WHOA. I just posted a chapter for Poison AND Geniuses and Mischief. Stop the world, it really is a Christmas miracle.

Or just me avoiding studying. Either one really. Maybe both!

Anyway, this takes place way after the first chapter, long after everyone (primarily Clint) on the team comes to terms with the relationship. For some reason I really like badass and overprotective Loki, so I have a few of these little oneshots. Anyway, I really enjoyed writing Tony and Clint because, hello, major sarcasm abound!

As always, read, review, and enjoy!

"Excuse me," Tony says and Clint tries not to show a reaction, even though he wants to groan and hit his head against a wall. Shut up Tony. Sure enough, their captors turn their attention to the restrained and—for the most part—healthy billionaire.

"Yes Mr. Stark?" the guy leading the interrogation asks, an eyebrow arched. "You had something you wanted to add to the conversation?"

"Oh, I don't even remember what you asked him," Tony says carelessly and Clint knows what he's doing, knew what Tony was going to do before he even did it, but he really needed to shut up. "I would just really appreciate it if you'd leave him in one piece. I mean, have you ever been on Black Widow's bad side?" Before any of them can even respond, Tony's talking again. "Of course you have been. Listen, you might be able to just disappear but I have to share a house with her. She'll kill me if you mess up his pretty face."

Natasha has always hated Tony's inability to shut up, but Clint has always admired his ability to get a rise out of anyone, even people he's just met. Right now though, it's not so much admiration as it is worry and exasperation. Shut up Tony.

The man gives a slight nod and a guard behind Tony steps up to slam the barrel of his rifle straight down onto the back of Tony's head. Tony grunts as his head whips forward. "Now that's just rude," Tony mumbles, and Clint recognizes that tone of voice as the "give me a second, something has just gone terribly wrong." "Is that Hammertech?" Tony asks and Clint forces his foot to stop from twitching forward to kick Tony's shin. That was how Natasha tried to train him. Notably, it hadn't worked on him… "I can't really tell, there seem to be three of them in your hand."

"It was rude of you to interrupt our conversation," the man says, turning back to Clint, obviously satisfied, order restored. If Clint breaths a little easier, he hopes none of his captors notice.

"Didn't your mother ever teach you two wrongs don't make a right?" Tony asks, his head cocked slightly to the side, gazing at something Clint bets only he can see, with slightly glazed eyes. The man freezes, then takes a deep breath in, as if asking for patience.

"This is why he never gets kidnapped anymore," Clint says before he can stop himself. As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he wants to hit himself.

"He lives!" Tony says. Now that he's responded, Tony's never going to stop talking. "If you let us go now, I'm pretty sure Widow won't be too pissed at us. Maybe we'll all get away unscathed!"

"I'm afraid I just can't do that," the man says, and both Tony and Clint pick up his tone of voice, the one that tells them he means business and two upstarts aren't going to get away with stealing his interrogation. Others have tried to take back the power once Tony starts, but most fail.

"You're right," Tony says mournfully. "She'll lock me out of the lab for worrying her and she'll probably still hunt you down for this. You did break his wrist."

Seconds later, without any warning, the guard brings his rifle down on Tony's shoulder. Clint hears it pop out with a sickening crack. The guard follows it up with another strike to the head, this time to the side. Tony groans, but somehow still manages to turn it into a laugh. "Oh sure, take it out on the one who Widow doesn't like anyway."

"That's not true," Clint says, trying to ignore his worry. Tony's words are starting to slur. "Widow likes you in her own way. And besides, Hulk likes you way more than any of the rest of the team." The guards in the room shift uneasily, as Clint knew they would. Nobody ever feels comfortable when they bring up the Hulk, especially when they've kidnapped part of his team. Hulk is surprisingly…protective. "When Hulk finds out what happened, he'll lock you in his lab for the week, just so he can keep an eye on you."

"Oh god," Tony moans, letting his head drop back against the seat. The man in front of them shifts, and Clint knows that whatever comes next, neither of them will like it. "Screw both of them. Loki is going to kill me himself!"

Clearly the concussion is getting to Tony, because Loki is strictly off limits to any conversation outside of the tower. Even Fury doesn't know the two are dating. Of course, this peaks the interest of their captor, and he turns quickly back to Tony.

"You wouldn't be talking about the notorious God of Lies, would you?" he asks smoothly. He's trying to take advantage of Tony's concussion, but Clint is well aware that only certain people can get away with it. It took him three concussions before he got the drop on Tony.

"Mhm," Tony says, and Clint recognizes that he's playing along. Clint picks up the cue easily.

"Never knew the guy had a protective streak," Clint says. The confusion is clear on everybody's face in the room. "Surely you heard about Magneto a month or so ago?"

