...Chapter Three: Mental Scars Take The Longest To Heal...
I felt the burn of several pairs of eyes on the back of my neck as I dashed out of the mess hall, my pace quickening when the tall doors closed with a resounding click of the latch. I was almost to a sprint when I reached the top of the first staircase, slowing when my foot caught on the last step. My knee knocked against the aged wood, the same one Captain Levi had kicked just two hours earlier. Grumbling, I picked myself back up while checking the bottle for any cracks. Sighing as I found none, I finished the trip to my borrowed room, kicking the door closed.
I didn't even sit before I popped the cork, sending it to some random corner of the room. Oops. Shrugging, I chugged straight from the bottle as I plunked down in the wooden desk chair. I wanted to get as drunk as possible, fast, and the mess hall had been out of the really hard, 'kick-you-in-the-face' type of alcohol. Cheap wine it was.
When a quarter of the bottle was gone, I set it down and stood up to finally take off the uniform jacket and the stupid straps of the ODMG. As the first buckle came undone, I felt like I could breathe for the first time in two days. My chest, if it had sentience, would no doubt be thanking me when the straps were also thrown into a far corner to be hunted down the next morning. I rolled up the sleeves of my button-up and stretched my tense arms.
My head feeling fizzy already, I stumbled back to the table and grabbed the bottle, then continued until I was at the windowsill, and the chair that was beside it. Graceless, I sat back down before I could fall on my face, which would only end in weird bruises that would make me a laughing stock for who knew how long. Snorting at the thought, I rested my other elbow against the sill and glanced out.
My gaze was first drawn to the bright half-moon that was partially covered with wispy clouds. As one passed, the grounds below were lit with a silvery glow, and my eyes flicked to a moving shadow. The edges of my vision had gone blurry, but I could still make out what it was, sighing at my high-strung reaction. Just a willow tree in the wind. Rolling my eyes, I was about to settle back down when a second moving shadow caught my attention.
This time, it was someone running through the grounds. Which meant there was someone on the grounds that wasn't supposed to be, or someone was breaking curfew. Neither was ideal, and both meant someone would have to deal with the offender. Groaning through my nose, I stood and almost immediately fell over.
My next two choices were also a little too much for me in my current state. Either I find another commanding officer, or I track down the wandering soul myself. I then remembered that most people were sleeping or still in the mess hall, probably no better off than myself. Picking up my jacket and pulling it back on hard enough I heard the seams stretch, I leaned against the walls as I walked as slowly and carefully as I could to the lowest level, the candlelight from the mess hall shining under the door.
As I was about to open the door and ask for another officer, it swung open from the inside and out walked the Captain, his lips twisted into a snarl. The man just didn't know how to make a pleasant expression, did he? He saw me standing there struggling to stay on my feet and his already shadowed eyes darkened.
"The hell do you want?"
"Oh, nothing sir," I shot back, my brain having no filter at the moment. Fuck it all, just stop, May. "Just taking care of a little issue."
The shadow lifted a tad, but his eyes narrowed. I didn't know what was more terrifying. "What issue?"
What little sanity I normally had, had apparently just taken a flying leap out the window, as it occurred to me to sass him back. "Wouldn't you like to know?" I smirked and continued down the hall ignoring him calling me by my full name. When I didn't hear someone chasing after me and the front door opened, I released a breath I hadn't known I was holding. Since when did I have a death wish?
Squinting in the dim light the moon provided, my boot heels tapped against the flagstones as I strode through the courtyard, my gaze shifting lazily around. I was even more drunk than I had originally intended, and this night was just one bad decision after another. I should have never accepted the invitation to come here.
Funny, the things you think when the thoughts are least welcome.
I followed the path through the trees to the willow where I had first seen the figure, although I knew they'd more then likely be long gone. I decided to check anyway; you never knew when there could be trouble, right? Or was that just my way of thinking? Probably just you, May, I thought as I pushed a few hanging branches out of the way. As I did, I caught a flicker of golden hair from my peripheral, and spun to grab the person by the arm.
My luck that night had apparently taken a nose dive, and my ankle didn't keep up with the rest of my body as I turned, causing me to fall hard, my head hitting a root. As my sight darkened, I saw whomever was stalking around so late at night approach, but the world went black before I saw who it really was.
