I Think We Should Have Sex
Season 1 – Episode #17
Disclaimer: This episode was created by Peter Berg and written by Elizabeth Heldens and Jason Gavin. All recognizable is theirs and italic flashbacks are mine.
ICanStopAnytime: I appreciate your reviews so much because I have so much respect for your writing. I thank you for pinpointing exactly what you like about the chapter and then I know what to do more of.
Naguabo: The flashbacks are my favorite part of writing this fiction. I do think because I like to write original works more than I like filling in pieces. After I finish filling in the season one gaps, maybe I will start something original. I am open to ideas.
Guests Reviewers: Thank you for taking the time to post a review. I really appreciate it. Matt and Eric scenes are of my favorite to write so I am glad you like that. I wish the writers would have given us more of that.
A/N: I apologize for letting so much time pass from my last post. Writing is time consuming and with the holidays and New Year, I was swamped and didn't get to do it as often as I like. I do hope the length makes up for it. Also, Liz Heldens who wrote this episode also wrote Wind Sprints and Nevermind which were of my favorites of Season One. I really like her writing and her dialogue.
Tami was content. It didn't take much to make her happy. She always thought of herself as pretty low maintenance when it came to her wants and needs as a wife. She knew how deep her husband's feelings for her ran. His loyalty and faithfulness secured her soul like a warm blanket during the cool winter months. She didn't need much from Eric in the way of presents and gifts. She had his trust and his commitment to their marriage. She didn't need much more than that.
Tami was content. A warm fire lit in their living room, a good book, a better glass of Chardonnay and her husband's arm draped over left shoulder. That was all she craved after dealing with hormonal teenagers all day. Her back pressed against Eric's hard chest was a place of comfort for her as they lay on the couch.
Eric's right hand held the remote and he continually searched forward and back repeatedly. Tami kept her eyes on her book, a self-help novel on how to better understand those hormonal teenagers. Eric's left hand moved to her shoulder and he started to massage it. Yes, this was definitely her happy place.
She continued to read and Eric continued to push buttons with his right hand as his left slowly, but deliberately, trailed from her shoulder down her arm. She felt a familiar tingling from within, but continued to concentrate on the page in front of her, re-reading the same line for the third time.
As he moved his hand from her arm to her abdomen, she felt the need to stop what she figured he was trying to start. She kept her eyes on that same line, feigning literary indulgence, covering his hand with her own, lacing their fingers and controlling his movements.
She sensed that he didn't take his eyes off the screen in front of them, but like her, was only focused on his hands. A few more minutes of clicking and three quarters of a page later, Tami let go his hand so she could turn the page. As she did, Eric immediately moved his hand to her breast. He gently squeezed as she reached for his and moved it away.
She turned the page, laced her fingers back through his and continued to read.
Fast forward.
Rewind.
Repeat.
She felt him turn his face away from the television, his soft lips touching upon her neck. He moved his lips upward to her ear. He kissed her lobe and whispered at the same time. "I love you."
She shifted away from him, once again pretending like she wasn't reading the same line over and over. "I love you too, babe." She said it nonchalantly, and without much feeling. There were several different ways those words flowed from her lips. They flowed as a routine when she said goodbye on the phone or goodnight when she would retire early to bed. They flowed with deep meaning, when she truly needed him to hear her, to make him understand how much she deeply loved him. They also flowed with passion, in a way where only he understood how much she wanted him and needed him.
Eric dropped the remote on the floor and freed his right hand to give a whirl to her other breast. Tami quickly dropped the book, and now grabbed that hand. She stopped his movements as she spoke. "What are you doing?"
With his lips close to her ear, he murmured, "I want you." He pushed his groin against the small of her back, letting her now just how much. "I want to make love to my wife."
"You are so damn persistent." A hint of annoyance sounded in her voice.
He continued to kiss her neck, but she held his hands at bay. "I thought you liked it when I was persistent?"
"I do." She said, removing herself from his embrace, and getting up from the couch. "Your persistence is what I fell in love with in the first place, but sometimes persistence doesn't pay off." She looked at her watch. "Especially when I have to pick up our daughter in ten minutes from Matt's house."
-
Tami lightly honked as she waiting for Julie to come out of the house. She thought about how much time Julie was spending with Matt lately, and felt herself smiling a bit as she reflected back on the days where excitement flowed whenever you saw that person you were newly dating and slowly discovering.
She liked Matt. He was responsible and he was kind. He cared deeply for his grandmother and provided for her. A mother wants her daughter to be treated well and she could see that Matt has those capabilities and characteristics. She watched as he opened the door for Julie and she smiled. She liked that he did things like that for her, considering no man had been there to teach him that. She knew as tough as Eric's father was, Eric was the man he was because of him. Eric's father was a gentleman and, in turn, so was Eric.
When Julie got in the car, she was silent. Tami noticed how happy Julie had been since she and Matt got back together after a brief break up of sorts. "How was your night?" She tried to start a conversation.
"Good. We studied vocabulary."
Tami wasn't stupid. She knew that wasn't all they did. She recalled her study dates with Mo and how little studying they actually did. The difference was that Mo's parents were never home and Matt's grandmother rarely left their home. "Things okay?" She simply asked. "It seems like things are better with you and Matt."
"Yeah. They're better."
"Good." Tami didn't know what else to say so she just dropped it. On the rest of the drive home, she thought about how she was going to talk to Julie about her new relationship. She didn't want to force her to open up, but she also didn't want her to be afraid to talk to her either. Tami never spoke to her mother about sex because, frankly, Tami was petrified to have that conversation. Plus, her mother avoided the idea that Tami was interested in sex until she got engaged to Eric.
