I take a deep breath and lift my hand to knock on the front door that belongs to the house I once called home, but I stop mid-motion and clench my teeth, how far did it get that I am standing here and don't know if I should knock or simply walk in, or turn on my heels and leave before I make a fool out of myself. I lick my lips and make myself knock, not sure if Maura is at home. I still remember that she made me go on a shopping spree when we had the same day off and I hated it. If I would have know what the future was holding for us, I would have cherish every single second. I heave a sigh and knock three times, I'd understand if Maura pretend not to be home even though her car is standing in the driveway. I worry my bottom lip and drop my chin to my chest all of a sudden sadness is coming over me, I become aware that I left all the good things in my life behind me as I walked out of this door. I left all the good things in my life on purpose and now I really start to regret it. I raise my own eyes when the door opens and my heart drops as I look into Maura's eyes which used to be so beautiful, but now they are red and full of sadness. "Hey," I say remorsefully and try to smile but I'm sure that my attempt is nothing more than a grimace.

She sniffles and cross her arms over her chest. "Is everything okay with the children?"

I frown a little and nod approvingly. I didn't expect her to be delighted to see me or that she's throwing her arms around my neck after all the things that happened. "Yes. Yes, they are fine, they are with Ma. Can I … can I come in?"

Her face is unreadable and she doesn't seem to step to the side to let me enter our house … Correction, her house, but after she took a deep breath she opens the door even more and nods. "Of course."

"Thanks," I mutter and step over the threshold. I take a look around and notice that not much has changed since the day I left. I didn't come here often since then, I tried to avoid this place because it holds so many good, just as many bad ones. The only thing that has changed in this house is the smell, Andy is lingering in the air. Well, not himself but the smell of his cheap aftershave lingers in here. "I … want to talk to you about yesterday."

"Talk." Maura demands with a cold tone.

My eyebrows shoot up and I start to wring my hands nervously. "I'm sorry."

"Do you even know for what you're apologizing, Jane?" Maura shoots back and raises her brows as well.

I nods slowly, I deserved this reaction. "I am sorry for the things I said to you yesterday. Or that you felt like you have to sleep with me."

Maura huffs and turn away from me. "Jane, you were right, you didn't force me to have sex with you. And I enjoyed it very much, but not so much the morning after." She says and walks into the kitchen. "I enjoyed the sex but it was wrong."

I nod slowly and sigh heavily. "I know. I know that it was wrong and that I maybe was a little pushy -" I trail off as I see a small smile on her lips.

"You weren't pushy." She says and hunch her shoulders.

"Maybe a little bit."

"Jane -"

I raise my hands to signal that I surrender. "I'm on a peacekeeping mission, Maura." I say and I see her relax. "I don't want to argue, I hate to fight with you." I say and have to force myself to keep my hands off of her as I see that she let her guards down a little. "I hate seeing you so sad, and to know that I'm the cause of it." I pause and hope that she's contradict me, and my heart breaks as she doesn't. "I tried to be civil for the sake of our children, but it gets worse day by day."

"I know." Maura replies and press her lips together for a brief moment. "I thought that it would easier. To hate you for what you did to me and for what you did to our children."

I scoff and wipe my nose with the back off my hand. "Yeah, break ups once were my specialty."

"We didn't just break up, Jane." Maura states and her voice gets a little sharper. "We got divorced, and we have two children. I tried to hate you for putting all of us through this."

I sigh and sit down on one of the chair at the kitchen island. "I know. I know that." I clench my teeth and shake my head. "I hate me for it too, Maura. I mean … we had a great relationship before all of this."

"Are you now regretting to have children with me?"

"What," I ask and recognize her accusing tone. "Hell, no! Nick and Haley are the best things that happened in my life, beside you. But I'm … I'm sick of thinking twice about the things I'm saying to you, Maura. We were great together in the past, and I want us to be that again. Let's start all over again, push the reset button but with the extra we call our children."

"Monsters." Maura adds with a smile.

"Yeah," I agree with a laugh. "Exactly. I want to come here more often to see Haley and Nick, when it's okay with you and Andy."

She opens the fridge and gets two bottles of water out of it. "It doesn't matter if Andrew is okay with it or not. He's no longer in the picture."

I don't know if I should dance a jig or if I should feel bad because of it. I decide to sit down at the counter and furls my brows. "What? Why? What happened?"

Maura is about to open the bottle but lowers it as soon as the words leave my mouth. "Jane, don't pretend that you are sad to hear those news."

I clear my throat so I don't smile like a Cheshire cat and take a swig of my water. "I am not sad about it." I admit and she rolls her eyes. "But I already told you that I care about you. So, what happened?"

Maura takes a deep breath and looks long at me. "You know that I am not really good when it comes to lying."

I nod slowly and chew on the inside of my cheek. "So you told Andy?"

She licks her lips and wiggle her brows as she takes a swig of her water. "He asked me where I have been the whole night and I told him the truth. That I spend the night at your place and somehow he put one and one together, but he said that it would be okay as long as I stay away from you."

