I actually wanted to let Ressler know that he holds his child but I am evil and I like to make him suffer. Maybe Liz should tell him that... OH no was that a spoiler ? ;)
His alarm read 6.45 am when Special Agent Donald slammed the button and turned it off.
He noticed the cold in his room and realized he let the window open the whole night. Below the window it was wet. Apparently it had rained, the gray clouds which covered the sky just proved it.
He sighted. In an hour he needed to be at the post office but for what? The one job the task
force had right now was catch that bastard Solomon.
The man he could have killed. He could have killed this son of bitch and everything would have had a different outcome. Maybe Liz would still be alive. Maybe it was his fault she was dead. Just because he hadn´t killed Solomon and this was the revenge of fate.
No. He could not think like that. If he had killed Solomon he wouldn´t be better than him.
He could have lost his job and Liz would be dead anyway but in his head circled still that one question: „What if". He shook his head. Thinking like that was pointless. It wouldn´t get him anywhere.
He stood up, went to the bathroom and took a cold shower. The icy water fully wakened his senses.
You know memories are a funny thing. They could come and go anytime. One could have good
ones, bad ones, even embarrassing ones. There were the sad ones who could make you cry yourself to sleep, the memories who could destroy you in a way nothing else could. Memories were something barely anyone had control over. You couldn´t fight them and some of them stick with you your hole life. A sound, a place, a word or even a smell could bring back memories no matter how hard you tried to forget them. They would take you over over like a giant wave and there was nothing you could do about it.
And such a memory hit him painfully. He didn´t even know how but suddenly he found himself on the floor of his shower, crying about the loss of her. In his mind nothing else had room than the memory of that faithful night. The kiss which had changed everything and led to the night he had dreamed about for years. It sounded cheesy and cliche but when he hold her he felt like the missing puzzle piece found its place and his world was finally complete. He was content and truly happy that night, an emotion he hadn´t felt for so long. Touching her, feeling her was everything he needed. There had been no walls between them, everything they had thought, everything they had felt had been out in the open and they let go of everything they held back.
In the morning when she still was in his bed when he woke up and he realized he didn´t dream he actually could see a future he was looking forward too. Sure they wouldn´t move in together the next day, they wanted to take it slow, to make it right but they both had wanted this.
And now this future was ripped from him again. He had been so damn close and again it was gone.
Maybe something, someone up there was against him. Whatever sin he had done he hoped someone up there knew he was paying for it and it was tearing him apart. Simply hell on earth.
Slowly he felt like he could breath again and tried to stand up. He was shaking a bit but he was able to turn off the shower and get himself ready. It was 7.30 am. He would come in late. And for the first time ever besides when he took the pills he didn´t give a damn.
It was then when he heard someone knocking at his door. He was suddenly glad he was too tired when he came home to put his gun into his safe. He wasn´t expecting anyone. He swore to god if it was that idiot Randy from the apartment beneath him, he would get insane.
„Donald it is me. Please open the door and put that gun away. It is not a thing that should be around children at this young age. I come at peace my friend"
Wait what. He was too perplexed to do something else and a minute later no one else than Raymond Reddington stood in his living room holding a baby car seat with... well a baby in it, sucking at her thumb and being fast asleep. It was Agnes.
„Red what did you do?" Why on earth did he have Agnes. „I mean I know you don´t like Tom but you can´t just steal his daughter. This is kidnapping, Red. Get her back!" Ressler ordered.
Red just looked at him with his typical all-knowing smile which indicated that there was more to this than his hate for Tom. Only this time there was a sadness in the mans eyes which made him look ten years older. He had seen what effect Liz Death had on Red. „ Look, her death is difficult on all of us but … just bring Agnes back." Ressler tried again when Red didn´t seem to make a move.
„Oh Donald that is what I always admired at you. Your unbreakable righteousness. Always the one to do the right thing even if it brings yourself unbearable pain." Red said.
„Come on, man I need to get to work. I don´t have time for this" Ressler was losing his patience.
„Donald I know you think not highly of me and I don´t blame you for that but for once in your life you need to see that this world is not as black and white as you want it to be. I did not kidnap Agnes, Tom or more accurately Jacob abandoned her at the hospital. I need your help to find him" the older one explained.
Ressler needed a minute to process this and he sunk down at a chair. This man just abandoned his own child. How could one do this?
„Oh and Donald where can the movers place the crib?" Red suddenly wanted to know.
„What the hell are you talking about?"now he was totally confused.
„Please watch your language around the little one oh and well since you and Agnes will live together I figured I could buy some things. Look at it as sort of moving in present. Thank god for Miranda from Babies`R` us she is a real goddess."Reddington explained to him as it would be the most logical thing on earth.
„Red no. I – I won´t … I can´t do this. I am not the right one for this job. I can´t just take Liz child. I... I" Ressler stuttered. He didn´t even find the words to explain what he felt.
„You will Donald. I know that deep down you do want her. Agnes couldn´t wish for a better man to be her father. I know about your feelings towards Liz and I do know about her birthday. And if you don´t believe my words then believe Liz`." With that Red passed him a small paper.
Ressler opened it and when he read the lines tears started to roll down his cheeks. It was Liz Will.
The only two sentences on the paper were:
If anything happens to me and I can´t take care of my child I want Special Agent Donald Ressler
to support Tom Keen in taking care of my baby. If Tom Keen acts irresponsisble I want Donald Ressler to be fully responsible for my child and give her all my love.
„Oh Liz ..." Ressler whispered. He buried his head in his arms on the table. He felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Red´s.
„So what do you think about saying Hello to Agnes. I am sure she will be happy to meet you."
Red took the baby out of the baby car seat and placed her in Donald´s Arms. This picture made his heart ache. Donald was holding his own daughter and didn´t even know it. He was truly sorry for the man but he could also see that in the two minutes in which he hold the little girl Ressler already was a better father than Tom ever could be. It was a shame that he couldn´t be the bearer of the good news but Liz had forbidden him to tell Ressler the truth. Maybe one day he would find a way to tell him although for now it was enough to know that Agnes was where she belonged.
When the small bundle of life was placed Resslers arms an incredible calm washed over him.
Nothing mattered but the child in his arms. He knew that deep down he already had sworn to himself to protect this baby at every cost.
„Hey Agnes. I am Don. I will take care of you. I … I am a friend of your mom´s."
And even trough his tears he had to smile when she made some cooing sounds.
„Like I said Donald you two will get along splendidly. The movers will come soon so what do you think of going to the park. I have a stroller in the car." the Concierge of Crime suggested.
„I don´t know Red. You said Tom is out there. We need to find him." Ressler asked worried.
More than ever he wanted some explanations from the man but he needed to think of Agnes first.
A thought crossed his mind. „Red is there a way we could get the surveillance of the hospital.
Call Aram I might have an Idea."
„That is what I wanted to hear Donald. But in my opinion we should go to my safe house.
I have the feeling Tom wants to meet his boss and things could get ugly. And besides my house keeper there makes the best omelets I ever had."
When the little group left the apartment didn´t notice that they were watched all the time.