"Now that you are going to be a wife, I do have to talk to you about something very important Tami." They were out to lunch after tirelessly searching for the perfect wedding dress.
Tami never thought at this point in her life, her mother would attempt to have this conversation. "Mom, I'm not sure you are going to have to tell me…." Tami tried to stop her, but it was too late.
"Listen up." Tami's mother rearranged her utensils, studying them before looking up and holding Tami's almost alarmed eyes. "Men have needs, and sometimes their needs will not match your own."
"Oh God." It was all Tami could muster, wanting to hide like a small child under her chair.
"I'm serious." Tami's mother was growing impatient, offended that her own daughter didn't think she knew what she was talking about. "I have been married to your father for twenty three years. Trust me, I know what I am talking about." Tami thought she was going to throw up as thoughts of her parents being sexually active made her stomach queasy. "This is the only piece of advice I am going to give you. Men need sex more than women. It's a known truth." Tami didn't necessarily agree with that because she always wanted to have sex with Eric. Their love making was always passionate and mind-blowing. She couldn't imagine, when she was forced to imagine, that her parents were like that. She figured it was routine and monotone and boring. "And even when life gets busy, because it will throughout your marriage, make time for it. During the week, it is all about him. Give him whatever it is that he needs. Men are simplistic." Her mother leaned in and lowered her voice, and Tami was not prepared at all for what was going to come out next. "But Tami, remember, on the weekends, it's all about you. And don't let him forget it."
Tami wanted to die a slow death of utter embarrassment.
She never wanted Julie to feel like that. She didn't want Julie to think she was completely clueless as she thought her mother was up until that conversation. She wanted Julie to come to her and ask her questions and not be embarrassed by her feelings.
After the silent car ride home, Eric was still in the same position on the couch, his erection completely gone from earlier. Tami checked as Julie trailed behind her.
"Hey, Monkey Noodle."
"Hey, Dad."
"C'mere. Come sit with your old man for second before you retreat to your bedroom and I don't see you for the rest of the night."
Julie plopped down next to him and put her legs up on the coffee table. Eric paused the game tape and turned to face her. "How was Matt's?"
"It was fine." Julie wondered if her father expected her to talk about the inner workings of her relationship with her new boyfriend. She thought he had to be dreaming if he had those expectations.
"Good. Did he say anything about the game?" Eric wondered how much information Julie could provide now that she was dating his quarterback. "The guys giving him a hard time for not getting into the fight?" They were lucky they called that game and that the Panthers advanced further through the playoffs.
Julie moved her legs off the coffee table and started to get up. "No, Dad. Surprisingly enough, Matt and I don't talk about football." Julie started walking down the hall and away from her nosy father.
"If y'all don't talk about football, what do you talk about?" He called after her.
Tami chuckled from the kitchen and walked over to the couch, taking Julie's seat that she just vacated. She leaned in and kissed him. "The last thing they do together is talk about you and football."
Eric wore a confused look, and Tami just smiled. She leaned in and kissed him briefly again. "Julie has dance tomorrow, right?" He asked.
"Yeah. Six to Eight. Why?"
"Because tomorrow, we are going to finish what you so abruptly stopped before."
She thought back to her mother's words, remembering his needs and not forgetting her own. "Promise?"
-
Eric sometimes showered at school. It was easier than waiting to get home. He knew his wife and he knew she was more likely to be attracted to a clean, freshly showered Eric than a dirt-ridden, sweaty Eric. As he dressed in his office, his phone rang.
"It's Buddy."
"Hey Buddy." He cradled the phone between his ear and his neck as he gathered his wallet and keys off his desk. "I'm about to get out of here."
"Come grab a beer with me. Dinner and a beer. I'll meet you at Applebee's."
"I'm about to go home and have dinner with Tami." That wasn't entirely true. He just wanted to get home to have Tami in any way she would let him.
"Eric, I'm asking for a favor. I need to have a drink and talk to someone I can trust. Can you meet in twenty minutes?"
"You serious?" Eric couldn't believe he was going to have to cancel on Tami.
"Thanks Eric. See you in twenty."
Eric didn't hang up the receiver. He just pushed the lever down where the receiver usually rests, took a deep breath and dialed his home number.
"You on your way? Julie should be home in about an hour and a half." She said seductively.
"I can't believe I am going to say this, but I have to choose Buddy over you tonight."
"Buddy Garrity?"
"I know. I know." Eric moved a hand from his hip and ran his fingers through his hair, a motion he only did when he was extremely frustrated. "I'm sorry. He just called and asked me for a favor to come meet him. He said needs to talk to me. I'm not sure what it's about." When silence met his ears, he started to regret his decision to say yes to Buddy. For a few seconds, he started to question his commitment, feeling Tami's disappointment.
"Okay."
"Okay? That's it? That's all you're going to say?" He rested his hand on his hip again, and gaining control of the receiver.
"What do you want me to say? That I'm mad? I won't give you the satisfaction."
He smiled, feeling a bit of relief. "I love you, you know that?"
"I know that. You know what else I know?" She teased.
He smirked. "What's that?"
"I know that sometimes, at night when the house is quiet, I don't need you at all. I have a well-trained hand, Eric."
"Oh God." He took a sharp breath. "Don't do that. Don't say that as I am about to meet Buddy for dinner."
