A.N.: So far, so good. Things are coming out better than I first thought. Let's see how this goes. Don't forget to leave a review. Relax and Enjoy...

The Lost

"Major, Lieutenant. Here we go again, eh?"

Kaidan and Joker were greeted by Commander Bailey as soon as they were off the elevator. He looked less than enthused about the current situation as the two marines and it is well warranted. Every time there was a lead on the Citadel about Commander Shepard, the news always picks up on it, and every time there's a mob of them swarming the location like flies on carcass. That's why Commander Bailey is always there with a group of C-Sec officers holding them back so Kaidan can go in and validate the information without getting swarmed.

The three men shook hands and got straight down to brass tax.

"Hey, Bailey. Where are the reporters?" Kaidan was not looking forward to this; not one bit.

"Around the corner and down the hall from the morgue. There's a route through some offices beyond that door over there." Bailey raises an arm towards a door to Kaidan's and Joker's left. "Private Teranous will lead you there. It's the best route to avoid being seen by those damned vultures and their bullshit questions." He waves over a turian officer who was standing by the door he just pointed out.

"Sirs." The officer snapped a salute and stood at attention. "I'll be escorting you around the reporters towards the morgue and to make sure there's no trouble along the way." He said with a confident tone and a determined look. He certainly left a good impression on Kaidan.

"Much Appreciated." Kaidan turns back to Bailey, "Shouldn't take long. We'll be back soon." He turns towards the door and the three men head off towards the morgue and the moment both Joker and Kaidan have been dreading the whole trip here. The door lead to an office which had another door on an adjacent wall on the far end of the room. That door lead them to another hallway which stretched for a good bit. One side of the hall was entirely made up of large floor-to-ceiling windows all the way to the far end, which gave a beautiful view of the Presidium. Kaidan and Joker, however, were too busy dealing with the butterflies in their stomachs to notice. They're scared the body really is Shepard's. Even though they knew that if it wasn't, then she's still missing, they were hoping, praying that that was the case, because then there's still that microscopic chance they might find her alive.

They rounded a corner and and began to hear the commotion of the reporters who were waiting for there chance at a scoop. As they approached the corner the reporters were undoubtedly behind, the C-Sec officer turned into another office that ran parallel to the hallway. It would hide them as they crossed towards the morgue. As they came to the opposite door, the three men stopped when the saw a young woman leaning on the wall next to the door. She wasn't wearing scrubs so she clearly wasn't an employee of the hospital. To Kaidan and joker, however, the white dress and dark hair were a familiar sight to them. The only oddity is that she didn't have her camera with her.

"Ma'am, this is a restricted area. I'm gonna have to ask y..." The officer Teranous trailed off when Kaidan approached him with his hand up.

"Stand down, private. She's with us." The officer nodded and stepped aside as Diana Allers walked up with a thoughtful look on her face.

"Major Alenko. It's good to see you again. How's it going, Moreau?" Allers greeted the two men with a genuine yet sad smile.

"Hey Allers. Doing alright. What are you doing here, though?" Joker replied to her with sincerity as well as a hint of confusion.

"I heard about the body they brought in and I couldn't help myself. I had to find out if the rumors are true or not. I owe Shepard a lot. Because of her, Bekenstein still survives. My homeworld was saved just in the nick of time thanks to her. That's why I'm here; to say my thanks as well as goodbyes..." Allers' voice went quiet at the end before she added "And I know what you're thinking; she's a reporter. She's using her relationship she has with the crew to try and grab exclusive footage. I promise you, though. My reason for being here is genuine. She was there for me when I found out that Bekenstein was hit. She helped me keep it together. I owe her a lot for that. I also promised her a Bekenstein Wake. She at least deserves that much, and bringing a camera felt like disrespecting the woman who made sure that we're all standing here today." Diana finished with tears in her eyes as she lowered her head. She was only on the Normandy for the duration of the war as a civilian, but even then. Shepard touched her heart like she touched everybody else's. That's one of the things that drew Kaidan to Shepard in the first place. She was charming and compassionate and loved by all. There's not a dry eye in the galaxy for the missing Commander. Anyone who knew her would feel the void left by her presence.

