Spiders and Bats: An Arachnid in Gotham
He just sat there, typing away at the Batcomputer. He kept pretending that he didn't notice us come inside the cave, for no other plausible reason than the fact that he probably smelled the scent of failure on me, and that he didn't want to deal with it at the moment.
I didn't want to either. You'd better have yourself checked for brain damage if you want to come face-to-face with Batmanto tell him the news of how you royally screwed up, because the only thing scarier than Batman—and seriously, dude was once chosen by a Yellow Lantern ring, which searches for the scariest guy alive in a whole sector of space, to use it—is an angry Batman.
He probably won't beat me up to a pulp like he does criminals, though. Hopefully. Because, like I said, I royally screwed up. I screwed up more than anyone's ever screwed up before in the history of forever. Future heroes will tell their children of this day as a cautionary tale on how not to be a superhero in all the days to come.
Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating. And also, I'm actually quite certain that he will definitely not beat me up. Probably.
What he'll most likely do is scold me more than my mom and criminal father have ever scolded me combined times ten, and then make me write 'Stephanie screwed up her last screw-up' on the Batcomputer a hundred thousand times before I hand in my Bat-badge and take my Bat-exit.
And that'll be the last anyone will ever hear of 'The Amazing Screw-up Steph and Her Spectacularly Bad Track Record at Being a Superhero'.
Oh God, these are the times I hate my life.
We took a few steps forward. I took off my cowl and cleared my throat.
"Why is he in the cave?" he asked, in the gravelly voice only guys like him and, I don't know, maybe James Spader can do. Liam Neeson, too.
I cleared my throat again as I prepared my argument, but as I tried to speak the words wouldn't come out. I was very much ready to wet myself then and there. Dude regularly takes on guys Superman himself goes toe-to-toe with, and he almost always fights them on as equal a footing as Big Blue fights them on.
"It's a funny story, actually," I half-whispered, scared to death. I took a deep breath and, expecting the inevitable to come afterwards without any chance of reprieve, decided to get it over with, saying what needs to be said. "He… uh, knows."
Chapter Two: Trust
He stopped tapping away at his keyboard and just sat there, silently, while I feared for my life. We don't kill, sure, and I'm very much certain that there was no way he'd ever break his oath just to kill me for screwing up—besides the fact that, you know, this issue just might not be worth killing someone over, secret identities be damned—but I feared for my life regardless.
Because being Batgirl is my life now, and it's something I've always wanted. Never in my wildest dreams have I ever thought that this is something I'd be doing someday, and losing my life as Batgirl—just two weeks into it, even—would be tantamount to losing my actual life.
I know. Melodramatic, huh? Well, they don't call me 'Sentimental Stephanie' for no reason. At least, I don't call myself that for no reason. Because, like, I'm the only one who calls myself that.
Forget I said anything. And besides, that's how I really feel about my newfound life of being Batgirl. There was no way that would ever change.
A moment later, Batman's chair swiveled and he walked towards us—towards him—and stood just a few feet away. I stepped to the side as I realized he wasn't going to confront me. At least, not during that moment. That moment, Batman wanted to confront him.
Then in a low voice, Batman asked, "How?"
"To be honest, I'm not too sure," he answered calmly, and I admired him for it. Staring down a man almost half a foot taller than he was and almost twice his size, he continued to have this nonchalant air about him, as if he wasn't worried about who he was facing.
Then again, he didn't know Batman like I did and compared to him, Batman was almost a foot taller than I was and was more than twice my size. But I guess, most of all, the fact that he was my boss might have factored into my fear of him more than anything else.
"I mean," he continued, "it's not like I was actively trying to find out. I came here looking for help. You might have realized that then—when I came into your office with Tony Stark, if you had known it was me who came in there, you might have realized it then. I wasn't trying to find out who you were. I just wanted help, and I found out by accident. So whatever you do, don;t blame Stephanie. It wasn't her fault. It was mine."
For the record, take note of that part. I started falling for him there. Though I didn't realize it until later.
Batman's eyes widened, and for the first time in my life I was able to see what he was like when he's caught off-guard.
"You're… that kid," he spoke.
