Hello! I'm sorry it took long to update i've had very difficult mental days, but here it is! I hope you enjoy it. Thank you so much for following this story and for your reviews.

On the ride home, after many no's to Bellamy's proposal to sleep together, he could see that Lexa was somewhat distraught and offered to take her out for a drink before returning her safely to her house.

"It's a girl thing, right?" Lexa gives him a sad smile. "Come on, tell uncle Bell all about it"

"Have you ever met someone and just… "She struggles to find the right words to say without revealing too much. "But there's already somebody else"

"Sure, hot ones are always taken"

"And what do you do?"

"I sleep with them…"

"But…"

"Listen, the partner is their problem, not mine. If they don't feel bad about it, why should i?"

"I don't think I could… Mess with other couples, don't cause that pain ever" Lexa gets very serious "You just… accept the reality that it can't ever happen and walk away. Find someone available."

"Your place or mine then" Bellamy says and gets a laugh out of the woman. "No, but seriously… I guess you're right, I mean, for someone like me it's not really hard to ignore if a girl is not single but I'm kind of an asshole…" He lowers his eyes.

Lexa studies his face in silence before replying "You can be but you're also nice"

Clarke tried her best to stop the thoughts of the florist from overflowing her mind, it was Saturday night and her and Wells were at the supermarket, she was keeping the conversation very light and until he brought up last night's dinner and the blonde felt her chest tighten around her heart.

"So… I don't think Bellamy had any luck yesterday" He had a smug smile.

"What do you mean?"

"With Lexa…"

"Yeah, I got that, but why? I'd say they got along really well"

"She's… gay"

At this statement, Clarke's mind started rushing Oh boy… Now that that information was in her brain, the possibility of a kiss or more became like a virus in her mind, spreading by the minute, creating more and more scenarios affecting her judgement, she shook her head.

"Is she?"

"Yeah, we were talking about marriage and she said she….'s here! Hey hey!"

"HiiI! Hello" Lexa answered cheerily.

"Weeeirdest thing, we were just talking about you"

"All nice, I hope" Lexa said but Clarke didn't make eye contact with her, she did realize she was with another woman though.

"Doing some shopping, huh?"

"Yeah, gotta eat" Raven cleared her throat to make her presence noticeable "This is Raven"

"Very nice to meet ya'"

"Wells, and this is Clarke" He said putting his arm around his wife. "Very nice meeting you too, Raven. Lovely name"

"Thank you!" Raven had this look on her face that really scared Lexa cause it always meant trouble.

"So, we're going to go now, thanks for dinner again, we definitely have to do it again" Lexa

said rolling the cart away from the couple. "Definitely" she heard the couple say before disappearing completely into another aisle.

"Is that the…"

Lexa nodded.

"Oh man… No offense but she's like… the straightest girl I've ever seen. She's on Taylor Swift level of straight"

"I know"

"You haven't told me what happened last night"

"I just…"

"Ooh! Hey again!" Raven all but screamed as she stopped the cart, winning judgy looks from other customers. "We were just talking about you this time!"

Clarke took Wells by the arm in a very possessive manner "Baby, we'll be late for Grey's"

"We still have time" He looks at her lovingly then back at the women in front of them. "We never miss Grey's Anatomy"

"That's darling… Isn't that darling?" Raven is mocking them but the only one who notices is Lexa.

Wells keeps looking at the two ladies and their interactions.

"Good, well… I hope you enjoy it" Lexa said trying to escape fast from the awkward situation.

"Raven, are you gay?" The words burst out of Wells' mouth.

"Am I gay? I'm ecstatic!"

"So you two…"

"Oh no" Lexa makes a face of fake disgust and shakes her head.

"I've tried and tried but she loves another" Raven hugs her friend tightly and laughs.

Lexa shakes the other woman's arms off her "So, I uh I'll call you"

"Yes, definitely"

Lexa felt like the universe's personal joke when she saw the couple paying for their groceries three rows in front of herself and Raven screamed "Hello again!" at them and prompted another awkward conversation before saying goodbye for the last time that night.

A few days passed by and Clarke had been avoiding Lexa but it was harder not thinking about her when Wells kept asking his wife about the florist's well being. She was convinced after finding out about the other woman's sexuality that being near her meant danger and she was not about to ruin the stability she had.

It was Charlotte's open class and Clarke was very excited to see her sister's project, the older woman was proud of Charlotte, she was curious and smart maybe she will be a doctor like mom… Make her proud.

"Hey mom. What's C's project about?" The blonde found her mother walking through the hallways of the school trying to find the correct classroom.

"Oh, I'm not quite sure… About space" Abby answered dismissively. "Here it is"

Clarke looked inside the room before entering.

"Hi!"

The woman saw her little sister running her way and opened her arms to receive her with a hug.

"Lexa!" The girl screamed while in her sister's arms and Clarke opened her eyes wide in fear, she turned to see the brunette woman smiling big at the girl.