"Why?" She loved playing this teasing game. "I want to make sure you don't forget about me when I am all alone in our bed."
"That image is pretty unforgettable." He went out on a limb. "Any chance you think you can wait for me to get home?"
She gave him a very non-committal response.
-
Tami hung up the phone and decided that since Eric was going out, she would run some errands herself. As she drove to the grocery store, she made a mental list of what she needed at home. As disappointed as she was in Eric at this moment, she couldn't dismiss the fact that he did most of their family grocery shopping. Tami roamed the aisles a bit out of touch with where everything was. She came across the tall, plastic, vertical carousel that housed an array of sunglasses. She lost her focus, her list of items completely forgotten as she started trying on pair after pair of sunglasses. As she went took off her third or fourth pair, she felt her eyes widen as she took in the image down the aisle from her. There stood the boy she was just praising the evening before in front of the wall of condoms with another teenage boy.
Thoughts started to swirl in her mind.
Were he and Julie having sex?
Did Matt talk to his friends about it?
Did Matt respect her at all?
Did Julie feel pressured to do so?
Did all of Eric's boys know about this, like a big joke behind Eric's back?
She stopped herself from imagining anything more. Now, she was forced to have a conversation with Julie sooner than she intended. She stood still, not wanting Matt to see her, but her eyes followed him to the register and then out the door.
On the drive home, she thought about how to approach this conversation. She was petrified, but Julie needed to be educated. She needed to know her stance on it, even if Julie was too young to agree with her right now. She needed Julie to understand what something this monumental meant. Her mother did not give her that courtesy and she didn't want Julie to ever feel the way Doug Odom made her feel at fifteen years old.
-
When Eric opened the door to Applebee's, he found Buddy sitting at the bar nursing a beer and looking a little sullen. As Eric took off his jacket and placed it behind his chair, Buddy held his finger up to order Eric a beer.
"I hope to the good Lord almighty in heaven that you have a damn good reason for me to be here. You couldn't even begin to imagine what I'm…"
"Take it easy Eric. I need something in my stomach and about two more of these…"He pointed to his pint of beer. "…before I get talking."
Eric took this as a sign to back off a bit, knowing whatever Buddy was about to say was big. Buddy was always pretty direct with him. That's what Eric liked about him. He was direct and there was typically no bullshit with him.
After downing his second beer, Buddy started talking. "Eric, you're my friend, right? I can talk to you about anything, right?" Buddy's eyes met Eric's as if was trying to get a read on if Eric could keep this secret.
Eric held his stare, and nodded.
Yeah, well…" Buddy knew he could trust him. "I'll just put it point blank." He didn't dare look at Eric, ashamed of what he was about to reveal. "I strayed outside my marriage."
Eric couldn't keep the look of disgust off his face. Buddy cheated on Pam. Pam? Eric questioned how that was possible. Pam was sweet and kind and put up with all of Buddy's faults. How could he do that to her?
"I mean… the problem is…." Buddy continued. "…now she thinks it's more than it is."
"Nah-ah. Nah-ah." It was all Eric could formulate. He started to look anywhere but at Buddy.
"Yeah."
"No. No, I'm saying Nah-ah. I don't want to know who it is. I don't want to know anything about it." The words came out so fast because Eric really wanted Buddy to shut the hell up. The less he knew the better.
"I mean we had a wonderful time." Buddy continued.
"Don't!" Eric was shaking his head back and forth, trying to block his voice out.
"She's a wildcat, you know what I mean." Eric continued to shake his head, not wanting Buddy to think he condoned this one bit. "But it's just…I can't… She just…"
"Keep your voice down."
"I may have said some things in the heat of passion. You know, I may have said I am unhappy in my marriage in some ways, but…"
This got Eric's attention because he spun around and looked at Buddy this time like he was crazy. How the hell could he say that to a strange woman? "You know how it is?" Buddy begged of Eric to understand.
"No Buddy, I don't know how it is."
"Well that's not the only problem. She also…she works for me."
Eric gave him another incredulous look. Eric couldn't believe how stupid he was. Not only did he cheat on his wife, but with a woman who is in his everyday life? A million thoughts swirled through Eric mind.
"I know. I know." Buddy interjected, trying to pull Eric out of where his mind had drifted. Eric looked away from Buddy and over his left shoulder behind him. He didn't want to be a part of this conversation, but if he had to be, he wanted to make sure nobody he knew was in the restaurant that could possibly overhear Buddy's confession. "Hey, Eric? I'm a weak man."
Eric spun back around to face him. "You're a stupid man."
"No, I'm a sinner. I'm just looking for a little guidance here, just a little advice, is all I'm asking." Buddy trusted Eric because Eric had the ability to make sound decisions. He was well-grounded and knew how to deal with stress. Plus, it helped that Eric was in a healthy marriage.
"You want some advice?"
"Yeah, I do."
"Number one…" He looked around again and lowered his voice before facing Buddy and holding his stare. "…you need to tell this woman, whoever the hell it is, and I don't want to know, that under no uncertain terms that it's over. Number two, you need to go home and take care of your wife and think about those kids of yours." Eric got up off the bar stool. "That's all I go to say!" He grabbed his jacket from behind the chair. "I'll let you cover the bill."
"I got it. I got it." Buddy wasn't expecting Eric to be that direct with him.
