I don't own these characters or the HG story.
CHAPTER 3: FIRE AND MEMORIES
She didn't know how long she had been home. Each day began and ended the same... with her numbly sitting in the kitchen staring into the fire... trying to forget all the bad things that had happen. All the terrible things she had done since volunteering for her little sister.
She tried her best to make herself remember all the good things that she could... but it seemed even the good memories became bad ones. Like daddy taking her by the hand into her parents bedroom to see a pink face little bundle that her mommy was holding. Daddy telling her she was a big sister now and how she was going to be the best big sister ever. Her daddy didn't know how wrong he was because she let her little sister die. No... not just die... BURN.
Of course, he could have never known, at the time, that Katniss would meet someone... someone who would become the only person she would let inside. Someone, she would trust beyond anyone else to take care of the one person she loved more than anything. Someone, who would commit the ultimate betrayal. By taking the traps and snares, he used for survival and turn them into evil contraptions... that would take Prim's life. That someone was Gale.
How could she have trusted him? How could he have help create those bombs? How could he leave and not come back to twelve? He said he would have my back, always. Always! How could she miss someone who helped kill her sister? No. NO! She never could. She will never let herself trust him again!
She had tried, but failed, to make herself leave the kitchen... she knew that she would lose the thin, fragile hold she held on her sanity if she came face to face with the memories the rest of the house held.
So, she slept here, in this chair, for short periods at a time. The nightmares always woke her up in a cold sweat. Then she would huddle closer to the fire staring into the flames... trying to forget... trying to remember... wishing she could go back and change things.
Maybe, if she had swallowed those berries in the game. Then Peeta would have been the victor. He could have been the mockingjay. He could have led the rebellion. Prim would have lived because Coin wouldn't have used her to try and crush Peeta. Peeta never really knew Prim. Never took care of her. He had never really had much to do with her family... just her.
What if she hadn't gone to find Peeta. He would have died where he was hiding... he wasn't even trying to survive. He was trying to out last everyone. Except, he would have had to face the last person - weak and injured he wouldn't have survived. Or the game makers would have sent the mutts after him. That was Peeta though... trying to find a way around things... trying not to become a monster, like she did.
If she had been the only victor. If she hadn't helped Peeta survive. If she hadn't defied the game makers. She could have come home and Snow would have let her and her family alone. Right? There would have been no rebellion. The people of District Twelve would still be alive because Snow would have had no reason to bomb Twelve. Prim would still be living here, in this house.
Every small detail of that first day here came slamming back to Katniss. Prim had been so excited that day she could hardly contain herself. She had gotten up early, before the sun was even up and pounced on Katniss while she slept.
"Today's the day! It's morning... come on Katniss. Get up! We're moving to the new house today!" she said breathlessly.
Katniss tried to talk in between Prim bouncing on her stomach, "Okay! Oomph... Okay! I am getting up. I am getting up. " She laughed. It was the first real and genuine laugh she had experienced since coming home.
Prim jumped off the bed and ran into the next room to wake up their mother. Katniss could hear part of what she was excitedly exclaiming... "morning... house... time... up." Katniss laughed because she knew their mother was experiencing the same pouncing she had just gone through.
Katniss got up and met Prim and their mother in the kitchen. Katniss put her hands on her hips and looked as stern as she could. "Prim, you do know that the sun is not even up yet.
Prim just tilted her head and said, "Yes." Like she did this everyday. "You get up all the time before the sun comes up to go hunting."
Katniss looked at her mother and they both burst out laughing.
Katniss held up her hands in defeat. "Okay! Okay! Little duck," Prim ran over and threw an arm around Katniss and their mother. "We're up! We're getting ready!"
"I think we should make ourselves a nice breakfast... here in this kitchen. Then we will get ready to go. Okay!" Their mother stated.
"Okay." said Katniss.
"Mom, we could make breakfast in our new house. It would be our first breakfast there." Begged Prim
"No. We will have breakfast here... in this house. We will take the time... to..." Mrs. Everdeen wiped at her cheek as she turned to get the fire going. "We will eat breakfast here."
Prim and Katniss looked at each other and Katniss motioned for Prim to go fill up the kettle for tea. "Okay... mom... we'll make breakfast here. Let me help."
They sat down together and enjoyed a meal of mint tea, fried potatoes, eggs and toast. And a special surprise of baked cinnamon apples. Mother had taken a few coins from Katniss's winnings and bought groceries for their last breakfast, in this house. A house she had shared with the man that she loved... a house that held so many memories of love, babies, laughter and tears.
After breakfast was over they washed up the dishes and placed them back in the cupboards. There was no need to take them to the new house because it already had everything they would need.