Spider-Man dropped his backpack, and took off his mask. His eyes blinked repeatedly, as if they were trying to adjust to the inherent darkness of the cave.
"Peter Benjamin Parker," he mumbled, then cleared his throat. "Part-time photographer, part-time science teacher, and full-time superhero."
He held out his hand and Batman shook it.
"I expected you to be taller, Mr. Wayne—like twelve feet tall," he then said. "Well, not you exactly—I mean, I expected Batman to be taller. And Bruce Wayne is Batman, of course, so… uh, you know what I mean. Hey, look at that."
He began to walk around, looking at the Batcave with a sense wonder I might have had myself when I first stepped foot there. He looked adorable as he stood in front of the life-sized, animatronic T. rex Batman kept displayed in the cave. It stood right next to the giant penny, right where it always has been.
"What's his name?" he asked us.
"It doesn't have a—"
"Fido," I answered.
Batman looked at me and I could see his eyebrows furrowing through his mask.
"Fido?" he asked, incredulously. "You name my Tyrannosaurus, Fido?"
I turned my head away from him and kept quiet, doing my best to avoid meeting his gaze. If there's one thing Batman hated more than me indirectly revealing our secret identities to someone, it's me naming his dinosaur.
For the record, I named his penny Penny so he wouldn't notice.
"So, uh, Spider-Man," I said, drawing attention away from my complete inability to keep Batman from kicking me out of the Family, "isn't your costume, like, red and blue? How come it's black?"
Once he put his mask on, his costume then seemed to fizz and flicker for a moment, like some sort of hologram. Then all of a sudden its color scheme started changing in a way that made it look like it was a de-pixilating photograph on a computer screen, as a more familiar red and blue pattern began replacing the black outfit.
"Unstable molecules (TM)," he explained, and his outfit proceeded to change back to the black patterned one that had a large spider-shaped insignia on the front and back. "I just thought the black suit complimented Gotham better than my classic threads. Though my choice of wardrobe isn't really the topic I came here to discuss."
Spider-Man looked thoughtful for a while, before approaching one of the glass cases to the side of the cave. He then eyed the original Robin costume from head to toe.
"The first Robin," he began. "He's Nightwing now, right?"
"He is," I answered.
He then turned to where Batman sat and said, "He's also Richard Grayson, right? One of the eccentric billionaire and philanthropist Bruce Wayne's adopted sons. At least, as far as everyone else knows, that's all there is to it."
"Dick," I corrected.
"…Well, that was uncalled for," he said, suddenly.
"What?" I asked, before realizing what I just said. "Wait, no! I wasn't calling you—I mean, Richard Grayson, his nickname's 'Dick'. We call him 'Dick'."
There was short pause where Batman stopped typing momentarily, and resumed just as quickly without missing a beat. I could almost picture him mentally sighing and shaking his head.
"So you do know at least one member of the Family," he remarked, thankfully refusing to comment on my mistake, much to my pleasure. Or displeasure. It really depends on whether him saying anything or not saying anything at all was preferable and less embarrassing.
"Oh, I know the rest," replied Spider-Man, as he approached the rest of the glass cases displaying the old Robin and Batgirl outfits. "With the exception of Stephanie, they're all your children, adopted or, in one case, not."
"Is that so?" asked Batman.
"That's right," continued Spider-Man. "And if I'm right about everyone, then Jason Todd was the second Robin and now the Red Hood, Timothy Drake was the third Robin and now Red Robin, your son Damian Wayne is the new Robin-Robin, and Cassandra Cain was the second Batgirl and is now Black Bat—whom I've had the pleasure of encountering when Wolverine and I traveled to Madripoor. Meanwhile, since the fourth Robin was a blonde girl, I assume she was Stephanie, who's now the third Batgirl."
"Impressive," remarked Batman. "Except for one thing. You assume Cassandra was a 'second' Batgirl, and Stephanie is the 'third'."
"Well, I know for a fact that the first one was a redhead," said Spider-Man. "And Cassandra Cain, the second Batgirl, has black hair."
"Cassandra could have just died her hair and changed outfits for all you know," argued Batman. "How can you be so confident that before Stephanie, there have been two Batgirls?"
