Prompt: Okay this one has a lil' plot twist so I'm not gonna spoil it ^_^
Genre: Angst because I'm an angsty little teen who shops at Hottopic
Triggers: mentions self harm, self loathing, depression, self deprecating thoughts/ actions, cheating (but not Phan don't worry snuggle muffins), suicide attempt, I think that's it...
Words: 1652
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His heart was pumping more than it ever has been. Dan ran down the street with tears down his face.
He finally came to his destination.
Dan ran to the cliff side and watched the waves roll back and forth from above.
Dan could feel his hair beginning to curl and for once it wasn't his main priority to fix it. Because who would care about someone's hair when they're dead?
"Bye world. You've been a bitch to me. Hurt me. Scarred me. Caused me to scar myself. And now I'm basically going insane!" Dan screamed up at the inky black sky.
"All I want is for it to end. My family doesn't give a shit. My only boyfriend I'll ever have cheated on me and hit me. I'm alone. No one cares.If I get nothing from the godforsaken planet let me die. Right here. Right now. "
Dan finished his speech to the stars. He wanted out, and that's what he was going to get. He was desperate for anything to get him away from his horrid life. Dan felt no matter what his did, how far away he pushed himself from the people who abused him, it was like the world wanted him dead.
"Well this is it..." He whispered before dropping of the edge and
Falling...
Falling...
Falling...
*slash*
...*beep*
...*beep*
...*beep*
The first thing Dan noticed when he awoke was the smell. Sterile.
He recognized it like no other. He was used to the smell of disinfectant and scrubs because of his many times he has been emitted to the hospital.
When he came to the realization that he was apparently saved and now in a hospital he started to sob erratically. He wanted to die. He tried so hard and he was alive. How could have this even happen?!
"Oh thank god you're awake!" Screamed a voice who barged into the room.
"What on earth were you thinking?!" Yelled the person, "You could've died! I was terrified!"
Dan remained with a blank expression and said, "That's what I wanted."
That shut the person up.
The boy looked a little taller than Dan. His hair was blacker than the night sky and had the bluest eyes he'd ever seen.
He was beautiful.
But he was talking to Dan.
And soon he would realize how disgusting Dan was.
And he would leave.
And Dan would be alone again.
Dan drifted into his dark mind space and hot tears began rolling down his cheeks.
"What's wrong?" The boy sat next to Dan on the foamy bed.
Dan only continued to cry.
"Hey... My names Phil and I'm really glad you're okay." Phil looked away sheepishly and Dan could've sworn he saw his eyes water.
Dan couldn't process what was coming out of his mouth before he whispered,"Why are you lying Phil?"
Phil looked at Dan shocked, unable to comprehend how this boy could be so broken but was so beautiful.
"Why would you think I'm lying Dan?" Phil asked quietly, as if any sudden movements would cause Dan to physically shatter.
"No one wants me. In disgusting. A waste of oxygen and space. A fat, useless, faggot. No one needs me. So I tried to get rid of myself. I would've done the world a favor."
Dan couldn't feel anymore. He felt lifeless and every word spoke was barren with emotion.
All of a sudden Phil started to cry and clutched onto Dan tightly.
"What are you taking about?! I've fancied you for ages!Since primary school. It's hurt me so much seeing what the world has thrown at you. I've seen your bruises and I've seen you beaten. But all those times I just wanted to see you happy and cared for and loved... With me." Phil finished his rant with hot streams down his face. He buried his head into Dan's shoulder.
"Phil, I don't understand... Why would you want me? I'm so gross and disgusting and you can do so so so much better-"
"You stop it Dan!" Phil interrupted him loudly.
"You are the most beautiful thing on this planet and and are amazing and lovely and perfect and nothing will ever change that." Phil said sweetly while gazing into Dan's deep coffee eyes.
"How could someone so fucked up and twisted with shredded arms and a broken family and abusive past be called beautiful? The world has left me to die Phil. I recommend you do too." Dan finished quietly.
It wasn't true though.
All he wanted was to let someone help him and love him but he was terrified to let anyone in. Every single time he has ever trusted someone they have always left him, even more broken then before.