Eric walked out of Applebee's and when the fresh air hit him in the face, he took in a long, slow deep breath. All he could think about was Tami. He thought about how he would never, in a million years, do what Buddy just confessed to doing. He knew that as much temptation that had come in and out of their marriage over the years, he would never give in to it. He would never want Tami to hurt in that way. He would never want to ruin the infinite amount of trust they had in one another when it came to the sanctity in their marriage. Of course, fear also played a huge part in all of this. He knew the woman that Tami was and he couldn't predict either way if Tami would have the ability to stick with him if he ever did something so stupid. He wasn't certain that Tami could ever work past something that deceitful, and fear of losing her would never equate to any temptation.
On the drive home, he wondered if the feeling was mutual. He wondered if Tami was ever scared that Eric would leave her if the tables were turned and she cheated on him. He sometimes wondered if Tami needed him as much as he needed her.
-
As the minutes ticked away, Tami waited for Julie to get home from dance. She spent the last twenty minutes on the couch trying to read, trying to calm down, trying to let go of the anger she felt. She wasn't really sure why she was so angry. Her eyes drifted around the room, searching for the answer to how she was going to talk to Julie about this. She looked at the pictures of her little girl, placed on the mantle above the fireplace. Tami laughed to herself, that at one time she foolishly thought that the hardest parts of parenting were behind her. The sleepless nights, the diapers, the carting of crap all over for a simple day out of the house, the stressful firsts of everything. Tami couldn't wait to get past it all, but she never really thought about what was ahead. This was going to be much more trying on her soul.
When she heard the open and shut of the front door, she closed the book and knew she had to say something and say something quick, like ripping off a band-aid.
"Hi." She said, as she watched Julie stride right to her bedroom. She spoke to Julie's back, quickly deciding that being direct was the way to go. "I saw Matt Saracen buying condoms today." It was raw and it was honest.
Julie stopped in her tracks. "Oh."
"You know anything about that?"
"No." Julie didn't dare turn to face her.
"Really? Nothing?"
"Nuh-uh."
Tami wasn't convinced so she chose her next words carefully. She didn't want to hurt Julie, but needed to make her well aware that she knew she wasn't getting the whole truth. "Well, he was either buying them for you or buying them for somebody else." When Julie didn't argue back, Tami knew she was on to something. "I think you better come talk to me."
Julie reluctantly turned around and made her back into the living room. "Okay."
Tami did everything in her power to remain calm. "Are you and Matt Saracen having sex?"
"No." Julie looked away, but Tami fixed her eyes on Julie, willing her to look back in her direction. When she did she continued. "We're thinking about it."
Tami slowly nodded, taking in that tidbit of information. Thinking about it? Again, Tami reminded herself to remain calm. "You're thinking about it. Are you thinking about pregnancy? Are you thinking about sexually transmitted diseases?"
"Well, I mean, obviously. That's why he's buying condoms."
Tami's anger was building. "Oh, I see. So, you're just buying condoms and then when you buy condoms that just makes you ready to make love to somebody?" She was shaking her head, not believing that her little girl had thought about all of this already, apparently discussed this with Matt and she was left completely in the dark. She was no better than her own mother.
"Making love?" Julie said, laughing a bit. She couldn't help but laugh at her mother's choice of words. Making love? Who speaks like that?
"Don't do that! Don't you dare smirk at me right now!" She couldn't stay calm for another second. She was holding back the tears. "I am very upset. You are not allowed to have sex! You're fifteen years old!" She screamed.
"I just…" Julie looked down at the ground, afraid to look her mother in the eye. "…I don't see what the big deal is. It's just one body part going into another."
"No, it's not. It's not just one body part going into another body part." Tami knew too well how it wasn't just that. Sadly, she herself learned that the hard way at fifteen. She could remember the hurt, the embarrassment, the shame she felt. She remembered how long it took for her to move past her stupidity at such a young age. She never wanted her daughter to possibly live that nightmare because she didn't think about something closely enough or care about her actions deeply enough. "And the fact that you think it's just one body part going into another body part makes me real clear on the fact that you really are not ready for this." Tami thought about how differently she felt when she had sex with Eric for the first time, versus her first time with Mo, versus her first time with Doug. She didn't know how to teach that to Julie, but if she could spare her, she would try like hell to do so. "And I need you to be able to hear that. I need you to be able to hear me say that to you."
"I'm listening to you." Julie responded, and she was listening. She didn't fully understand where this was all coming from, but she could respect the fact that her mom cared enough to talk to her about it, whether she agreed with it or not.
"Let me tell you what the big deal is. Let me tell you what can happen. What can happen is that you can be hurt and you can be degraded and you can become hard and you can become cynical and I don't want that to happen to you." Tami's voice started to crack as images of Doug Odom flashed through her mind. Images of him climbing off of her, peeling the condom off, redressing and going back down to the party they were at and pretending that what just happened was not a big deal at all. She didn't want that for Julie. She deserved better. She deserved to be educated about this, something Tami's mother did not do properly. "This is something that's special. It's meant for people who are in love…"
"Okay. I understand." Julie really didn't, but she could sense how important it was for her mother to understand.
"And you could wait!" Tami calmed back down, feeling like she got her point across. "I want you to be able to talk to me about it. "
"Ok. I mean, we're talking, right?"
Tami ran her hands through her hair, and rubbed her eyes, before smiling. She hugged Julie, feeling like she just jumped her first real hurdle. She was proud of Julie, but more importantly, she was proud of the two of them. No, this certainly wasn't going to be easy.
When Tami released Julie from their embrace, Julie didn't look up as she entered a new territory for the both of them. "You're not going to tell Dad, are you?"
"Jules, you know better than to ask me that. Your father and I really don't keep secrets."
