

Sirius looked at him, eyebrows raised as if to say, 'Are you kidding?' Instead of making his friend feel any worse than he already was feeling, he tried the optimistic approach. "We just have to keep looking, Remus. Maybe we should extend our search to muggle records."

Remus looked at him confused. "And why, pray tell, should we do that?" he asked, his tone tired and bitter. They had been going through these files for days, and he didn't want to add any more.

Sirius glared at him. "Because, genius," he said with the same snippy tone, "If she had her memory modified or something, then maybe she was found by the muggle police or hospitals and they took care of her."

Remus sat still for a second, looking at his friend like he'd just recited Hogwarts: A History from memory. That thought had never occurred to him. "I never thought about that," he replied dumbly.

"I didn't think it had," Sirius quipped, shuffling through the papers again. He hadn't meant to get angry at Remus, but after the werewolf had been out of commission as he recuperated from the past full moon, he had continued to research as well as sneak out and search for Cassie, and he was also at his wits end.

A few minutes later, Remus sighed. "I'm sorry, Sirius," he apologized quietly. "I shouldn't have snapped."

"You're stressed," Sirius brushed it off. "We all are. It's okay."

"That's still not an excuse."

"Remus, it's fine."

"No, it's not. Maybe I shouldn't have even brought this up again, I should have just accepted it and –"

"Remus, if you do not shut up, I am going to lock you into Buckbeak's room with a box of chocolate until you calm down," Sirius threatened. "Now, for the last time, it's okay."

Remus fell silent again as Sirius continued to go through the reports from June, July, and August of 1980. After a few minutes, Remus spoke up again. "I'll ask Kingsley tomorrow if he can help pull muggle records," he said. "He works with the muggle prime minister's office, he would know where they keep those files."

Sirius nodded, also leaning back into his chair. "What brought this up, anyway?" he asked. "I mean, I thought at Christmas, you were ready to finally move on."

Remus sighed. "I don't know. After we talked to Harry, and I read her letter, it was like...like some kind of gut feeling. It was something I hadn't felt in years, since Dumbledore had told us that she'd gone missing. There was something that just kept telling me that she was still alive." He paused, trying to find the right words to say. "I know this sounds odd. The night that James and Lily died, I just got this horrible feeling that something was wrong. It was the same feeling I had gotten when my mother and father passed. Like some part of them was trying to warn me that they were gone. And I never, never got that feeling when Liz was... you know."

Sirius knew exactly what Remus was talking about. It was the same foreboding feeling that he had gotten that fateful October night that prompted him to go to Godric's Hollow.

"I know what you're talking about." Sirius nodded. "And if you firmly believe that Liz is still out there, well, I'll do my best to help you find her."

Remus shot Sirius a grateful look and nodded. "Thanks, Padfoot."

"You'd do the same for me. Now, get back to researching, slacker."

Groaning and sitting back up, Remus went to the shuffle a few papers around when there was a sudden slam of the front door, the wail of Mrs. Black's portrait, a rush of steps, and Bill Weasley appeared. "Remus, you have to come quick!" His robes were singed near the bottom and his long hair had came out of the ponytail that he kept it in during work. "The breakout! It's happened!"

Sirius and Remus exchanged a look. They both knew it was too dangerous for Sirius to join in the battle. "I'll keep looking," he said. "Go."

Remus nodded and pulling out his wand, followed Bill, who had run back the way he had entered. "Where at?" Remus asked as they stepped outside the boundaries of the charms around Grimmauld Place.

"Right outside London, in Twickenham. You know where it is?" Remus nodded and Bill apparated. Concentrating on his destination, he apparated to the village.

The Order seemed to be fighting a losing battle. There were double if not triple the amount of death eaters, teaming up against each member. Kingsley and Tonks did manage to take down five or six of them with Mad-Eye. He was sure he had heard the unmistakably cackle of Bellatrix Lestrange, which confirmed the breakout that Bill had mentioned. As he ran forward to assist the nearest person, a rouge spell caused him to roll to the ground.

He looked wildly around for the person who sent the curse at him and was met by a masked figure. Remus assumed by the death eater's short height that his opponent was female, but considering that she was aiming to kill him, Remus felt no sympathy in cursing her back.

He sent a cutting hex toward her, which she easily dodged. As she spun around, the death eater shot a well-placed stream of red and blue sparks at him. Remus's reflexes weren't as quick as his opponent's, and dove to the ground. That had been a mistake. With the full moon only being a couple of days behind him, Remus had still been recuperating. He was struggling to his feet when he heard the voice shout, "Crucio!"

His guard had already been down having to roll on the ground, and the curse hit him before he could defend himself. His knees buckled from where he had been getting back to his feet. It was the worst pain he'd ever been in, worse than his transformations, worse than when he felt the day he thought Liz was gone –

And then, as soon as it started, the torture was over. He collapsed to the ground, trying to catch his breath and focus on anything other than the soreness that was setting up in his bones. Looking around, he noticed the death eaters had disappeared with the arrival of Albus Dumbledore. The death eaters that had been captured were bound by anti-apparation manacles with Kingsley, Tonks, and Mad-Eye dealing with other members of the Ministry who had just arrived. Bill Weasley was nursing a gash on his upper arm, and several other Order members were limping. But from what it seemed, nobody had died.

"Remus!"

Suddenly, he was being lifted to his feet by Bill Weasley and Kingsley Shaklebolt. "What did you get hit with?" Bill asked. "You're white as a ghost!"

"Cruciatus Curse, but I'm okay," he said. He felt like hell, but he hadn't lost the color in his face because of the curse itself, but the voice who had cast it. He hadn't heard that voice in 15 years, but he knew he hadn't imagined it. He knew nobody would believe him if he said anything, and would brush it off as something he had imagined.

Because there was no possible way that Elizabeth Lupin could have been the one who cursed him.

So that just happened.

I googled villages outside of London and I thought Twickenham sounded very Harry Potter-esque for some reason. So I went with it.

I write out my chapters by hand first, and then type them up. That way, I can catch (most) of my grammar mistakes as I type and it allows to add in scenes if I feel like what I've written is disjointed – which they usually are. I've caught up with chapter three, which I have halfway written out, so do expect my updates to be a little spaced apart from now on. At the latest, there should be about a week between each chapter now. So expect the third installment next Friday. (Also I accidentally had uploaded my unedited version of this so if you ready this before...3:00am 3/14 I'm so sorry.)

As always, reviews are appreciated (and encouraged to add to motivation!)

Cheers, and Happy (early) St. Patrick's Day!