Kaidan was touched by Allers' little speech. He looked at Joker who nodded his agreement that she does seem genuine. Joker took a step forward and addressed the grieving woman with sympathy. "Alright, Diana. You can come along." Her smile was radiant and dripping with gratitude as her head shot up at the pilot's words. "But fair warning. The body's a mess. If you can't handle it then you're better off not coming in." Allers nodded her agreement with a look of determination. She knows that the sight will be gruesome, but her dedication to the Commander was as clear as day. She cared about Shepard as much as everyone else. At this point, she wasn't a reporter, she was a member of the crew. Clearly, Kaidan and Joker were impressed by her resolve. She's got more spunk than they originally thought. They called over Teranous who was waiting patiently to one side and the small posse of four proceeded through the last door and found themselves face to face with the door to the Huerta Memorial Mortuary.

"By the way, how did you know where to find us?" Asked Joker, unable to hold back the question that was itching at his stubble.

"This was the only other route that those dogs weren't guarding." Diana replied coolly with a hint of pride in her voice. "I have a friend who got me access to the offices and a map of the floor."

The woman was resourceful, the others had to admit.

"I'll be waiting outside, sir. I'm under orders to give you privacy until you're ready to leave. A technician is inside. She'll assist you with anything you may need." The officer stood to the side of the door and saluted. Kaidan thanked him as he stepped back, allowing the three humans to enter. They took a moment to steel themselves before Joker hit the lock and the door slid open to a chill.

The morgue was huge; an entire wing in itself. The dead lay covered on many an examination table and even more were occupying the numerous cold chambers that lined the room from ceiling to floor. Each wall had a retrieval system that brought up any slab punched into the command consoles. The room had a chill to it due to the refrigeration required to keep the all the bodies from decomposing inside the chambers. The dimmed lighting cast the room in an ominous glow. The silence yelled at all who dared trespass among the dead. Overall, the room clearly did not welcome those who did not belong. In the middle of the room stood a lone asari by a computer, silently tending to the unfortunate who laid around her and who silently entrusted her to look after them. The position of a mortuary technician was not a cheerful occupation, but it is one that only a few were qualified to do. One such person must be able to handle the cadavers with care and due respect. It may not be pleasant, but it can be humbling.

The asari looked up from her console when she heard the door open and saw three humans walk in with two wearing Alliance uniform. She approached them before inquiring. "May I help you?"

"Someone informed the Alliance about an unidentified body that might be Commander Shepard's remains. We're here to verify the find." Somehow, Kaidan managed to maintain professionalism even though his heart is beating out of control at this point. He knew the others are dealing with the same thing, right now, and he can't blame them. They all know what's coming in the next few minutes. They're gonna find out if they found Shepard or not.

"Ah, yes. Please, follow me." The asari replied to Kaidan waving to the retrieval system on the right side of the large room. "What can you tell us about the body?" Kaidan was almost to afraid to ask.

"Initial autopsy shows third degree burns over 100% of the body, signs of physical trauma are evident all over, all bones have been shattered, the brain has been heavily damaged, all organs have been destroyed, and further trauma to the body is present due to vacuum exposure. Final deductions is that the body was caught in an explosion and spaced after being burned in a large fire. It was found floating in space just over Earth. I can give you the coroner's full report if you wish." The tech concluded and now Kaidan wished he never asked.

"Dear god..." Diana covered her mouth with her hand in surprise to hearing the state of the body.

"This is not gonna be pretty." Joker sighed as he clasped his hand behind his head.

The asari was sympathetic to them as she keyed the chamber housing the body in question. The platform positioned itself at a chamber high up near the ceiling and began collecting the slab the query was laid on. The platform came back down and deposited it's load at a collection station by the command console. The asari technician then loaded the deposited cargo onto a gurney, and then rolled it over to and examination table where a light hung to better illuminate the body for inspection.

Kaidan, Joker, and Diana gathered around the other side of the body from the tech, with one thought firmly in their minds.

This is it.

This is the moment when they are going to find out if the should keep searching for the missing commander or start helping Diana organize that wake she mentioned earlier.

The technician grabbed the release tab on the body bag before looking to the clearly distressed humans. "Ready?" She asked them.

"As we'll ever be." Kaidan returned with a huff of determination as the others prepared themselves for the gruesome reveal.

The asari nodded and slid the tab down before spreading the open mouth to the humans.

There it was.

Kaidan felt sick.

"Uh! God!" The shock in Joker's voice was clear as glass. Diana couldn't help but look away in utter disgust. Kaidan swallowed down his breakfast and stood fast at the horror laid before him. To say the body was a mess, mangled or wrecked was an understatement. It was obliterated to the nth degree. Completely charred black and misshapen. An arm and leg were missing. The remaining limbs were dislocated and the face doesn't look like one.

"Is that even human?" Allers managed to whisper in utter horror to the remains.

"I'm gonna throw chunks." Joker's voice came out strained; the discomfort evident.

