I Don't Want to Miss a Thing

Amelia Shepherd and Owen Hunt were getting married. Truth be told, he wasn't close with either one of them. They were just his colleagues; he'd once built a deck with Owen and some of the other guys from the hospital. That had been frustrating, especially since he'd been broken up with Miranda during that time. But by all unspoken and unwritten rules of Grey Sloan Memorial, they were all some kind of large, dysfunctional family. He drove through the rain until he got to the beautiful, old chapel. There were a few people there already, but Ben paced back and forth on the porch wrapped around the building waiting for Miranda. He'd tried calling her and texting her and had received no response. That's just how it was these days; they ignored each other phone calls or text messages even when they weren't busy. He never did it intentionally, it just happened sometimes. He would see she'd texted and if it wasn't pertinent, he'd push it to the back of his mind; only replying when he remembered again. Ben was just about to leave Miranda another message when he was grabbed up by April Kepner, a Trauma surgeon, and one of his old colleagues from Mercy West, the hospital that'd merged with Seattle Grace, eventually becoming Grey Sloan. They'd come over with a fellow surgeon, Jackson Avery, April's ex-husband and Ben's best friend. "Do you have a car?" The redhead asked, breathing heavily. Ben didn't even know why she was out and about, she should be somewhere with her feet up. She was pregnant and her baby was due soon.

"Why?" He said.

"Do you have a car!?" She repeated.

"Yes. Why?"

"I left the damn rings at Meredith's house. Can you drive me over there?" Before he could respond, she was pulling him by the arm through the rain. "I left the rings…I don't remember where I left the rings." They were at Meredith's house and while April moved from room to room, Ben followed her aimlessly.

"Well, uh, they say if you think out loud while you're looking for something, you find it faster," he said leaning against a door.

"Who says?" She asked him.

"Scientists…who lose things." They smiled at each other.

"Okay. Okay. All right. I remember there was one point that I went upstairs." April doubled over, grabbing onto his arm a bit.

"You okay?" Ben asked.

"Yep. I'm fine," she said in a rushed voice. "Uh, I went upstairs and Amelia was in the bathroom—"

Ben made himself comfortable on a chair as April roamed around the house. He crossed his legs and began another message to his wife who'd miraculously responded to one of his other ones. A loud sigh from April caught his attention. He ran into the kitchen. "W-what? What? Are you alright?"

"Found it!" April said smiling.

Ben rolled his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. One of the last things he wanted was for the woman to go into labor a few miles away from the hospital. "Alright, let's get out of here."

"Okay," she said taking a few steps in his direction. "Ow." Ben watched her slow down and grab onto a chair.

"You're having contractions," he said walking over to her.

"No, Braxton-Hicks all day. Ben, I'm fine," she said trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince him.

"Mmhmm. C'mon, sit down."

"We gotta get these rings over to Owen—"

"Kepner, Kepner, have a seat." He helped her ease into a chair.

"Okay, sitting sounds good," she sighed, relaxing.

After a few minutes, he said: "Maybe we should move to the sofa. It's more comfortable." She just nodded as he guided her to Meredith's long, blue sofa.

Ben looked at his watch, counting the seconds before he heard April groan again. "Okay, okay. See, th-that one came a lot faster. They're… they're a lot closer together now. Maybe we should take this party on to the hospital."

The woman grabbed his shoulder tightly. "Wait, wait, wait, wait, w-wait, Ben. Wait, wait, wait." Ben took a breath and did as he was told. "I don't—I don't want to have this baby in your car."

"Neither do I. We're going to the hospital."

"No. No. No. Hey!" She leaned back, spreading her legs apart. "Okay, but figure my contractions are closer together plus traffic plus the rain plus, uh, I don't know, a tree in the road?"

Ben couldn't believe what he was hearing. He raised his eyebrows and tried to follow April's babbling. "What? You're saying that you—"

"I'm saying that between your car and this house with heat, running water, blankets, um, I'll stay here." She nodded satisfactorily. "Yeah, I'm gonna have this baby right here."

"April, no," Ben said trying to sound authoritative.

"Ben, come on. It's having a baby at home. People have done it in caves," she argued. "My mom did it once in a barn, I think. We can do this."

"We should just get in the car," he tried to reason. Every fiber in him wanted to pick this woman up and put her into his car and race across town to the hospital. April's groaning got louder. He didn't know if she was being dramatic or if she was really in pain, but it scared him enough to give in. "Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. But you know what? I'm gonna call an ambulance, though. Get us some help." Kepner stood up and grabbed onto him as he pulled out his phone dialing 911.