"Sure, she could have done that, like you said," answered Spider-Man. "But it's not like she can change her body type. The first Batgirl was taller, was slightly more muscled, and had bigger… well, uh, she was taller. On the other hand, Cassandra is petite and shorter than the 'first'. Obviously, I'm running on conjecture here, but as far as I can tell from what I've observed, they're two different people."
As I looked at Batman's reaction, I caught a small glimpse of him smirking for a moment—which, in all honesty, is the closest thing to a smile that I've ever seen him make when in costume. I guess that counts as one, right? As a smile, I mean? If so, that's one item crossed out of 'Stephanie Brown's Quintessential Batfamily Bucket List'.
Tune in next time when she tries to figure out how long Nightwing fixes his hair in the morning, and how many hair care products he uses. Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel.
"You have keen sense for detail," complimented Batman. Something that is, for the record, hilarious and sad to me since someone who isn't even a member of our 'Family' got a compliment out of him before I did. Yay, Steph.
"I'll say," I remarked, and smiled coyly in Spider-Man's direction. "What were you going to say that were bigger about Batgirl number one?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," he mumbled. "So uh, Batman. Do you want to hear how I found out about all of your secret identities?"
"I thought you said you didn't know how," said Batman.
"I don't know how I stumbled onto what led me to finding out—that was all purely by chance," said Spider-Man. "But how I pieced it all together? That one I can explain."
Batman attached an auxiliary cable into the Batcomputer and connected the other end of it onto the access panel on his gauntlet. It was only then that I chanced to look up at the screen and notice what he'd been typing.
They were schematics for a small town in Kansas called, wait for it… Smallville. These towns need to get a better naming sense.
"Oracle can make better use of what you've found out," said Batman. "You can tell her later."
"What do you need those for?" I asked him.
He disconnected the auxiliary as soon as the download finished and he then stood up from his chair.
"Doomsday clones have appeared in Smallville, Kansas. I'm going away for a few days to take care of the situation with what's left of the rest of the League, so I'll be gone until then. It'll take maybe a week at most," he said, as he tinkered with his gauntlet. "That is, if we can somehow find out where they're coming from as quickly as I hope. In the meantime, Batgirl, you'll be in-charge of the cave and the city while I'm gone."
Oh, Batman is going away for a while? Well, good for him. He needs a vaca—
"What did you say?" I cried in shock.
"I said I'll be going away for a while, and that—"
"No, no, no," I cut him off. "I heard what you said. What I mean is that, are you serious with what you just said?"
"Yes," he answered, and for the record I had a hard time convincing myself that Batman was not joking at the time. And since,you know, Batman does not joke ever, you can tell that it was just that surprising for me to hear him to say what he said. "Like I said, you'll be in-charge of manning the cave and patrolling the city while I'm gone."
"Wait, me?" I asked him. "Are you sure? But Nightwing—"
"Former members of the League of Assassins have set up shop in Bludhaven," said Batman. "He's in charge of resolving that issue."
"League of Assassins?" asked Spider-Man. "Aren't they called the League of Shadows?"
Batman glared at him and said, in dead seriousness, "No."
"Well, uh, how about Red Hood?" I asked next. "Isn't he—?"
"In San Francisco, or so I'm told. Though, it's not like I'd leave the cave to Jason."
Well, it was comforting to know that he trusts me more than someone else—anyone else, actually—by that point in time.
"Tim—?"
"With the Titans, fighting Doctor Light," he answered.
"Damian—?"
"With Nightwing," came the reply. "For obvious reasons."
I sighed. That should have been obvious.
"And Cass—?"
"I requested her presence, but she says she's caught up in something at the moment. Something pertaining to her father," replied Batman. "Though she says she'll try to come in a few days."
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.
"This is a test, isn't it?" I asked him. I was so sure that it was just that. A test, like he always does with me. "One of your sick games to see if you can trust me? Because, apparently, you still don't."
"Think of it that way if it helps," he said. "But the reality of it is that I do trust you and I do need your help."
Batman needs my help? Did he just say that he needs help? And that he needs my help?
