Title: way of the westward wind
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: takes place just after season 4's "Grace Period"
Pairings: implied het
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 310
Point of view: third
She watches. Of course she watches. He is unfinished business, the one who got away, the one who could have been—would have been, if things twisted a slightly different way.
She wonders, sometimes, when he's done something recklessly stupid and almost joined her, if in another world, he died on that roof instead of her. What might have been, then.
It's selfish, but she's glad she died instead of him. Didn't have to try living without him, with the memory of his blood on her face. She came so close with that damned plague, stayed as long as she could, and having to bury him—
"He'll blame himself," she tells Paula. "He always does." It's not an admonishment, but a warning. It'll hurt, watching him beat himself up over something that's not his fault. She's not quite used to it—doubts she'll ever be—but Paula's new.
Paula nods, wiping at her eyes. "I couldn't—I shouldn't have been alive."
Kate smiles at her, gently rubbing at her arm. "I know." She does. She survived a great deal before Ari's bullet took her down. So much of that surviving was because of Tony.
"Can we…" Paula takes a deep breath. "Can we help?" she asks after a moment. "Or do we just watch?"
"We just watch," Kate tells her quietly. "And it's awful. And I don't know why we're here instead of moving on to whatever comes next."
Paula sighs, nodding her head. "So it's Hell, then?"
Kate's actually considered that before, during some of the closer calls. "No, I don't think so."
They watch their unfinished business, the one who got away, the one who could've been someone special, and they wish—
But it doesn't matter. They can only watch and wait and wonder what it'll finally be that he's unable to survive.