CHAPTER 2: GOING HOME
Two weeks later the soldiers finally showed up to escort her to the train. It was probably a good thing that they didn't come for her earlier. She was extremely weak from trying to starve herself and being knock out for so long. Though, when Gale crossed her mind her energy level tended to go up by leaps and bounds.
Over the course of those two weeks, they brought in food and drink every four to five hours. They started with broth and juice and progressed to stews and meat with potatoes. In between trying to eat, she tried to sleep. But, it seemed the nightmares weren't going to leave her alone. At those times, she would sit in the shower or stare at the woodland scene programed in the window.
Finally, she was on the train heading for district twelve. They had sent six soldiers to escort her to her room on the train. The one in charge posted guards then turned to her, "Miss Everdeen your door will be locked until we clear the tunnel out of the Capitol. Then you are free to go to the dining car. I will send someone to escort you to dinner at that time."
"Thank you." She said flatly. The soldier raised his hand to salute her then he stopped and just nodded his head and left.
She turned and looked at the room. Was this the same one she had been in before? She wasn't sure. She guessed they all looked pretty much the same. She walked over and laid down on the bed. She had been lying there looking at the ceiling for a long time. At least it felt like a long time, when she finally felt the train lurch forward. The train was moving and she was on her way home. She closed her eyes.
She snapped awake, alert and waiting, every muscle in her body tense and ready to move. There had been a noise... what noise? Then she heard the sharp knocking on her door, again. She sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed and ran her hands through her hair. "Come in," she said.
The door opened to let the 'soldier in command' in. "Miss Everdeen I am here to escort you to dinner." She got up off the bed and walked with him to the dining car.
When she came through the door Haymitch was all ready seated and pouring himself a drink. "Well, hello sweetheart. Have a seat and help yourself." Katniss just sat down across from him. Crossed her arms and glared at him.
"What! What did I do?" Haymitch asked with a smirk on his face. Then took a long drink from his glass.
"I thought I was going home days ago."
"Well, it wasn't exactly up to me. They wanted... certain arrangements to be in place before you left the Capitol."
"Arrangements? What arrangements."
"Well, now you don't have to worry about that... right. Besides, they wanted you to get some of your strength back before they let you go."
Katniss shock her head, "Right. You never told me anything before, why would you start now."
Haymitch snorted, "Exactly. So eat."
Katniss just sat and glared at Haymitch, for a while. Then she scooped up some of the lamb and plum stew and had a slice of strawberry cake. When she was finished, she got up, without saying a word, and went back to her room.
It was three in the morning when the nightmares woke her up again. She got up, took off her clothes and stood in the shower. She set the water for as hot as she could stand, then slid down the wall to the floor.
She sat in the shower with the water running over her head. Thinking about all the failures that had lead her to this point. Her thoughts turned to Prim, the fire, and how she should have protected her. It was her responsibility to make sure she was safe. But she failed.
How it was her fault that Peeta was captured and tortured. She should have protected him, like she told herself she was going to do. He should have been the Mockingjay... not her. He had the way with words... not her. She had failed at that too.
She thought of Gale and what he had done... his betrayal... of helping to build the bomb that would take Prim's life. The bomb... the fire... Prim and all those children. It was her fault for trusting him.
She pulled her legs up to her chest, wrapped her arms tight around them, and began to cry. The more she cried the tighter she held herself... trying... desperately... to hold herself together. Because, if she let go, she would surely fall into a million pieces.
By the time she got a hold of herself the sun was coming through her windows. She got out of the shower, dried her hair and put it in it's usual braid. She dug through the drawers for panties, socks and a bra. Then slid on a pair of brown military style pants and a light blue button up shirt. She laced on her boots and then opened the door to her room. There were two soldiers posted outside her door.
"I want to go to the dining car." She stated flatly.
The soldiers turned and followed her and then posted themselves inside the door of the dining car. She rolled her eyes at them as she sat at the table.
Breakfast was laid out. So, she dished up a small portion of eggs and biscuits with sausage gravy. She poured a glass of orange juice and some coffee. Then just sat and stared at her food. She had eaten back in the Capitol because she didn't want them to come in and knock her out again. And she knew she would have to gain some strength back before they would let her go home. It felt like such a betrayal to eat... like she had no right to need food and have it right here in front of her. She had no right to still be alive when Prim was gone.
She sat staring at her food lost in her thoughts of fire, bombs and betrayal when she became acutely aware of... a feeling... a strong pull... a sense she thought she had forgotten. She looked out the window an realized that pull, that sense, was her hunter's awareness. She could feel the woods, her woods, they were everywhere she looked. They breathed fresh air into her soul. She was almost home.
