I stuff my hands in the pockets of my jeans and inhale deeply the fresh air as Maura and I walk slowly towards my parked car. I honestly was surprised that Maura has chosen a nice steakhouse instead of a fancy French restaurant that serves escargots that I'd swallow down reluctantly, but I would do it to please her. I thought that I could take her for a ride as I showed up at her place, dressed casual. But she render me speechless by saying that she's glad I'm not overdressed. I looked confused at her until she directed my to the steakhouse. Somehow, I can sense that she's not really in the mood for driving home by now, just like me. That's why I decide to lead the way to a nearby park. The evening went really smooth and we talked about more than work or our kids. Something that we didn't do for a very long time. It's not like we didn't have any date nights since the birth of our son, but somehow we couldn't stop being mothers at that time. We talked about work, we talked about what activity to do the next day with our family. During that time, we never had been a real couple. Now I become aware of that. The whole time, I thought that I am the only one to blame, but now I think that either of us has been unable to cope with the whole new situation. That we perhaps rushed some things after we became a couple. Not that I regret anything we did in the past, well, I don't regret the good things we did. Like vetting married or becoming parents, but maybe taking a little more time would've been wiser.

I frown a little when she links her arm with mine and look down at her. "I can't believe that you've chosen a steakhouse instead of a fancy French restaurant."

"I can't believe that you'd dressed in a simple jeans and a dress shirt even though you knew it could be possible that I want to go to such a restaurant." She shoots back but smiles a little.

I take a deep breath and can't contain amused chuckle. "In the case you'd chosen such establishment, I'd have stopped at my place to get dressed more appropriate."

"Uh-huh," she says slowly and looks into the distance. "Something tells me that it's not the truth."

I open my mouth to reply something, but then I decide against it and close it again. Somehow, Maura's right. If she'd have chosen a fancy restaurant, I probably would have start whining. "I didn't ruin your plans, did I?"

She laughs heartily and shakes her head. "No. No, you didn't, Jane. I have to admit, the thought crossed my mind, but I wasn't in the mood for that kind of restaurant. I wanted that either of us feel comfortable. And I have to admit that I like Del Frisco's very much."

I nod slowly and furrow my eyebrows. "You have to admit a lot of things tonight, Maura."

"Yes, I do." She agrees and pulls me a little closer. "And I enjoyed the evening with you a lot. It feels like -"

"We haven't been doing this for ages." I say as she trails off and nod slowly. I have the same feeling. Like we've been so busy with everything else so we neglected ourselves and our relationship.

Maura is silent for a moment and sighs. "Yes, exactly." She leans her head against my shoulder and frowns. "Jane, do you think that we got so busy with everything else so we forgot to take care of our relationship?"

"I asked myself the same thing already, Maura." I say and hunch my free shoulder. "I also thought that we maybe rushed some things."

"Like what?"

"A couple of things. I mean, we only have been in a serious relationship for a couple of months when we got engaged."

"You were the one who proposed," Maura states and slows her steps. "What are you regretting?"

I roll my eyes at myself and swallow a groan. Why can't I shut up at some point? I start shaking my head and furrow my brows. "I regret absolutely nothing, Maura." I say and my voice is soft, looking long at her. "All I want to say is that we maybe didn't take enough time for ourselves, didn't enjoy our time together long enough. If I could go back, the only thing I would is suggest is to take a little more time, take the things a little slower. But I would never change the fact that we decided to have a family together because our children turned out incredible well. Mostly because of you."

She smiles broadly at me and wraps her arms around my middle all of a sudden, holding me close. "Thank you."

I smile like an idiot and nod approvingly. "You're more than welcome, Maura." I whisper into her hair and close my eyes. It's true, why should I lie? She did an amazing job all by herself, I haven't been a big help most of the time. I pull away a little when I feel her shaking. "You okay?"

Maura nods and shrugs. "I'm just a little bit cold. I shouldn't left my coat in the car."

"You couldn't know that we're going to take a little walk, Maura."

"I should know your spontaneous side by now."

I scoff and start to lead the way back to the car. "True." I say amused and Maura starts to laugh heartily. "Let's get you home."

Maura licks her lips and looks at me. "Are you going to stay tonight?"

I don't answer right away because the offer is more than tempting. Waking up next to Maura is like … waking up in a better world, but sadly I don't have clothes at Maura's to get dressed in tomorrow in the morning. "Next time, Maura." I answer and unlock my car. She's silent and I'm afraid that she's mad because of my answer. "Are you mad, Maura?" I ask and open the passenger's door for her.

