A/N So...people didn't really seem to enjoy that last chapter. It was disappointing at first, and then I remembered that everyone has their own tastes. Just because I was in love with the story, doesn't mean that everyone else will be. I hope this chapter is a little better. Thanks again for everyone who reads and reviews, you guys are fucking rock stars!
"What if you die?!" Tara yelled at him.
At that, Jax had nothing to say. She was right, it was part of his lifestyle. People died all the time, be it intentional or not. The only question Jax had, is why this was all of the sudden coming up now. Things had barely progressed, and here Tara was afraid of him dying.
He wanted to soothe her fears. He wanted to tell her that everything was going to be okay, but that just wasn't a promise that he could make. So instead, Jax did what he knows best, he left. He hugged Tara and got on his bike and left.
Tara stood there stunned. She wasn't sure what she thought was going to happen, but him leaving her standing there with her worry on her sleeve surely wasn't one of them. She was stunned, but she shouldn't have been. She had cornered him out of nowhere. She had thrown this giant bomb on him and he didn't even know it was coming. But this is a good example of the things that Tara thinks about a lot. All the scenarios in which her life can go wrong. She thinks about them, she obsesses over them, and she makes some of them bigger than they are. She wasn't sure in this situation it would be categorized as, but she knew it wasn't something that she should have thrown at him in a very public place.
Tara got in her car and drove home, keeping the tears at bay for as long as she could. She drove by the gas station down the road from her house, and saw a motor cycle there. That was her breaking point. She cried heavy, heartbroken, pitiful tears the rest of the way home. They didn't subside as soon as she got there because once she crawled into her bed, it smelled exactly like Jax. Tara cried harder for her lost love, and waited for sleep to consume her.
-AHW-
Jax went straight to his house and saw Opie's bike, as well as a construction crew vehicle parked in the driveway. Jax had completely forgotten that they were starting renovations back up today.
Jax walked in and immediately noticed the changes in the house. The living room carpet had been pulled up and new had been laid down. The furniture that wasn't new had been reupholstered already, and they were painting in the kitchen. Jax couldn't believe what he was seeing. In the last week, he had almost forgotten that he owned his own house. He had spent so much time at Tara's or at the hospital that his house wasn't even on his radar.
"Hey brotha, where's Tara at?" Opie asked him.
"Probably at home. I don't know. I left her standing in the mall parking lot crying." Jax admitted to his best friend.
"What the fuck? You did what? Why would you do that Jax? And why would you readily admit that when I told you if you did anything to hurt her, I'd kick your ass?" Opie asked, clearly heated by the exchange they were having. He was disappointed in Jax for just leaving. Whatever happened he was sure that it could be worked out.
"She is determined that I'm going to leave her eventually." Jax said.
"Why would she think that?" Opie asked.
"Well because she said it's part of the lifestyle that I live. She said that I could end up in prison if I don't leave her. I was so confused Op. And then she asked me to drop it, but I wouldn't. I just wouldn't drop it Opie. I grabbed her wrist to stop her from walking away, and she turned around and slapped me. I told her I'd never leave her. I asked what could be so horrible that I'd leave her." Jax stopped and looked up at Opie with the most hurt expression Opie had ever seen.
"yeah, and then what?" Opie asked.
"She asked the worst question she could have asked me. What if I die?" Jax finished and hung his head.
Opie sat in silence and waited for Jax to collect his thoughts.
"That's always a possibility, Op. No matter how careful we are, there are always tragedies that can not be avoided. We have a lot of enemies and I don't want Tara to get caught up in my shit. She's already been caught up in club shit before, I will not put her through that."
Opie shook his head. "Isn't that some pretty deep shit you guys are getting into already."
"Isn't it better this way? Keep her at arms length now instead of later? What if there is no later, Opie? What if we get close, things are amazing, and then I'm ripped away from her. Or she's ripped away from me. I -" Jax didn't get to finish his sentence before someone else intervened.
"You're going to let that stop you from being happy?"
Jax looked up at his mother in surprise.
"What are you doing here, Ma?" Jax asked her.
"Well, I'm here looking for you. Now that I'm here, I'm a little disappointed in you. You're seriously going to let something as trivial as this get in the way of your and Tara's relationship?" She asked.
"Trivial?! Death is not trivial, Ma."
"No. What's trivial is you thinking about it. You're thinking of every excuse NOT to work at this. Don't run from this Jackson, please. I am your mother and all I want to do is see you happy. Tara makes you happy. You have to fight for it. You have to make it a priority." Gemma stated vehemently.
Jax didn't know what he wanted to do, but he knew he needed to talk to Tara.
