I switch the light on as we enter the hotel room and find all of our luggage and stuff carefully placed at and on the bed. I love our crew. Sara sits down on the bed and turns the TV on. She seems distracted for a while, but comes back to here and now after just seconds. I inspect the rest of our room and find a huge bathtub in the bathroom. Bingo!

The sadness still hangs heavy in the air as I return back to the room and sit on the bed next to my sister. Her small head lays down on my shoulder with a deep gasp. I slip my hand under her jacket and pull her closer. I whisper in her hair "Do you wanna take a bath? Hmmm? I'll take care of you, baby." Sara shoots me a grateful smile "Would you, really?" "Of course, c'mere." I stand up and reach my hand out to her. Sara's fully focused on me now, so that's a start. Only now I see that her eyes are still swollen from crying and it breaks my heart all over again.

I slowly peel off her jacket, sweater and gently touch her belly and inch down to the button of her jeans. "May I?" Sara gives me her consent with a kiss on my cheek and I pull her zipper down and help her shimmy out of the jeans. She's so fragile inside and out. Even more now after what we've been through tonight. She's left only in her bra and boy shorts while I'm still fully clothed. I quickly throw away my jacket, pull the t-shirt over my head and pull my pants down while Sara just stands in front of me eyeing my every move patiently. I need to make sure we'll go at her pace tonight. I grab her hand and and some sleeping clothes and we walk into the bathroom.

I let her in first and head straight to the bathtub to run the water. As I turn back to look at Sara, she's already got rid off her bra and is halfway done with getting out of her boy shorts. I take in the sight of the radiating perfection in front of me with a small whimper stuck in my throat and mirror her actions. When we're both naked, I take her hand again and help her into the bathtub, my eyes never leaving hers. Sara sits down and wraps her hands around her bended legs. I squat down next to her and place a small kiss on her shoulder. "Do you want me to wash you, love?" I ask gently. "I thought you'd join me in the tub, Tee. The water is so nice." she reaches out to cradle my jaw and runs the pad of her thumb across my bottom lip. I smile at her, stand up and slip behind her into the tub. The moment I'm comfy in my place Sara leans into me with a long exhale. "This feels perfect, Tee. Thank you." I close my eyes and smile, mostly to myself. My lips find the top of Sara's spine and I mumble "Anything for you, Sar." My hands sneak around her hips and the moment I touch the skin on her belly with my fingertips she relaxes even more. I clasp my hands and rest them under her breasts.

"Do you feel better now?" I ask carefully. "You know, Tegan, I've been thinking about what it would be like if you or mom or dad passed." I want to tell her to stop talking about such things but I know she needs to get it off her chest, so I just swallow back my tears and hold her closer to me. "I've been thinking about it a lot. And this may seem a tad sick, but these thoughts hunted me for a long time. Like since I was twenty or so. You can never be ready enough for someone to die, though." Sara stops and waits for my reaction. I remain silent, so Sara continues. "Aunt Julie knew about us, Tegan." This sounds so honest said out loud. I'm suddenly stunned by the simple truth. The thing is, we never confirmed to aunt Julie our more than a sisterly relationship, but through indirect hints on both sides it was understood that we can't fight the urge of twins turned into soulmates turned into lovers. Aunt Julie never judged us, turned her head in disgust or, for that matter, told anybody else. "And now that she's gone, we're left in this alone." Sara turns her head to face me and again I see tears forming behind her eye lids. I don't dare to move but Sara leans closer and connects our lips. She deepens the kiss by sliding her tongue very slowly into my mouth through my parted lips. I moan as she sneaks her tongue behind my teeth and starts to massage it against mine. If this is the way to make all sadness and pain go away, I'm hers forever.

I'm not sure where this is going to lead us. All I know is I can still feel the sadness but also desperation in the kiss. Is she desperate for me? For my body? For us? The situations like this one were never discussed, we always let ourselves drown in our need and loving pleasure knowing damn well what we have is beyond everyone's understanding. The word "love" doesn't even begin to describe what we feel for each other. As we part our lips to take in the much needed air I gaze into Sara's eyes and try to look for a hint of whatever she feels. I patiently wait for her next move. She probably sees my confusion but doesn't do much to make it go away. Instead she peels herself of off me, turns around to sit with her back to me and reaches for the soap. She hands me the bottle and asks me "Would you wash my back?" In a small voice. The peachy scent hits my nose and I pour a generous amout of the liquid in my hand. I hand her the bottle back and rub my palms together to create foam.

My hands slide up and down near her spine, then my strokes stretch further to her sides and a bit front to the sides of her breasts. Sara winces suddenly and giggles. "That tickles, Tee." Her voice is almost childish. I finish washing her back. "Can we go to bed now?" I search for further signs of anything sad in her words, but it's just not there. "Whatever you want, Sara." I lean forward to give one last kiss to her shoulder before she stands up and step out of the bathtub. She takes a towel to dry herself off and turns to me. "Are you coming, Tegan?" She smirks and winks at me. Sara fucking winks at me and I feel like I just won a lottery. Even better, I won her heart and in that very moment I'm aware we're back to normal. No more tears for now. "Yeah, I'll just wash myself and brush my teeth." My love for her is written all over my face in a big grin. "Okay, I'll wait for you in the bed, love." The door closes behind my twin as she walks out of the bathroom, her curves wrapped only in the white towel.

I lay my head back against the rim of the tub and exhale sharply. Knowing Sara's mood swings, there is a very thin line between the flirty mood she's in and another river of tears. I need to keep this. I need to keep her happy, no matter what. But how? How do you treat someone so fragile and vulnerable? You might think I know her better than anyone else in this world. That's true. But the trust we built through the years made us like that. We're completely open with each other. No secrets, no hidden feelings, no holding back. Just honesty. Whatever Sara throws my way I'm ready to deal with. And that's often very challenging. I wash myself, step out of the bathtub and brush my teeth quickly. I put on a band t-shirt and my yellow PJ shorts and leave the bathroom satisfied with my fresh minty breath.

I see Sara curled on her side at the bed watching TV. She looks up at me and her beautiful lips curl up in a smile. I stand there just looking back at her abusing my lower lip with my teeth. "Do you want to have sex tonight?" Really, Tegan? Really? This is all you're able to come up with? I slap myself mentally the second the words leave my mouth. I surprise even myself and freeze. Sara's brows furrow and the expression on her face is puzzled. No! No! I'm sorry. Don't cry, baby! I know it's too late to apologize. "O..only if you want to." Sara still stares at me with what almost seems like a fear in her eyes. I shake my head no and ask back "Do you want to cuddle?" A big smile takes over Sara's face and I sigh with a great relief. I step closer to the bed and Sara lifts up the duvet. She has a fresh pair of boy briefs and a wife beater on. My body slides next to my twin's. She moves very close to me, claws at my t-shirt and starts to kiss me all over my face. I giggle like a teenager but don't stop her. I'm so lucky to have her love. She stops her lips near my ear to whisper "I'm glad that you didn't run away. Thank you for taking care of me, Tegan." I sneak my arms around her and put them on her back. I peck her cheek "Never. You never have to thank me, Sar. I love you and I would do anything I can or even can't if that means to keep you happy."