Everything lightened what seemed to be seconds later, and I groaned and covered my face with an arm. Figuring it best to get up and face the hangover, I let my arm fall and sat up. Only, as I glanced around in confusion, I wasn't at the Survey Corp base, nor was I wearing my uniform. Instead, I wore a long green dress, and was seated under a tall oak in the Stohess District, the place of my birth.
Oh. So I'm in a dream...
"There ya are, May!" I turned to see my older brother Bolivar walking up the hill towards me, and glowered.
"Well, look who it is! What do you want?" I snapped, standing and walking to the tree, swinging myself onto the lowest branch.
"Me? Nothing." He kept walking towards me, and I climbed higher to get away from him. Noticing this, he stayed on the ground. His fear of heights probably also played a part in it. "Mother and Father are looking for you, though."
I snorted and sat as close to the top as I could without the branches creaking. "Ha! If you hadn't been a douche-canoe and gotten me into trouble along with you, they wouldn't be looking for me!"
"Hey, it was one small, insignificant vase, nothing too important!" he called, looking hurt at the name. Something about this scene was starting to feel familiar, and it didn't sit well with me.
"It was part of Mother's dowry, and made by her grandfather!" I countered, still glaring and tempted to tell him to fuck off.
He sighed in defeat, and I puffed up with a smirk. Amaya, 1; Bolivar, 0. "Fine, okay, okay. You got me. I don't really want to go back either, so can I show you something?" He glanced up through the leaves with a puppy-dog expression. One he knew I couldn't fight.
I was the one defeated now, and began to descend the trunk, finally landing next to the much taller teen. In this particular time, if my memory served me right, I was sixteen, he nineteen. Based off the ages, I started to want to pinch myself to get out of it. This wasn't a dream; it was a nightmare.
I couldn't stop myself from saying, "Lead on then, brother dearest."
He shot me a toothy grin, grabbed hold of my hand, and began to lead me back to the city. We slipped a bit down the hill, laughing as we did so. Our trip through the city was quick, and I was confused again when he led me into a small, unassuming building. "Brother? Where are we?"
He didn't answer save for a small smile as he pushed the door open, grip tightening on my hand as I tried to pull away. I felt the sting of tears begin on my cheeks, and started to pull again, stopping only when we entered the main part of the building as I glanced around in wonder. Several skylights let in the dazzling golden sun, and it reflected off silver candelabras and the gold-leaf stamped onto the spines of books. Bolivar released my hand as I began to wander, my finger running along the spines as I read the titles.
I'd heard about there being this many books in the palace, but had honestly never thought I'd have the honor of seeing them. I shook my head to clear it a bit and glanced back, meeting my brother's triumphant gaze. "Where are we, Bolivar?" I repeated.
He was about to answer, but another man stepped out of one of the few shadows in the room. "You are in the Church of the Walls, my dear girl. I am known as Father Samuel."
I shook my head again, this time in disbelief and denial. "Whatever you're selling, I refuse. Bolivar, we're going home." I strode across the room, grabbing his hand now, and attempted to pull him out to the street. An arm wrapped around my thin shoulders and spun me back around, back to what was apparently the chapel.
"Do not be afraid, my dear. Let me show you the wonders of our Church."
No. Nononono. NO!
"No!" I yelled, jolting up from the dirt, brushing off roots and leaves and stumbling to my feet. My head pounded as I forced myself through the branches and into the light of day. I raised a hand to my eyes, sheltering them from the brilliant dawn, and began the trek back to the castle.
I met Lauri on my way in, and he looked me up and down, "Did you sleep outside?" he asked, laughing when I glared. "Get changed and grab some food. Training starts early today."
"Yes, sir," I muttered, stopping again when an elbow bumped my arm. I raised an eyebrow at my superior, my question clear in my eyes.
"It's Lauri, Amaya."
That brought a small smile to my lips, and I nodded, "Sure thing, Lauri." He smiled as well and continued out to what would be our training grounds for the day, Aza quick on his heels. She grinned at me as she passed, a bounce in her step. That girl's energy never ceased to amaze me. How I got stuck with a morning person in my Brigade, I would never know. Resigning myself to the rest of the no doubt long and grueling day, I trudged up the stairs to do as ordered and get changed.
Levi was just about to get up and go demand Lieutenant Nieves get out of bed when she limped through the door of the mess hall. A truly terrible name, mess hall.