Kaidan managed to stop staring at their Jane Doe long enough to start his medical scan. Doctor Chakwas had equipped him with a special scanner used to read DNA. She loaded it with Shepard's information and DNA data from her last examination before the end of the war. It will tell them if the body is the Commander or not.

The tension in the room was thick enough to choke a Yahg. All eyes were on Kaidan as he performed the scan. Joker can't stop fidgeting while Diana just watched and waited silently. Both were anxious. The asari tech watched with curiosity at the scene before her, unable to make sense of the humans anxiety to the situation.

The scanner beeped it's conclusion and everyone held their breaths as Kaidan brought up the results on his omnitool. He released an exhausted breath before shutting down his omnitool and turned to the others standing behind him.

"It's not Shepard." Kaidan sounded exhausted as he broke the news. Joker and Allers both released a heavy breath at it. Kaidan rubbed his temple with one hand as he began to feel traces of the inevitable migraine.

Silence fell on the group for a while, with nothing but the sounds of the technician resealing the body and taking it back into storage.

Diana was the first to break the silence. "So, what now?"

"I don't know. I...just...don't know." Kaidan struggled to come up with something, anything, to try and find Shepard, but exhaustion and an inevitable migraine refrained him from coming up with a plan.

"Shit. Let's just get out of this haunted house, already." Joker sounded frustrated. They all were.

They thanked the asari for her time and filed out of the room where Teranous was still waiting for them. He lead the posse through the same route they initially took and brought them back to Bailey. He did not look happy when they showed up looking as defeated as they felt.

"I'm afraid to ask but how did it go?" Bailey looked like he didn't want to know the answer. Kaidan wasn't in the mood to speak. Luckily, Allers spoke up before he had to.

"It wasn't Shepard." A note of sadness was present in her voice. Kaidan couldn't help but think that their discovery had hit her hard. It obviously hit Joker hard as well, because he was quiet the whole walk back.

"Miss Allers." Bailey nodded at Diana in greeting and acknowledgment of her statement before turning back to Kaidan and Joker. "So, it's another dead end?" All Kaidan managed was a nod of his own. "Damn. Guess I better get to work clearing out the reporters. I'm guessing you three aren't sticking around either."

"Yeah, we're done here." Joker replied this time. He too sounded defeated. "See ya, Bailey." They waved their goodbyes before heading towards the front door.

"Good luck out there." Bailey shouted back as the three friends left.

As they stepped out of the hospital, Allers turned to her acomplices. "I'm gonna head home, guys. It's been long day." With last goodbyes, she turned on her heel and left. The alliance officers walked back to their car in silence. There wasn't much to say, if anything. Once they were back inside the Blackout, they strapped in before Joker asked. "Back to the apartment?" He asked in a solemn voice. Kaidan just answered with a breathy "Yeah." while Joker started the car.

They drove back to Tiberius Towers in melancholic silence.

Two hearts screaming for a lost soul.

'You know, I wonder if they'll laugh when I am dead'

Step

'Why am I fighting to live, if I'm just living to fight'

Step

'Why am I trying to see, when there ain't nothing in sight'

Step

'Why am I trying to give, when no one gives me a try'

Step

'Why am I dying to live, if I'm just living to die'

Step

The beats play on as he takes another step. Contemplating the lyrics of a song that's more than 180 years old is something Alex can't help but do as he walks through the factory district of Zakera ward towards his current residence, especially when said song triggers memories from his arduous childhood.

Alex didn't have parents growing up. In fact, he didn't even have an existence when they found him abandoned as a baby. The orphanage that took him in found that he wasn't even a registered new born; he didn't have a birth certificate. He didn't even have a name. All they found on him was a note.

'PLEASE, HELP MY BABY...'

The small beanie on his head had the name Alexander stitched into it so that's why they named him Alex. 'Cross' was a play on the letter X that someone came up with. It was more of a joke that stuck. They called him 'baby X' on account that he didn't have a name.

Growing up, he always felt like he didn't belong with the other kids. Sure, they were nice, but he just felt out of place with them. Sure, would play with them and hang out, but they never really clicked with him; never were in sync. It made him feel alone.

This sense of misplacement that he felt was eating away at him; frustrating him. He always felt lonely. He spent years with that feeling, unable to find a way to deal with the building frustration. Years of being alone in a world he couldn't understand.

One day, at age 15, he had enough. He had to do something. His head was filled with questions he didn't have an answer for, and he knew he wouldn't find them here in Portland. It was on that fateful winter night where he made his move and began the journey that made him the man he is today.

