A/N: I have gotten a lot of positive feedback from that last chapter, and I appreciate it. I wasn't sure how it would be received with all the information brought to light, and with how lengthy it was compared to my other two, but thanks guys! You're all amazing. Please do not get used to me posting this much, as it'll only be happening this week. I'm actually off work until Thursday, so I've had a lot of writing time.
Special thanks to elbeewoods who is kind of like my metaphorical rock in the fan fiction world. You're awesome! :) Well guys, Allons-y!
Margaret caught up to Tara as she was coming back into the neonatal unit. When she caught the look of shock on Tara's face, she immediately began to worry.
"Tara. Are you alright?"
"Hm? Yeah, sorry Ms. Murphy. I'm okay. Just been a long day. I actually know the patients father, Jax."
"Please, call me Margaret. And I'm sorry about your friend. That little man in there is going to have quite the road to recovery. I guess it's good his dad is friends with a nurse who specializes in this sort of thing. The on call nurses just got here to relieve you. You're free to go and you don't have to come back for anymore pre-employment stuff. We'll see you next week for your "official" first day. Just be careful Tara. I don't know much about those men, but some of the stuff I do know isn't good."
Tara laughed without humor in her voice. "I'll be alright Margaret. I'm safe there." And she knew it was true.
-AHW-
The group were still congregated in the waiting room when Tara exited through a side door. Donna saw her first and ran over to meet her.
"Hey, is everything alright?"
"Yeah, it's the same from just a few minutes ago. The baby is still in surgery and will be for some time now. I'm actually off work so I'm going to hang out here and wait with you guys. I'll be here to answer any questions that any one has in the process. Well, to the best of my ability anyway."
Tara and Donna went to rejoin the group and were met with Chibs and Opie standing front and center waiting for them.
"It's a good thing your here, Doc. We have a lot of questions, and Jax is going to need a helping hand with that little man." Again, kind words from Chibs.
"Chibs, how many times do I have to tell you, I'm not a doctor yet. Just a plain ol' nurse."
"Hey, don't diminish what you do. You helped save that little boys life when his own mother didn't care enough to keep him from dying." This time it was a younger blond guy that she had met last night, but couldn't remember his name.
"Thanks...?" She was trying to lead him to say his name without outright telling him she forgot.
"Kozik." he answered, smiling.
Gemma walked up to Tara briskly and Tara moved away slightly from the sudden contact. Opie laid a reassuring hand on her back to show that it was okay. Gemma looked mean, but she wasn't mad at Tara in this situation, she just didn't know how to shut her anger off when necessary.
"Tara, I know what you told us in your professional opinion, but in your personal opinion, what do you think his chances are?"
All eyes were on Tara and she was growing nervous by the second.
"I agree with my professional opinion. But I also think that this child is very strong. Statistically a good percentage of children born that premature don't make it past the first hour. For him to be stable enough for surgery is a good thing. He is in good hands with Dr. Nameed I can promise you that. He is known all around the country for his work in the neonatal surgical field. That baby is a fighter, and he has one hell of a family waiting for him. I think that he will pull through this. If he makes it out of surgery without complications, he will be fine. It's a long road to recovery, but the support system you guys have in place is amazing and that can do amazing things."
Everyone smiled at Tara and went about with their conversations they were having before she had gotten there.
In the one corner was Chibs, Tara, Donna, Opie, and Kozik.
"Tara, I hate to bring this up now, but we met with the club today regarding your little issue you had."
Tara grew still. Now everyone knew of her problem, and they were going to feel sorry for her. That was something she didn't take well, pity.
"Great, now everyone knows. They probably think I'm some sort of delusional slut. I slept with a married man after all."
"This isn't something you brought on yourself, Tara. This was a major fuck up by a demented man. You can't harbor that anymore then you need to. No one thinks less of you because of your relationship with him. Everyone here has skeletons in their closet, and yours aren't that bad. But we can't just let this go. Everyone hurts when a member of the family hurts." Kozik who had just met Tara the previous night, already made her feel like she belonged here.
"So what are you guys going to do? I'd prefer if it were nothing, but Jax made it perfectly clear that wasn't going to happen."
"Well, you got your wish for now. We decided to wait until he comes back here before we make any further decisions. And no offense, but now we have a lot more to worry about. A junkie ex and a sick child."
Tara was glad that the main focus of everyone's attention would be the baby. She couldn't handle it if anyone was worried about her past when there was something much more pressing in the present.
