A/N: HA I'm on a roll guys! I think this chapter is going to be my favorite by far! I am so in love with it. How conceited do I sound? My fanfiction confidant and friend inspired parts of this chapter. Elbeewoods, here's to you dear!
"Hey! Two Christmases, remember?"
Once everyone was settled, Jax followed Tara uneasily towards her bedroom. Things had definitely changed tonight, and he didn't wasnt Tara to feel any sort of pressure from him. Jax didn't expect anything to be different in a matter of hours, but come on. He was going to be sleeping in a bed with the woman of his dreams, and his mind kind of went out of control. Jax decided that to keep himself from looking like a total horny teenager, he was going to keep her talking, so he couldn't let his mind wander too much.
Once they were both settled in the bed, Tara turned towards Jax. Jax smiled and opened his arms, inviting Tara in.
"Is this okay?" Tara asked.
"If it wasn't, I wouldn't have invited you over." Jax laughed.
"Okay, that's true." Tara sighed happily.
Both people were quiet for a while, so Jax decided it was time to start talking. His mind was racing having Tara this close to him.
"So what are you planning on doing tomorrow?" Jax asked her.
"Actually, I'm going shopping. I don't really have a lot of clothes, so I'm going to do that tomorrow."
"That's nice. Donna going with you?"
"No, actually she has to work tomorrow. I'm going by myself."
"What time are you going?" Jax asked her.
Tara wasn't sure by the line of questioning, so she answered that she was going in the morning. Her reasoning behind that was so that she was still going to have a whole day ahead of her if she went in the morning.
"Mind if I join you? I don't have much going on. I can be the veto factor in clothes you shouldn't buy." Jax joked with her.
Tara didn't want to sound mean, but she was really excited about going on her own. She thought about telling him no, but then she remembered that she wouldn't able to see as much of him as she is now.
"Yeah, that's fine. But remember, I'm a woman and I can be at the mall for many hours at a time." Tara was trying to get Jax out of it, thinking it'd be horrible for him to be at the mall for that long. Jax however didn't take the bait she'd put out for him.
"Any time with you is great for me, babe" Jax said kissing her head.
Tara leaned her head back so she could look at him. It surprised Jax because he hadn't backed away yet, so when she leaned her head back, she came in direct contact with Jax's face.
Jax didn't back away, and neither did Tara. Jax instead closed the distance between the two and captured her lips for the second time tonight.
Jax tried to keep the pace slow, but when Tara pushed herself into him, he couldn't help himself. His hand came up to her hip and pulled her impossibly closer. Tara ran her hand down his chest and put her hand under his shirt. Tara slowly traced her hands across his abs, while not breaking the kiss. Jax however did break the kiss, only to bring his lips to her neck.
Tara let out a small groan and it only spurred Jax on more. He moved his hand from her hip and moved it under her shirt and skimmed his fingertips against her stomach. Tara wiggled a little bit because of how ticklish she was. Jax laughed and it was enough to break him from his Tara trance.
Jax backed away from her and withdrew his hand from her shirt. He groaned and turned over to lay on his back.
"What's wrong? What did I do?" Tara asked Jax, extremely confused.
"Nothing. Nothing at all." Jax replied.
"Then why did you stop?" Tara asked him. Her voice was thick with rejection very prominent.
Jax turned back towards her and cupped her face in his hands. She wouldn't look at him, being too ashamed of herself and feeling stupid for putting herself out there like she had.
"Tara, please look at me." Jax begged.
Tara looked up at Jax, and he was surprised to find unshed tears in her eyes. He hadn't realized the effect him turning her down would have on him. Even though he thought his reasons were beyond rational, he felt bad for it non the less.
"Tara, I really want this to work. I don't want you to think that all I want to do is get in your pants." Jax explained.
Tara got out of his grasp and flung the covers off of her.
"Where are you going?" Jax asked her.
"Outside to smoke. It's clear that I'm not wanted in here." Tara said. She put on her robe and slammed her door behind her.