Maura doesn't get in immediately and looks long at me. "No, I'm not mad at you."

"Disappointed?"

"No, not at all."

I close the door and take a deep breath. Normally I would doubt the answer, but this time the voice in my head tells me that I don't need to worry this time, that she's not lying about it. I nod to myself as I round the car and sit down behind the steering wheel, starting the engine. I am about to drive off but then I hesitate, looking at her. "You sure that you're not mad at me?"

She rolls her eyes and leans over, kissing my cheek. "I'm more than sure about it, Jane. I'm not mad at you because you're not staying tonight. You spent the entire day with Haley and Nick, and kept the promises you made last night. How could I be mad at you?"

I nod slowly and sigh in relief before we finally drive off.

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"So you and Maura are going to try it again," Frankie asks and gets himself a bottle of beer out of my fridge.

I roll my eyes and frown a little as he does so. I don't know why he's here at all instead of being at the Dirty Robber with Frost and Korsak like we used to at the end of a shift. I have spent the most of the day with the kids and Ma and hoped that I'm not going to strangle my mother with my bare hands for interrogating me how the evening with Maura went. I walk to the fridge and get myself a beer out of it. Maura had been requested for a autopsy of an high-class man and that bothered her a lot because this time she was the one who had to work instead of spending the time with us, but she didn't dare to turn the request down. I shrug and take a sip of my beer. "We … try to fix our relationship without any expectations. We … still have feelings for each other."

"No kidding," he replies with a knowingly smile and ducks his head as I threat to throw a scouring sponge at him.

"Shut up," I say with a small smile.

He snickers and sits down at my kitchen counter. "Look, I think it's great that you guys try to fix your relationship, Jane. Maura and you … You are made for each other. I know what I'm talking about."

I blink a couple of times and lick my lips, dropping my eyes to the floor to hide my smile. I know what he's referring to. Tommy tried to hit on Maura but she turned him down, just like Frankie. Well, Frankie wasn't turned down, either of them agreed that a relationship wouldn't work out because what they felt for each other was more like sibling love, not romantically. I still have no idea why she choose me at the end, and I'm sure she's asking herself the same thing every now and then. I guess that's something that always was holding me back, that we misinterpreted our feelings for each other and that they are nothing more than - I sigh and shake the thought off. "We try to make î work for the sake of Haley and Nick."

Frankie looks skeptically at me and put the bottle down. "You don't love Maura anymore?"

I'm about to take a swig from the bottle but lower it again as soon as the words leave his mouth. "Are you seriously asking me that?"

"So why are you saying that you try to fix it because of Nick and Haley? I mean, it's noble of either of you that you only want the best for them, but I have the feeling that you and Maura are falling by the wayside." He says and I can see the concern in his eyes. "Parental love has its limit, Jane."

"No, it doesn't." I growl low and clench my jaw.

Frankie rolls his eyes and places an hand over mine. "You know how I mean it. At some point, parents have to take some time off and just enjoy themselves. You can't be there for Nick and Haley forever without giving up yourself. Do you really think that they're going to be independent one day if you babysit them 24/7?"

"They are eight and four, almost five." I reply and furrow my eyebrows. I shrug and sigh. "I know that we can't treat them forever like toddlers, Frankie. But I … try to spare them feeling like I was feeling like when I was in their age."

He looks questioningly at me and pulls his hand back. "What do you mean?"

"Well, in the beginning there was only Ma, Pop and me, and then all of a sudden there was you too."

"I'm not sorry for that."

"Me neither," I state laughingly and he smiles at me. "But I had to grow up very fast from that moment on. I couldn't understand why Ma and Pop didn't had so much time for me anymore. You know how it feels like when you're suddenly not the center of attention anymore." I pause as he nods and turn the corners of my mouth downward. "I want to give Haley and Nick are equal."

Frankie let the words sink in and furls his brows. "So instead only neglecting Nick, you neglected either of them equivalently?"

I tuck in my chin and am sure that shock and hurt is written all over my face. I know that he doesn't mean it that way and that he probably regrets his choice of words already.

Frankie sighs heavily and rubs his hands with his hands. "I'm sorry, Jane. I don't know why I said that."

I swallow down my angry reply and raise an hand to signal him that I'm still calm. "It's okay, you're not the first person who's telling me something like that."

"Ma?"

"Surprisingly, no."

"Maura," he tries a second time and I nod approvingly, sipping my beer. "You know that I love you, Jane, but I am on her side in this."

