Daddy…Dad…Father. For Cullen time seemed to cease moving at that moment as those words repeated on a loop continuously in Cullen's head. He was going to be a father? The word sounded foreign and alien to him, as if the title was meant for someone else and not him. However, that could have been the case if events had turned out differently, if William was still alive, or if Corypheus hadn't blown up the Chantry. But it was pointless thinking of those different realities, events happened as they did and this moment was really happening. Cullen stared down at the pair in front of him, Lily looked so much like Skye that she might as well have been her clone. Except her eyes, where Skye had bright blue eyes, ironically like a clear sky. Lily's eyes were a deep brown like a rich chocolate, rather like his own and assumedly William's. Cullen was unsure how he felt about that, would Lily grow up thinking she had his eyes? Who would Skye see when she looked into those eyes, him or William? Would Skye want Lily to know that her biological father was someone else and that she in fact had his eyes? Did he want Lily to know that? Did he want Lily to think that he was her father? All these questions buzzed around his head and he didn't know any of the answers. Cullen felt himself getting dizzy from all the questions and these were only just about her eyes, what about the rest of her? How many more questions would there be? Cullen thought as he breathing increased in slight panic.
Cullen could almost hear all his friends back at Skyhold laughing at him, Dorian and Varric especially.
"Oh Curly," Varric would say in exasperated voice. "You went to find the love of your life's fatherless baby, of course Skye would want you all to be a family."
"Come now Cullen," Dorian would say with his flamboyant tone. "Did you really not think about what would happen after you found the child. I thought you had more sense than that."
The laughter echoed in Cullen's head, taunting him. How could he have been so sort sighted? How could he have not thought about how finding Lily would change his and Skye's relationship forever? Skye had not mentioned anything about their future, what did she want? Well she had just called him Lily's daddy, so she wanted him to be a part of their family, or now was it his family? Skye had clearly assumed that they would become a family, but of course, why wouldn't she. Cullen had promised he would reunite them, he was always telling Skye how much he loved her and how they would be together for the rest of their lives. And of course he still wanted that but now it wasn't just Skye he would be spending the rest of his life with, it would be him, Skye and his…daughter?
"Cullen?" Skye asked him and Cullen was shaken from his internal panic. Cullen's eyes focused on Skye and he couldn't help but think that she had never looked more beautiful. She glowed with a happiness that had nothing to do with her mark, which is why she usually glowed. Her face was still wet with tears but you could not mistake the joy on her face, a joy that he didn't think he'd ever seen in her expression before. Skye had stood up and was holding Lily to her chest, who had made herself comfortable in her mother's arms resting her head on Skye's shoulder, a content smile on her face.
"Cullen, did you hear me?" Skye asked her gaze focusing on Cullen, who had been silent for a long time.
"I…I…" Cullen stuttered but was thankfully interrupted by Sister Mary.
"I'm sorry Serah, but Margery is not up for adoption. She has been placed in Chantry protection and must remain here."
"Protection?! Protection for what? Her own mother? Because I'm a mage." Skye said trying to keep her voice down for Lily's sake, who watched the exchange with interest almost as if she could understand exactly what was happening.
"Protection from her self." Sister Mary said, "As you just pointed out, you are a mage. You could have passed on your curse. She has to remain here under constant supervision so if she develops any magical abilities then we can…"
"Then what?" Skye asked. "The Circle of Magi is no more and the College of Enchanters is not under Chantry control. So what will you do? Hmmm?" Skye questioned, tightening her grip on Lily. She didn't know if it was her mothering instincts kicking in or if it was just because she hadn't killed anything in days and this Chantry sister was pissing her off but she would not hesitate to use magic if it meant she could leave with Lily.
The look on Sister Mary's face would have been comical if Skye hadn't been too angry and Cullen still slightly out of it, to take notice. Sister Mary remained frozen as she realized that Skye was right, times had changed and the Sisters were unsure how to change with them.
"I…" Sister Mary started but trailed off unsure what to say.
"Listen," Sky said in a calmer voice. "I just want my daughter back, we don't want to cause any trouble, so just let us leave and you can carry on with your lives."
"Well I suppose…" Sister Mary said in a quiet voice turning to Sister Emma who had just returned from taking the rest of the children back inside the Chantry. Sister Emma simply shrugged in response.