Jax laid on the bed, extremely confused as to why Tara reacted the way she did. He thought that she would be happy to take things slow. All he wanted to do for her was make her realize that he was all in. She knew of his exploits when they were younger, and he wanted to show her that he wasn't going to treat her the same way as he had in the past. He wasn't going to change his mind about her either. Jax heard the back door slam shut, and not even ten seconds later, there was a knock on the bedroom door.
"Yeah?" Jax answered roughly.
The door opened, and Donna poked her head in. "Hey, you wanna talk?"
-AHW-
Tara had sat herself down on a lawn chair that someone had brought and forgotten to take home. She lit her cigarette and threw the lighter down in the grass.
She wasn't sure why she had reacted that way, but it didn't change that she was feeling incredibly terrible about herself. She knew that Jax probably had a good reason for changing his mind, but she hated him in this moment.
She took a deep breath, no she didn't hate him. She hated herself. All she wanted to do was forget about the Kyle thing, Adam, and...
Before she could finish her though, her back door opened and Chibs emerged.
"Hey doc. Heard the door slam. What's up love?" He asked her, sitting down next to her, lighting a cigarette also.
"I don't fucking know, Chibs." Tara said butting out her cigarette and immediately lighting another.
"Well, something is going on. Otherwise, why would you be out here chain smoking and throwing shit?" Chibs asked her gently.
"Jesus, can't someone have a bad day with out being interrogated about it?" Tara spat at him.
"You know what, I've never been good with emotions, so I think I'm going to take my leave now. Hope you feel better doc." Chibs said as he threw his cigarette and got up from his chair.
When his hand was on the door handle, he heard Tara's broken voice from behind him.
"Jax doesn't want me."
Chibs whipped his head around and stared disbelievingly at Tara.
"What makes you say that?" He asked.
"Well, that's easy. Things were getting hot and heavy in the bedroom and he turned me down. He changed his mind after we started. I mean, it's not like we got far, but he still rejected me. What am I even doing, Chibs?"
Chibs walked over to Tara and put his hands on her shoulder.
"You're falling in love, sweetheart. And it's scary. I don't know all of the past you and Jax have shared, but I know that boy is crazy about you now. I also know there are many factors that are going into this relationship. There are crazy ex's on both sides, plus a very sick baby. There is too much going on, and you and Jax need to find a stable place in this world of chaos."
Tara was surprised by Chibs' words. Chibs squeezed Tara's shoulders and silently walked back into the house. Tara sat there stunned.
Why can't things be easy for Tara. He psyche is so fucked up that she can't even see the best thing that she has in front of her. The guys in her life had messed her up so bad emotionally that she didn't feel like she was worthy of anything. She'd been to hundred of hours of therapy, but she still felt like she unworthy of good things in life.
Tara sat outside for another twenty minutes before she went inside and went to her bedroom. Jax was sitting on the bed, fully dressed with his shoes on.
"Are you leaving?" Tara asked.
"Only if you need me to. If it's too hard for you with me being here, then I'll go stay at the clubhouse." Jax explained.
"No, please don't go. I won't freak out on you again. I understand if you don't want me like that, at least not right now. Actually, I don't understand, but I'm willing to work through things and try to understand." Tara said, sitting next to him on the bed.
"It's not that I don't want you. God, Tara I want you so bad. I've only ever wanted one things more than I want to have you."
"What's that one thing?" Tara asked, feeling like a glutton for punishment. What if the only other thing he wanted was another woman?
"Abel home safe." Jax told her.
Tara softened immediately. Somethings came into perspective in that moment. She had never doubted Jax before, why would she doubt him now.
"I understand, Jax. I'm tired. How about we lay down."
"Donna came in and talked to me while you were outside. She's kind of pissed at the both of us right now. Pissed at me for leading things on and then stopping, and pissed at you for being a 'drama queen'." Jax explained.
"Eh, every woman is a drama queen. But, I don't want to talk about that right now. I don't want to talk at all. I just want to lay in your arms and fall asleep." Tara said, crawling up next to Jax.
"Well now that we can do sweetheart."
-AHW-
The next morning, everyone decided that they were going to go to the diner and have breakfast together before everyone started their days.
Tara sat in between Jax and Chibs on one side of the table, while Donna sat between Kozik and Opie on the other wide. Tara looked at Donna and started laughing.
