The Secret Life of Brian

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 3 - Watching Nearby and Running Away

A few minutes later, Brian stopped at the pet store and went inside to pick up a new tag for his collar.

"Is that all for you, Mr. Griffin?" the store clerk asked.

"Yes," Brian answered, "but from now on, I want to be addressed by 'Mr. Flannigan'. I have a son that lives not too far from here, and I want to take care of him. His mother disappeared recently, and he called me."

With that, Brian handed the clerk the tag so that it would be engraved with the name "Brian Flannigan" and Dylan's home address.

"Very well, Mr. Flannigan," said the clerk. "I'll have your tag ready in a few minutes. You can just sit and wait."

"Thank you."

While the clerk went to the engraving machine, Brian sat, looked at his phone and opened the live feed app. When the app opened, the phone had shown the veterinarian about to operate on his clone. He stopped suddenly upon seeing an unpleasant sight. He then sighed.

"Oh. What am I going to tell the Griffins?"

He then turned to his nurse.

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid there's nothing we can do for Brian in the condition he's in. I think it's time I'd tell the Griffins the sad news."

With that, he went into the waiting room to tell the Griffins. Brian looked at the phone sadly.

"I'm sorry I had to do this to you," Brian whispered, "but I have to be with Dylan to make the Griffins understand."

When he finished, the phone had shown that the rest of the Griffin family went inside the operating room with sad looks on their faces. They had just been told about the injuries being too severe for "Brian" to be saved.

"Oh, my God," Lois said after she and the rest of the family walked to the examining table. "Brian, no."

"I can't believe it," Peter added. "You're...you're really...?"

A tearful Stewie approached the clone. Seeing Stewie's face almost started to make Brian shed tears as well.

"Dammit, Brian, you can't die," Stewie begged. "We were gonna do so many things together. We were gonna become windsurfers." When he heard this, Brian smiled sadly. "I was gonna be a little better than you, but we were both gonna be good."

A small grunt emitted from the clone, which made Lois gasp.

"You guys, I think...I think Brian's trying to say something!"

"You've..." Clone Brian began, struggling, as the screen raised to show the still-crying Griffins. "You've given me a wonderful life. I love you all."

A few seconds more, and the screen lowered a bit when the flatline tone was heard. The clone had died. The veterinarian put a stethoscope over the clone to listen for a heartbeat.

"I'm sorry," he said, turning to the Griffins sadly. "He's gone."

"Oh, my God," Chris began. "He's...?"

"Yes, Chris," Lois answered, voice breaking. "I'm afraid...I'm afraid that our Brian is dead."

The real Brian looked sadly as his now-former family members were saddened. Peter took Lois' hand. Chris put a hand on Meg's shoulder. Stewie shuddered with grief. As the family huddled around in a sad group hug, Brian also began to shed tears. The silence was then broken when the clerk got his attention.

"Mr. Flannigan, your tag's ready."

"Oh," Brian said, wiping his tears away. "Well, thanks."

The next day, after a stay at a hotel room and returning the Benz to Justin, Brian decided to get one last drink at the Drunken Clam.

"Well, speak of the devil," Jerome said, surprised to see Brian. "Peter told me that you were dead."

"I wasn't aware that you knew about the accident," Brian said. "Anyway, whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?"

Jerome chuckled. "I had a feeling you'd say that, Brian. Coming right up."

With that, Jerome started preparing Brian's martini.

"Oh," Glenn Quagmire said, noticing Brian coldly. "What are you doing here? Thinking about getting out of here now that everyone thinks you're dead?"

Brian scoffed. "What do you care, dog hater? My ex-girlfriend, Tracy Flannigan disappeared recently, and I'm running away from Quahog to take care of her son, Dylan."

"So, you're finally going to take care of the son you were never there for, huh?" Glenn repeated, crossing his arms.

"Yeah, and if you breathe a word about my still being alive to anyone in Quahog, including Peter, you're going to regret it," Brian quietly threatened.

"Your threats are as empty as your broken heart," Glenn replied. "I'd rather not tell anyone anyway. I'm happy that you're gone."

"You sound like you don't care," Brian replied.

"You're right, Brian, I don't. So why don't you just go on to that son of yours and live the rest of your life as a big sad alcoholic bore?"

With that, Glenn walked off.

"Remember, Glenn," Brian began, "not one word out of you."

Glenn scoffed and walked out the door.

"Boy," Jerome said, noticing the argument and handing Brian the martini. "You guys sure do have it rough with each other. I sometimes get into arguments with my daughter, Pam, but we find ways to mend the relationship."

Brian chuckled. "Thanks, Jerome. Promise to keep my still being alive a secret?"

"My lips are sealed, Brian," Jerome nodded.

"Good."

With that, Brian drank his martini.

"By the way, Brian, your funeral's being held two days from now. If you come, you should watch nearby."

"Thanks, Jerome, I'll take your advice."

As promised, on the day of his funeral, Brian did take Jerome's advice. He recently got his Prius back after buying it at the used car dealership, and decided to watch the funeral from there.

"Thank you everyone for coming today," Lois said, beginning the funeral.

"None of you came to my funeral!" Mayor Adam West shouted before walking off, fading away.

Brian chuckled quietly. "You never know when to quit giving jokes, do you, Mayor West?"

"I know Peter wanted to say a few words," Lois continued, allowing Peter to give a eulogy.

"Oh, boy," Peter sighed. "This is, um...This is probably the worst pain I ever had to go through, and I've sprained my ankle twice. Um, the truth is, Brian wasn't just my dog. He was my best friend in the whole world. He was smart, he was loyal, and, I guess what I'm trying to say is, he was like a brother to me." When he heard this, Brian started to look sad. "And," Peter continued, breaking down into tears, "I'm...I'm gonna spend the rest of my life missing him."

"We're all gonna miss him, Peter," Lois said, consoling him. "We're all gonna miss him very much."

The attendees, including Brian's cousin, Jasper, and his spouse, Ricardo, his ex-girlfriend, Jillian Russel-Wilcox, Mr. John Herbert, the Tubbs-Brown family, who were visiting from Stoolbend, Virginia, at the time, Consuela, Dr. Elmer Hartman, Lois' parents, Carter and Barbara Pewterschmidt, Mort Goldman and his son, Neil, and Ida Davis, Glenn's genderbent father, started crying. However, the only one who wasn't crying, or paying attention to the funeral, was Glenn, watching a basketball game on his phone.

"Dammit, Ortiz," Glenn whispered. "Stop swinging at junk."

"Oh, Glenn," Brian quietly growled. "Still showing no sympathy for me, even being one of a few Quahogers who know I'm still alive."

As the casket lowered to the ground, Brian watched as Stewie laid one final rose to the casket.

"Oh, Stewie," Brian whispered. "You were always like a son to me. I know that saying goodbye can be hard right now. But I can't say it physically to you. Well, thanks for taking me on some of your crazy adventures, kid. I'm sure that when you and your family do get a new dog, you'll give to him or her what you gave me: a wonderful life. Goodbye, Stewie, and thank you."

With that, Brian silently started his Prius and drove away from the funeral, without anyone noticing, and didn't look back.