As he walks through the factory district, today, Alex lets the music absorb him before losing himself in his memories...

( 12 YEARS AGO...)

The humming began to recede as Agnes returned to her room and turned in for the night. As soon as the door closed and he heard the lock engage, Alex released the breath he was holding and continued to search the the hall closet for the spare omnitool he knew Agnes kept there. With a quiet sigh of relief, he found it and proceeded to set up an account on it so that he could properly use it. Good thing Agnes didn't get around to adding a password, otherwise he would have been in big trouble. It's bad enough he's about to escape the orphanage, but to do it without at least an omnitool is just guaranteed trouble.

As soon as the 'tool was set, he headed to find the last thing he needed. This was going to be the most difficult to obtain. If his journey was never meant to be, he was going to get caught here. He needed money and the only place to get it was in the main office at the other end of the home. Alex took a deep breath to try and calm his nerves. He had never been this scared in his life, but if he wants to find the answers he's looking for, he's got to be brave. He took three more quick breaths before tiptoeing down the hall, all the while keeping his eyes and ears trained to his surroundings. Agnes may be asleep but Eddie the security guard was still prowling the premises. Everyone liked Eddie even though he was a little gruff. Surviving first contact can do that to a person, though. Being a trained recon scout, very little gets through him. Kids here have tried but none of them managed to sneak or hide around him. Everyone respected Eddie and his skills, even Alex. That's why he's gonna make an attempt at getting by him. He knows and respects his skills, and he's not underestimating him for a second, because if he does, then it's game over.

In the dim lighting, a cough echoed down the hall, and it was too close for comfort. Alex froze on the spot, his heart ramming against his ribcage. He closed his eyes and focused on his hearing; trying to pick out anything out of the ordinary. He listened patiently, for anything that might give Eddie away. The silence was freaking him out but he kept at it. The house was dead quiet.

Pop.

There. He heard it. It was so quiet, Alex almost didn't hear it. The distinct sound of a popped joint. He was just around the corner. That was not good. Eddie was almost on top of him. Alex's mind went into overdrive as he tried to come up with a plan to get around him. He looked around but couldn't find anything except a large curtain covering up one of the many large windows that litter the orphanage. He quietly went to it and peeked behind it. The window was recessed into the wall. The frame allowed for a person to stand on it but if Alex is going to do that, he needed to be smart. An idea came up in his head and he quickly pulled up his newly acquired omnitool. Alex was praying that this one came with a communication app. His heart soared when he found it, and within a split second he dialed in the house phone. Before he hit the CALL button he quietly slipped of his shoes before climbing onto the window frame as to not make a sound that could easily alert Eddie to his position. As soon as he was upright and the heavy curtain settled, Alex relaxed against the icy window to try and hide his presence as much as possible then hit call on his muted omnitool.

Far down the hall from the direction Alex came from, a subtle tone indicating an incoming call began beeping. Alex kept still as Eddie reacted to the sudden disturbance. His confused grunt gave him away as he took the bait. Alex wasn't out of the woods, yet, though. Now it was down to luck. Will Eddie notice him or will he be distracted enough to walk by him? Alex held his breath.

It wasn't until Eddie a good 20ft. from him that he was able to climb down from the frame and trotted silently in his socks around the corner Eddie came from. He quickly hung up the call before Eddie answered it before he sped up his pace toeards the main office. He saw it at the end of the next hall. He made a cold dash for it and didn't stop until he was at the door. He exhaled loudly the breath he'd been holding since hiding from Eddie. He took a moment to let the lightheadedness pass before he started looking for the key to the lock. He found it hidden behind the office sign. No sooner was he inside that he locked the door and dropped to the floor. With his back against the door, he took a moment to collect himself.

"Holy crap." He breathed out in relief. Alex couldn't believe it. He did it. He did what no one in this house managed to do. He sneaked past Eddie. He got past a trained ex-recon scout undetected. He let himself bask in his accomplishment for a few moments longer before he put his shoes back on and started digging around for some cash. He sat at the financial officers desk and fired up the console. Alex lucked out. Lynda forgot to log out of her account. He accessed the main account and found that the owner of the house, Mr. James C. Bennett, had deposited the monthly allowance into the account a few days ago. It still carried a lot of credits. Now, Alex needed a chit. Money is useless if you can't take it with you. He looked through the drawers and cabinets before finding a lock box. A quick shake told him that there were credit chits inside, but the box was password locked. He got back on the computer and started looking through files trying to find the password to the box.