"I know, but…" Julie played with her fingers, a sign to Tami that she was extremely uneasy about this. "If this was just about me, that would be one thing, but with Matt being on the team, it is going to make things really uncomfortable for him." Tami considered Julie's request. "Mom, please? We haven't done anything wrong other than attempting to be prepared. Please?"
Tami knew Julie was right, although she hated keeping anything from Eric.
-
It wasn't too much later, that Eric walked through the front door at almost an alarming speed. Tami was in their bedroom at the sink adjacent to the bathroom.
"Tami?"
"In here."
She heard him drop his keys on the kitchen counter and his footsteps drew louder until she saw him enter their room. He shut the door behind him. She noticed a determined look in his eye, and he walked toward her. "Are you alright? How'd dinner with Buddy go?" Tami spun around on the ottoman-like stool they often stashed underneath the counter. She looked up as he put his hands on his hips.
"You know I love you, right?"
"Huh? Where did that come from?"
"You know I love you? Like really, really love you, right?"
Tami slowly stood up, almost afraid to why he was saying this. It wasn't out of the blue for him to use those words, but for him to stand there, almost annoyed, was odd. "Yeaah." She slowly drawled out.
"Okay. Because I do. I need you to know that. I need you to understand that I would never, ever hurt you. I would never risk what we have going on here."
"Okay." She said skeptically.
"This is the part where you tell me you feel the same."
"It doesn't have the same meaning or effect when I'm demanded to say it Eric. You know how I feel about you. After sixteen years of marriage you should have some sort of a clue that I kind of like you." Tami tried to make a joke, but when Eric turned away from her, walking back toward the door, she quickly followed behind.
"Maybe Buddy needed to hear it more." He said at such a low decibel that Tami almost didn't hear him.
She put her right hand on his left shoulder, pulling at him to turn around and face her. "What the hell has gotten in to you?"
"Nothing. It's Buddy. He's got me thinking all sorts of things. Crazy things. Do I tell you I love you enough? You don't question my fidelity, do you? Because I certainly don't question yours. Should I? Should I be more on top of the fact that I know how men look at you? Flirt with you?"
She cupped his face. "What did Buddy say to you?" She was trying to think of a scenario that could have been misinterpreted in some way where she may have flirted with someone, flashed her southern smile. Nothing was coming to mind that would make Eric this crazy. Thoughts of telling him about Matt were pushed far back into the corner of her mind.
"It's what Buddy did. It's what he did to Pam." He knew telling Tami was not betraying Buddy's trust. Buddy had to know he would tell Tami.
"What?" Tami said in disbelief.
"Yeah."
She held his face as she spoke. "I'm not going anywhere. I know you are not going anywhere." She kissed him lightly. "Don't let their rocky marriage rock ours, okay?"
"Okay." He said. He walked away from her. He started taking off his watch as he took a seat on their bed. "I don't understand how he could do that. How he can be so nonchalant about it."
"Who was the woman?"
Eric frowned. Of course Tami would ask that question. "I don't know. I don't want to know. I don't know why he told me."
"What did you say to him?"
"I told him he needed to end it. He had a family that loved him." He stood back up. "I'm going to take a shower. I feel…I don't know, like I need a shower."
She smiled. "Okay."
Before he stepped in to the bathroom, he called back to her. "Don't think I don't know that you are still the best thing that ever happened to me."
"Same." She replied.
-
The next day after school, Eric was walking out of the fieldhouse toward the field. He immediately spotted Julie leaning against the wall on his right. "Hey Monkey Noodle."
"Not here Dad."
He put his binder under his arms and took off his glasses to look at her. "Sorry. What are you doing? Waiting for mom?"
Julie immediately knew from that little exchange that Tami held her word and she didn't say anything about their previous evening conversation. "I'm waiting for Matt. "
"I guess I should have known that."
She smiled. Eric loved to see her happy, even if he wasn't the cause of her smiles these days. "You have been spending a lot of time together – you and Matt."
"Dad, don't start with the…"
"I'm not starting anything." He put his sunglasses on and pulled his binder back out. "Don't hold him up. I don't want him to be late."
"Yes, Dad." she said sarcastically.
As he strutted on to the field, he turned around and there was Matt talking to Julie. His Julie. Matt seemed a bit nervous, his eyes wide. He hated not knowing what was going on. He hated feeling like he had been replaced.
As if that wasn't enough, other factors played into what Tami would later consider contributing to his foul mood. There was all this chatter from his boys and sometimes Eric could make out what they were saying and sometimes he couldn't, but whatever they were talking about, it was directed at Matt. Again, he hoped it had nothing to do with his Julie. Following that observation, Tim's father had resurfaced out of nowhere, antagonizing him as he was trying to run practice. He ran open practices. What more did this community want from him? Walt stepped onto his field, in the middle of practice, questioning his abilities? They were in the damn playoffs. The topper of it all was when Mac informed him that their video camera from the film room was gone, stolen. He later found out Walt was the last one seen in there.
He really didn't need this.
If anyone in this town really knew Eric Taylor, they knew if anything at all, he was direct. That was how he was going to approach this situation. So after going over to the Riggins' household and confronting Walt about it, Tim overheard the accusation and started making a few of his own. He let one of his boys down. He felt terrible about it. He apologized to Tim and left. He didn't even look at Walt because he knew. He knew Walt was guilty, but didn't want to upset Tim.
-
"I'm going over to Lois' tonight."