"I've certainly heard about it," Tony moans. "Every freaking night. 'why are you always so reckless?' and 'why can't you be more like Black Widow? She doesn't get injured.'"

"Well, he's right, isn't he?" Clint says. "Widow gets injured the least of all of us." He receives a kick to his knee for his input from their captor.

"And what exactly would Loki be doing with the Avengers?" the man asks, but Clint can tell that he has a suspicion that Loki's changed sides…kind of.

"Dating me!" Tony says happily, turning his head to the corner of the room. Clint realizes that he recognizes why the hair is standing up on his arm.

"I thought we discussed the importance of discretion, dearest," a silky voice says. Every guard in the room reacts as Loki unpeels himself from the shadows.

"Well he asked so nicely," Tony says. Loki moves forward unrestrained to Tony, everyone too shocked to react. Magic sparks on Loki's fingers and he drags a finger lightly across one of the marks left on the side of his face from the rifle. The glow spread over the cut and the wound closed up, healing so quickly that when Loki moved his finger away, there wasn't any mark at all.

"Yes, I can see that," Loki drawls. "And to what question did you receive this one for?" he asks, dragging a glowing finger along the back of Tony's head where blood had been steadily dripping from.

"Oh, that was for warning them that Black Widow would be pissed."

"You were not wrong," Loki says, moving his hand over Tony's shoulder. Tony groans as the shoulder pops back in, but he's in obvious relief a few seconds later. "She was most upset when I left. And you?" he asks Clint, moving over to the other man. "To which polite question did you answer?"

"Mom told me not to take to strangers," Clint answers. "So he broke my wrist. He wasn't very nice to me."

"No, it appears not," Loki says, healing his broken wrist. Jesus that feel so much better. Loki turns his attention to their captor. "It appears he was not nice at all."

The man actually takes a step back. Had Clint been in his shoes, he would've left the second Loki had healed that first wound on Tony. This man was apparently not that smart.

Well, his loss was their gain.

"Would you care to explain to me why you have kidnapped my boyfriend and his teammate from their mission? Director Fury was displeased when he contacted the rest of the Avengers," Loki asks him. The man swallowed loudly, then seemed to regain his composure.

"Turn on the device," he orders a guard, who flips open a panel and punches a button. The air seems to cackle and both Tony and Clint groan as their injuries seem to come back full force. Well, not full force. His wrist is definitely not completely broken, but it's not healed anymore. Tony's shoulder is where it's supposed to be, but his head is dripping blood again. Loki stumbles, but pulls himself up again.

"Ooooh is that more Hammertech?" Tony says, looking at a blinking light in the corner of the room. "He stole that design from me, did you know that? Except he only got half of the prints. Did you also know that if you happen to hit that part up there, about right under where the light is blinking, you can destroy the whole machine?"

Loki grins, more lethal delight than happiness. A knife appears in his hand and it only takes a flick of his wrist to send the knife sailing. Of course, it hits his mark. They've had competitions, Loki and Clint, testing their accuracy. Clint is proud to say he can match the god shot for shot. The machine whirs, trying to compensate for the knife, before there's a loud pop and the air seems to lighten. Tony actually sighs in content, leaning back in his chair, as the cuts heal themselves again. Clint can't say he doesn't feel any better.

"You were saying?" Loki says. Now the guards are starting to back out of the room, some even fleeing. The man glances at them from the corner of his eyes and his lips curl in disgust.

"You shouldn't rely on Hammer. Just because he's evil doesn't mean he's smart," Tony adds in helpfully.

"We'll meet again," the man says, and two guards move in front of him to cover his retreat. Without warning, Loki attacks, throwing the two guards halfway across the room to slam into the walls. They don't move. Then he grabs the man by his neck and slams him next to the doorway he was trying to escape out of.

"No, we will not be meeting again. You will not be leaving this room ever again," Loki snarled. "You dared to kidnap not only my boyfriend, but a friend as well? And you think you can just get away with it?"

The man is clearly intimidated, but Clint can hardly care, because he's distracted by Loki's declaration that Clint is a friend. He looks over to see Tony giving him a superior smirk and now Clint feels completely comfortable kicking Tony in the shin. The whole exchange goes quietly, because neither one wants to distract Loki, but they've clearly distracted his target.

"Tony," Loki snaps without looking back and Tony opens his mouth to protest, but Clint kicks him in the shin again and Tony sits back in his chair sullenly. "Perhaps you should receive the same treatment they did?" Loki suggest, turning back to their captor. His finger glows with magic again, as he traces the same spot on his forehead as where Tony had received a hit to the head. The man groans as the skin tears open slowly, until there is a steady stream of blood falling down his face. "Although that was hardly the least of their injuries." Loki grabs his wrist and applies very little pressure, but Tony can see the moment when the bones give. The man practically screams.