I think I must have heard wrong and blink a couple of times. How the hell are we supposed to stay away from each other? Maura is the mother of my children and the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. And as far as I know I am a Homicide Detective who works hand in hand with the ME's office. "And you agreed with that?"

"If I'd agreed with that you wouldn't sit here right now, Jane." She replies and sighs. "Of course I didn't agree with it. How are we supposed to stay away from each other? I mean, we work day in, day out together, it's impossible. And that's what I told him." She pauses for a moment and holds my gaze. "So he demanded that I take a job at a other office so I couldn't see you anymore. In New York, to be exact."

I stare at her like she has lost her mind. Even though I know that she ditched Andy, the thought of her moving to a other city with the kids breaks my heart. I have to swallow hard and clench my teeth. I flinch a little as I feel her hand on my arm.

"I'm not going anywhere, Jane." Maura says with a light frown. "Though you are a -"

"Ass," I say as she trails off.

"Complicated sometimes." She offers with a smile and I scoff. "I could never take Nick and Haley away from you, Jane."

I sigh relieved and furrow my brows. "It sounds like Andy gave you moving with him to New York some serious thought."

"Yes, he did, and it scared me a little bit." Maura admits and sits down on the chair next to me. "Especially because he doesn't have any job offer in New York."

I scoff and start to pick at the lapel of the bottle. Why am I not surprised to hear that? Perhaps I already knew that he's a sponge. He probably thought that picking up a wealthy woman who already has two children would make anything easier, thought he could walk into a ready-made position. Maybe it would've worked with some brainless chick, but not with Maura. I knew exactly who Maura was when we started to date and I didn't gave a damn about her name or money, I still don't give a damn about it. She could be as poor as a church mouse, I still wouldn't care.

Maura starts to chuckle and I look at her. She tilts her head to the side and scrutinize my face. "You are not the only one who didn't like Andrew. My mother asked me what I was seeing in him."

I turn in my seat to face her and am silent for a moment. "And? What was your answer?"

She takes a deep breath and shrugs. "He was there when I needed company the most."

"You really should work on that answer," I chuckle and am about to take a swig from my water, but I turn my head when I hear nothing but silence. I turn my head to look at her and see nothing but pain in her eyes. "Maura, I didn't mean to offend you. I shouldn't have -"

"I wasn't looking for a new relationship." Maura suddenly says and looks at her hands. "I knew Andrew from a medical convention and we stayed in contact, I'm sure I mentioned him once or twice. And after you finally left me I needed someone to talk to. I mean, I didn't know what you told your mother and your brothers and I was afraid that they walked out of my life just like you did. Andrew was there and he was kind and listened to what I had to tell, and then one thing leads to the other. We went out more often and had a good time together, and then -"

I nod slowly and grit my teeth. Maura doesn't need to finish the sentence, I already know what she's going to say. I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a second. "You were afraid that you'll gonna be alone again."

"Yes. Yes, I was afraid that I lost everything beside Nick and Haley."

"I thought you know that I would never make Ma, Frankie and Tommy choosing between you and I, Maura." I say and get up to my feet, running an hand through my hair. "And neither of them would pick one of ours sides because they see you as family. You are their family, Maura. What kind of human do you think I am?"

"At this time, I didn't know you at all , Jane." Maura says a little louder and I turn to her. "It was like you became a whole different person. I didn't know what was going on. You didn't talk to me anymore, and if you did we end up fighting our disappeared in the middle of the night and didn't come home until the next morning. A million scenarios ran through my mind, Jane. That you perhaps had an affair because you were unhappy or got to know that you are sick and didn't want to burden us with it. It nearly drove me crazy because I had no idea what was going on, not to mention Angela, Frankie or Tommy. We didn't even know if you're going to stay in Boston. You didn't come to work for one week or called Angela during that time. Jane, she was worried sick just like everyone else. Frost even offered to track your phone so we could make sure that you are alright, or at least still breathing." She pauses and gets up from her chair as well. "You maybe think that you end our relationship that night you walked out the front door, but you end it a lot earlier."

I start to shake my head and try to keep my upcoming anger at bay. "I am not here to argue, Maura."

It seems like she needs some time to let the words sink in and shakes her head. "This isn't arguing, Jane. You came here and told me that you want to rekindle our relationship. I don't know if I can go back to the good old days and pretend that nothing of this ever happened"

I almost choke on my own saliva and furrow my eyebrows. "I … I more thought that we try to rebuild our friendship for our own sakes. You know, go once or twice a week and have drinks together, like in old days, with no obligations or high hopes. And if it works out fine, we'll see where we go from there. How … how does that sound?"

Maura looks long at me and seems to struggle with herself and takes a deep breath. "Sounds good to me."

"Okay," I say and can't help the little smile on my lips. "Okay, that's how we do it."

Maura wiggles her brows and walks around the kitchen island. "Oh, did I mention that your son wants a puppy as birthday present."

I stop dead and frown. "A puppy?"

"Yup."

"What kind of puppy?"

She grins at me and hunch her shoulders. "You're the detective, it's your job to find out."

I groan and flop back down on my chair. I thought I would get some time to prepare myself for rebuilding our friendship, obviously I was wrong.