"Your father is going to be home in a little over an hour. I'm making dinner." Tami knew Julie was at the age where she wanted to be with her friends all the time. "I was hoping we can eat as a family."
The last thing Julie wanted to do was eat. In a few short hours, she and Matt would no longer be virgins. Her stomach was in knots. "I really can't mom. I have this huge test tomorrow." Julie lied.
"Alright." Tami said disappointed. "You want me to drive you over there?"
"She lives around the block. I think I can manage." Julie put on her coat, boots and headed toward the door.
"Be home by 11."
-
"Where in the bathroom is the aspirin?" Eric called to Tami who was in the kitchen cooking dinner. Eric was in the bathroom searching for something to relieve the pounding in his head.
"Look underneath the sink." She called back as she poured him a glass of wine and placed it on the counter. "I poured you some wine. That might help." She called out to him.
Eric bent down, opened the lower cabinets and continued to search. He rustled around, before his hands found a pink plastic bag, which he wished he did not open. He walked out the bathroom door, and needed an explanation. "Hey, were you planning something special for tonight?" He asked, carrying the pink bag into the kitchen.
"Yes, I'm making you a beautiful dinner. I just poured you a glass of wine…"
With Tami's back to Eric, he pulled out a pair of sexy leopard print underwear and held them up for her to see when she turned around.
"…and if you get rid of that headache, you may get lucky darling." She stopped speaking, when she turned and saw what Eric was holding. She knew immediately she was going to have to tell him about her recent conversation with Julie.
"What's this? These yours?"
"No."
"Well, they're sure as hell not mine, so what would our fifteen year old daughter be doing with these?"
Tami recognized the level of anger Eric must have been feeling by his tone. She took a tentative step toward him. "Yeah." She scratched her upper lip, a motion she often made when she was nervous about talking to him about something. "I think I need to talk to you for a second, hon."
Eric put the panties back in the bag, a little sick to think of Julie wanting to wear them. He looked at her expectantly, his mouth hung open a bit in shock.
"I saw Matt Saracen buying condoms earlier this week."
Eric stared at her, blinked and then processed her words. Earlier this week? She knew about this for days? "I'm sorry. Say that again." He commanded.
"You heard what I said."
"Oh, I'd love to hear you say that again."
"No, I'm not going to say that again."
"And you were going to tell me this when?" Eric was pissed. She was their daughter. He had a right to know.
"I talked to Julie about it." Tami became defensive. She understood he was upset, but she felt as hard as that conversation was, she handled it.
"Oh you did?" She did this without him?
"Yeah, I did."
"You did?" He questioned again. His chest was starting to constrict and his feet felt stapled to the carpet. His headache was long forgotten. "And did you also tell her that if he even…" Eric took a deep breath, trying to control his anger. "…touches a hair on her head that she is going to be sent to a nunnery in Rome and then I am going to rip his head off right afterwards."
He was being ridiculous. "Well, no, but what I told her is she's too young and she's not ready and then I tried to make the best case that I could against it."
That was it? She didn't punish her? She didn't lock her in her room? She didn't think to tell him? "Oh, well that's good." Eric replied sarcastically. "It might even help if we get her, her own apartment. Because that's pretty darn stern."
Tami rolled her eyes. She was proud of herself. She was proud of Julie for listening to her. She thought she handled it well. Why was he so upset? "The reason why I didn't consult with you, and why I didn't talk to you about it was because I felt that you might start to freak out…"
"Where is she right now?" Eric always raced to the next play.
"…which is what I think you are doing right now." Tami was right. He was freaking out right now.
"Where is she right now?" He repeated a little more slowly.
"She's at Lois' now, studying."
Eric had a bad feeling. "Wait a minute." Eric walked toward the phone. "What's Lois' number?"
"What? What are you going to do? Check up on her? I told you…"
"I want to make sure she's there."
Tami gave Eric the number and she couldn't help but notice that as he dialed he pushed the buttons a little harder than necessary. Tami leaned against the counter, holding herself steady and hoping Eric was wrong. When the next words came out of Eric's mouth, she felt her stomach drop. "Do you know if she was planning on coming over there?"
He slammed the phone down and turned to Tami, with so much anger in his eyes it almost scared her. "Why don't you find out where our daughter is!"
How dare he say that? That was Tami's initial thought. Why was it her sole responsibility for Julie's actions? She wasn't a single mother. They raised her together. They taught her everything together. Now suddenly that she lied to them, it was her fault? She watched as Eric walked away from her. She wanted to fight with him. She wanted to yell at him for his accusatory tone, but she suddenly thought of Julie and their conversation. A conversation she thought went rather well. Why would Julie feel the need to lie to her after she said she understood where she was coming from?
Tami sat at the kitchen table for what felt like hours but, probably, was only twenty minutes. Her mind was racing with all kinds of scenarios. Eric emerged from their bedroom and took a seat adjacent to her at the table. She could tell from his posture he calmed down a bit, but he had a look of worry across his face. "What time is it?"
Tami looked at the watch and saw it was nine forty-five. Julie wasn't due home until eleven. She half threw, half slid the watch across the table at him. The stress of Julie's whereabouts was only half of what was bothering her. They had over an hour before she walked through that door, and Tami's directness kicked in. "You know, you and I have the exact same amount of experience being parents. We've been doing this job the same number of years, months and days as each other and the truth of it is, we just don't have any control. You know, for the most part, we're just winging it." She stared at Eric, begging him to make eye contact, but he wouldn't. When he was very upset about something, he always looked to the ground. "And you know, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do in this situation.