"I'm gonna have a baby."

"You're gonna have a baby," he echoed.

"On Meredith's rug," she said with strained giddiness.

"Right on Meredith's rug," he said mustering up a reassuring smile.

Ben tried to appear unruffled, but he was flipping out. The situation was completely different, but April about to give birth and him being the only option, reminded him so much of Gretchen McKay. Remembering that name always made his eyes ache. Gretchen had been his one mistake. She had been in a car accident with her three children and her husband. The children were okay, just one missing a tooth, but her husband, Omar, had been rushed into surgery. Ben and his intern had been transporting Gretchen to an OR and waiting for the elevator when the alarm for a lockdown had gone off, keeping them trapped in the hallway. The doors closed shut with no way to open them or to get her to an OR. The woman's heart rate dropped and the intern couldn't find a heartbeat on the baby. He had to cut her open. She'd been dying, going into labor and Ben had no other alternative. He had to. And to do that, she made him promise—Save the baby over me, okay? Please. He didn't feel like he had a choice when he silently agreed. Just before the scalpel hit her skin, the elevator doors opened. He glanced at the moving doors before skating the blade over Gretchen's stomach. Everything afterward had been a mess. Because he saw them open. Clearly. There was a recording, proof, but—he hadn't seen them open. It just never registered. He'd been determined to save both Gretchen and the baby. Sometimes when he was it was completely quiet, especially at night, Ben would hear the pregnant woman begging him. It rang in his ears. Please. So he'd made the cut and rescued the baby with Gretchen bleeding out onto the floor and the baby barely breathing. Some days he wished that he'd succeeded and saved them both or at least one of them; maybe things wouldn't have to be so damn bad. But he'd failed at both tasks. And the backlash from the incident had been hard on his surgical career and his life. Ben texted and called Miranda and Jackson to let them know the situation.

April leaned against the wall of the living room, pounding on it. He touched her back, trying to soothe her. "Uh, I wish I had an epidural for you."

"Don't need it," she said. "I am conquering the pain with my mind."

"You weren't kidding," he chuckled. "You know how to have a baby."

"Okay, Ben, um, maybe go wash your hands, 'cause I need you to give me an exam because my water just broke," April said calmly.

"Okay. Okay," he said taking off for the kitchen.

She exhaled loudly. "You're probably gonna see my vagina, which might be weird."

He came back into the living room. "Yeah, but, uh, you know, I'm a doctor, so you know, it's all good." He flashed an encouraging smile. He had to keep her calm so that he would stay calm. The moment either one of them lost their cool, the other would lose their shit.

"Okay," April said moving back to the sofa. Ben pulled a chair up between her legs and rubbed sanitizer on his hands as she put her feet on either side of him, locking him in this decision. It was time.

He went into doctor mode: "Okay, you just relax, all right? You know the drill." Four months. And the only thing he'd done was put people to sleep for surgeries or supervised his residents. Maybe there was a time he'd get to do something fascinating, but he was an anesthesiologist when he really wanted to be a surgeon. "You're gonna feel my hand…"

April breathed heavily and rolled her eyes back as Ben felt around and it dawned on him what he was feeling. "Okay, Warren, let's wrap it up. "

"Sorry, I just…I-I can't… I don't know what I'm—" Breathe, he told himself.

"Come on. You've done a pelvic before, haven't you?"

"Yeah, plenty…," His mind grinned as he thought about the only pelvic he really wanted to be touching right now. The last time he and Miranda had sex, it seemed like it had been forever since they'd even touched each other. A month ago, she'd come down the stairs at four in the morning and stood over him, silently. Ben had felt her presence and jumped. "This is it. You're gonna kill me, aren't you? Can I at least say 'bye' to Tuck first?" Miranda had smiled; that had been a good sign. He laughed nervously. "Baby, is something the matter?" He'd asked sitting up. She'd sat next to him and leaned against his shirtless chest. He'd put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer. "Everything okay?" The only answer he had received was her lips on his. She'd thrown her arms around his neck, knocking him back suddenly. "Miranda?" Her fingers had found his lips, shushing him. "Church?" He asked as she nodded. A few months back, they'd been fighting so much, jumping on each other about every little thing. He'd decided that they needed space within their relationship where they could communicate properly. To them, "Church" and "State" meant separating their professional lives from their personal ones. State involved the careers of Dr. Warren and Chief Bailey. Church was the marriage and friendship of Ben and Miranda. He stroked her head, his fingers running through her curls. He'd grabbed her face and kissed her again. They hadn't shared a kiss like that in weeks. His tongue moved around in her mouth, familiarizing itself. Her long t-shirt hit the floor revealing a bra-less wonderment. Ben gave himself permission to play with her breasts. If he was being honest, they were two of his favorite parts of her body. They fell into his mouth and she moaned softly. Her nails dug into his skin, scratching him. Ben had pushed down her shorts, knocking them to the floor on top of her shirt and releasing himself from his pajama pants. He pulled her hair a little as he turned them over and slid into her. Moisture hit his chest and he asked if she wanted to stop.

