Author's Note: Oh wow, thank you all so much for the kindness on this one! The feedback has been lovely, and I'm just so appreciative of the number of people reading it. And the people who have sent not just feedback, but messages on here and on the Tumblr link… I'm blown away. Thank you so much. I hope this chapter isn't too 'quiet' but I wanted to keep it real by getting a feel for what happened with some of the others. Character death mentioned here. I just went with the comics for that one. Enjoy!
The week passed by agonizingly slowly for Carol. The only way to speed things up was to throw herself into her work and stay busy all day. She pushed herself hard so she was exhausted by bedtime and was asleep almost instantly every night. Keeping busy might have prevented her from thinking about Daryl all day long, but it didn't keep him out of her dreams at night. Sometimes the dreams were beautiful and they were happy and in love - other times they were fighting, hurling angry words at one another, things you couldn't take back. Her dreams were a direct reflection of both her hopes and fears for their future.
She told Morgan about the kiss and even the 'I told you so' look on his face didn't upset her. They had been through alot together and it was nice to have a person to talk to about anything and everything. Carol felt certain there would be limits to what she discussed with Morgan of course, like perhaps once her and Daryl made it to the next level of their relationship - if that ever happened of course. She just couldn't imagine talking to Morgan about sex with Daryl… well, the details anyway. He knew her so well at that point, Carol had a feeling Morgan would easily be able to call her on it if he wanted.
Carol had a chance to catch up with each of the guards from Alexandria. Abe was the happiest she had ever seen him and the way he looked at Sasha made her heart flutter. She wondered how Rosita was doing though. She'd heard that Rosita and Spencer were getting close before she left. Carol truly hoped the young woman was happy because it couldn't be easy seeing Abe and Sasha so deeply in love.
When she talked with Aaron she got up the nerve to ask how Tobin was doing. Aaron said he'd had a hard time at first, especially seeing how upset Daryl and some of the others were. It was difficult for some of them who hadn't known her as long to feel as broken up about her being gone as those she'd been with from the start. It wasn't entirely rational - people should be able to feel what they want to feel, but hearing Aaron explain it in his calm and thoughtful way Carol understood. For Tobin, who had only known her a few months to compare what he was feeling to someone like Daryl or Rick who had known her for years was difficult.
Aaron said that Tobin had tried to talk to Daryl a few times and it hadn't gone well. Carol realized now that there was an underlying jealousy, likely between both men, but she appreciated that Tobin tried. He was a kind and sweet man, he just wasn't the right man for her. Aaron told her that Tobin had asked if he could come as one of the guards when he found out, but Rick quickly shot that idea down - saying it was for safety reasons since Tobin hadn't been beyond the walls much. Carol was thankful Rick had honored her demands about who appropriate guards would be, but she would be lying to herself if she didn't admit that part of it was simply that she didn't want to see Tobin. She'd hurt him, badly. The note was her apology for that. But she really didn't want to face the man and have to tell him that it was all make believe. Was it cowardly of her? Perhaps. But why put either of them through anymore unnecessary heartbreak?
Carol had sat down with Sasha for over an hour and they talked about Maggie. When Carol heard that Negan had murdered Glenn she was absolutely heartbroken. She found out not long after she came to Hilltop and it just put her in an even darker place than she already was. He was going to be a daddy and now he would never see his child. And Maggie - she had lost every single person she was closest to - first Hershel, then Beth and now Glenn - and to see him die that way… Carol almost threw up thinking about it.
Sasha told her that Maggie was an absolute mess at first, but it was extremely short lived because he sole focus moved to the baby. Stress wasn't good for the pregnancy and that baby was the last part of Glenn she had. Maggie was determined to do whatever it takes to make sure the pregnancy went smoothly. The doctor from Hilltop had been to see her a few times on Gregory's orders. When Carol took over she made sure the regular visits continued. It was dangerous sending their only doctor outside the walls, but Maggie needed him and it was too dangerous for her to do the travelling. Carol always made sure to send her best guards - even if it meant, at the time, that it left the community a little more vulnerable. She had a duty to a huge group of people to keep them safe - but Carol had a soft spot for Maggie, knowing everything she'd been through. Besides, she owed Maggie her life too, so it was least she could do.