He finally looked at her for a moment as to say 'I don't know what to do either'.
"But I tell you what…" Tami continued. "…the most important thing to me is that my daughter is able to talk to me. A girl is entitled to that with her mother. My mother used to tell me I was going to go to hell if a guy ever even touched me and you know that didn't work and I'm sure as hell not going to do that to Julie." She looked down at the table, embarrassed by her past a bit. Remembering the things she let herself do with boys because her mother didn't have the decency to have those awkward conversations with her.
Eric looked at her again, knowing the pain she felt when she thought about her teenage years. Eric knew she was talking about the incident with Doug Odom. He looked away from her again. He knew she tried to do what she thought was best for Julie. He didn't have a right to be mad at her for only trying to be better than her own mother.
"We raised a smart, responsible, moral girl. And I have faith in us. And I have faith in her. You know…" He voice cracked at the thoughts invading her mind. "…we have to just let her go." Eric thought about that. He thought about how one day, maybe today, he was going to have to let her go little by little and suddenly something inside started to hurt. He looked deep into her eyes, knowing the only other person in this world who shared this pain was Tami and he didn't want to face it alone. "I'm sorry if I hurt you." He reached for her hand, wanting to hold something to offer him some comfort.
Eleven o'clock came and went.
Midnight.
There was no sign of Julie. At this point, they must have tried Julie a least a dozen times on her cell phone.
Twelve thirty and all Eric was thinking of what Matt was actually doing to his daughter. He quickly got up and moved into their formal living room that they barely used. He paced a bit, looked out the front window for the millionth time and eventually threw himself down on the couch. From this room, he would see the car lights when Julie did eventually come home.
At one in the morning, there was a small piece of Eric that started to worry. He knew she was just testing them, but now his mind started to drift to scenarios of her being hurt in some way. Tami joined him on the couch, their bodies far apart from one another. The tension that had built was like a brick wall between them.
"Why is she doing this?" Eric asked, breaking the silence.
Tami's eyes were wide. "I don't know."
"She doesn't understand the repercussions of her actions." He rubbed a hand over his weary eyes. "She has no idea that what she does tonight will carry with her for the rest of her life."
Tami knew what he was thinking. She knew how hard it was for the two of them to fully open themselves up to one another before they got married. The words they spoke of each other's pasts wounded the other person in different ways.
The first time Tami visited Eric in College Station, and they were in the privacy of his own room, Tami could sense Eric was eager to have sex with her. They had been separated for a few weeks and with all the temptations around him, he remained faithful. He made sure to let her know everything that was offered to him in those weeks to explain to her how committed he was to making this work. So as they were fooling around on top of his bed and all of their clothes were removed except for her black lace panty and his checkered boxes, she felt his hardness against her core. It wasn't enough for him and the second she felt him start to pull at the black lace, she grabbed his hand to stop him.
"Eric, I need for you to stop for a second."
He smirked. "Just for a second?" There was the tone of hope in his voice.
She smiled back. "I'm not ready."
"Okay." He was disappointed.
"I'm not 'not ready' because I don't want to." She reached up and kissed him as he still hovered above her. "I do. I really want to share this with you, but I can't because I have to tell you something."
He shifted off of her, onto his side, and rested his head on his hand, his elbow digging in the mattress. "Okay." He said with less disappointment, a bit skepticism and laced with fear.
Tami didn't know where to begin. She should have never let months of being together pass and never revealing a key part of her sexual history. "I think we need to tell each other about our pasts. I hate to think about your sexual history, but I also think you need to know a little bit about mine."
Eric rolled onto his back and further from her. "I don't want to hear about you and Mo." It's bad enough I know he had a piece of you that I will never have, but I definitely don't see the point in talking about it."
Tami knew what piece he was referring to and it was her virginity. "I need you to know that Mo was not my first." She saw his eyes widen. "I did not lose my virginity to Mo."
Eric wasn't angry. He would be the world's biggest hypocrite if he got mad. He was just surprised. He thought he knew everything there was to know about Tami.
When she was met with dazed eyes and silence, she whispered. "Please say something."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because it's not something I talk about, ever."
"Did Mo know?"
"Yes, for the same reason I am telling you now. He thought I was a virgin, so he assumed I wanted to wait out of fear, but it was more out of fear of being emotionally hurt."
"How old were you?"
"Fifteen. It was our freshman year." She got up from his bed and grabbed her bra and shirt off the floor, suddenly embarrassed of her nudity as she bared other parts of her soul. "I was a fool."
Eric sat up and watched her tug her shirt over her head, knowing she was clearly upset. "I'm not judging you if that's what you think." He thought of the countless girls he slept with, and knew he was in no position to judge. "I don't necessarily look at my past behavior as foolish, but I'd have to be blind to not see what I jerk I was."
"I hate to think of you with anyone else. The fact that you slept with so many girls bothers me, but I knew your history when we started dating. I knew it was going to take time to trust you. But I do. I do trust that you would never hurt me like Mo hurt me. Promise me, that. Promise that you will break my heart the right way and not the Mo way?"
"I'm not going to break your heart."
She smiled softly at him. "You probably will."
Eric thought back to this mysterious person. "Who was it?"
"What?"
"Who as the lucky guy? Because that is how I see him. I see him as lucky. I am jealous of whoever it is. I am jealous of Mo. I hate you shared things with them and not with me."
"It's not forever Eric, but I felt I needed to tell you."
"Who was it?" He repeated.