Everyone sat around and talked for a while longer. A few members came up to ask Tara some questions, and even just to reintroduce themselves. They remembered her about as much as she remembered them.
Donna and Tara were left alone when the men went to talk to Clay.
"How you holding up Tara? It's been a long day for you hasn't it?"
"Yeah, but you know, it's my job. There are going to be days like this everyday. That's what happens in the neonatal unit. It just hits so close to home that I had trouble remaining professional when Jax looked like he was in so much pain." Donna didn't get to respond before the man of topic came into view.
"Jax! How did everything go back there?" Opie asked, rejoining the little group.
"I don't know, Op. I didn't see Wendy, I couldn't without losing my temper. How could she do this? Any of it? Shoot up while pregnant. I thought that habit of hers was kicked before she even became pregnant. And then to just toss him to the side when she didn't feel like she could handle it? It's probably for the best anyway. She'd make a shitty mother."
Tara looked at Jax and knew there was more to what he was saying. Deep in his eyes she could see worry. Worry for the child, and worry for himself. He didn't know how to raise a baby, let alone by himself. He still depended on his mother for things, how was he going to have someone depend on him so completely.
"Tara. Thank you so much for what you have done for Abel. I appreciate it more then I can say. Even if he doesn't make it, I know that you did all you could to help."
"Jackson Teller! That is no way to talk. Your son is going to make it. He has to!" Gemma was on the verge of hysteria when she thought of losing her grandchild before she even met him.
"Abel?" Chibs asked.
"Yeah, I think it's a very fitting name for him. If he's able to survive this rough start to life, he will be able to live through some pretty shitty times in life."
"I think it's a great name, Jax." Tara said, smiling the best she could in the tense situation.
Jax turned to the group.
"I appreciate you all being here. You don't have to stay. I know there are some of you who have families at home who probably want to see you. And I'm sure these club business somewhere that needs taking care of. I love that you're all here supporting me, but I think I've got this. I just ask that Donna, Opie, and Tara stay. Please." Jax could see that everyone was going to put up an argument, especially his mother.
"Please, Ma. It's just too much right now. I know you mean well but you'll hound doctors and nurses and be a bitch to anyone who doesn't give you the answer you want. I just want some down time. I'm not leaving and I will inform everyone as SOON as I hear anything on his status. Please, just go home for a while."
Everyone abide by his wishes with the exception of Kozik and Chibs. Koziks excuse was he didn't have anyone waiting for him since he doesn't technically live in Charming. Chibs excuse was that most of his family just walked out the door and he wasn't leaving family here to suffer in a small group. Jax wanted to argue but he just didn't have it in him.
The group sat around talking for a couple of hours before Dr. Nameed emerged from the unit. He had blood spattered on his scrubs and the sight made them all nauseous.
"Mr. Teller?"
"Yeah, that's me."
"Okay. I'm going to start with the best news. He made it out of surgery. With his size and premature status, there were some complications. His body didn't respond right away and we lost him for a minute. With that said, he is attached to some machines to help him breathe, since his lungs aren't fully formed yet. Also, since he doesn't have very prominent veins, the IV is being administered on the top of his head. It looks bad, but it isn't any more painful than if he were to have one in his arm."
All six people in the group had grief stricken looks on their faces. Tara was aware of the possibilities, but being as she knew this child by extension, it made it that much more difficult.
"Can I see him?" Jax asked hopefully.
"Yes, two people may be admitted into the room at a time. But you won't be able to touch him. He will be placed in a, well; it looks like a clear plastic box. It's to help regulate body temperature and keep germs out."
"Thank you doctor, so much." Jax said gratefully.
"If there are any other questions Nurse Knowles knows how to contact me." With that Dr. Nameed left through the same doors he emerged from.
"Tara, could you come with me?"
Tara was surprised by the question. Meeting his son for the first time and he wanted her there with him? Tara's heart swelled at the idea of sharing this moment with Jax. It deflated slightly when she realize d it was probably only because she would be Abel's nurse soon.
"Um yeah, if you're sure?" Tara unintentionally posed it as a question. Jax nodded his head and asked her to lead the way.
Before Tara could open the door she had motioned was Abel's, Jax grabbed Tara's hand, haltering her where she stood.