After a solid ten minutes of searching, he gave up on the computer and went through the drawers again. He nearly gave up by the third before a small sliver of white caught his eye. He pulled out a small piece of paper that had a bunch of numbers written on it. "Wow. Didn't think you were one for the old-school, Lynda." He chuckled as he made his way back to the box. He began punching in the number sequence as he thought to him self 'If this was a movie, then this will unlock the box. The chances of that are the same as monkeys flying out of my...' His thought was interrupted by the sound of the lock box unlocking.

Alex quickly checked over himself to make sure that monkeys weren't going to come flying out of him, all of a sudden.

Inside the box, he found a bunch of unregistered credit chits. He quickly grabbed one and dove back behind Lynda's desk where he proceeded to register the chit and load it with enough credits to keep him going for a while. "Good thing Bennett pays generously. Sorry Lynda." Alex muttered to himself. As soon as he was done, logged off the console, put back the lock box, closed the drawers, left the room, locked the door and rammed the key back home behind the office sign. He checked the time. Eddie should be prowling the top floor by now, which means the ground floors are clear.

Alex made his way downstairs to the kitchen, where he found the duffel bag that he hid in the pantry. He already threw his clothes inside earlier in the day, so he focused on getting the food he would need as well as a spoon, fork, knife, can opener, and travel mug, just to be safe. He then went back to the foyer to grab one of the first aid kits hanging to one side of the room. A quick scan inside the bag showed he had enough space, so he made his way to the laundry room and grabbed a clean blanket.

That's it. That's everything he can think of. Satisfied, he went and stood in the middle of the Foyer and took a good hard look around. This was it. He was leaving this place. He lived here all his life. He knew everyone here. He honestly didn't want to leave, but he just didn't belong here. It was a feeling embedded in his very core. He has to if he wants to find a place he knew he belonged in. He needed to find himself; to find his purpose in life. Still, he was gonna miss this place. Maybe he'll come back and visit, one day.

It was late November when Alex stepped outside the orphanage that he called home for fifteen years. The streets of Portsmouth were blanketed in snow. He wished he was patient enough to wait until spring. Alex walked up to the edge of the sidewalk where he turned around and looked at the beautiful house that was home to a lot of children who were unfortunate enough to not have parents. The James C. Bennett orphanage was at it's best looking during the winter. The white, concrete walls blended quite nicely with the snow while the black roof and red doors add a nice contrast to it. It really was gorgeous.

With a Sigh of disappointment Alex turned around and faced the night, as well as the world. He took in a deep breath before releasing it as a visible cloud in front of him. Laid ahead of him was a journey. A journey to find his place in the world. A journey to the rest of his life. Alex was scared. He never did this before. He was also scared of what he might find out there. He has to be brave, though. He can't turn back, now, otherwise he'll never find what he is looking for.

He took a step. This was it. The point of no return. Alex was officially leaving. He took another step and began to walk.

With nothing but the sound of his erratic heartbeat to sustain him, Alex walked off into the night.

Next stop: Seattle, Washington...

Alex's trip down memory lane came to an end as he looked at his omnitool. His little trip back in time lasted for four songs. He replayed the last song after the one he listened to before the flash back. An happy-go-lucky rock piece from a hundred years ago. A thought crossed his mind and he couldn't help but laugh at himself. "Guess Lynda isn't the only one with a taste for the old-school."

He finally reached his apartment as the third song came to a conclusion. He unlocked the door and went inside, then made his way upstairs. He tossed his stash onto the end table by his bed, before changing out of his current outfit and heading into the shower. While the hot water poured over him he contemplated his little flashback.

He hadn't thought about that night in years. That night was the night his life truly began. Sure, it was hard going from the start but he knew what he was getting into back then. Despite that, he still went at it. Looking back now, Alex can honestly say that he did not regret his decision to leave all those years ago. He did, however, regret some of the choices he made during those years.

He got out of the shower and dried himself off, before putting on a pair of sweat pants and a shirt and heading back into the main room. The room was his living room, bedroom and kitchen combined into one, like a bungalow. The difference between this apartment and a bungalow is that the floor also held a balcony as wide as the building that overlooks the ground floor. The ground floor, in fact, the whole building was a small storage house, before it was abandoned. It was put up for sale at a cheap price and Alex bought it and turned it into the residence it is today.

Alex felt tired, even though it was still afternoon. He fell onto his bed just to rest.

He ended up falling asleep without taking his pre-bedtime "prescriptions".

The dream he had was especially intense. He did not sleep soundly.

He never does.