"Well you still need to fill out the proper paperwork." Sister Mary said her snooty voice returning now she was back in familiar territory. "Sister Emma, could you please go and get Marg-"
"Lily." Lily piped in and then turned to her mother smiling, who told her what a good girl she was.
"Very well, Lily's things and meet us in the office."
"Yes of course." Sister Emma said before running off. Meanwhile Skye, Cullen and Lily followed Sister Mary into a small office a sat down, Lily insisting on sitting on her mother's lap.
"You just need to answer some questions and sign a form to make everything official, or as official as this situation can be." She said muttering the last bit under her breath. "First, Fathers name?"
"Um…Rutherford. I mean Cullen. Well Rutherford is my name, my family name that is, but my name is Cullen. Cullen Rutherford." Cullen rambled slightly panicked from the fact that he was about to officially adopt Lily. In the eyes of the Maker and the Chantry he would be Lily's father, and that made him very nervous. Skye and Sister Mary gave him odd looks, oblivious to his inner turmoil, Lily just giggled slightly.
"Okay." Sister Mary drawled out before turning to Skye. "Mothers?"
"Skye Trevelyan." The Sister jotted their names down, clearly not recognizing their names.
"Occupation?" Sister Mary asked, turning to Cullen.
"Umm Commander of the Inquisition." The Sister gave him a stern look.
"If you are not going to take this seriously, I must insist that Lily remain here."
"But that really is my job, I'm in charge of the Inquisitions forces." Cullen assured. Sister looked between Cullen and Skye's completely serious faces and realization slowly dawned on her.
"Blessed Andraste! Then that would make you the Inquisitor." She said turning to Skye who simply nodded.
"I beg you pardon Your Worship, I did not realize." Sister Mary spluttered.
"That's okay, I've been getting that a lot lately. Apparently I'm not as recognizable as I thought I was." Skye laughed.
When Sister Mary eventually stopped apologizing they carried on filling out the necessarily forms, at some point Sister Emma returned with a bag pack of Lily's things which she handed to Cullen.
"Finally," Sister Mary said, "The name and address of your guarantor. This is someone we'd usually contact before the official adoption, but this is a unique circumstance, who can attest to both of your characters so we know you'd make suitable parents."
"Who should we put?" Skye asked Cullen.
"Umm…Leliana I guess; she knows us both pretty well."
"Okay." Skye turned back to Sister Mary. "Divine Victoria and I assume her address would be Grand Cathedral, Val Royeaux. Or Skyhold, either one will do." The quill fell out of Sister Mary's hand as she stared in shock at the couple sat opposite her. Skye noticed that the Sister had ceased writing and was simply staring at them.
"Well if that's everything, I think we will be off." Skye said standing up and holding Lily on her hip. The two Sisters made no objections so Skye just left, Cullen trailing after her.
The three of them left the Chantry and made their way back into the center of town. Cullen's head was still spinning and as a result he could barely make a coherent thought. He needed to get his act together soon or Skye would realize something was up with him. But then he thought, maybe it would be better to confess his confusion and fears to Skye. He didn't know how to be a father? He was a recovering drug addict for Andraste's sake, surely there is some rule about that. But he knew that telling Skye would upset her, she looked so happy and he couldn't bare to take that away from her. This was all his fault to begin with. When Skye had first asked him to help her find Lily he should have realized what she was really asking. This wasn't just some fetch quest she asked him to go on with her. She had asked him to be a father to her child. And he, being a complete moron, had completely missed it. Looking back with hindsight he wanted to slap himself repeatedly. If he had just thought for one moment about after they found Lily, he could have had nearly two weeks to get used to the idea of being a father. But even if he had done that, would he have been ready? How do you even prepare yourself to step into the role of a father? He desperately didn't want to disappoint Skye and the thought of losing her caused his heart to physically ache, but what if he did something wrong? What if something happened to Lily and it was his fault? Skye would hate him forever and the knew he wouldn't be able to live with that.
Suddenly a small giggle drew Cullen out of his panicked musings. He turned to his side to see Skye and Lily looking at him. They had clearly been waiting for him to notice their stares for a while, something that Lily found thoroughly amusing. Cullen was about to apologise for ignoring them when Lily laughed again and then unwrapped her arms from around Skye's neck and stretched them out towards him.