They got dressed and picked up the few boxes they had packed. All they would be taking is the few clothes they had and a few personal items: The book of plants, dad's old hunting jacket, mom and dad's wedding picture and quilt. If there was anything else they needed Katniss could come back anytime and get it. The house in the Seam still belonged to the Everdeens... it always would.
When they got to the house in Victor Village Katniss handed Prim the key to the front door. She was so excited it must have taken her five minutes to put the key in the lock. Mom and Katniss laughed until tears were rolling down their faces. Prim shot them both bemused looks as she jumped up and down unable to contain her self.
Finally inside. Prim ran from room to room exclaiming over all the nice furniture. "Is this really ours! All ours!"
Katniss and their mother just followed her nodding their heads yes and looking at everything in amazement themselves.
They went upstairs to look at the bedrooms and Prim looked at Katniss confused. "There are three bedrooms."
"Yes."
"Do I get my own room?"
"Yes. It looks that way."
"What if I don't want my own room? Can we still share?"
Katniss reached out and smoothed the hair out of Prim's eyes. "Well... why don't we try it out for a couple of nights and if it doesn't work out. We can share, again. Okay?"
"Promise?"
"Absolutely!"
She stared into the fire... seeing Prim's trusting face, as she made a promise she couldn't keep. It wasn't safe for Prim to sleep with her anymore. She would wake, in the middle of the night, screaming, scared and sometimes lashing out at things that weren't there. Her mother and Prim would try to settle her down, to hold her and tell her she was okay, she was safe now. But, Katniss knew better. She wasn't safe. No one that she loved was safe and it was her fault.
Everyday Greasy Sae would come by and cook meals for Katniss and herself. In the beginning she would try to talk to Katniss. Try to get her to open up. Try to get her to eat and take care of herself. But, Katniss would just sit and stare into the fire. She was aware that Greasy Sae was there. She heard her come and go. She even ate some of the meals Sae would leave for her. But, she was lost... deep in the fire.
Haymitch would sometimes come by for meals. He would sit at the table... eating, drinking and staring at her. Greasy Sae and Haymitch would discuss the reconstruction going on and Katniss would find herself half heartily listening.
Tonight they were discussing the burial of the bombing victims. The remaining survivors of District Twelve had decided to bury the bones, in the meadow, in one big grave. Katniss suspected that their louder then normal discussion of the burial was Haymitch's attempt to get a rise out of her, to get her to react in someway. But she didn't. She just sat and stared into the fire. Knowing she was the reason that grave had to be dug.
Finally, Katniss heard the scraping of the kitchen chairs and Greasy Sae and Haymitch both walked toward the door. Haymitch stopped and turned around, "You know sweetheart, the boy wouldn't have wanted you to quit like this. He isn't quitting." Then she heard the door close.
She was alone again… alone with her thoughts... with her memories. What did Haymitch mean? Peeta... was it Peeta who wouldn't have wanted her to quit. Was he trying to get better? Was he trying to get back to her? Did he know there wasn't anything to come back to?
Was it Gale? Gale wouldn't have wanted her to quit? He would have expected her to be strong and capable, to keep going no matter what. To be the Katniss she was before she became a victor. He, above anyone else, should have known... that Katniss... was gone. She closed her eyes and tried to forget.
Katniss woke from a nightmare where she was being buried in a mass grave in the meadow. She got up, shaking and went to the kitchen sink to get a glass of water. She stood there bracing herself on the counter breathing hard. She thought about the grave. About Seam and Town people being buried together. Katniss frowned and thought there would be a few Town people who would not appreciated being buried with someone from the Seam. Then again, she gave a mirthless laugh there were a few Seam people who wouldn't have appreciated being buried with Town folks. How ironic, that in death, there is no rich or poor. No Town and Seam. No one is better or worse then the other.
The District Twelve graveyard had specific sections for Town people and Seam people. You could tell the difference when you went there. The Town section was better kept and had nice head stones. The Seam section was pretty unruly and most graves had home made markers, if there were markers at all.
Katniss got a glass of water and then sat at the table and tried to eat the plate of food that Greasy Sae had left for her. When she had finally finished pushing the food around her plate the sun was coming up. She put some wood on the fire and sat down to stare at her flames.
She heard the front door open and close. She listened but there was no noise... no footsteps... no Greasy Sae muttering to herself as she prepared the morning meal. Katniss finally turned around to see what Sae was doing. Her stomach dropped... but her heart began to beat again. No wonder she hadn't heard anything. He had the same silent hunters tread that she had. A tread developed over years of hunting in their woods together. There... standing at her kitchen table... was Gale Hawthorn.
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If you have any suggestions for things to come... please let me know and I will see what I can do. Though, I am up to about chapter 12 now.