Levi was pulled out of his thoughts when he saw Erwin wave her over to the table he, Levi, and Hange occupied. She nodded, grabbed a cup of water, and joined them. Hange tilted their head to the side, eyes narrowing as they regarded the small Lieutenant. "Only water?"
"With this hangover, it's best I don't eat much 'til lunch, sir," Amaya mumbled, swinging her legs over the bench.
"Can I tell you a secret?" Hange whispered, waving the woman close, then, to Levi's and Erwin's eternal shock, said, "Ma'am."
Amaya's eyes looked like they were about to cross from her thoughts running so fast, and she stared in bewilderment at the other woman. "Wa-wait, what? Why're you telling me?"
Hange shrugged, a broad grin on her face. "You seem trustworthy."
Rolling his eyes, annoyed that she hadn't told him sooner, Levi snapped, "So, where'd you go last night?"
At this, Amaya groaned and slumped down onto the table, "Please never allow me to drink alcohol again."
Levi's eyebrow rose, as did Erwin's, and Hange patted her shoulder sympathetically. "Hangover that bad?"
Amaya sat up, leaning her chin in one hand, her elbow propped on the table. "A mix of that and a pretty bad nightmare, and what was probably a hallucination. That's why I was outside last night, I thought I saw someone wandering the grounds."
"So why didn't you come get one of us?" Erwin asked, his impressive brows pulling together.
Amaya groaned again and wiped her forehead with the back of a hand. "Because I was drunk and acting stupid."
Levi snorted, and Amaya turned a glare to him. Erwin rolled his eyes, then stood. "We should get going for today's training. Anything else you want to say, Lieutenant?"
"Just one thing, sir." Amaya stood as well, grinning at her superior. "Whoever decided we should have white uniform pants should be shot."
Levi snorted again, this time in amusement. "Meet you all outside," he muttered, striding out of the mess hall and into the early morning air. The light of the sun shimmered off the dew on the nearby fields, giving the morning an air of cheerfulness. Levi wasn't too fond of cheerfulness. He grumbled to himself, secretly glad no one could hear him, and trudged to the edge of the trees, where the ring for today had been set up. All it really was was two ropes parallel to each other and the ground strung between two trees and two posts, similar to a boxing ring. Just much smaller.
Captain Jarvi and Private Boye were already there, presumably having set up the ring, and were sitting in the grass near it. Private Boye was the first to see him, and hopped up into a hasty salute. "Good morning, sir!" Captain Jarvi was quick to do the same.
"Hm," was his response. "At ease." The two MP's nodded and dropped their salutes, remaining on their feet as they waited for the rest of the Survey Corp and MP's to arrive. Levi, in his boredom, leaned against a tree and stared up at the passing clouds. Before he knew it, he was uncharacteristically spaced out. He was only brought back to reality by Hange bumping his arm. He glared at her, but she just grinned.
Huh. He'd really have to get used to that.
The other commanding officers joined them under the maple tree, Amaya still limping though she tried to hide it. Levi wasn't the only one to notice, and Commander Erwin waved her closer to him. "Yes, sir?" she asked, her tone hesitant.
"Based off your injuries, it would be wise for you to sit out today."
Her face fell, but she didn't dare object. Shame. Levi really wanted a new reason to hate her, and self-destructive behavior was as good as any. "Then shall I explain the objective of the day?" asked Captain Jarvi, and Commander Erwin nodded. "Attention!" The lower-ranking officers snapped to salute at his bellow. Pawns, the lot of them.
"As you can hopefully guess," Captain Jarvi continued, "we will again be sparring today. Unlike yesterday, your space will be severely limited. This can both be an advantage and a hindrance, so keep that in mind and watch the corners." He smiled while saying the last part, and several others chuckled nervously. With a final nod from Captain Jarvi, they split into their groups from the previous session to wait their turn. First was Private Boye with Jean and Connie.
"I should have asked yesterday," began Commander Erwin, speaking to Amaya, "but could you introduce us to your team?"
She flashed a faint smile, and again Levi noticed it was almost uncomfortable. "It should have been the first thing I did. My apologies." She nodded to the farthest corner of the ring, where a somewhat short brunet man laughed with Eren and Sasha. "That's Ezra Ledford. Not the best fighter, but with brains enough for ten soldiers."