"I don't know if I can do this. I'm not parent material, Tara. And what if I go in there and have this bond with him and he ends up dying? What then? What am I supposed to do?" Jax's eyes started getting misty and he stopped before emotion took him over completely. Without really thinking of her actions, she withdrew her hand from Jax's and placed both of hers on his face.
"Jax. You will love this child and be the best father to him this boy could have. You want to know how I know this? Because deep in your heart, you'd already die for him then to let something happen. You already feel that bond between father and son; simply because he exists. It's changed you irrevocably."
Jax leaned his head into Tara's embrace. He then pulled her into a tight hug. She thought she felt him kiss her head, but she wasn't sure if her imagination was just at work. He pulled away and went to the door. With his hand on the door handle, he took a deep breath and pushed the door open. Jax's breath hitched upon seeing his son laying there. He picked up his pace until he was hovering over the baby.
"He's so small, Tara. How is he even alive?"
"He's a strong kid Jax. You did good."
"I didn't do anything." Jax argued.
"Yes you did. You didn't give up."
"How much does he weigh?" Jax asked Tara.
"He's approximately 2 pounds 5 ounces. Very small, but he'll grow. He may even be tall like you or Op someday." She said, nudging his shoulder.
"Yeah, or he could be a midget like you or Donna." Jax laughed for the first time all day.
-AHW-
The two sat in the room and talked about what would come next. About half hour later, Tara excused herself so that someone else could visit with Jax and Abel. She asked if there was anyone she specifically wanted to see.
"Yeah, could you send in Op. And have Donna or one of the guys call the clubhouse to inform them. But tell them he isn't allowed to have visitors yet. I don't want too much commotion surrounding him right now." Tara smiled at him.
"Look at you, daddy. Already making smart choices for your son."
Tara left the room feeling lighter then when she had entered it. She made it to the waiting room and explained to Opie how to get back to where Jax was with Abel. Tara then turned to the trio that was waiting for their chance to meet little Teller.
"Hey. Jax asked me to have one of you three to call the clubhouse and explain that he made it out of surgery alright. He also wants you to tell them that he isn't allowed to have visitors so there's no point in anyone coming down right now." Everyone knew that was a lie since Tara and Opie had already met the baby, but they didn't want to risk the wrath of Jax coming after them.
"Chibs, you call the clubhouse and I'll call Gemma directly. She'll flip shit if she finds out through association what is going on." Chibs nodded his head in agreement and went to one side of the waiting room while Donna went to the other.
Kozik came up and sat next to Tara, who looked appropriately exhausted.
"Hey you alright there?" Kozik asked her.
"Yeah, just a long day. We didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I was only supposed to come in for paperwork today so I wasn't concerned with it. I didn't expect to pick up part of a shift. It's been a long day physically and emotionally for everyone."
Kozik patted Tara on the knee. "You should head back to Opie's. You look dead on your feet. I know you want to stay here, but there's only so much you can do, ya know?"
Tara hated to admit it, but Kozik was right. She was extremely tired and really wanted to go home and take a shower.
"Yeah, you're right. Thanks Kozik."
"Anytime dear, anytime."
Tara headed over to where Donna was standing to explain to her about what she wanted. Donna gave her a spare key and explained that she'd be home in about an hour after she picked Ellie up from daycare. Tara excused herself from the group and went back to Abel's room. It was only two per room but she figured if she just stopped in for two seconds, no one would fault her for it. She peeked into the room and saw Jax and Opie both standing above the baby, appearing to be having an intense conversation. She hated to interrupt them, but she didn't want to leave without an explanation. She knocked timidly before she opened the door. Both men looked up setting their intense gaze on her.
"Oh hey, let me give you the room. I'm sure Jax has more questions." Opie said quickly, really making her wonder what they were talking about.
"No, that's alright. Actually I just wanted to let you guys know that I would be leaving. I didn't expect to be working today and with the eventful night we had last night, I'm extremely tired. I hope that's alright with you, Jax."
"Yeah, of course it is. I didn't mean to be selfish and have you stay here all day. I'm sorry about that."
"No, I wanted to be here. I will tell you though; they will probably be kicking you out in about two hours. When he gets a little stronger and needs the contact, they'll let you stay here, but right now it's more beneficial to let the doctors do their work through the night, and then come back in the mornings." The guys nodded at her and she took that for her cue to leave.
After saying goodbye to Chibs, Kozik, and Donna, Tara was dismayed to find that one of the men was following her to Opie's house. When she pulled into the driveway, Chibs met her at the door.