"Dan, I don't care what anyone else had ever said to you but to me... You are the most magnificent thing in the whole universe. You brighten entire galaxies by just existing.And I know that no matter how many times I tell you that you need actual help but I want to be with you there every step of the way."
"Well I guess that good because I'm kicked out of my house." Dan said quietly.
"What?" Phil asked.
"Why do you sound so shocked? What family would want a faggot son in their house?" Dan asked laughing emptily.
"Well I can help to get you back on your feet." Phil said, trying to be reassuring.
"No Phil. Don't waste time on me." Dan said sadly but firmly.
"It's not a waste caring about someone you love Dan." Phil said softly.
Dan's head shot up. Love?He loves me? Why? What?
"I'm sorry Dan that was uncalled for. I mean..." Phil rushed out, "I like, do love you. But like... I didn't want to shock you or anything. Sorry."
Phil looked up at Dan, and his eyes had a brightness to them that Phil had never seen before. Dan looked alive, like he had a purpose.
"Don't be sorry," was all Dan said. A blush rose in his cheeks and his ears heated up. Phil grabbed Dan's hand and intertwined their fingers.
"Would you want to be friends Dan? Like proper friends? Who play video games and watch movies and cuddle together?" Phil asked hesitantly.
"Of course, you turnip." Dan laughed, it was the first time Phil had ever heard a sincere, heartfelt, laugh from Dan Howell. And it was the most beautiful thing he'd eve heard.
"Name calling and we've only been friends for like... 3 minutes?" Phil asks jokingly.
"It's alright, turnip sounds nice. I feel like you could be... Bear" Phil finished confidently.
"Bear? Where does that come from?" Dan asked Phil, laughing and shaking his head at Phil's silliness.
"You have fluffy brown hair. And your eyes are a deep rich hazel. They aren't just brown. They are golden and coffee and mocha and beautiful." Phil looked at Dan as if he was the most intricate painting in a gallery, or a piece of art. And to Phil, Dan was.
"Well your eyes aren't just blue," Dan started explaining to Phil.
"Your eyes are ocean green and beautiful sun kissed meadows with thousands of flowers. Your eyes are made of every sunny day, every ocean wave, every flower ever bloomed."
Now it was Dan's turn to stare deeply into Phil eyes. When the two of them were explaining the beauty of the other that they didn't notice of remarkably close they got to each other's lips.
For once in his life, Dan took a step forward (figuratively) and kissed Phil. It was deep or passionate or heated or anything a kiss is 'supposed to be'. But it did feel right.
The kiss wasn't more then a peck. The boys merely pressed lips and that was all. But it did meansomething. At this moment the two boys needed a constant. Something to rely on.
Phil wanted to be with Dan so badly. Phil also knew that of Dan rejected him he would respect that. Knowing that Dan wanted him too gave Phil the reassurance he needed.
As for Dan, his life was a mess. He was constantly on the brink of self destruction and was consumed by self deprecating thoughts. There was only a spiral of loneliness and isolation. But now with Phil, he has a constant. A break from the vicious cycle of depression and destruction. Phil was a constant support when Dan needed it most.
That's the thing, when you believe your problem is permanent, whether it be self harm or depression or abuse or anything,it is not.
To get over these problems, some people need help reaching out in the first place, and they're looking for a new break from the demons.
Dan and Phil needed a constant. A constant support. A constant reassurance. And constant knowledge of 'I have your back'. A constant that kept them anchored to the world.
Dan needed someone to care. A constant person to actually give a shit. No one had before. Until Phil.
Phil needed someone to ease to loneliness. A constant to be with him. A constant to know he wasn't alone. No one really had before. Until Dan.
Dan and Phil were each other's constants. Through all the ups and downs they will face and the problems they'll endure, they have a constant.
Each other.
A/N: SHIT END BECAUSE IM A SHIT PERSON.
LOOOOOOL UPDATING EVERY 4 TO 5 DAYS WHAT IS THAT. AAHAHAHAHAHHA SORRY I SUCK AND YOU GUYS HATE ME.
Okay bye love you my snuggle muffins ^_^