Next was a tall, black haired man. He was built along the lines of Reiner, but had a much less arrogant demeanor. "That's Jess Carver. The exact opposite of Ezra, but the most loyal friend you'll ever have." After him, she pointed out a woman of average height with noticeably dark skin, hair, and eyes. "Kaya Harmon. Top of her class in tactics and ODMG."
After her was another woman of average height, this one with dark blonde hair and pale blue eyes. "Amber Mercer. Also very agile with the ODMG, and very quick witted."
The rest of her introductions were as succinct and, for lack of better words, sung praises. There was Nadine Albert, Eliade Floros, Liza Swift, Niilo Ranta, Damyan Rowan, and Audric Durant. Top of the class, agile with the ODMG, sharp-minded, strongest in their class. Levi couldn't help but be suspicious.
"Aren't you all a little too gifted?" he asked when the introductions were over.
"That's entirely the point of being part of this Brigade," Amaya shot back, not meeting his eyes, instead watching the match.
"And... Your meaning is?"
She sighed, clearly annoyed, "Our brigade was designed from the beginning to take down a very specific ring of criminals in the capitol city. They had infiltrated the Military Police and government, and we needed the best of the best to take them down." The next part was muttered, and Levi only just barely caught it, "It's why I choose them."
"So why didn't you disband afterwards?" Hange asked, her head tilting to the side again.
Amaya's eye twitched, "Because we're still working on it. We only just finished putting together our team about a year ago with the last graduating class, when Aza joined up."
"And not Cadet Leonhart?" Commander Erwin asked, his brows pulling together.
"No, she's only here for this mission. Don't ask me why, only our branch commander knows." Her gaze remained fixed on the match as Aza danced around Jean and Connie, obviously enjoying herself. She'd been at it for so long, Captain Jarvi called the match in her favor and let the two Cadets rest.
The rest of the morning was fairly uneventful, and everyone, yes, even Levi, was glad to get inside for lunch. The normal din felt deafening today, after having been used to the quiet of a single team, and Levi left most of his lunch to head back outside. He didn't expect Eren to follow him to the steps, but who cared, really?
The two sat in silence, staring at the stables as the horses ate and ate, without a care in the world. Their next companion was much less welcome, however.
"Mind if I join you?" Amaya asked as she held the door open.
"Yes, I do actually. Piss off back inside." Levi snapped, annoyed at his temporary peace being broken already.
And with that, Amaya glowered, strode over to the steps, and plopped down next to Eren. "Thank you for the invitation." Levi rolled his eyes and snorted at her impudence, but he had been expecting it after the night before. Little thorn, indeed.
Eren saw this as an opportunity to get to know her a little better, and smiled before asking, "If it's okay for me to ask, what happened this morning?"
Amaya huffed, and Eren turned away. She was silent for another moment before saying, "I followed a hallucination, got myself injured, and passed out outside. Woke up with a hangover and a twisted ankle." She sounded bored, and stared at the nails of one hand.
"Ah," Eren murmured, then turned back to her, "Why did you join the MP's?"
She laughed, a short and harsh sound without any humor. "To be honest, I was hoping to whip them into shape a bit. So far, I've got thirteen honest soldiers out of my personal campaign."
Levi rolled his eyes, but continued to listen as they continued. "And what exactly does your Brigade do?" Eren was sounding less and less hesitant, and had sat up a bit straighter.
"We're working on taking out a certain ring of criminals. A group of radicals known for murder."
"Really?" The Cadet sounded a little bewildered. "And you don't mind fighting others of your own race?"
"Eren." Even though she hadn't spoken his name, Levi glanced her way from her tone. Strained, tired. Her gaze was haunted, and it was one Levi knew well. "I learned a long time ago that humans are the real monsters." The two men were silent, and she flashed them a jaded smile. "I think I've taken up enough of your time. I'll see you both at target practice." She stood with a groan and a painful pop of her ankle, beginning to walk back inside.
"Isn't that a waste of ammunition?" Levi asked, standing as well and giving her a look that clearly said she was an idiot.
"It would be, if we were using guns," Amaya turned back to smirk at her commanding officer. "That's why we're using knives."
A/N: I am so very, very sorry this took so long. Long story short, major technical troubles and a lack of a muse to write anything. That's over now, and I should be back to more frequent update. As always, a big thank you to Frantastic1993! Keep being awesome!
Disclaimer: I think we all know who really owns Attack on Titan/ Shingeki no Kyojin.