"Hey Charlotte, are you ready?" Lexa looked at Clarke and her smile faded a little bit and turned into a nervous grimace. "Hi, Clarke"

"Hey, I had no idea you were coming" The air between them was awkward to say the least.

"She helped me with my project, Clarkey" Charlotte said looking from her sister to the florist, back and forth studying their expressions. "Lexa is very smart"

"Sweetheart, I think your class is starting" Abby Griffin said Thank you, mom; Clarke thought as the three women followed the girl into the classroom.

She ended up sitting next to Lexa and couldn't move without seeming rude, she could feel her hands sweating, the brunette was very close and Clarke didn't know what to do with herself, she was trying to pay attention to what her sister was saying but Lexa's hand was almost touching hers, both women gripping the desk tightly. The lights were dim and the projector had stars gyrating all over the room, the blonde gulped and turned slightly to look at the other woman's profile. Damn it, she's so beautiful.

"This is space. Space is many light years away. Light years are not measured in days or months, but in kilometers. There's a good reason for this, but I don't quite understand it yet. This bit is the Milky Way…"

Their hands finally met the small distance between them on the desk and they turned to look at each other, Lexa had a small smile on her face while looking at Clarke and the blonde lifted her other hand to the woman's face, tenderly touching her cheek, the green eyed woman leaning into the touch. Clarke's body getting a little closer to the other woman's, she could smell a light touch of lavender and the earthly scent that accompanied the florist, her eyes gazed at Lexa's lips and back at her eyes, slowly getting closer to closing the gap between their mouths.

Clarke's attention returned to the room when everybody started clapping and she realized she had been daydreaming about the woman again.

"That was good, right?" Lexa turned to ask her with a proud smile.

"So good" She nodded. "You have to go now, right?"

"I don't, I'm okay" Both women started to walk to the exit of the school.

"Lexa, i…"

"Well, honey, I'm leaving now. Lexa, darling, very nice to see you again" Abby smiled before walking away.

The pair stayed in silence for a little while walking, the blonde was deciding if it was a good idea to say what she wanted to say.

"I think we should talk about something that…" Clarke passed a hand through her blonde hair trying to get the right words "It's just that when I'm with you… I"

"You know what? I do have to go, I just remember I had to do a delivery… but I'll see you, okay?" The brunette walked away from Clarke as fast as she could.

Shit, was all Clarke could think.

The walk home was long enough to give her time to think about what she was about to say to the florist "It's that when I'm with you…" When I'm with you what? Clarke… When I'm with you I feel lightheaded… When I'm with you there's this feeling in my chest, like my heart stops but beats faster than ever at the same time… When I'm with you I wish I was always with you… Clarkefelt her throat closing and it was getting harder to breathe, it was not possible that she was feeling these things for the other woman, because those things she was feeling were what she always imagined falling in love felt like. And I'm married, I am happily married to my best friend! Ain't that the dream?

She was thankful she had arrived home because the poor blonde was on the verge of having a panic attack, she walked to her room and changed into a loose band tee and skinny jeans and after making herself some tea to calm her racing mind, she sat down on the couch with her sketch book.

"Mmhm… no, I need some music." Approaching the stereo, she plugged in her phone and 'Lay Down' by Son Little started and filled the room, the blonde hummed and went back to her place on the sofa to start drawing; at first it was flowers then a hand holding a bouquet, a pair of big eyes that resembled somebody that was occupying her mind, Clarke realized she had lost track of time when she heard a key on the door followed by Wells' warm voice calling for her, she looked around the room, disoriented, a familiar tune about losing a lover resonated through the room.

"I'm here" She screamed before setting her gaze on her sketchbook… Fuck, there were pages and pages of Lexa inspired drawings, Clarke looked in fear to the page she was currently on, it was of the brunette in the middle of her shop, surrounded by flowers sporting the sweetest smile, it was so detailed that Clarke could almost smell the overpowering scent of nature; as she heard the steps of her husband approaching she shut the book and hid it under the cushion.

"Hey babe, how was your day?" She stood up and kissed him deeply, in the back of her mind there was the thought of kissing someone else.

"This is a nice welcoming" Wells hummed contently, removing a strand of Clarke's hair off her face "It was good, a little slow" Another kiss "What's for dinner?"

"Oh, I have a very special dinner for you"

She took her shirt off and kept kissing him, undoing the buttons of his dress shirt, unfastening his belt, and then walked into the bedroom, every movement intended to push the florist away from her thoughts and to remove the gut wrenching guilt Clarke had for feeling so lovesick about other that was not Wells…

That night as Clarke was lying sleepless, naked on the bed, with Wells' arms around her waist and his breath on the back of her neck, the guilt became bigger, her thoughts beginning to be too loud and too annoying on the silent room.

Her blue eyes opened late that morning, Wells was long gone to work; she stretched and grabbed her phone to find a message waiting for her.

