To say the least, the camp introduction was incredibly boring. Almost nauseating, in fact. People of various ages, always with a huge, fake, I-practice-this-smile-in-the-mirror grin, walked up on the platform, giving long speeches about kindness and competitiveness.
I'm a little teapot, short and stout.
The song suddenly popped into her head without permission.
Here is my handle, here is my spout.
Emma shook the tune out of her head quickly, trying to stay awake.
When I get all steamed up, here me shout.
She literally almost pounded her head on the floor.
Just tip me over and – holy shit!
Emma sat up in her seat and rubbed her eyes vigorously. Did I just see that? Who... what...?
Her mind worked a thousand miles an hour as she spotted the most gorgeous creature who had ever walked the earth.
Emma sat rigidly, eyes fixed on the girl a few rows in front of her. Her hormones soared to astronomical heights as she took in the beauty before her.
This is just the back of her freaking head, Emma! Calm down, dammit!
The girl was just sitting, watching the presentations.
"Emma?" Merida whispered and nudged Emma's arm. "What's up? I've seen anyone so engaged in this load of crap."
Emma cleared her throat and tried to look away, "I... uh, head... not really... I saw, I... teapot... sleepy..."
Merida laughed quietly, "I'd know that face anywhere. Who is it? If it's that muscled guy over there, forget it. He's mine. I've had my eye on him the whole time."
"Um... no, I..." Emma mumbled.
Elsa leaned over, eager to join the conversation, "The blonde behind us is killer. I claimed him from the beginning."
As Merida and Elsa debated over who was cuter, Emma resumed to looking at the brunette.
Short hair, regal pose, actual interest in this speech... Emma listed off what she could. This isn't good, Swan. She's here for a reason, unlike you. She probably has a butler, and fancy dresses, and sports cars in her backyard, for Christ's sake.
With a distraction, the briefing went much faster. Within what seemed like a minute, everyone was suddenly standing up and heading to dinner.
"C'mon, slowpoke. If you want all the good stuff, you'll have to be first in line." Elsa grabbed Emma's arm and pulled her up, taking off after Merida. Emma reluctantly tore her eyes from the girl and ran behind Elsa.
The food was actually great, if Emma was being honest. Mashed potatoes, meatloaf, buttery corn. It was much better than the cafeteria food she was expecting.
She sat at a table with Merida and Elsa, careful not to wolf her food down like an animal.
"What do you think so far, Emma?" Elsa asked with mock sincerity.
"I don't know. I'm contemplating the wise words of the speakers today, revising my goals for my bright future." Emma stated sarcastically.
"Smart choice. I, myself, am chewing my food with a new outlook on life, dwelling on the meaning of green bean casserole." Elsa nodded.
"I'm bored as hell." Merida said honestly.
They all laughed and Emma smiled, knowing she had just found two friends she could agree with.
Her happiness lasted only a few seconds, though, before she spotted the brunette again, in line for food with a few of her – probably rich – friends. Her throat went dry and her stomach clenched. Go back to your food, Emma. Focus on your friends. She means nothing to you.
As much as she tried to convince herself, she couldn't keep her eyes off the girl. Her fork was hovering over her food, still holding an uneaten helping of mashed potatoes.
Then, before she knew it, the unthinkable happened. The girl and her rich friends had gotten their food, (Emma noticed there were much smaller portions on their plates and looked down at hers disgustedly) and were walking over to her table. She noticed the three empty seats at their table a little too late.
"May we sit here?" the girl said.
Her voice. Oh my god. It's like... like a Chocolate Lioness With The Vocal Chords Of A Sex Angel.
"Yeah, sure." Merida piped up, glancing at Emma with confusion.
"Thanks." she sat down with her two friends, and then they were eating.
See, Swan? They're eating like normal people. Turn your hormones off! Now!
"Oh, by the way, my name's Regina, and this is Marian and Kathryn."
Regina. Regina. Damn you, Regina. Stop being an object of pure beauty from hell, Regina. God, I love your name. Your rich name. Regina, the Queen.
Merida introduced them, "I'm Merida, and this is Elsa and Emma."
Marian and Kathryn waved briefly, then returned to their food. The looks they threw each other said more than enough for Emma.
They think they're hot stuff, with their designer jackets and expensive jewelry. Me, I'm just in jeans and a t-shirt I got from my mother.
"Well, how do you guys like it so far?" Elsa said, trying to get a conversation rolling.
Regina shrugged – perfect shoulders – and looked at her friends – perfect eyes. "I don't know. This was just something to do besides sitting on a stupid boat in the Caribbean." she said, forking a tomato from her salad.
Rich. I knew it.
Merida and Elsa stared incredulously at each other, and Marian and Kathryn snickered behind their hands.
Regina picked up on her friends' reactions and continued, trying for more laughs, "Yeah, we tried to plan a vacation in Paris, but France turns out to be a drag. I mean, the Eiffel Tower, seriously?"
Marian could barely contain her laughter, and Kathryn just smiled smugly.
"Did you hear about our Country Club, Regina?" Kathryn asked. "They lowered the staff to two hundred, and the laundry service was anything but satisfactory. We just had to go to the one in England for a couple months before we could move to Italy."
Marian joined in, "My mother just recently got herself a private plane. She didn't get one for me! I mean, are you freaking kidding?"
By now Merida and Elsa were fuming, and Emma could only barely compose herself.
"What about you guys? Any downsides to your summer?" Regina asked with mock politeness. Another round of laughs from her friends.
"Let's go, guys." Elsa said, standing up. "I don't think we middle-class are welcome here at Bitches-R-Us."
Emma picked up her plate and stood up, still completely aghast. How could she? Regina, my goddess, my queen, an absolute asshole? You knew it was too good to be true, Swan. Let it go.
"Have fun!" Regina called out after them sarcastically.
Their laughter rang in a very defeated Emma's ears.
Face it, Emma. You will forever be single, hopelessly gay, and, according to Regina the Bitchy Beauty, near poverty.
Damn you, Regina.
Damn you.