"What's so funny, love?" Chibs asked her.
"Well, honestly. All of this. Donna and I sandwiched between two big men. It looks like we're prized possessions and you guys are our bodyguards." Tara snorted.
"If that's what it looks like, then that's what it is." Opie said.
Everyone laughed and continued on with their breakfast. Once they were finished, Donna went to volunteer. Kozik, Chibs, and Opie went to TM and Jax and Tara went to the mall. They rode separately because Tara knew she'd have bags, and Jax wanted to take his bike. Jax had contacted Gemma, and she was going to sit with Abel for a while. Jax felt torn between Abel and Tara. He figured when Tara was done shopping, she'd go home and Jax would go to the hospital with Abel.
Tara went into one of her favorite department stores. She knew that she'd get most of her items here, so she wouldn't have to spend too much time shopping.
Jax walked silently along Tara and gave her input when he felt like, or she asked. Tara dressed pretty modestly and kept herself covered a lot. Jax's goal for today was to get her to buy one outfit that showed a little more of her body off. Even if it were just for him. They walked by the dressed and Jax zoned in on a sexy black leather dress.
"Hey Tara, wanna try this on?" Jax asked her.
"Not on your life dear." Tara said. She actually loved the dress, but definitely wasn't comfortable wearing anything like that.
Jax didn't try to convince her right now, but knew he'd wear her down sometime in the future.
They continued on in their shopping, and Tara tried on many of her outfits for Jax. Jax was glad they'd decided to take it slow because had they not, he'd totally have taken her into the dressing room and had her screaming his name. Jax shook his head back and forth to try to clear his dirty thoughts of Tara before she came back out of the dressing room.
Jax had his mind firmly under control when she came back out wearing her original clothes and a huge stack of items that she was going to buy. She'd already picked out her work shoes, and a few other pairs of shoes, so after she tried on her clothes, she was ready to go.
When they were checking out, Tara got out her wallet. Jax laid his hand on her arm.
"Why don't you let me treat you and pay for it?" He asked.
"No thank you." Tara politely declined.
"But Tara-"
"No!" Tara said with finality.
-AHW-
Donna had returned home from her shortened work day. There was a lot of volunteers there, so they actually had to turn some away. Donna took the advantage to go home and be able to get things done before picking Ellie up and before Opie came home.
She began cleaning and was quickly interrupted by a sharp knock on her door.
"Yeah, hang on." Donna called out, walking towards the door.
She opened it up and saw a very irritated looking Gemma standing on the other side, hand on her hip, cigarette hanging from her mouth.
"What's up Gem?" Donna asked.
"Jax here?" She asked quickly.
"No, him and Tara are out for the morning. Aren't you sitting with Abel for a while?" Donna asked.
"Yeah, I have one of the guys sitting up there. I needed to talk to Jax. I'm going to murder him." Gemma stated, quite heated.
"Uh oh, what happened?" Donna asked.
"Well, I got a visit from April Hobart this morning. She was pissed. I promised her that nothing was going to happen to Kyle was his was in Charming." Gemma said.
"Well technically, nothing happened in Charming." Donna defended.
"Alright sweetheart, time to get talking. What happened?" Gemma asked.
Donna followed Gemma out to the patio furniture. Donna wasn't sure what she needed to tell Gemma, so she waited until Gemma asked questions.
"What happened the night of the benefit?"
"Well, it was revealed that Kyle still had his reaper tattoo on his back. So they guys waited until they were out of city limits and went to the closest tattoo shop they could find. They covered the tattoo." Donna said, staying vague on the details.
"Okay, but how did they know he even had the tattoo?"
Donna was so torn. She knew Gemma and Tara were on the road to a good relationship. But she also didn't want to break her trust. Donna came to a decision and realized she'd deal with the consequences of her actions later.
"You remember why Jax was a mess after Tara left?" Donna asked Gemma.
Gemma was confused by the question, but knew that something had gone on between Tara and Jax and that it was part of her reason to run.
"Yeah, Jax said something about taking advantage of her. He was a drunken mess, so I'm not sure what he meant, and he didn't elaborate any more than that."
"Okay, I'm going to tell you some things, and you have to just listen. Because if you go all Queen B on me, I'll not finish this discussion." Donna said.