"But, wait," I cried. This was just all too overwhelming. "I can't do this on my own. I mean, the entirety of Gotham? I'm not you. I can't patrol and protect one of the largest cities on the East Coast on my own in the dead of winter."
"You don't have to," he said conclusively. "You have him."
He pointed at Peter.
"Me?" asked Spider-Man.
"Batgirl says she can't do this alone," said Batman. "I'm asking you to help her."
Spider-Man looked thoughtful for a moment, like he was considering what Batman said. However, it was obvious what he was thinking about.
"I don't have the lack of heart nor the lack of conscience to ignore anyone who needs my help—especially since Batman himself asked me to—but," he told him, "about the reason I'm here—"
"Obviously, I won't be able to help you with that at the moment," said Batman. "The Justice League is short on manpower. Superman and most of our other powerhouses are off-world, as is most of your Avengers, dealing with the Anti-Monitor's release of the Annihilation Wave from a Negative Zone portal on the other side of the universe."
"Right. They left two days ago," said Spider-Man, contemplating. "Cap asked me to come, but my Aunt May would have been worried sick if I she didn't hear from me for days."
"I'm needed to coordinate the containment team charged with taking out the Doomsday clones, which will keep me in Kansas for some time," continued Batman. "Which is why I'm deputizing you—just temporarily if you wish."
"Deputizing me?"
"As of today, you are a member of the Family," declared Batman. "You're welcome to use the cave at any time and all its resources are available to you, including the extensive criminal database we keep of all known supervillains and their associates. Batgirl will assist you in your investigation while I'm gone—in the meantime, you will help her patrol at night and keep an eye on my city."
"But… why?" he asked. I was asking the same question.
"'Why?'," repeated Batman.
"Why do you… How come you trust me so much?"
Batman looked thoughtful for a moment. "Do you remember when we first met?"
"Us? But this is the first time we've met."
"Face-to-face. This is the first time we've met face-to-face," corrected Batman. "My mistake. Then let me rephrase the question. Do you remember the first time we've fought together?"
"…No, I'm not sure I do."
"I do," said Batman.
He paced around the cave, looking grim and dark as usual, but there was something different about it—I couldn't tell what it was that seemed different. All I could tell was that there was something different about the way he conducted himself that night. Like there was something bothering him and he didn't want us to know.
"Five years ago, Darkseid and Thanos waged war on each other in their search for the Infinity Gems," he began, "as collecting those were the only way one or the other would be able to complete the Anti-Life Equation, and either put the universe to its knees as Darkseid would wish it, or destroy the universe as Thanos would desire it. The final Infinity Gem, the Power Gem, had somehow found its way to New York, and so did Darkseid and Thanos' war. Every superhero on Earth joined forces and managed to fight the two of them and their armies back, then gave chase through a portal created by your colleague Thor to end the war once and for all."
I remembered that. It was all over the news. They called it The War to End All Wars, which is hilarious since, if you've been studying up for your history exam like I have, you'd know that's what they called World War I before it had a sequel. And yet the name fit so well because as far as everyone knew, it wasn't just the world that was doomed, but all of reality.
Still, in hindsight the name turned out to be ill-fitting after all. And honestly, thank God for that.
"Except you," Batman told him. "Do you remember what you did?"
Spider-Man fell silent. "I did something stupid, didn't I?"
"In some ways, yes," confirmed Batman. "But that's not remotely the point. Do you really not remember?"
"No," answered Spider-Man. "I'm trying but… I really can't. How stupid was it?"
Batman shook his head. "Try harder," he told Spider-Man. "And you'll understand why I trust you."
"Huh. I still don't get it," mumbled Spider-Man. He seemed to think deeply about what Batman said. "But as far as your offer stands, I accept. So don't mind me then when I grab some chicken wings from the Bat-fridge later."
"The refrigerator is upstairs, in the mansion's second wing just past the dining room on the first floor," said Batman. "Though Alfred made steak tonight. You're still welcome to help yourself if there are leftovers."
"Oh, no, I wasn't… I mean, that was a…" began Spider-Man, before I elbowed him and told him not to bother. "Never mind."