"Daddy." She called out and Cullen tried his hardest not to let the absolute terror that he was feeling show on his face. He had never held a baby before, well really she was a toddler or maybe an infant, Cullen wasn't sure but he had never held any of them in his life. A quick glance at Skye saw her looking at him with such a loving and happy expression, that he couldn't bare to disappoint her. Slowly he reached to slip the bag pack off his shoulder so it wouldn't be in the way, when he realized it wasn't there, he had left it the Chantry.
"I left Lily's things in the Chantry." Cullen said quickly taking a set back and immediately turning around to head back to towards the Chantry. He moved so fast that he didn't see the look of concern on Skye's face as she saw the smile drop from Lily's face as she gazed after Cullen.
Cullen was in a turmoil, whilst forgetting the bag was a complete accident, the way he jumped at the opportunity to avoid contact with Lily was shameful. But he couldn't help but feel slightly relieved as well, hence the turmoil. However, he couldn't do that forever, sooner or later he was going to have to step up and learn how to be a father. That would involve talking to her, holding her, educating her and probably a whole host of other things that he couldn't even think of. Walking back into the Chantry he couldn't see any Sisters around and so made his way to the office where he had left the bag. Knocking as he entered the office, he found it empty and so quickly grabbed the bag. But as he turned to leave he glanced out the windows and noticed the small toy nug that Lily had been holding was still outside on the grass. Cullen, without much conscious thought made his way outside to pick it up and put it in the bag. Cullen then headed back into town. He found Skye and Lily not far from where he'd left them sat on a bench in the town square. The sight of the two of them made Cullen halt in his path. Lily was sat crossed leg on the middle of the bench facing her mum and Skye has sat with on leg crossed over the other, angled towards Lily with an enraptured look on her face as Lily spoke to her. Skye had stepped into the role of a mother seamlessly and Cullen wished he could do the same. As he made his way towards them Lily looked forward when she heard his approach and a smile spread across her face. Cullen felt a small…something in the pit of his stomach when he looked at her smile, was that a father feeling? Or a nervous feeling? Or just something else entirely? Either way Cullen needed to show Skye that he could do this, he could be a father. An idea came to him and just as he reached the bench they were sitting on he reached into the bag pack and bent down in front of Lily.
"Hey, I picked this up for you." Cullen said handing her the nug. "I thought you might want it back."
"Doug!" Lily shouted grabbing the toy from Cullen's hands and holding it to her chest. "Thank you so much, daddy." Lily said holding the toy up to Skye so she could see it. "Look mummy, daddy brought Doug the nug back."
"Yes he has." Skye said looking at Cullen and smiling brightly at him, her fears from moments ago dissipated for the moment. Cullen felt that feeling again in his stomach, he decided that it was a happy feeling.
Just then Lily turned back to face him and gasped loudly and pointed her finger straight at Cullen's face. "My eyes." She said. "Daddy's got my eyes."
'Blessed Andraste, she can read minds!' Cullen thought and that happy feeling immediately turned to dread as he quickly stood up and looked at anything else except Lily and Skye.
"Yes Lily, you both have the same coloured eyes, and what colour is that?" Skye asked.
"Chocolate brown!" Lily squealed.
"Yes Lily, well done. You are such a clever girl." Skye said as she pulled Lily close and kissed her forehead repeatedly. Cullen wasn't sure if he was relieved or upset that Skye didn't have a bigger reaction to what Lily had said. What did he want Skye's reaction to be? He still didn't know.
"As a reward, I'm going to go buy you some chocolate." Skye said kissing Lily again before standing up and telling Cullen that she would be right back and giving him a quick kiss. It took a few seconds for Cullen to fully register what had just happened. When he did he looked down at Lily who was just staring up at him and then spun round trying to locate Skye but she was lost in the crowd. Cullen turned back to the bench and decided to sit down. Lily immediately turned to face him and just looked at him. Cullen frantically searched his scrambled brain for something to say.
"So um are you going to miss living at the Chantry?" Cullen asked.
"No." Lily shook her head from side to side to emphasize her point. "Mummy told me that you live in a giant castle! I can't wait, will it make me a princess?"
"Ummm…No I'm afraid not, its not that type of castle." Lily's face immediately fell and Cullen felt himself begin panic, he couldn't do this. "But…But Skye, your mother, she's a noble. She's a lady, that automatically makes you a lady as well. Lady Lily."