"I know that face, and I'm coming with you." Gemma stated.
Jax went to fight her on her decision to come, but there was something in her eyes that made him change his mind. Something he hadn't seen in his mothers eyes in a long time. Hurt and fear. Jax didn't know where the emotions came from, but he knew he'd find out sooner if she came with him.
-AHW-
Tara was laying in bed, sleep being elusive to her, even though that's all she wanted to do. It was the middle of the day, but all she wanted to do was sleep. She knew she had a long day ahead of her tomorrow, but that didn't stop her from wanting to sleep the rest of the day away today.
She heard a knock at her front door. She thought about getting up to see who it was, but she didn't. She didn't care.
The knocking continued, and Tara continued to ignore it.
Why had she done that. It was ridiculous. She knew she didn't need to worry about those kinds of things. Yes, they might happen, but why worry about them. By worrying, she runs the risk of not having a relationship with Jax.
She noticed after a few minutes that the knocking had stopped. She however hadn't noticed that someone had come into her house. A minute later, there was a knock on her bedroom door.
Shit, Tara thought. Did she not lock her door? Then it hit her. It had to be Jax. She had given him a key to the house when she signed the papers and got her own keys.
The door opened slightly and Jax stuck his head in.
"Hey, can we talk?" Jax asked her tentatively.
Tara rolled over in her bed and faced away from Jax.
"Tara, please, don't be like this." Jax begged her.
Tara couldn't explain it. She wasn't upset with him. She was upset with herself. She didn't want him to know how stupid she felt, and how guilty she felt that she had made a scene. She hated herself because she couldn't just let go of her past and be happy. That's all Jax wanted to do is let go of the past and make new memories together, and she couldn't give him that.
She felt the bed dip beside her.
Jax laid behind her and wrapped his arms around her.
"Tara, please, get up. Let's talk this through. Don't just hide yourself from me." Jax told her.
Tara turned over, and as soon as her eyes met Jax's, her bedroom slammed against the wall.
Tara shot up, looking at the doorway to see who else was here. Her stomach fell to her feet when she saw Gemma standing there.
"Alright, get up. You're not a hormonal teenager anymore. Get up and get into the living room. It's time we all had a talk." Gemma didn't wait for a response before she went into the living room and sat on the couch.
Back in the bedroom, Tara and Jax were still laying in the bed.
"What is your mom doing here?" Tara asked him.
"I don't know. She overheard me talking to Opie about this afternoon, and she kind of got on my ass about some things. I'm assuming she wants to talk to both of us about it." Jax replied getting up. He held his hand out to Tara. She looked at him for a second before taking his hand and letting him lead her to Gemma.
-AHW-
"Okay, I know you and Jax need to have your talk, and that's none of my business. What I want to talk to you guys about is the past." Gemma stated. She was never one to beat around the bush, and she wasn't going to do it now.
"What do you mean?" Jax asked her.
"I got a visit from April Hobart today." Gemma said, and she noticed that Tara flinched.
"She said that some shit went down with Kyle and the club after the fundraiser. Now, the only reason I'm asking is because I told her no harm would come to Kyle was he was in Charming. I went looking for you at Donna's, but you weren't there. Her and I talked a little bit. I want to know what is going on, Jax. There's no secrets in this club, and I have a feeling I am being left out of a really big one." Gemma stopped talking and looked over to Tara.
"How do you even-" Tara cut herself off. Donna. The one person she trusted, had thrown her to the wolves. With wolf technically. Tara's face must have shown her betrayal and anger, because Gemma piped up quickly.
"Hey, I know that face. Don't go blaming shit on Donna. Donna gave me a little information, and I was able to figure the rest out on my own." Gemma defended Donna.
"I asked Donna about the Kyle situation from the night of the benefit. Donna was a smart ass and said nothing happened in Charming. Then Donna told me some information about things not being what they seem. She knew I held some animosity towards you because of you leaving. She had to remind me that both people were hurt and neither one of you was in a good state at the time." Gemma said.
Tara was still livid. But she kind of understood. Yes, she broke a part of Tara's trust, but Donna didn't do things without reason. There had to be some reason that this was brought into light.
"So what is it you want to know?" Tara asked her.
She felt Jax stiffen next to her. She knew he hated hearing about it the first time, and the second time would be worse. This time, there'd be no surprise, only anger.
"Did Kyle hit you?" Gemma asked.
Tara snorted. Gemma arched an eyebrow at her.
"Yeah, I'd say he did. He beat the living shit out of me." Tara said.
"How bad? Jax, why did you do nothing to stop this?!" Gemma asked him, quite heated.