"No." Ben stroked her slowly, giving her every inch that he had. She breathed heavily, not calling out his name or His name or shouting expletives like she usually did. He knew she was still mad at him and it pissed him off and turned him on at the same time. Even while she was upset, she still wanted him. And he felt the same way. Ben sped up, feeling every bit of her on him. Both of them avoided eye contact, not daring to look at the other. If her brown eyes landed on his while they were making love, it would be like she'd lost their four-month argument. If his brown eyes met hers, he'd be admitting that'd been wrong about what he'd done in the hallway. And he wasn't sure that he was. Soon, they were rocking together, reaching their climaxes softly and sweating profusely, sticking to the sofa. He held on to her, staying inside of her and caressing her face. He'd placed kisses all over her face. Miranda loosened her hold on his back.

"I love you, Miranda."

"I love you, too," she said.

"Baby, I—"

She'd cut him off by giving him one last kiss before she grabbed her shirt. "State." She slipped it over her head and leaving the room, picking up her shorts and moving up the stairs. Ben pulled his pants up and balled up his face and fists. He still wasn't completely down from his sexual high and the one thing that he wanted was Miranda by his side. He got up and walked up the stairs and stood outside of the door. He heard her sniffle and sob softly. What in the hell had he done? "…but th-this doesn't feel right."

"Don't tell me it doesn't feel right," April shouted. "It's my freaking cervix. Just check how dilated it is and get out of my va—"

"April, April, it's a foot. I feel a foot."

"No," she said as the color drained from her face.

"It's a breech," Ben confirmed. "It's a footling breech."

"Okay," she breathed, grabbing the pillows behind her head. "Okay."

"And I feel a cord."

"What?" She said starting to panic. "No. No. Is there… is there a pulse?" He felt around some more everything felt wet and squishy and this was not how this was supposed to go. He closed his eyes for a second and did his job as if he were back at Grey Sloan in OR 2, his favorite one, the one in which he'd proposed to Miranda. "Answer me!"

"I… don't think so. No," he took his hands out and washed them in the bucket of water next to his chair.

"So my baby's gonna die?"

"No." Ben shook his head confidently. "No, April. No. No, it just means that it's not getting all the blood that it could be and that-that we have to get the baby out as fast as possible so we can get the pressure off the cord," he told her. His voice was strong and certain.

She breathed deeply. "Okay." More breaths. "So I need a C-section as soon as possible."

"Yes. Yes."

"Okay. So," she said with tears working their way out of the side of her eyes. "The light is better in the kitchen."

"What?" He said confused. Kitchen...? Light…? Maybe she was starting to lose consciousness. He followed her gaze. "Wait. Wait, wait. No. No. No. I'm not giving you a C-section," he said adamantly. April pulled at her dress. "Look, there's an ambulance coming."

She sat up and stared at him. "Ben, we both know it doesn't matter."

"I'm not doing it. I can't." His confession had been the most honest thing he'd said in a long time. Losing Gretchen and her baby had been the worst moment of his life. If he lost April or her baby, he wouldn't be able to live with himself. "W-w-w-we'll get you to the hospital," he stammered.

She continued to persuade him: "My baby is dying, its blood supply is cut off, and it's going to die."

He got up and ran to the door throwing it open. "There is an ambulance coming!"

"Ben! Ben! Even if they were here now, they can't help me. You can," she said yelling at him.