The week had finally come to an end and at some point a new group would come so Sasha, Abe and Aaron could go home. Carol couldn't help but check the gate every 5 minutes - until sometime after lunch the vehicle finally pulled up - the vehicle she desperately hoped contained Daryl. There was a double batch of cookies waiting for him on her kitchen counter that she'd baked first thing that morning.
Carol saw three people get out of the car - Rick, Michonne and Carl. It had only been a few months since she'd seen the boy, but he was looking so grown up it made her want to cry. Carol craned her head, hoping there was someone else still in the car - but it was empty. Her heart sank. Why hadn't he come?
She wandered down to meet them trying really hard to mask her disappointment and sadness. Carol said goodbye to the group leaving and went to talk to the new arrivals. "Didn't think I would get the big guns," Carol teased.
Rick put an arm around Carl and Michonne. "Thought we would take a big of a family vacation," he said, smiling. "Still gotta work, I know, but it'll be nice to be somewhere different - together."
"What about Judith?" Carol asked. "Did she stay with Gabriel?" Carol knew that Gabe had really stepped up and protected the baby while the rest of them were outside the walls. She felt a pang of guilt that she'd essentially left the man for dead during the wolf attack, but thankful Morgan had saved him. Gabriel had become someone they all respected and Carol was happy he'd had the chance to do that.
"Not exactly," Rick said. Carol watched as him and Michonne shared a sly look.
"Hug? Where is she then?" Carol asked, looking around in confusion.
"Can't have a family vacation without the whole family," Rick replied, grinning at her. "Can't work without bringing along someone to help watch the baby." Carol was still confused, but when she heard another vehicle approaching it started to make sense.
"Have you all lost your damn minds?" Carol hissed, when she saw the motorcycle appear at the gates. "You let him take a baby on the motorcycle?" She growled.
Rick chuckled, "Nah, she rode in the car most of the way, but Daryl stopped 'bout a quarter mile back to get something." Carol felt some relief that Judith hadn't made the entire trip on the bike. "Didn't think it would hurt to let her have a short ride the rest of the way." When she looked over at the gates again and saw Daryl with the toddler zipped inside his jacket Carol smiled. Michonne and Carl left to give Daryl a hand. "Thought maybe the two of you could use some time together - without him working," Rick said softly, touching Carol's shoulder. "We'll take Judy as much as we can."
"Thank you," Carol whispered, extremely appreciative. Jesus arrived to show the new arrivals around just as Michonne passed Carol the baby.
Judith immediately snuggled into Carol's neck. Carol hugged her tightly. "I think she's ready for a sleep," Michonne commented.
"We'll take her to my place for a nap while Jesus gets you guys organized," Carol offered, not ready to give up the baby cuddles quite yet. Rick, Michonne and Carl followed Jesus and finally she was alone with Daryl and Judy. "I wasn't sure you were coming at first," Carol said softly, as she stroked Judith's soft, fine hair.
"'Course, I said I'd come back," he replied, looking at her in his shy, hesitant way. Carol touched something with her fingertips and realized Judith had a flower tucked behind her ear. It fell into her hand. "We stopped just down the road and picked one for you," Daryl said, holding out a second one. Carol tucked Judith's back and looked at the little white flower he was holding. It wasn't a Cherokee rose - those were mostly found in Georgia and they only bloomed for a very short time each year. But the little white Virginia wildflower resembled a Cherokee rose so much that Carol knew it couldn't be a coincidence. Daryl stepped forward and tucked the flower behind her ear, just like Judy. She felt a tingle when he touched her and a flutter in her heart from the sweet gesture.