"Sorry, Doc. Can't be too careful. Saw how tired you were and tired and driving doesn't always mix well. Just wanted to make sure you got here okay," he said with a sheepish grin on his face.
"Thanks, Chibs. I appreciate that. See you later." Tara ducked into the house. She relished in the quiet, knowing that it would not last very long. She had grabbed her bags from the trunk and dropped them off in the guest bedroom. She gathered what she needed for a shower and headed towards the bathroom. After a long, hot shower, she put some pajamas on and went to lie down. It was only 6 pm, but the last two days have seemed to bleed together and she found herself much more exhausted then she realized.
She wasn't sure how much time had passed before she heard commotion in the front room. She threw her pillow over her head to try and quiet the sounds a little more. She was too exhausted to come out, unless of course it was related to Abel, and then she would jump at the chance. There was a light knock on the door and some light appeared through.
"Tara, honey, I'm sorry to wake you up, but are you hungry? Opie and I brought home some pizza. Kozik and Chibs are eating here tonight too."
Tara mumbled what she hoped sounded like a no thank you. She figured the point got across when the door closed. She pulled out her cell phone and realized that only 45 minutes had passed since she had gotten out of the shower. She probably hadn't even fully fallen asleep yet, which would account for her incoherence. She set an alarm for the morning, thinking there was a good chance that she would sleep completely through the night.
-AHW-
It took the nurses about ten extra minutes to tear Jax away from Abel's room, but when they were able to, Jax immediately said he wanted to go back to Donna and Opie's house. His house wouldn't be ready for them to live in for another two months. The renovations were scheduled to be done approximately 4 weeks before the baby was due. Until then, he would be staying between the clubhouse and Opie's. Though Opie's house had much more allure then it used to, thanks to a certain nurse that is staying with them for the week.
The four men rode their motorcycles back to the house, while Donna took her car and picked up Ellie and the pizza. When she got back to the house, all the lights were off except for the main room where the men were sitting. She noticed right away that Jax and Chibs weren't in the room.
"Hey babe, where did Chibs and Jax go?"
"Oh, they're just outside smoking. Jax, I think, is still adjusting to his son being here, but not being here. He also kind of wants to talk to Tara but I'm assuming she's sleeping after the last two days she's had."
"I'll go check on her. She should eat something anyway. I brought pizza." Kozik was off the couch immediately and following Donna into the kitchen.
"I need to get me an ol' lady," Kozik said heartily. Donna just laughed at him.
"Koz, you can order pizza all by yourself, you know. Doesn't take a woman to pick up the phone." Kozik had the smarts to look admonished for his words, but continued eating anyway.
Dona made her way down the hallway and noticed that the guest room door was closed. She knocked timidly and opened the door. Tara was strewn over the middle of the bed with a pillow attached to her face. Donna didn't want to wake her, but needed to give her the chance to get something to eat.
"Tara, honey, I'm sorry to wake you up, but are you hungry? Opie and I brought home some pizza. Kozik and Chibs are eating here tonight too."
Donna laughed to herself when Tara mumbled something unintelligible. Donna closed the door quietly and went back into the kitchen. When she walked in she had to smile at the way Jax was playing with Ellie. He was being more cautious then she's ever seen him. By her best guess, she'd say he was taking the practicing thing more seriously now.
Everyone sat around and ate and talked for a few hours before Chibs and Kozik excused themselves to go back to the clubhouse around 10.
"You coming Jackie Boy?"
"Nah, I'm going to crash here tonight. It's closer to the hospital, just incase anything happens throughout the night."
"Closer to the hospital, right." Kozik said with a knowing smile on his face. He knew that the reason Jax would be staying with Opie was because of a certain nurse that was fast asleep in the only other bedroom in the house. He felt a twinge of jealously over Jax's affection for Tara, but he knew that would soon pass.
"Shut up and get out you two." Donna said, pushing them towards the door.
"Anything changes Jackie Boy and you call me immediately. Any time, got it?" Chibs said sternly.
Jax nodded at the two before they made their way out.
"I think I'm going to call it a night too guys, I want to get up and go straight to the hospital in the morning to be with Abel." Jax got up and headed for the guest room.
"Hey uh Jax, where you going? The couch is free tonight, ya know." Donna said.
"Yeah, I know. But I much prefer the floor over that piece of shit couch."
Donna and Opie laughed, knowing the real reason he was sleeping in the guest room.