"It's coming! It's coming!" He said at the precipice of losing his entire chill. He ran out onto the porch and tried looking through the pouring rain. He could barely see the house across the street, never mind an ambulance. His breathing had become just as rapid as April's and he wasn't the one about to push a baby out of his body. His mind flashed to another time that he'd watched someone give birth. He was four and his mother had gone into labor while they'd been watching "Wheel of Fortune". She'd rubbed his back, calming him down as he dialed 911 for the first time in his life. While he did that, his mother gripped his hand as she breathed loudly. The sounds would have scared him if not for the distraction of the huge, spinning wheel on the TV. Just as the ambulance came, his little brother, who would grow up to be his sister, popped out. So easily and flawlessly. Ben remembered touching the tiny hands of the newborn and introducing himself. Nothing compared to today. April's moans of pain brought him back. He looked inside of the house at the woman in labor and promptly turned away. "Come on," he begged. He looked for one more second, taking a deep breath of Seattle air as he slapped the side of the threshold with his hand and closed the door behind him. "Damn it!" Ben helped April move to the top of the kitchen table. He called his wife and prayed that she would answer. "Please answer."

"Why wouldn't she answer?" April said.

"We… I…," he started. He heard Miranda pick up and his heart raced. "Miranda?"

"Okay, I know, Ben. I know. I'm coming. I got h—," she said.

"Chief," he said cutting her off. "Did you see any of my messages?"

"No, I didn't," she answered. He heard the truth in her voice and nodded. "I was in surgery."

"We're at Grey's house. K-Kepner went into labor."

"What?"

"I called for an ambulance, but it's pouring and they're not here and…so, she wants me to do a C-section on her."

"Oh, Ben…"

"And—" He walked quickly out of the room.

"There's more?" She asked. He exhaled loudly. "Warren, what is it?"

"I gave her a pelvic exam and it's a footling breech and I felt a cord and I've never dealt with one of these before. Miranda…" He stopped talking and fingered his wedding band.

"Ben?"

"Miranda," he said again, his voice near frantic. "They won't be here in time. I'm… it's… I'm in way over my head it seems and I—"

"Okay. Stop," Miranda said going into her Chief-ly mode. He loved it when she took charge; it never failed to turn him on. "Stay on the line. I'm going to get Robbins and we will walk you through this. We will get through this."

"Okay."

"Stay on the line."

Ben walked back into the kitchen and put a towel under April's head. He held his friends' head. "All right, now, listen. There's no anesthesia. Ice is all we got. So the pain's g—the pain's gonna be bad." He lifted her dress, putting a towel over her body so that nothing extra was revealed; he'd seen enough already.

"Right, so you're going to rotate the baby in utero face down," Arizona said giving him a heads up of what he was about to experience.

"But…," he started.

"No, I know. The position will look different than you've seen."

"Is she okay?" Jackson asked coming onto the phone. Ben knew his emotions must have been at their highest level. If the roles were reversed, Ben's blood pressure would have been in the 200s. "April! Hey! Can she hear me?" Ben gave her a cold compress to put on her stomach, hopefully to numb some of the oncoming pain and grabbed his phone and put it next to April's head as he rushed around looking for a miracle. He was a God-fearing, praying man, but he didn't yet know why he was being tested like this. A duplicate situation where the outcome could potentially be the same was a nightmare.

"Jackson!" April called out.

"Okay, I'm right here. I'm right here," he answered.

"Okay, okay, okay," April muttered.

Ben went into a pantry near the kitchen and searched the shelves. "Ha! Jackpot!" He screamed setting his eyes on a small leather medical bag. Maybe this wouldn't be so damn bad.

"What?" April asked, panting.

"It's an old medical bag. It must've been her mom's." He walked toward the light and opened it. The sound of April groaning blended in with the ancient zipper opening. "There's some gauze and—" He shouted with pure glee as he pulled out a scalpel. He uncovered it to find that it was blood-stained. Disappointment spread on his face.

"And some lidocaine?" She asked.

"No."

"Hey, Warren, what do you have to pack her with?" Arizona asked.

Ben took one last sweeping look around. "Uh, dish towels." He hated saying that out loud because it sounded foolish and everything he did lately seemed to be foolish. Ben touched April's stomach. "Okay," he said running his nails along her skin, several inches below her bellybutton. "Can you feel that?"

"Yeah," she said. Her breaths got heavier with each second. "Okay, Ben, I need you to promise me something, okay?"

"Yeah," he said out of habit.

"If you feel like you're gonna lose me—if I'm bleeding out, you—"

"No," he said quickly, already aware of where the conversation was heading. He doused his tools and her stomach with hand sanitizer.

"You make sure that this baby is okay."

"Oh, no, no, no," Jackson said jumping back into the conversation. "April do not—Ben, don't listen to her, okay? You save her. You save both of them."

April grabbed his hands, forcing him to look into her eyes. "You promise me that you will save this baby, no matter what." He didn't answer. "Ben, okay!?" He stared at April as the voices kept coming at him.