One thing she had always known, right from the start, was that Daryl was a sentimental guy. It was surprising at first, but the better she got to know him Carol realized it was just the kind of person he was. He truly did have a heart of gold. He felt things deeply and cared for people deeply. When Daryl was cut - it was always right to the bone. And Carol also knew she had cut him deeper than perhaps anyone else ever had.
"Thank you," she whispered, kissing Judith's head while she looked at him. She hoped Daryl knew she wanted to kiss him too, but they were standing by the gate in plain view of anyone and everyone who was milling around. It wasn't really either of their thing to be affectionate in public - only in those extreme circumstances where emotions took over and you just couldn't hold it back. Carol thought about all the times she'd sat on Tobin's porch and let him kiss her goodbye. Just a quick peck on the lips. Just the thing that normal people did on a normal day. It seemed ridiculous now. Who was she back then? Lost. She was lost and struggling. It simply wasn't her.
Judith yawned and tucked her head into Carol's neck once again. "We should get her to bed," she said. Daryl nodded and they walked to Carol's house. "Your cookies are on the counter. I'll be back in a minute." She took Judith to her bedroom and got her settled, putting lots of extra pillows and blankets around her so Judith wouldn't roll out. Carol left the door open so they could hear her when she woke up and started her usual happy singing and babbling.
Carol started to feel a bit nervous as she went to find Daryl. He was in the living room, on the couch with a stack of cookies in his hand and his mouth full. She took a seat on the couch, angled towards him. "How have you been?" She asked.
"Alright," Daryl shrugged, talking with his mouth full. "I's kinda mean to your boyfriend," he added, sounding bitter. "Figured you should know."
"Don't call him that," Carol sighed. "I explained to you last time what that was all about."
"You fuck him?" Daryl asked, avoiding looking at her.
Carol sighed again, feeling irritated. "Does it really matter if I did?"
"I'll take that as a yes," Daryl grumbled. "Should have known anyway, he was in your house…"
"It's not a yes," Carol snapped. "I just don't see what bearing it has on anything." Daryl finally looked at her and she softened. It was clearly important to him if it was the first thing he wanted to talk about with all the options they had. "I never had sex with him Daryl, I swear," Carol said quietly. She could see him physically relax. "The night I left he was upset about Denise. I needed him to find the note and it was just convenient to invite him to stay the night. But nothing happened - he knew I wasn't ready for that - and he was right… not with him anyway," she added quickly. "I told you the truth… now it's your turn… why does it matter so much?"
Daryl blushed and shrugged. "I dunno," he said, looking away again. "Just does."
Carol wasn't going to let him get off easily. "It's me. Talk."
"It's just… he's not… You said…" Daryl couldn't seem to get started, but she waited patiently for him to find his words. "You said it wasn't real…" he finally strung a few words together. "I just… hoped… you wouldn't take it that far…" Carol let his words sink in and tried to process them. What she was getting was that perhaps Daryl was a little old fashioned and chivalrous when it came to sex. "Like, ya know, if you didn't love him…" That last line sealed the deal and she knew she'd understood correctly. It was surprising… yet it shouldn't have been. How many times had Daryl had the opportunity for random hookups or casual sex over the years? Yet, to the best of her knowledge he hadn't been with anyone. She hadn't spent a lot of time pondering it, but she had noticed.
"That matters to you," Carol said, it wasn't a question, it was a statement. It was actually a compliment and she needed to be sure he knew it was. "That's very sweet."
"It don't matter to you?" He asked, looking at her again.
Carol smiled. "Haven't had sex since I was married," she said. "May not have had quite as much opportunity as you, but there've been a few chances… yet... " Carol shrugged. "So yeah, it does."
They were silent, but Carol felt more calm than she had all day. That was that. One important thing out in the open - discussed, and put behind them. And one more important thing they had in common. Neither one of them wanted to have sex with someone they didn't love. There was only one problem… Carol knew exactly who she loved. She just didn't know if he felt the same.