The Secret Life of Brian
by LDEJRuff
Chapter 2 - Brian's Plan Goes Into Motion
Brian quickly rushed upstairs to Stewie's bedroom. As soon as he entered, he quickly eyed Stewie's crib.
"Okay," he said, paw under chin. "If I remember correctly from our trip to Las Vegas, Stewie's crib also doubles as a transporter, and triples as a cloning machine."
With that, Brian pressed a button on the wall near the crib, and a small door opened revealing a key pad. He then pressed a few keys on the pad, and the crib instantly transformed into a machine with a ray over a pad. He typed the coordinates on the attached computer and got on the pad, which lit up under him. The ray activated, zapping Brian. After the zapping was done, he just stood there. The computer showed a loading screen.
"Now, I need to know why the machine made clones of me and Stewie before," he said before looking at the computer screen. "Oh, now I see it."
When the loading screen got to 100%, Brian then heard his own voice coming from the living room.
"Yes! I'm back in the living room!"
"All right," Brian whispered. "My clone made it to the living room."
Just then, a screen split effect showed Brian's clone in the living room on the right side, and Brian himself in Stewie's bedroom on the left.
"I hope this plan of mine works," both Brians said. "Stewie'll be pissed if he found out I used his machine." With that, their expressions changed to those of fear.
Brian then pressed a few keys on the key pad, which turned the machine back into Stewie's crib. Afterwards, he then pressed the button that closed the small door that hid the keypad, and went downstairs to see his clone.
"Hey," Clone Brian greeted. "You must be the original me."
"Nice to see you," Brian greeted back. "Okay, you know what to do, Clone Brian. Whatever you do, don't let Stewie or any of the family know that you're a clone of me."
"Got it," Clone Brian nodded. "Anyway, what are you gonna do?"
"I'm going to see my son, Dylan, and take care of him, since we both know that Tracy disappeared."
"Well," Clone Brian sighed, "you be careful, original me."
"Thanks," Brian replied before giving his clone a hug and walking out the front door. He then looked behind himself and had a sad look on his face.
"I hope I know what I'm doing," he thought to himself before walking off.
Back inside, while the clone was sitting on the couch, about to watch TV, Stewie appeared in a flash, carrying a tool box.
"So," Clone Brian said to Stewie, "how was the hardware store?"
"It was okay," Stewie said, unaware that his canine friend was actually a clone. "Anyway, I got the tools to take care of something."
"What is it?"
"You'll see."
With that, Stewie walked up to his bedroom.
"Little do you know, Stewie," Clone Brian thought, "that the Brian you're talking to is actually a clone, while the real Brian's away to take proper care of his son, Dylan."
But the clone thought wrong. The real Brian was actually going to address an agent for a famous person.
"Excuse me," Brian said, getting the agent's attention. "Is it okay if I can talk to Justin for a minute, please? There's something that I have to take care of."
"You have an appointment?" the agent asked.
"What's going on?" Canadian-born pop star Justin Bieber asked, getting the agent's attention.
"This dog says he wants to talk to you," the agent asked.
"It's okay," Justin said, "he's probably a fan of my music."
"Well," Brian chuckled, "I wouldn't say 'fan' actually. I just like your music. Anyway, is it okay if I borrow your Benz for a few days? I promise I'll give it back to you in one piece."
"Sure, whatever," Justin shrugged, handing Brian the key to the Benz. "I have a concert to give tomorrow anyway, and I can take the tour bus. What do you need it for anyway?"
"Just to, you know, take it out for a spin. You know, like it's a rental from Enterprise."
"Oh. Well, just don't scratch it or anything."
"Thanks, Justin," Brian said, giving the pop star a hug, before walking off with the key.
The next day, Brian drove said Benz at a house in Spooner Street. Brian then looked at his phone. He had opened an app that played a live camera feed coming out of the Griffin house. On the feed was what appeared to be a hockey net.
"A hockey net?" Brian said. "What the hell, Clone Brian?"
"Okay, Brian," Stewie's voice came from the feed. "I'm just putting this out there but I'm a baby, and only dicks don't let babies win."
"God, look at this day, huh?" Clone Brian's voice said, as he and Stewie were finally on the street. The camera had shown that it was pointing to the sky, then at Stewie, who was wearing a hockey helmet. "You know, usually, I'd be sitting inside writing, you'd be working on one of your machines, but here we are enjoying it."
"Yes, it is a nice change of pace," Stewie agreed before realizing something. "Oh, wait. I got to go grab my knee pads. I was using them for...for...for this other thing. Anyway, I'll be right back."
As Stewie ran off, the screen then shown the hockey net being put together.
When Brian started the car, the tires started screeching. He then caressed the car toward his unsuspecting clone, who was also wearing a hockey helmet.
"Brian, look out!" Stewie called, getting the clone's attention.
With a sad look on his face, Brian violently plowed the car on his clone, running him over. The car continued on, leaving the clone's mangled body lying on the street, with broken hockey stick pieces lying around him.
"I did it," Brian thought to himself. "I can't believe I actually did it."
"Gaaaaah! Brian!" Stewie shouted.
Brian didn't want to stop the Benz. He just continued on until it made a curve a few blocks away. The Benz then stopped at another house. Brian then looked at his phone again.
"Oh, my God!" Lois' voice cried in panic. "Brian! Brian, can you hear me?!"
"Holy crap!" Peter's voice began, horrified. "What the hell happened?!"
The feed, though partially damaged, flicked a bit at the sound of a kick, followed by the sound of someone spitting on the camera.
"That guy sucked," said another voice.
Brian looked behind himself.
"I'm really sorry, everyone," he thought. "But I believe it's time for all of you to move on."
With that, he started the Benz again and drove away.