"Lady Lily." She said trying it out. "That sounds funny." She said as she burst out laughing. Cullen gave a sigh of relief but all soon Lily's laughs subsided and she just looked at him again.
"What about the people? Will you miss any of the other children?" Cullen asked. Lily turned away from him and looked down at the floor, Cullen didn't understand what he had done to upset her. Why was this so hard?
"I wasn't allowed to play with the other children because I might be different." Lily eventually said, keeping her eyes down cast.
"Different?" Cullen questioned.
"Different like how mummy is." Had Skye told her she was a mage? How did Lily even know what a mage was? Cullen suddenly had a flashback to her birth record, extreme intelligence it had said. Cullen suddenly feared that if Lily could understand about mages, did she know about Templars. Would she hate him for having been one? Could she even somehow figure out that Cullen wasn't her father and resent him for trying to be? More and more questions poured into Cullen's head. When a thought suddenly occurred to him.
"Are you? Are you different like how Skye is?" Cullen asked, dreading every answer she could give.
"I don't know." Lily said, finally returning her eyes to Cullen. "Is that bad?" Lily looked at him with sad eyes, Cullen would almost say she looked ashamed. He wasn't sure if it was shame that she didn't know or shame that she might be or even shame that she wasn't a mage. Cullen felt another feeling in his stomach, completely different to the one he had before. This one was much more painful. The pain was increasing and Cullen didn't know how to stop it. All he knew was that when he looked at Lily sad face he felt, like he was being ripped apart.
"No of course it isn't bad. One day soon or maybe later you will know and because of the amazing person your mother is, you and all other children won't be treated any different because of it." Cullen said.
"Really?" Lily said and Cullen nodded, but he was taken be surprise when Lily scooted closer to him and hugged his side. Cullen immediately tensed and he felt incredibly awkward but at least the pain in his stomach had stopped. He looked down at her carefully patted her back with his free hand.
When Cullen looked up again Skye was stood in front of them beaming at him. She couldn't describe what she felt when she looked at her daughter and the love of her life embracing. She wanted to stay in this moment forever but soon Lily released Cullen and saw her mother standing there.
"Lady mummy." Lily squealed, jumping off the bench and running the sort distance to Skye, who bent down to scoop her in her arms.
"Lady mummy?" Skye asked looking over at Cullen who was rubbing the back of his head looking at the floor.
"Yeah, daddy said you were a Lady, so Lady mummy." Lily said with logic that only made sense to a three-year-old. "And I'm Lady Lily and daddy is…" Lily trailed off. "Daddy, what are you? Are you a Lord?"
"No, I'm not a Lord. I used to be a Ser but not anymore. I guess I'm just Commander."
"Co-mman-der." Lily said, sounding it out. "Commander daddy." She said laughing.
"Oh aren't you precious." Skye said covering her face in kisses. "And as promised, I've got you some chocolate." She placed Lily back down in the middle of the bench and sat down on her other side. She then pulled a bar of chocolate out her pocket, unwrapped it and broke a piece off before holding it up to Lily's eye level and then holding it up to Cullen's.
"Perfect match." She exclaimed before handing the piece to Lily who didn't hesitate to eat it. The three of them polished off the chocolate quickly.
"We'd better get moving if we want to make a good distance my nightfall." Cullen said standing up.
"You want to leave right now?" Skye asked.
"Well I assumed you would want to."
"Well I just thought that since we've spent so much of the last two weeks traveling that we could spend at least a day or two here to properly rest up before we start traveling again." Skye said pleadingly.
"Well I guess that's a good idea."
"Good because I already got us a room at the tavern." Skye smiled cheekily, before standing up and reaching her hand out for Lily to grab. The three of them spent the rest of the day looking around the town. At one point Skye ran off towards the blacksmiths for a moment but quickly came back and bent down to hand Lily something.
"Here Lily, daddy and I got you a present."
"Yay a present!" Lily said literally jumping up and down for joy. "What is it?"
"It's a bracelet." Skye said showing Lily the simple silver band. "On the inside is the day you were born as well as todays date, the day we found each other." Lily's eyes widened as she stroked the carvings on the inside of the bracelet. "And on the other side is your name, Lily Trevelyan Rutherford."
Cullen suddenly really needed to sit down.