From: Octavia B [10:23]

Drinks later? 19:00 The Ark

Clarke answered her before going to the kitchen to get some breakfast and then went to the small room she loved to call her studio, placed a blank canvas on the easel, grabbed a brush and started painting; it was a good thing that she was feeling so inspired since she was supposed to start working on her next gallery.

She let her creativity and her soul take over her body and as it always happens with art, she lost track of time, being awakened by the sound of her phone she put down her brush and answered.

"Hey, babe, yeah, Octavia asked me to go out for some drinks, what time are you coming home? Okay, I'll see you then. Okay, bye"

The woman hung up and lifted her gaze to the painting in front of her, she gasped, mouth agape, and dropped the phone to the floor. The whole canvas was filled with stars over smoky clouds of blue, pink and purple, in the middle were two figures -one with long brown hair and one with blonde hair - facing each other, barely touching hands. I fucking hate myself… She thought, the painting was beautiful and she did not know what to do with it, she couldn't show it to Wells -or anybody really – but she couldn't throw it away either.

Not being able to decide on the fate of the beautiful painting, she angrily went to shower and get ready to go out with Octavia, maybe the water will help me clear my mind, she thought but her mind wandered back to the florist and her gorgeous green eyes, her delicate hands, her lips. GET. IT. TOGETHER. CLARKE! OH MY GOD. You sound like a goddamn teenager. The shower definitely didn't work and she was about to be late; after getting dressed and putting on her make-up, Clarke still didn't know what to do with the painting so she ran to the room and hid it behind some other canvases and ran to the door when she heard Wells entering the apartment.

"Hey there" The man greeted her with the sweetest smile but when he was moving to give her a quick peck she moved and his lips landed on her cheek.

"Hello" She smiled awkwardly "Are you ready to go?"

"I'll just change my shirt" He kissed her forehead and walked into the room.

Clarke's mind was rushing and before she could react she had grabbed the house phone and dialed Lexa's number – which somehow she had learned- and waited for the woman to answer.

"Hello?"

The blonde hung up and groaned.

"Okay, I'm ready" Wells returned "Finn just called me… Babe, I'm gonna have to miss the game but I think you should still go"

The phone rang, Clarke stared in panic at the communication device. "Hello?"

"Wells? It's Lexa"

"Oh hello, Lexa, how are you doing?"

"Good, thank you, did you call me? I have a… missed call and"

"Mmhm" The man looked at his wife, who was suddenly very curious about her cuticle situation. "Listen, are you free next Thursday night? Would you mind escorting my wife somewhere? I… have this work thing I can't get out of and honestly I'd feel much better if you accompanied her. Come on, say yes."

Silence on the other line. "Sure."

"All right, thank you so much, she'll text you the details and be safe"

"Okay, bye"

"Why would you do that? I hardly know her" Wells grabbed his jacket and they walked to the door.

"Yeah but she's like your friend-soulmate type thing…"

As they arrived to the bar, each of them went to hug one of the Blake siblings and separated into different conversations. The men, talking about the latest baseball game and work, and Octavia telling Clarke all about the latest gossip down at the art gallery, the younger woman could see Clarke was only paying mild attention.

"So what about you?"

"Well, I've been trying to start on the paintings for the next exhibit…"

"Do you have a theme?"

"Soulmates" Clarke surprised herself by saying these so quickly, but nodded to reassure herself.

"Awww, the wedding inspired you!"

The blonde gulped and tried to smile. "Yeah, you could say that"

"That's great, Clarke. Lincoln will be happy to know you're already working"

"Speaking about Lincoln…" The older woman moved her eyebrows suggestively. "What's going on with you two?"

Octavia smiled and blushed a little. "Well…"

Clarke successfully deviated the conversation from her and spent the next hour listening to Octavia gushing about the man she's dating, but the blonde didn't mind as long as the woman didn't ask anything about her life these days, they then proceeded to go to the bathroom.

While the woman was waiting for her younger friend to come out of the stall she studied herself in the mirror and her mind wandered back to the florist.

"O, have you ever…" the brunette opened the stall door and walked to the sink to wash her hands as Clarke struggled to externalize the words.

"Have I ever what?"

"Tried to play for the other team?"

"What the hell are you talking about?

"Have you ever felt attracted to or fancied -briefly before you realized you didn't- another woman?" She looked down and fiddled with the paper towel in her hands, expecting an outraged answer from her friend"

"Meeh… I tried it in college, didn't work… I just reaaally like men"

Clarke nodded "Yeah… Me too"

"Why?"

"Just got curious"

"About a woman…?"

"No! Just… if you had ever" She tried to laugh it off. "I have Wells"

"Yes, you do" Octavia smiled and they walked out into the bar.

After a couple more drinks and light conversation between the four, they decided to call it a night and drove back home. Already set in bed, ready to fall asleep, Wells wrapped his arms around Clarke's waist but tonight she was not enjoying it, with her mind racing, his strong, big arms felt more like a constricting prison than a safe haven. Clarke needed somebody to talk to about what she was feeling but she had no one… She fell asleep feeling guilty and helpless.