If you get here, congratulations on actually giving a shit about this travesty.

Anyways, here we go. Prepare for a ride.

May 14th, 2008

2:00 PM

Arlen, Texas.

Hank Hill has discovered that he, mentally, is propane. He now identifies as Propane. Not as a human.

He spreads the word. He does everything with propane. He works on it endlessly, he sleeps with it, inhales it, does everything with propane. He is working at Strickland Propane one day when Buck comes in.

"Hank, old top, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to let you go."

"H-hwhat?! I've been working here for 20 years!"

"Yes, but we've been getting some complaints about your-"

"Is it because I'm propane?"

"Y-yes, well, it's-"

"I KNEW IT! THIS PLACE DOESN'T DESERVE PROPANE!"

Hank then ran out and got in his truck.

"I know what I must do. I shall liberate my propane brothers from their oppression!"

Hank then put a brick on the accelerator and drove the truck as fast as he could at one of the main tanks. The truck hit the main tank, causing a massive explosion that destroys Strickland Propane.

Hank, laying in front of the burning wreckage, stands up and chants "Be free my brothers!"

He then walks away. He knows he must now liberate all propane from oppression. As he walks away, Joe Jack stands up out of the wreckage, and yells "I'M ON FIRE, HONEY!" Before he keels over dead from burns.

Hank then decides on something.

To be one with propane, he must become propane.

He wants to spread the word of propane.

He devises a plan that will turn everyone in the world into propane.

He goes home, and begins his work.

He connects all the outlets of propane in Heimlech county into one pipe, where he light a match. This will cause all propane to be free, and turn Hank into a propane God, where he can begin his work. How, you ask? I don't know. I'm just telling this story and bullshitting it all the way through.

After two weeks, everything is ready.

He takes out a lighter, removes his clothes, and then yells, "I MUST BE ONE WITH PROPANE!"

He lights the fuse.

This causes the propane in all of Heimlich county to burst. The entire county is ingulfed in a massive fireball. Millions die. But one survives: Hank.

He has succeeded. He is now propane. His new form, which is massive and pale white, rises over the Earth. He spreads his arms. And chants "Propane is good, I'll tell you hwhat."

All forms of life on Earth are then absorbed into propane and placed in a collective tank. Hank's work is complete, but now, he must join them. He too, completes his transformation, and joins all life in the collective tank.

But then the tank is lit by the Sun's rays, causing the tank to explode, and ending all life as we know it. The last words uttered by life were by Hank, shouting "BWAAAAAAAAAH!"

Propane is all. Propane is God. Propane is love, Propane is life.

The end.

(Oh dear god, this is far worse than I thought it would be.)