Gemma was kind of struck by Donna's dominant attitude about the topic. Gemma nodded her head and lit another cigarette.
"Okay, Jax did overhear Tara tell me that she was tired of being taken advantage of. She also stated that she wished that the situation had never happened." Donna started.
"So why-" Gemma started, but Donna put her hand up and silenced her.
"Tara wasn't talking about Jax." Donna told her.
"Then who was she talking about?" Gemma asked.
"I am not at liberty to tell you. Just know that she had a very seriously abusive relationship before she got with Jax. That was the relationship she was referring to regretting and that's why she left."
"Okay, but what does this have to do with Kyle getting his tattoo covered?" Gemma asked.
"You'll figure it out. Just know that no one is to blame in this situation. Jax was hurt, but you have to remember, that Tara was in a really bad place. I know you two have a good relationship starting, but let it progress without judgement. When you get it figured out, you have to just be there to support them both. Yes, they are working through things, but there still things that are raw and vulnerable within the both of them." Donna said, and left Gemma sitting in the chair and walked inside.
Gemma sat on the chair for another twenty minutes before things started to click into place.
"Jesus Christ." Gemma exclaimed as she walked to her car.
-AHW-
Back at the mall, Jax had let Tara pay for her own items without any more questions. He helped her carry her bags when she needed someone, and he walked her to her car. He gave her a kiss on her head and started walking towards his bike. To his disappointment, Tara didn't call for him, or try to get him to stay. Jax turned quickly, anger flaring within him, and confronted her.
"What they hell was that back there?" Jax asked.
"Just leave it alone Jax, it's nothing." Tara defended.
"It's not nothing Tara. It's clearly something. All I wanted to do was do something nice for you, and you flipped out."
"I did not flip out, I just told you no. I don't need you paying for stuff for me. I've learned to be independent and I will never depend on a man, especially not you, to take care of me in any way. Not in the least financially. That's where I draw my lines Jax." Tara said.
"What the fuck do you mean, especially me? I don't even know what the fuck that's supposed to mean." Jax said.
"Drop it Jax." Tara begged him. "Just, please drop it."
"No! Why won't you let me do things for you? I'm not asking you to become dependent, but why cant I even do this for you? Why are you fighting it?" Jax asked.
Something broke inside Tara and she raised her voice loud enough for people around her to be able to hear the conversation.
"Because you're not going to be around forever Jax. And then what? I've let myself become dependent on you and then you're gone! Then what am I going to do?"
Now Jax was more confused then ever. This didn't seem to have anything to do with her becoming dependent on her. This seemed like she thought him leaving was inevitable.
"I'm not going to leave you Tara. Where is this coming from?" Jax asked.
"You're going to leave someday, Jax. It's part of your lifestyle."
"No, it's not. I'm not going to leave you." He begged her to believe him. All he wanted her to do was believe him.
"No! You can't say that. How about if you go to prison like Opie did, huh? How about that?" Tara asked, pushing her finger into his chest.
"That's not going to happen. I'm careful. The whole club is careful." Jax defended his club.
"Jax, you forget, I've been around the club life for a long time. I know there are times when people go to jail. It happens and you don't expect it."
"Tara, I won't go to prison. I have Abel, I have you, I don't need anything else. I'm going to clean my act up and things will be different."
Tara began to walk away from Jax. Maybe she couldn't do this. Maybe she should just be his friend and maintain those boundaries. It was going to be too hard when things fell apart. She was already too attached to him, and it would only get worse the longer they worked on things. Jax grabbed Tara's wrist in an attempt to stop her from walking away. Tara reacted almost instinctively and yanked her arm out of his grasp and slapped him.
"What the hell!" Jax yelled.
"Tara, calm down, I'm not going to leave. What is so hard to believe about that? What could be so bad that you won't let things progress?"
"What if you die?!" Tara yelled at him.
A/N: Sorry for the cliffhanger. I want people's opinions because I have two chapter 14's mapped out. Depending on how people felt about this chapter I'm going to post one or the other. Let me know how you felt about Donna telling Gemma, and the fight between Jax and Tara. LET ME KNOW! :)