Cullen, Skye and Lily spent the rest of the afternoon wondering around Ghislain. Even though Lily had lived practically all her life here, she hadn't been allowed to leave the Chantry and as a result she wanted to see everything. They visited every shop, looked at every statue and went on a walk around the outskirts of the town. When the sun started to set even Cullen could see that Lily was fighting to stay awake, having long ago given up on walking and insisted on Skye carrying her.
"Maybe we should head back to the tavern now, its getting late." Cullen said.
"I think your right Cullen, this little one is already dozing away." Skye laughed looking down at Lily who was resting her head on Skye's shoulder.
"No…I'm…awake." Lily said slowly, which was followed by a yawn.
"I think we've done enough exploration for today. Let's head back to the tavern, get a bite to eat and then turn in for the night." Skye said as they started making their way towards the tavern.
"But I'm not tired." Lily insisted, with barely enough strength to hold her head up straight.
"Well Cullen and I are and we're not going to let you wonder around town on your own, so you're going to have to go to bed as well." Skye said.
"Fine." Lily drawled out, as if it was a massive inconvenience to her. Cullen couldn't help but chuckle as Lily soon dozed off again in her mother's embrace. Throughout the day Cullen had tried to interact with Lily as much as he could, he explained anything she asked him to, answered all her questions, brought her a drink when she complained of being thirsty and had even held her hand to stop her running off, which she had a tendency to try and do. But after all that he still felt at a loss. He was continually turning to Skye for her approval on everything he did, whenever Lily directed something to him, he had a moment of panic before he realized that she had simply asked why a random question or to explain what someone was doing. Cullen was worried that Lily would soon figure out that he acted strangely around her and she would begin to question why. Whenever he caught her gazing at him, he could feel himself begin to sweat. Thankfully Lily had yet to say anything, but Cullen knew that unless he figured something out, that it would only be a matter of time.
When they arrived at the tavern, Skye and Lily sat down at a table while Cullen went and ordered them some food. When it arrived Skye instinctively took Lily's and cut up the chunks of meat and veg in her stew to even smaller pieces and blew on it until it was a more manageable temperature before giving the spoon to Lily. Cullen watched the exchange with a mixture awe, dread and a little bit of envy. The thought that the stew might be too big or too hot for Lily never even crossed his mind and he thought it was amazing that Skye just knew these things instinctively and he envied that, he really wanted to feel like he was Lily's father and he wanted to get these fatherly instincts. But every time he watched Skye do something for Lily's benefit, he couldn't help but get angry at himself for not knowing that he was supposed to do that. What was going to happen if he was left alone with Lily and something happened to her because he didn't instinctively know how to take care of her. Cullen realized that he was going to have to talk to Skye soon, he couldn't go on like this. He needed to tell Skye his doubts and worries, he couldn't risk being responsible if something happened to Lily.
When they'd finished eating Skye grabbed Lily who had fallen asleep against her side and started making her way towards the stairs at the back of the tavern. It was only as Cullen stood up to follow her that he realized something.
"Skye, did you only book one room?"
"Yes of course, why would we need anymore?" Skye asked turning her head slightly to give Cullen a bemused look.
"Well I just thought since there's three of us, you and Lily would need your own room."
"Why would we need our own room?"
"Well, will we have enough room? Won't she need a bed?"
"Cullen, she's only three! She doesn't take up much room, she can just sleep in the bed with us."
Cullen immediately tripped over the step in front of him and if he hadn't grabbed the bannister he would have fell face first. Cullen quickly recovered and carried on following Skye up the stairs and into their room. Cullen thought back to when he himself was young and had snuck into his parents bed whenever he was scared or had a nightmare. He thought it might not be that unusual for a child to sleep in their parents bed but he couldn't help but feel that it was a bit inappropriate for Lily to sleep in the same bed as him.
Skye set Lily down on the bed, propped her staff against the wall and took the bag of Lily's belonging from Cullen and started rummaging through it on the table, looking for something Lily could sleep in. Lily meanwhile had gained a bit of energy from her brief naps and jumped off the bed and started reaching for Skye's staff. Cullen quickly lunged forward to pull her back, knowing how dangerous a mage's staff could be in untrained hands. He grabbed the back of her dress and yanked her backwards causing her fall over.
There was a moment of stunned silence as Skye looked over to see what had happened and Lily turned to face Cullen, her eyes filling with tears.