"The extent of your responsibility will make protecting this city long and arduous," said Batman. "I know you hold responsibility over New York City, and I do not make light of what you've done for it, but this is not New York. It's Gotham."
"Are you kidding me?" asked Spider-Man. "Responsibility is my schtick, pal. Batgirl and me will keep this city safe as long as we're here."
Spider-Man then looked at me, and nodded.
"Ain't that right, partner?" he asked, and held out his hand.
I grabbed it and we shook hands.
"Couldn't have said it better myself, partner," I said, and it's not like I had a choice or anything. Though I'm not really complaining either.
When we looked back at where Batman was, he'd already gone.
"Bosh'tet," remarked Spider-Man. "He disappeared."
"Mass Effect?" I asked. "And he does that all the time. You'll get used to it."
"Yeah, it's from Mass Effect," he said. "And I do that 'disappearing while people are looking away' thing, too."
"Huh, cool. Quarians are the best," I said. "And it must suck to be on the receiving end of that little trick, huh?"
He picked up his backpack from the floor and slung it over his shoulders. "I'll make sure to pay him back for it," he said, playfully. "But more importantly, where do we go now?"
"We should go see Oracle," I said, while putting my cowl back on.
"Oracle?" he asked. "Oh, yeah. Batman mentioned him. Who is he?"
"She was the first Batgirl," I told him. "And like Batman, I feel like you should meet her, too, seeing as we'll most likely be working with her for the rest of the week."
"We are?"
"Yeah, we are," I replied. "Oracle is the most knowledgeable and most connected information broker on the planet. Even though Batman gave you permission to use our resources and view the database, you'd need Oracle to actually access them."
"Oh. Cool, then," he agreed. "And I guess I should meet her, since she's the only one of you guys that I don't know yet. Where is she?"
"You seem excited," I teased him.
"What? No, I'm not," he said defensively. "I mean, not that I'm not excited to meet her. I just don't have any reason in particular that'll fuel my excitement aside from the fact that she can help me track down the man I'm looking for."
"Is that so? I distinctly remember you using her… uh, assets to differentiate between her and Cass," I argued. "Don't tell me you aren't the least bit interested to see her."
"I'm not," he denied, even though his cheeks were threatening to burn red through his mask. "I mean, I am. But only because, like I said, she can help me track down Osborn so I can take him down and get this thing over with."
"You need to work on your lying skills," I snarked at him.
"So they tell me," he snarked back. "Anyway, where's she at?"
"Gotham Clock Tower."
"Huh," he mumbled. "That's on the other side of town."
"Everything is on the other side of the town from Wayne Manor," I told him. "This entire estate has its own zip code."
"Man, it must be fun being rich," he remarked. "So, how do we get there? Batmobile? I don't think I heard it leave the Batcave, so maybe Batman didn't use it."
"Batman prefers that we call it the 'car', and the Batcave, the 'cave'."
He seemed to consider what I said. "How come?"
"He says adding 'Bat' to the front of everything is childish and amuses no one but ourselves," I explained. "Like using song lyrics in conversation."
"Heh. Funny you mentioned that," he said. "I was reading this article this morning that tried to prove that Tom Jones lyrics are the easiest to pass as casual conversation by observing how often they're used as such."
"It's that common?" I asked.
"It's not unusual."
I took me some time before I got the joke.
"Oh my God," I cried. "I hate you."
He laughed in this loud, cheerful laugh, and before long I found myself laughing, too.
"Okay, okay," he said a while later after we both laughed our heads off. "Focus. So do we take the 'car'?"
"Can you drive?"
"I live in New York. So, no."
"Well, neither can I."
"So," he began, "what now? I can web swing us all the way there, but I left my extra web fluid at my hotel room, and I'm not sure if it'll last until we get there."
"Nah," I cried. "I have a better idea."
"What?"
"…We ride."
End of Chapter 2
Author's Notes: This was supposed to be longer, but I split the chapter into two because I'm trying to keep a lower word count per chapter here than in my other story, Turnabout. I thought it made sense since this is going to be a little bit more grounded, so the shorter chapters keep it from becoming more epic in length. And again, please leave a review and let me know what you think~