I purse my lips and don't look at him. I know that he loves me and that he has my back, like I have his. But I know that I made a lot of mistakes in the nearer past and that I have to face the music. How have I been fooling? No one can stand in such a thing neutral, except Tommy. Tommy is more like Switzerland, always was. As soon as trouble seem to come up during the divorce, he left the room or didn't make a sound at all. I wish he could have been so neutral when our parents got divorced. Anyway, I deserved Frankie's bitter comment because he was more parent in the time I came unglued. "I know, Frankie. I know that I can count on you, no matter what. I really deserved it."

Frankie sighs heavily and frowns. "No, you don't. I know that you had a good reason to act like you did, it's just confusing. I only wish that you'd say what the reason was."

God, I wish I'd have a good explanation why I acted like a did. Having the habdabs, yes. Definitely yes. Have they been comprehensible? In the past they would have been. I mean, I was haunted by a serial killer who was obsessed with me just because he thought I'm the perfect opponent for him. And then there is Maura's biological family … father, who was the head of the Irish mob. It is obvious that Paddy's enemies wouldn't hesitate to hurt Maura or her family to get to him, it already happened once. Living with a target on the back isn't that exciting like it seems to be in the movies. I don't shoot people while falling to the ground, and I don't jump up when a bullet went through-and-through like it's nothing. I don't jump off a roof and fly through the air like Supergirl. My weakness isn't a green, blinking mineral. My kryptonite is my family, the persons I love the most. If I loss my family, I have nothing that keeps me here.

I start to rub my forehead with my hand as I feel the headache beginning.

"Is that your clue for me to get lost?" Frankie asks with a broad smile.

My eyes snap up to his and I furrow my brows. "No. It was just a long day."

"Can I finish my beer?" He chuckles and sips his beer.

I chuckle and nod slowly, taking a sip of my own. All I want to be right now is alone so I can take a shower and go to bed, but I would never throw my brother out of my apartment. I know that he's here to show me that nothing has changed at all. But it doesn't change that I want to be alone right now.

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I know I told Maura that I'd stay at my place for the night to regenerate from playing tag with the kids all day long. It seemed like all if us had to make up for a lot of time. But the talk with Frankie earlier this night has stirred something deep inside me, something that made me grab a couple of clothes, throwing them into the nearest bag, getting my keys and driving back to Maura's house without giving her a call. I know it sounds silly, but I've been laying for three hours in my bed and tried to get some sleep, but it didn't work. Not laying next to Maura in a bed feels like someone took the warmth from my body.

I sneak into Maura's dark bedroom and am surprised that Bear didn't give a bark as I passed Nick's bedroom. Maybe that's because we really got used to each other. I mean, he doesn't eye me skeptically anymore or sniffle at my leg when I come by. I drop my bag carefully at the door so I won't wake Maura and slip out of my sneakers. I know that she's won't be really thrilled when she wakes up in the morning and find me laying in my clothes next to her, but I don't care about that right now, I'm to tired. And I'm wearing only sweats and a shirt, and I'm freshly showered. She can't complain about that in the morning.

I have to smile because she has her back turned away from the door and gives me the opportunity to sneak up behind her and to wrap my arms around her. I take a deep breath and slip under the blanket, hesitating for a second before I really wrap my arms around her. I frown when she stirs a little with a sigh, but then she places an hand over my arm and pull me even closer.

I place my face at the crook of her head and inhale her scent.

"I thought you'd stay at your place," she whispers into the dark and sighs once more.

I nod once and then I shrug. "I couldn't find some sleep."

"And then you thought you could sneak into my house and into my bed?" She says and the smile is evident in her voice. "That's a very odd way to find some rest, Jane."

I scoff and kiss her neck gently. "I can feel that you really don't like it. I mean, you wake the entire neighborhood with your screaming."

She chuckles low and turn on her back so she can look at me, running her fingers along my jawline. "You're here without any ulterior motives, aren't you?"

"Yes," I answer and scrutinize her face in the dark. I really had no other thoughts than laying in bed with her and to hold her for a little while.

"Good." Maura breathes and pulls my head down to kiss me long and sweet.

I can't help the smile and kiss her back without any hesitance. I think this time we're really going to work out. I know there's still a long way to go, but this time I'm optimistic.

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Thank you all for your really kind reviews, it really made my day. And of course thank you for reading, following and favorite this story.

I hope that you'll like this chapter as well. I'll be honest, I actually don't know how many chapters will follow, but I still have some ideas.

Okay, that's it for now. Thank you all very much.

T73.