"Why?" Lily whispered as she tried to wipe away her tears. Cullen looked down at Lily a sudden feeling of shame taking over him and turned to Skye who just looked confused.
"I didn't…I…She tried…I was…" Cullen stumbled over his words, trying to explain what had just happened and pointed to Skye's staff that remained innocently against the wall. Realisation dawned on Skye's face and she walked over to scoop Lily up in her arms and sat her down back on the bed and bending down to be eye level with her.
"Lily did you try and take mummy's staff?" Skye asked calmly. Lily cast he gaze downwards, avoiding her mother's eyes.
"Lily." Skye said again.
"I just wanted to touch it, honestly." Lily said earnestly.
"Lily my staff is dangerous. You must never attempt to touch it or use it with mine or Cullen's knowledge and consent. We don't want you to get hurt. Do you understand?" Skye asked.
"Yes I understand. I'm sorry." Lily said hanging her head in shame.
"It's ok Lily, everyone makes mistakes." Skye said leaning forward and planting a kiss on her forehead before standing up and grabbing her staff and moving it to the other side of the room.
"Besides," Skye whispered, more to herself than for Lily or Cullen. "You might have your own one day." Before grabbing the night dress she had found and getting Lily ready for bed.
Cullen had not moved or spoken throughout the whole exchange. The shame he felt at hurting Lily, even though it could have been that much, still plagued him.
"Cullen?" Skye asked, noticing that Cullen hadn't moved in some time.
"Huh?" Cullen said turning to Skye who had already gotten out of her battlemage armor and was dressed in one of his undershirts for bed. Lily was already sitting up in bed staring at him.
"Are you coming to bed?" Skye asked, laughing slightly at his adorable look of confusion.
"Actually, I'm not feeling well. I'm just going to get some air. Bad stew I think." Cullen rushed, rubbing his stomach vaguely. "You two go to sleep, I'll be back in a bit." He was already out the door before Skye or Lily could say anything.
Skye and Lily both looked at the closed door in confusion before Lily turned to her mother.
"Is daddy alright?" Lily asked.
"I don't know." Skye answered honestly as she climbed into bed beside Lily, who quickly snuggled into her side. "Go to sleep Lily. Sweet dreams." Skye said kissing the top of Lily's head, who fell asleep moments later. Skye wanted to wait up for Cullen's return but as time passed she drifted off to sleep.
-X-
Skye jerked awake and frantically looked around the room trying to identify what had woken her. After not registering any dangers in the immediate vicinity she allowed her self to relax. She looked down and saw Lily still fast asleep beside her but the other half of the bed was empty, the sheets still fresh and cold. Skye turned to look out the rooms only window and saw the sky was now completely black. Skye had waited nearly an hour for Cullen to return and she couldn't have been asleep for more than another hour or two and yet, Cullen had still not return. Skye began to grow worried and silently climbed out of bed and grabbed her under armor trousers and shimmied into them. She then quickly cast a glyph of repulsion around the bed and a glyph of stasis in front of the door, just incase some tried to get in, before leaving the room to search for Cullen.
She found him almost immediately, slumped over a table in the taverns main room, fast asleep and an empty tankard next to him.
"Cullen." Skye said, sitting down opposite him and shaking his shoulder gently.
"Eugh." He said turning his head away from her.
"Cullen wake up." Skye said a bit more forcefully and continued to shake his arm.
Cullen's head suddenly shot up and he quickly scanned the room looking for enemies as he stood up and started pulling his sword out of it holster.
"Cullen, calm down its just me." Skye said reaching forward to grab his hand and guiding the sword back into its holster.
"Skye?" Cullen asked confused. "What's going on?"
"You tell me." Skye asked suddenly angry. "You make up some excuse about getting some air and then never come back. And now I find you asleep slummed over a table. So you tell me what's going on?" Skye whispered loudly, conscious of the people sleeping above them.
Cullen continued to look confused before the events of the previous day caught up with him. He promptly fell back down into his seat and hid his face in his hands. "Oh Maker." He groaned.
Skye sat back down across from him and grabbed his wrists to pull his hands away from his face. "Cullen talk to me! What's wrong?" Skye asked softly.
"I don't know what I'm doing." Cullen eventually whispered, his gaze cast downwards in shame.
"What do you mean?" Skye asked confused.
