Cindy didn't understand why Dwight wouldn't call her his wife just yet, but he allowed her to come stay with him and he had stopped claiming that she didn't really want to be with him, so she supposed she had made enough progress already. She had not been able to figure out why he didn't understand why she wanted to be with him or why she thought she'd be good for the job, but he was still new to his position, and she wondered if he just needed some time to adjust and figure out how things worked. If that was the case, she would be more than happy to help him.

"If I'm not supposed to say I'm your wife, what do you want me to say?" she asked.

"Just that we're together, that's all," he said. He often seemed exasperated with her, and she wished she could make it so they understood each other a little better. One of them had to be missing something for their communication to be so skewed, she knew, but she couldn't figure out exactly where the problem was.

Things were already so different from how they had been with Negan, and she just kept noticing more differences. They weren't all bad differences, however, and she knew it wasn't just the bias of currently being with Dwight that made her think he was the better lover. When she allowed herself to be selfish enough to think about her own pleasure, she just liked the gentle way he had handled her; it wasn't that Negan was inconsiderate, he was just so much bigger than her and he got so into things. Eileen had always been the one to like it rough.

But she had enjoyed herself from start to finish with Dwight, and found that she would have wanted more from him even if she hadn't felt obligated. She tried not to think like that, however; she didn't want to be too selfish about work. Still, it wasn't wrong to enjoy her job, she supposed, and she was already so fond of Dwight. She just wished she could do more for him so that he would make things official. This felt like the interview stage of a job, and she desperately hoped that she would pass.

In the end, Eileen had been stupid about everything, choosing to try to stay with Negan when it was impossible, but when they had lived together, Cindy has always sort of looked up to her. She was so willing to do anything and always looking for something new to do, just to be the best to Negan that she could be. Now, Cindy wished that she could go to her for advice about how to further make herself useful to Dwight, but that wasn't possible and whenever she asked him directly, she got the same answer.

"You don't have to do anything special, alright? Just keep doing the same stuff, and it's fine."

She supposed she would have to do a lot of thinking on her own to figure this one out.

~X~

Having Cindy around was nice, when he managed to forget how shitty he was being by keeping her around. She was always waiting for him when he got home, and she always seemed so happy to see him. It was getting easier for him to push it to the back of the mind, that she was with him only because of who he was, but it would always come back and he would remember, and he would once again be overcome with guilt, as well as disappointment.

That was another problem that resulted from letting her go through with her ridiculous notion that being with him was her only place in the world. He still knew, deep down, that her feelings were fabricated out of a sense of duty, but he wanted so much for someone to see him like she claimed she did that when he remembered that she was only doing this because she was confused, he was disappointed. Even she could not really love someone like him, but then, she wasn't the one he really wanted, and that brought the guilt back to the forefront.

He grew more guilty still any time that he thought about flaunting the fact that he was with Cindy now. There were so many times that he imagined letting her cling to his arm and fawn over him where Sherry could see, just to let her know that she wasn't the only one who could move on, but that was even worse than just wishing that it was her instead of Cindy. He didn't want to use her for that, or for any reason, but when she looked at him with those damn eyes, he couldn't resist her advances.

One day, he came home to find her waiting on her knees in the bedroom, wearing some lacy thing that had been one of the few belongings she brought when she moved in- and he knew exactly where she'd gotten it from. She looked up as he entered the door, smiling almost shyly and saying, "I'd like to do something for you, if you'd like me to."

This was always the point where he failed, the point where he opened his mouth to tell her that this couldn't continue, the point where he'd realize he was already hard, the point where he'd just return her smile and say, "Yeah? What's that?"

"I'm not very good at blowing," she confessed, "but I'd like to try for you, if I can."

"What makes you say that?" he asked. "I'm sure you're fine."

"I gag too easy," she said, and looked so ashamed of herself that it would have been cute if it weren't about something like this.

"Hey, don't worry about it. If you don't want to do it, you don't have to."

Her eyes widened and she shook her head. "No, no, I do want to do it! I just wanted to warn you...I'm sorry if I disappoint you at all."

He hated that he had to reassure her so often that whatever she was doing was just fine, and often wanted to point out to her that he wasn't getting any either way, so what did he have to complain about? But he was afraid she might take him too seriously and start suggesting he invite more women to live with him, or even got the extra mile and start recruiting for him. "You're gonna do just fine," was all he said.

He stood in front of her and she pulled down his pants, looking up at him from under her lashes as she took him into her mouth. Once again, it had been too damn long since anyone had done that for him, and when she wrapped her lips around him, he let out a low moan and rested his hand on the back of her head. She could not fit much of the length into her mouth, but she did all she could and it was still so damn good that he could not complain at all.

Cindy sucked lightly and he stroked her hair, forgetting for a moment all the reasons he shouldn't have gone along with this. That was the real issue; he was too weak to resist this part of it all, and she was so willing to give it to him. When she began to trail her tongue along his cock, licking while she sucked him, he gave a little involuntary thrust, pushing himself deeper than she could handle, and he felt her gag.

"I'm sorry," he said, quickly pulling back to let her breathe, but she shook her head and went right back to it, ignoring any possible discomfort. Every now and then, she would start to bring him deeper again, only to gag and have to go back to how she was before, but she was skilled enough with her tongue that the depth wasn't an issue for him to begin with.

After a while of this, when he was starting to feel close, she pulled off of him completely and said, "I'm really sorry, but...my jaw's getting sore, is it okay if I take a break?" She once again looked ashamed of herself.

"Yeah, that's fine," he said, then added, "don't worry about it. I'm almost there anyway, if you just wanna finish me with your hand."

She brightened at the suggestion and nodded. "Do you still want me to swallow when I'm done?" she asked, taking him in hand.

"Do you want to swallow?"

Again, she nodded, so he agreed that he would let her know, and when she had him there, he said, "Alright, that's...I'm almost..." She took him back into her mouth and sucked until he came, and then she swallowed every bit, and when he pulled out, there was no mistaking the disgusted look on her face.

"Do you not like that?"

"No, I do," she said immediately, and he knew it was a lie. A lie she told and maybe even believed because she thought swallowing made her more "useful" to him, and then he remembered once again exactly why he shouldn't be doing this.