"You seriously think I'm going to sit by and let someone abuse a woman, let alone the one I - someone I care about." Jax stopped himself. He almost professed his love for Tara right here, in a heated argument with his mom.
Tara's quiet voice broke the silent stand off Jax and Gemma were having.
"He didn't know. I was too ashamed to say anything. Kyle threatened my life if I hung out with Opie or Jax. I knew there would be no winning in the situation. If I told Jax, I might be safe, but Jax would do something stupid. If I didn't say anything and complied with him, he didn't hit as much or as hard." Tara admitted.
Jax couldn't believe it. She basically just told him she didn't admit anything because she was trying to protect Jax. She was trying to protect herself by leaving, but she protected Jax by not saying anything.
Before Jax could say anything, Gemma spoke up.
"Honey, I'm going to tell you something. Everything you do is going to be scrutinized by the club. Someone is going to disagree with you and you need to learn to let it go. You need to learn to lean on the club. I have faith that things are going to work out between you and Jackson, but they won't if you are holding yourself back. And this right here." She said, pointing between the two of them. "Is you holding back. You two are already letting things get in the way of your foundation. You guys will never be able to work things out if you're going to be nitpicking every little detail of your lives. You know what? There's a possibility that Jax could die." Gemma stated. At this, Tara popped her head up to see Gemma's face.
"But you know what else? You could die too. You could get into a car accident tomorrow and be gone. Are you two really going to let the worries of life get in the way of things. If you are, then you two aren't the people I thought you were." With that, Gemma grabbed her purse and made her exit.
"Well, that went smoothly." Tara mumbled to herself.
Jax let out a small laugh beside her.
"It could have been worse. She could have not come at all, then that means that she doesn't care. Her coming here shows that she cares and doesn't want us to let our insecurities and petty things get in the way." Jax explained.
Tara took a deep breath.
"I don't know that I can do this right now Jax. I'm so tired, I don't even know what I think anymore." Tara said.
Jax turned towards Tara and put his hands on either side of her face.
"Tara, we have to do this eventually. I want things to work. I want things between us to be amazing. How are things going to be amazing if you're going to run from them all the time. It's the same thing that I need to work on, but here I am trying, and you're pushing me away." Tara sat quietly. Jax let his hands fall from Tara's face and he stood up.
He walked towards the front door. Before he opened it, he turned to look at Tara.
"If you're not going to be all in, then this isn't going to work. I'll let you think about it. I'll be up with the boy and I'll stay at the clubhouse tonight." Jax said, and then left.
Tara sat there stunned. Had she really given him the impression that she didn't want to work on things with him? Then it clicked. Of course she had. She was too scared and was letting her negative emotions control her. She went through many different scenarios in her head. How would it look like if she were to stay in Charming now, and her and Jax were never together. Would she be able to do that? The feeling in her heart and in her stomach made her realize instantly that no, she could never live this close to Jax and not be with him after this whirlwind week.
Her other option, leaving. The feelings that settled in her stomach were five thousand times worse than her thoughts of being near him but not with him. She loved him. It was simple. She could think of how simple it is, but when she starts things more about things, she gets things completely twisted in her mind.
She loved him, it was that simple. She would make it that simple. She wanted this, wanted this more than anything she may have ever wanted. And she was going to get what she wanted.
-AHW-
Jax had made it up to the hospital, and was sitting in Abel's room. Abel was still in the "cage" crib. He didn't like that he didn't have contact with his kid. Jax sat in the silence and thought about Tara.
He had hoped Tara hadn't seen it as an ultimatum. Yes, that's basically what it is, but it was more along the lines of Jax being honest. That's how this relationship would work, honesty. He wasn't going to sugar coat it for her, and have her change her mind down the road. He needed to know that she was going to be all in from the start.
The door opened and Jax looked up, heart beating, hoping that it was Tara. His hopes were shattered, when he saw it was just a nurse.
"Hey dear, I just came to check on Abel." The older lady said, giving Jax a small smile.
Jax sat silently as the nurse checked him over.
"He's looking good." She said, and walked out the door.
Jax laid his head on the back of the chair, and continued his thoughts of Tara. At some point, he must have fallen asleep because he didn't hear the door open for the second time.
Tara walked into the hospital room and stood beside the open door. There Jax was, sleeping in the chair with his hand still perched on Abel's crib. Tara smiled at the sight of it.
She slowly walked over to Jax and put her hand over his that was resting on Abel's crib. This motion caused Jax to wake up. He first looked at his hand, then looked up and saw Tara.
Jax stood up so he could be eye level with her. He looked at her, hope shining in his eyes.
Tara took a deep breath and took a step closer to Jax.
"I'm all in."