"I don't know how to be a father!" Cullen said, quickly casting his gaze upwards to the guests sleeping. Fearful of waking them Cullen made his way outside, Skye following closely behind.
"Cullen, talk to me. I don't understand what you mean." Skye asked once they were a safe distance from the tavern. Cullen quick spun around to face Skye.
"I'd long ago given up hope of being a father and suddenly three weeks ago you drop this bomb on me and now suddenly, with no warning, I'm a father to another mans child!"
"That's what's bothering you? That I've been with another man." Skye asked.
"No of course not."
"Well that's what it sounds like."
Cullen shook his head and turning away slightly, rubbing the back of his neck. "This is not coming out like I want it too."
"Cullen, just talk to me. There has never been a problem that we couldn't over come together." Skye said reaching forward and spinning Cullen back towards her.
"I not qualified for this." Cullen said.
"What do you mean?"
"You saw what I did earlier, I hurt her!"
"No you protected her. You know as well as I how she could have hurt herself. Believe me I would rather her have a sore bottom then accidently set herself on fire. If anything its my fault, I left my staff within her reach." Both fell silent for a moment.
"It's all my fault." Cullen eventually said. Skye remained silent, waiting for him to explain. "When you first told me about Lily, all I wanted to do was help you." Cullen took a steadying breath before continuing.
"I was so stupid. I was so focused on finding her that I never thought about how she would effect us once we did. I never for one second thought that you would want me to be Lily's father. I…I don't know how to be a father. I don't know what I'm doing."
"And you think I know how to be a mother?!" Skye asked, turning away from Cullen.
"Well…I assumed…" Cullen stammered, not anticipating where the conversation was suddenly heading.
"I was taken to the circle when I was five years old, where I was only allowed to see my mother once every few months. I was raised by a hundred different men and women, half of whom would have killed me with out a second thought." Skye turned back to face Cullen, anger in her eyes, but not directed at him, anger at her own memories.
"And for nine months, as I carried my own child, I was constantly reminded that I would never be a mother to my child. That she would be taken from me and I would never see her again. So don't talk to me of not knowing what you're doing." There was silence between them for a moment before Cullen stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her.
"I'm so sorry Skye, that was stupid and insensitive of me."
"Do you want to be with me?" Skye asked, pulling out of Cullen's embrace.
'Of cour-"
"Before you answer, I want you to really think about it. I have a daughter now, we are a package deal. I won't ever lose her again and if that means I have…I have to give up you, then I…"
"Sssshhhh." Cullen whispered, cradling her face. "I would never ask that of you. I care for Lily too. I just don't want to let you or her down. I feel like you both expect so much from me and I'm not sure I can deliver. I don't want to let either of you down." Cullen said resting his forehead against hers.
"Cullen, we're both making this up as we go along. So let's promise that from now on if we're unsure of anything to just tell each other, yeah?" Skye asked.
"Yes." Cullen whispered, capturing Skye's lips and kissing her deeply.
"In the spirit of our new found promise of honesty, can I ask you something?" Cullen asked.
"Anything."
"If your out here with me, who's watching Lily?"
"It's ok, she was fast asleep when I left and I laid some glyphs around the bed and in front of the door, if anyone tries to get to her I'll know." Skye said proudly.
"What if she tries to leave the room?" Cullen asked. The smile slowly dropped off Skye's face.
"Oh shit!" Skye shouted, turning around and running back to the inn.
"Wow you really meant it when you said you didn't know what you were doing either." Cullen laughed running with Skye back to tavern.
"Shut it you." Skye said shoving him as she ran.
Both of them rushed up the stairs and burst through the door only to find Lily still fast asleep on the bed, taking advantage of its emptiness and spreading her little arms and legs out wide.
"Oh thank the Maker." Skye signed, quickly disabling the glyphs and making her way into the room and checking that Lily was ok. Happy that she hadn't accidently trapped her own child in a glyph, Skye quickly got back into bed.
Cullen meanwhile quickly stripped down to his under armor and also got into bed, trying not to knock the sprawled out infant. However, the slight movement of the bed woke her slightly.
"Dad, is that you?" She asked her eyes still closed.
"Yes, its me. Go back to sleep."
"Will you be here when I wake up?"
"Yes, of course. I promise." Cullen whisper, kissing the top of her head and quickly falling asleep.
Please Review