Jax went as quietly as he could into the guest room. Tara had moved over to one side and Jax he could chance it by laying on the other side. He got his own set of blankets so Tara realized he just meant to sleep there.
As he laid there, the last two days ran through his head. It was just one surprise after another. Tara's return, the revelation about Kyle, and everything with Abel. He just couldn't keep everything straight in his mind. The one constant seemed to be Tara. She was present in everything he did and wanted to do.
Opie had confronted him about how he had acted towards Tara, both last night and this morning. Opie was worried that with everything going on, it'd be too much for Tara to handle after just getting back to town. Jax tried to explain to Opie that his intentions with Tara were good and he still felt the same way he did 5 years ago. He also had to explain to Opie how he would never intentionally hurt her. Opie loved Tara like a sister, and Jax may be his best friend, but hurting Tara was unacceptable.
Through his musings, Jax heard Tara begin to mutter in her sleep. It wasn't full words or sentences, but she sounded extremely stressed and scared.
"No, please," she said as she began to toss and turn. Jax decided to wake her up when her leg came into close contact with a certain part of his anatomy.
"Tara, darlin'. It's time to wake up." Jax trying to wake her only made her thrash more.
"Please, no. Help. Jax, help me." Jax's heart started hammering in his chest when he realized she was dreaming of him. From the sounds he wasn't the cause of the nightmare, but he was her savior. Jax sat up straight and gripped her shoulders.
"Tara. Please get up." with a few not so gentle shoves in the shoulder, Tara shot up in bed. Her hair was matted to her face and she had tear stains on her face. Jax laid a hand on her shoulder and she flinched, but turned towards him.
"Jax?" Tara asked, confused.
"Yeah, it's me. You had a bad dream. You were yelling and thrashing in your sleep."
"Oh, Jax."
Tara surprised both of them by launching herself at him. Her frame fit perfectly into Jax's arms, just the way they always had. Apparently cosmetic changes didn't change the way they fit together so well. Tara had thrown her arms around his neck and was holding on for dear life. Jax was rocking her body along with his. HIs hands were cupping her head and face, trying to soothe away her tears. Tara moved so her chest was flush with Jax's, and her legs were wrapped securely around his body.
Even though Jax didn't want it to happen, his body responded to the contact his body had with Tara's. She had very skimpy pajamas on and they were thin. Jax's body was definitely responding to all the stimuli he was receiving right now.
Tara had stopped shaking, but her arms never left Jax's neck.
"Tara" Jax called softly, and Tara turned her head to face him. She hadn't expected Jax's face to be so close to hers when she turned. When she did, her lips made contact with Jax's and it sent her body into flames. Jax didn't react right away, but Tara did. She clung to him even more and kissed him reverently. In Jax's mind he knew that he shouldn't be doing this, but he didn't want to stop. Kissing Tara had been something he only had once, and has craved it every day since.
The kiss picked up pace and Jax situated himself so he could lay Tara down, with him hovering over her. She kept her legs wrapped around his midsection through the whole transition. Jax's mind was reeling. He shouldn't be doing this, there was so much going on. He didn't know if he could take the ramifications of a sexual relationship right now. Especially not with Tara, of whom he was pretty sure he was in love with.
But when Tara moaned his name into his mouth, all resolve he had to stop was shattered into a million pieces. Jax slid his hand under Tara's camisole, to take it off, when she pulled away a little.
"Don't. You're beautiful." As soon as Jax said those words, the same words he had uttered in the same situation five years ago, Tara stilled completely. Almost as if she'd just realized her surroundings, she gasped.
"Jax, I'm so sorry." Jax looked at her dumbfounded.
"Why are you apologizing to me, Tara?"
" I shouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry. I didn't really think about it, I just did it." Tara was still laying underneath of him, and made attempt to move.
"I thought a lot about it, and I still did it." He smiled at her, trying to ease the situation.
"How about we lay down, and we can talk about some stuff before things get too far?" Tara asked.
Jax looked at Tara. Did he want to go down this rabbit hole? The last relationship he was in ended in a drug addict almost killing his child. But Tara was nothing like Wendy. She was great and would be a good addition to this fucked up family Jax has surrounding himself. The only question he had for himself: Would he let her in, or shut her out like he always has?
A/N: Well? Is Jax going to let her in without fighting her every step of the way!? :) Thanks to everyone who reviews, you guys are amazing. I appreciate the feedback you give me and use it while writing later chapters.