"Shouldn't you be stopping him?" Clint asks. As much as he enjoys payback, he's worried that Loki could lose control.

"Nah, he'll be fine," Tony answers. "Besides, he hasn't avenged my shoulder yet." A drawn out groan fills the room. "Never mind, there it is."

"It matters little how much of their pain you feel. Like I said, you will not be leaving this room. Alive at least." For a second, it looks like the man doesn't believe him. But then there's suddenly a knife in the man's stomach and their kidnapper is seconds from pleading for his life.

"Loki," a female voice orders. A red head pops around the corner. Despite the fact that she's invading an enemy base, Natasha seems very at ease. "They're on their way. One floor down."

Loki pulls the knife out of the man's stomach and hands the blade to Natasha. "Very well," he says. The man falls to the ground and his legs crumple, unable to hold himself up. He moves over to Tony and puts on a show for the two agents before finally undoing his bonds, leaving a panting and barely-controlled turned on man in the chair. "I shall see you at home. In your room. Should you linger…"

"Yes?"

"I shall be forced to retrieve you and reap my reward when safely home."

"Gross. Absolutely gross," Clint says as Loki stands up. The god throws him a grin, full of mischief intent, a completely different man than the one that was threatening their kidnapper only seconds ago, as he winks and disappears, leaving them in the room with his words, "you're more than welcome to join."

"No," Tony says as he stands up, working out his sore shoulder. "You are not invited. This is not a group invitation."

"Oh come on Tony, this could be fun! Maybe even Natasha would join us!" Clint exclaims. Natasha quickly changes from untying the rope restraining his wrist to tying it tighter. "Ow, okay, okay, I'm just kidding! Jesus, that just got healed fifteen minutes ago."

She relents on her punishment, but he knows that he's still in the doghouse. He's just standing up when agents come running in, Maria Hill surrounded by them. The agents drop their weapons when they see everything is under control.

"I see you've met Mr. Corbin Darning," Hill says as she takes in the bleeding, moaning form. "Widow?" she asks. Natasha holds up the knife as evidence.

"He came at me with a gun," she defends.

"And you two?" Hill asks, jerking her chin towards Tony and Clint as she directs a couple of agents to restrain him and find him medical attention.

"Fine," Clint says, shifting a foot towards Tony to tell him to shut up before the man can even say anything, but he doesn't actually hit Tony. "They didn't start interrogating us until a few minutes before you guys came."

"Can we go? I've got a hot date tonight."

-o.0.o-

Clint manages to help Tony sneak off base an hour later. Natasha rolls her eyes, but she doesn't stop them because they both know Loki will retrieve Tony if he doesn't arrive home soon.

"I don't even want to be here," Clint says as he lands the quinjet. "I don't need to think about the dirty deeds you two do."

"Oh, they're worse than you can imagine," Tony says, his voice full of husk that, despite Clint's strict straightness, sends chills through his skin.

"On that note, please remove yourself from this jet. We'll be home later. Much later. Try to be decent," Clint says, ignoring the smirk Tony gives him as he waves a hand in farewell.

Loki is there to greet Tony as he enters the penthouse. "Don't worry, I ditched Robin Hood and his merry men. The place is ours for the night," Tony welcomes as he shrugs off the jacket he stole from S.H.I.E.L.D. Before he can recover, Loki is on him, lips desperate as his hands peel off Tony's clothes. Tony, never one to lag behind, returns the favor. They barely make it to the room before Loki pushes Tony to the floor, kicking the door shut with a foot because Thor has an uncanny knack for walking in on them. They fight for control, per usual, and, per usual, Loki wins. He pauses a moment, forehead resting against Tony's as they try to regain their breath.

"Don't do that again," Loki murmurs.

"Do what?" Tony asks.

"Disappear. Had they activated the magical device before I had arrived, I would not have been able to find you."

"I never really plan on disappearing," Tony says with a roll of his eyes.

"Should it happen again, I cannot promise the same leniency to your kidnappers."

"You call a knife to the stomach leniency?"

"He was still alive, was he not?"

Tony has to concede the point. Tony has blood on his hands too. He can't judge.

When they fall asleep, it's long after the team returns home, not that anybody comes searching for them thank god. Tony falls asleep quickly, wrapped tightly in Loki's arms. Loki, on the other hand, lingers in the waking world, his hand placed over Tony's heart, where he can feel the steady thum-thump of his heart, his stomach curved around Tony's back, feeling the warmth coming from his body. He spends hours trying to reassure himself that Tony is there, even as his mind remembers it's eerie stillness it attained when Director Fury had called to tell the team they were gone.

"Hm," Tony mumbles as he rolls over, tucking his head under Loki's. "Go to sleep," he says as he settles.

"Soon," Loki replies and Tony slips back to sleep in seconds. "Soon," he says again to the darkness.