Because they "killed" my fav character Liz I was super unmotivated to watch the episodes so I didn´t. I made this up from what I have seen from the GIF`S on tumblr. The last chapter was fully Lizzies POV so I tried to do my best to nail pretty boy Ress this time. I already have something in mind for the next chapters. Chapter 8 will be Red, Ress and Facob/Tom centred. AS ALWAYS I AM A SLUT FOR REVIEWS
Everyday she is out there is a day we could lose her. These words he had said months ago now echoed in his head.
Goddamn it, he hadn´t seen it coming. He was blended by his anger and stupid jealousy and didn´t pay attention.
Liz never was back, not really. From the moment she was back in the Post Office she was on the next run and go.
But he had been so happy to have her back, he missed the signs.
She never brought back her `I love Nebraska` cup which she had always kept somewhere in their office.
Sam had given it to her when she came home for two days after being gone for three months when she was in college.
Liz had told him that Sam had the talent to even turn such a random thing into something emotional. He had told her always to remember where she came from and who she truly is.
It had gotten late on that day, the only light in their shared office came from a small lamp on the desk but her eyes seemed to lit up the whole room even more when she told him this story.
Of course he had kept that thought to himself but he had sworn on that day to help her to stay herself.
Not a criminal.
But then hell was breaking lose and he felt like he let her down.
When he finally had her back- she wasn´t back at all. Not even months later she was engaged again with Tom but he hold himself back, didn´t mention his suspicions and kept his distance.
Even though his jealousy grew every time Tom was mentioned and when she found
out she was pregnant he distanced himself even more.
Tried his best to not to be with her in the elevator at the same time,
just spoke with her about necessary things to get the job done.
Sure, he felt her confused looks when he brushed her off but at this time he had thought it would be the best thing to do. It didn´t help when he started to dream about her.
Dreams that were either bittersweet or ended with her getting shot and dying in his arms.
Boy, how fucked up was he?
And then the wedding. It just seemed so rushed in retrospect. Sure they couldn´t do something big with the cabal still being active but all in all they planned this wedding in what – two weeks or so? Not that he was keeping track.
And now Liz was dead. She had a beautiful daughter and Liz was dead. She would never see her.
It just felt so surreal. He didn´t even know if he felt anything.
After his break down in the court when he thought she was dead for the first time he had expected to feel the same. Anything. Anger. Sadness. Desperation. Pain. Fear but he was simply numb.
He had lost her one time too much and she took everything from him.
If anyone would accuse him now of acting like robot he wouldn´t blame them. Something else had taken control of him, everything he did was kinda mechanical. Helping Red. Comforting Samar. Comforting Aram. Getting back in the car. Driving back to the post office.
Breathing. Thinking.
Shit.
He was so close to stop himself from going to the funeral. He could go later. In private just for himself. What he wanted to tell her, was a thing between them and no ones business.
Why go to funeral which was just like the others he had to attend several times because life was a cruel bitch and always took the best people first. Long answer short – because it was Liz.
And so he went to this goddamn funeral. He was one of the last one to arrive – the task force was there already.
He was wrong. It wasn´t a funeral like all the others. It was a torture. It was a feeling he had no
words for. He knew it was wrong but when he saw Tom he wished it would be him who was laying in the casket. A dark part of him blamed Tom for Liz Death. He knew he should be sorry for the man who now had to deal with the loss of the love of his life and had to take care of their daughter. But he wasn´t. Goddamn this man had laid hand on Liz. He didn´t care about Tom.
He promised to himself that he wouldn´t cry. He could cry when he was home alone maybe with a bottle of beer. But here he would honor Liz. The best partner he ever had. They had their ups and downs for sure. They fought together but they cried and laughed together just as much. She was stronger than she had believed and sometimes when they were out in the field together he had the naive feeling that together they could defeat everything. She always made it feel like it was worth something to get almost killed like three times a week. And he wouldn´t cry about that.
He didn´t know exactly how much time was passed until he was somehow back in their office.
Theirs. Now it was only his. And in only a few days it would belong to him and his new partner.
He wasn´t ready. Yes they needed someone new – a new profiler or agent but why for him?
They could get a new partner for Samar. Honestly he didn´t want to be put up with someone new.
Not again. Maybe he should think about that job offer from the CIA again. It looked pretty good.
A new start.
When he looked at the clock again it was 9pm already and he decided to go. He got his things and turned of the lights in their office.
Somehow he found a way to avoid the rest of his team, make it to the elevator and to his car.
Before he could start his car, he needed to take a few deep breaths. Come on, Ress you can do this.
Cry at home.
Finally leaving the garage of the post office and being out on the streets he let him breath easier.
It was a tad cold outside but he needed the fresh air. He needed to think and for a minute not about Liz. It failed.
He planned to go home and go to bed. Forget everything while being asleep. He really wanted to.
But not twenty minutes later he found himself at the gates of the cemetery. This would gonna be a problem.
He got out of his car and made it to her grave. Well more privacy he wouldn´t get.
It felt a bit weird to stand here. Who was he to be stand here in the middle of the night.
Did he ever know her really? Even if his mind questioned it he knew he did deep in his heart.
He knew everything about her that was important.
Everything he got to know about her was like a detail added to a picture to make it more complex but the things that really mattered were always there. From the second he got to know her to the second he had lost her. And he may be damned but this picture was not complete at all.
Uh...well Hi Liz. It is me … Ressler. I just wanted to say … well I just … Damn it-
I am here because I wanted to say goodnight. It has been a damn long day without you.
No Idea how I will survive the other days. The others they – they miss you too but
you know I might quit … I am done and I can´t do this without you okay? I try but you know when I lost Audrey you were there... always. I could count on you but now you are gone too. Got a job offer from the CIA ... I know the CIA is well the CIA but … Meera´s former partner...forgot his name … reached out to me. They have a task force too ... The offer still stands and I need a new start. By the way I took Hudson in... hope that works for you. Tom is … well he needs to take care of your baby girl.
She is so gorgeous andjust like you. I know I … I should have told you this earlier but you seemed happy with Tom and I didn´t want to ruin this for you. Your birthday. I wish it had never ended... I lo – I wish you were here. Say hi to Audrey from me …
It was 0.01 am when he left the cemetry.
Because there were tears running from his eyes and he felt sick and dizzy he didn´t see
the person standing not even 20 feets away from him. Well okay they could be dismissed as the average goth hanging out on a cemetery – which by the way they haven´t done once – this was their first time and certainly their last because holy shit it was cold as hell and not even the five coffees they had drunk could help against tiredness they were feeling. Oh boy there new boss had some serious problems.