The sound of the door banging open, startled Katniss out of her thoughts. She look over in time to see Haymitch lumber over to the bar. He looked terrible... hung over... which was a pretty normal look for him. He rattled the bottles until he found the one he was looking for. He opened the top and took a big swallow. Then he turned and looked at her with blood shot eyes.
Katniss plastered a big smile on her face and in a loud voice shouted, "Good morning!"
Haymitch just winced and turned around to find ice and a tall glass to pour a drink into. Katniss chuckled to herself. It was always good to get even with Haymitch... even if it was something small.
He drained the drink then turned back to her and smirked. "What are you so cheery about."
"Not a thing." she said flatly.
Haymitch dropped into the chair across from her. His drink and bottle in hand. After a while he mumbled. "They are going to start rebuilding district twelve. They're going to work on all the districts." He brought his glass up to his lips. "But, they figured twelve deserved to be worked on first."
Katniss just closed her eyes and remembered walking through the rubble of twelve. Stepping on the bones of the ones who hadn't made it into the woods that night. It was her fault. All her fault, that Snow decided to wipe twelve off the face of the map. If she would have just died in the first games, those people would still be alive. She just nodded her head.
They sat there in silence for a long time. Haymitch drinking and Katniss numbly staring out the window at her woods. The feeling that she had before, that pull, was slowly being replaced with something else. A heavy, almost suffocating weight on her chest. She took slow, even breaths and continued staring out the window trying to borrow some strength from her woods.
She could feel the train slowing down. They must be getting close to the District Twelve train station. Then it occurred to her, there wasn't a station to pull into.
The train came to a stop and the six soldiers that had escorted her to the train appeared at her side. The one in charge stated, "We are ready to escort you to your home Miss Everdeen."
Katniss just looked up at him. The heavy weight she was feeling was becoming almost unbearable... she was finding it hard to breath. Haymitch reached across the table and sat a glass in front of her. She looked down and saw that it was... whatever he had been drinking. She picked it up and downed it in two big swallows. She started coughing and her eyes were watering. He poured her another drink and she chugged that one too. She could feel the burning going down her throat into the pit of her stomach. At least she was feeling something other than that suffocating weight. She sat the glass down on the table and stood up on shaking legs. She looked at the 'one in charge' and nodded her head.
They all stepped down off the train into the rubble, of what once was, the district twelve train station. Then headed in the direction of Victor's Village. Katniss was amazed to see so many people and machines all ready working to clear away the rubble. There were stacks of new building material and a few hovercrafts in the meadow.
They were making a big pile of... something... over where the school use to be. She realized what that big pile was... bones. The bones of all the people who died because of her. Her stomach did a flip and the breakfast... no, she hadn't eaten breakfast... her supper from last night threatened to make a quick exit.
She made herself swallow it down and she willed herself not to cry. She wouldn't cry... not in front of these people.. these soldiers or Haymitch. She stared straight ahead and concentrated on lifting each foot and placing it in front of her, step... step... step. One at a time. She noticed, out of the corner of her eyes, that workers were stopping and staring at her. She just kept stepping, one foot at a time... step... step... step.
Her little military procession finally arrived at her home. She looked up at the dark windows and thought 'how am I going to go in there? There won't be a space that doesn't remind me of Prim and how much I miss her.' She didn't even have the option of going back to her house in the Seam. Because that house, and well the Seam itself, wasn't there anymore. She looked down at her feet... the ones she had been concentrating on so hard. The ones that had brought her to this door. Her feet... another betrayal.
"Are you going in sweetheart or are you just going to stare at your feet all afternoon?" Haymitch drawled in her ear. She really hated him sometimes.
She looked up at the kitchen window and noticed that the light was on. Katniss's stomach jumped. Had her mother come home to twelve? The last time she had seen her mother was... in the hospital. She had helped take care of her burns.
Katniss moved forward... step... step... step. She stared at each stair leading up to the front porch. Then focused on one foot at a time... step... step... step... until she stood looking at the handle of the screen door. After several minutes, she reached out and opened the door. Step... step... step... into the entryway and then step... step... step... into the kitchen.
She looked up and stared at a woman bent over, taking a pan, out of the oven. The woman must not have heard her come in. Her mother never heard her come in. But when she realized she was in the room she would jump and gasp saying "Katniss! I wish you would stop doing that!" Katniss would always chuckle to herself, thanking her hunters tread for the small indiscretion, of scaring her mother.
"Mom." whispered Katniss.
The woman straightened up and turned around holding a hot casserole dish in her hands. Katniss stomach dropped. The woman was Greasy Sae. Another betrayal.