She closed her eyes, thinking back to the unromantic experience she shared at a fourth of July party she followed him to. "Doug Odom."
He racked his brain trying to put a face with the name.
"He was a senior when we were freshman. I had the dumbest crush on him and, at the time, I would have done anything to make him like me." Tears pooled at her eyelids. "And I did, but it didn't work. He was a jerk, but it took me a long time to realize that. I thought it was me, that it was something I did." The first tear spilled down her cheek.
Eric got up and walked over to where she was standing. He cupped her face, and used his thumb to wipe away that one lone tear.
"It took a while to get over that I just wasted something that important on such a jerk. And I know you don't want to hear it, but Mo helped me move past that. He helped me realize that I was worth more than what Doug Odom thought I was worth."
Eric pulled away, hating that she was able to still see Mo in such a positive light.
"So when Mo was able to discount my feelings and cheat for months, it stung. He knew what I went through and he didn't seem to care." She continued. "So I'm sorry if this is a lot to take and I come with more baggage than you probably anticipated, but I can't have sex with you, holding all this back. I'm sorry."
He pulled her into his arms. "I told you months ago, I would wait for as long as you needed. You believe that, right?"
She nodded. She tried to wipe away the makeup that was likely spreading under her eyes. "What about you? Is there anything you think I should know that I may not at this point?"
"I think you have a good idea of what my past is like and…"
"Now there's something I hate to think about." She interrupted.
"…but if you want to ask me anything, I will answer as honestly as I can. You might not like what I have to say, but I won't lie. I owe you at least that."
Tami thought about so many things. How many girls had he kissed? How many girls had given him blowjobs? How many girls did he go down on? How many girls did he fuck? Who was his best? Who was his worst? She wasn't sure if the answers to these questions were going to make her feel any better or any worse, so she hesitated. She settled on this. "Is there anything you have with me that you have not had with someone else?"
He was surprised by this, expecting more of name and number questions in terms of his experiences.
"Like sexually?"
"Like anything."
He thought about how to answer this, to make her fully grasp what she meant to him. "You're set apart from anyone else. You're my first in so many ways."
Tami narrowed her eyes, not understanding. "I'm certainly not your first in anything."
"The truth is, before you and I started dating, I never saw anything wrong in what I did, how I behaved. I had absolutely no regard for girls' feelings. It was hard to see through the clouds of compliments, the come-ons, the blowjobs, the sex. It was always just offered and I thought I'd be a fool to pass up what I saw as opportunities." He moved away from her, putting some distance between them. He was embarrassed to reveal this about himself. "You're my first."
She looked at him questioningly.
"For the first time in my life, I know what it feels like to be physical with someone I love. For the first time, I know what the need feels like to want someone so bad that you will take them any way you can, even if there are weeks in between visits. For the first time, I have experienced wanting to give pleasure to someone other than myself because I actually care about their needs too. For the first time, since my first time, I am extremely nervous about having sex. For the first time in my entire life, I am looking forward to actually making love to someone."
She couldn't help but smile. She loved when he said things like that, without realizing how much of an effect they would have on her. "Eric…"
He was embarrassed by her smile. "I know it sounds corny. Those words 'making love' sound so out of touch."
"No, they don't." Tami knew what they meant.
"I finally understand that term and it scares me and excites me all at once. So, if you are not ready, I can wait."
"Thank you." It was all she could muster. He completely overwhelmed her. The answer to all those other questions suddenly didn't matter.
Eric explained himself, in case Tami didn't know where he was coming from. "She doesn't understand that every action she takes in this experience will have to be brought into her next experience."
"I know."
"I don't want her to have to work through all of that."
"I know." Tami looked at the clock and sighed. It was one-thirty. "She's fifteen. How many experiences will she have before she gets married? How many men will she have to bring into her married bed?"
"You were fifteen."
"Yeah, but I only brought two into ours. You were younger and let's not even bring up the amount of girls you brought to ours."
"None of them mattered."
"I know that." Tami was long past Eric's wild ways. "I don't want Julie to have to know that."
A few more minutes of silence was followed by the click of front door handle. Tami and Eric sat up immediately. As Julie came face to face with her parents, she was extremely nervous. "Ummm…"
"Are you alright?" Eric was more worried about her than whatever she did. "Are you alright?" He repeated.
"Ummm…."
Tami stood up and walked half way toward her and stopped, waiting for an answer.
"Yeah. Um, I'm fine." She stuttered. "I-I-I'm sorry. And I know I'm late and I know I should have called because that's the whole reason you guys bought me the cell phone and I'm probably grounded for the rest of my life…" Julie rambled. "…but I was with Matt and we fell asleep and…"
Tami's eyes widened at her words.
Julie realized what her mother must have been thinking and quickly explained herself. "And no, no, no, no ,no – nothing like that happened. Not what you're thinking happened because that didn't happen and I swear to you guys that nothing happened." Julie knew that her mother must have told her father her concerns since she was so late. "Goodnight." Julie hugged her mother a little longer than she normally would have. "And, um, yeah, um, thanks for the talk."
Tami nodded, hoping she did well. She hoped her words would resonate with Julie for a long time. Eric got up off the couch and embraced Tami from behind. He kissed the side of her head and whispered in her ear. "Thank you." He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. Clearly, you handled it well." He let her go and grabbed her hand. "Let's go to bed. Tomorrow's another day." All Eric could think was that every day as a parent of a teenager was going to be draining.
- Please Review. Please don't punish me by not leaving a review because of the lag in my updates. I appreciate every single review that a reader leaves.