"Warren, you have got this," Arizona said calmly. "You have got them both."

"Ben, please. Okay, please," his best friend pleaded. He wouldn't be able to look him in eye if anything went wrong.

"Okay!?" April said weeping.

Every sound was putting him on edge. The voices. The rain. The thunder. April's moaning. The clocks ticking. It was too much and he'd had enough. "Everybody, just quiet! Please!" Ben shouted. He picked up the phone and walked toward the sink, trying to take deep breaths. "Miranda?" He said hoping that she hadn't left the conversation just when he needed her the most.

"Yes?" She asked patiently. The only voice he wanted to hear. Her cadence instantly soothed him and refocused his mind. That's what she did for him. She was other half and she always there for him, protecting him, giving him exactly what he needed; whether it was a kick in the ass or a hug and kiss.

"I want to do this, all right?" He watched the raindrops race down one of the windows. "I-I have to do this, all right?" He looked over at April who was praying silently.

"I know," she said. "Ben, w—d-don't hang up." His heart was pounding in his chest. If he didn't relax, he for sure would have a heart attack. "I trust you," she said.

With a short nod, Ben tossed the phone on the counter, put more sanitizer on his hands and walked toward April confidently. This kitchen was his OR and after four months of being benched, he was suiting up and getting thrust back into the game. He picked up the knife that he was using as a scalpel and looked at April, their breathing identical. His eyes asked if she was ready. She gave a nod and held onto the sides of the table. "Okay. Okay."

Ben had never broken any bones or had to have surgery or had even been in a real fight. So the closest pain to April's that he'd ever experienced for himself was when he, Rosalind and their older sister, Angela, had all decided to get matching tattoos a few years ago. After nearly an hour of debating, they'd all decided on arrows. They would each get five arrows, each one representing a member of their immediate family: mother, father and three children. Everyone came up with their own meaning behind their arrows as they rotated in and out of the chair. For Ben, the arrows meant strength. A bundle of arrows was harder to break than just one. His family was tight like that; they always had each other's back. Ben remembered when he couldn't wait until he had a family of his own. At the time they'd decided to get them, there were only five arrows to get. Three years later, Angela had a baby girl and they all met up at the parlor to get a smaller arrow added. The week after their honeymoon, Ben schlepped back to the parlor alone and got two more arrows added on his back, one for his wife and one for their son. It'd taken a while for Miranda to realize that the number of arrows on his back had grown and to understand why there were not one but two additional arrows. He watched her figure it out and counted the seconds in his head until the tears started to fall. One, two, three, f— "You didn't have to," she had said trying to wipe her face dry.

"I know I didn't," he'd told her. "I wanted to."

She'd run her fingers over them. "They're beautiful." He'd held her and smiled.

"And if you get a little closer, you will see our wedding date between our crossed arrows." Ben could feel her fingers touching her arrow which intersected his. In his mind, it symbolized their unbreakable bond as husband and wife and their true friendship. Her lips touched his back, kissing a trail down his spine making him shudder. He turned around and kissed her softly and passionately.

"Just amazing." They'd kissed again. "Did it hurt?"

"Like the dickens," he'd laughed holding her.

Each arrow had brought him some pain, but it was rainbows and sunshine compared to what April was feeling. She had no anesthesia and was about to be cut open with a kitchen knife. Kepner was legit a badass. Ben inhaled and put the knife to her skin, cutting the surface. April let out a scream, the likes of which he never wanted to hear again in his whole life.

"AAAAAAOOOOOHHHHHHHWWWWWW!"" She yelled.

"Okay, April," Jackson said. "What's happening?"

Ben had to ignore him. He worked furiously. April passed out and Ben was glad for that. He mentally walked himself through the C-Section, listening for Arizona's voice occasionally. His brain was in overdrive. He worked on April and calmed himself by thinking about Miranda's restored faith in him. That gave him so much confidence that he didn't even notice that he'd gone completely and literally solo in Grey's kitchen. There were no nurses, no extra hands, no anesthesiologist, he was alone and he'd been okay. By the time he pulled the baby from April's womb and had started to pack her, the ambulance pulled up and was rushing into the house.

Everything after that was a blur. A whirlwind of semi-familiar voices, sirens and a whimpering baby. He was back to being second string and for the first time in a long time, he was glad. They took the baby and cleaned her off, giving her back to Ben who held her tightly. It was funny; the first person the little girl saw as she entered the world was Ben. Just like Rosalind.