Here's the next one. Enjoy!

The next week is painful in more ways than one. Nick endures the cycle of blackouts and Judy harbors intense feelings of self-loathing over her continued indecision involving Nick. And at the end of the week it doesn't end for either of them. At first they are relieved and think it might, at least for Nick, but it doesn't.

In the days following the end of the blackouts Nick slides down a slippery slope. His dreams are consumed by visions of a mammal being attacked by some unseen animal. He sees through the eyes of this monster as it goes at the cat like animal and ravages them. Animalistic growls erupt over and over again to drown out the screams of the victim.

Every night he wakes in a cold sweat and with ragged breath. At first he brushes it off as residual fear over thinking for days in that cell that he was indeed the one who committed the crime. But no, Judy said it was Bellwether. He didn't do a thing. Only day by day it grows worse. What was once only a visual soon becomes tactile as well. The cool liquid of blood splatters across the teeth of the attacker – his teeth? – and slides down his throat. He feels the tear of fur and skin as his teeth pierce deep into the mammal's body. Over and over again. There is pain as the mammal fights back, but they don't stand a chance. Every dream they die and every dream he wakes with a heightened sense of fear than the night before.

Tonight he grips the sheets of his bed and gasps for air. He is tempted to go to Judy and demand an answer or at least seek out some solace. But in the end, just like every night before, he convinces himself he is being ridiculous and merely goes back to sleep, only to endure the nightmare again and again and again. The only reprieve is the daytime.

Then it spills over into waking hours. He suffers flashes of the attack and each time he gasps and a shiver races up his spine. He learns to control that pretty well and brush it off to anyone who happens to be around. 'Someone must have walked across my grave in the future'. He laughs. Unfortunately it only gets worse. He is forced to retreat to a hiding place while he relives the past. He holes up in the bathroom at the precinct and hides in his room at home.

Judy gets more and more suspicious and most of all worried until one day he just can't hide it anymore. Judy went out for something or another and it was at some point afterward that the memories bowled him over. He scrunches up at the foot of the couch, digging his fingers into fur and pulling at his ears as if the manic behavior will extinguish the memories. Because yes, he has come to the conclusion that this is what they must be.

Do it. A voice that must be Bellwether's said to him during one of his blackouts. You know you want to. Just look at him. All alone and ripe for the picking. Nick whimpered and curled in on himself as she urged him on. "No, no, I don't want to." He sounded like a child in his protests.

Of course you do. She insisted. You've always wanted to know what blood tasted like. To feel the rush of the prowl and take down those mammals who always looked at you like you were trash – sly and untrustworthy. Nick growled despite himself. His breathing intensified and his muscles tensed in anticipation. No, no, he couldn't – shouldn't. "You're wrong." He shook his head fiercely. He gripped his head and clenched his eyes tight.

Bellwether's eyes flashed dangerously. Don't lie to yourself. Her voice, however, was as gentle as ever. Hypnotic. He ached to listen to that voice. Mommy knows you best. You want to kill him. So do it. Go my precious. Nick breaks down into sobs. "No, please, don't make me do it. I don't want to."

You do. She refused to give up. "Now go." She pointed. Make mommy proud. "Y-Yes…mother." He said through his sobs. He picked himself up the ground and his reservations disappeared in a breath. Resolved seized him and he attacked – mercilessly slaughtering that poor, poor mammal.

Nick breaches the surface of the suffocating memory only to find he is gasping for air. Panic seizes his body and makes every sense run wild. Tears well in his eyes and his mind scatters. He needs to go to his room. He needs to escape from view in case Judy comes back. Surely she'll be back soon. Only he can't. His limbs don't listen to his commands and this springboards his already overwhelming panic to dangerous levels. He can scarcely breathe. The outside world hazes over and he shuts down. He is so withdrawn he doesn't even hear the door, only the voice afterward.

"Nick!" Judy drops the grocery bags in her shock. She jolts into action. She skids to her knees next to him. "Nick! Can you hear me?" She desperately searches his eyes for any sign of recognition, but there is none. "Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm here for you. You're safe with me." She wants so badly to reach out and bring comfort with her touch, but she can't be sure how he'll react in his current state. He is in full blown panic mode.

The steady beat of her voice finally breaks through to him. He breaches the surface of his panic and locks his eyes on her.

Judy nods. "Good. Now come on, breathe with me." She exaggerates her breaths, slow and deliberate in hopes he will follow along. "Breathe."

Nick struggles with it, but after a minute he is able to copy her with ease and slowly but sure his frenzied breathing grows steadier. His skin continues to crawl with the memory of what he did and what he allowed Bellwether to do to him – convince him to kill – but he doesn't feel quite so sick to his stomach.

"There you go." Judy puffs out a laugh. She smiles with a clear pained edge.

Nick's expression crumbles and his throat tightens. He has a very fragile hold on his composure and there is only one thing he can do to keep it. "I did it." His voice quivers. "I killed that mammal."

Judy grimaces. Pain wells up in her eyes. Still she manages a stiff nod.

Nick leans over and presses his face into her shoulder. Tiny sobs pass his lips and he holds on tight to her as an anchor. He knew it. He did it. He really is a monster. Even if he didn't do it completely of his own will. The fact remains he ended a life – viciously.

Judy hugs him back, rubbing his back. She doesn't say a word, not until Nick cries himself out and eventually falls asleep with his head in her lap. She lets out a breath and cries in the quiet of the living room. She always knew this would happen. She knew he'd recover his memories after he got better. She was a fool to wish otherwise. What frightens her most, however, is what this means for the future. If he has recovered this much, what's to stop him from remembering what he did to her? It's something she really doesn't want to deal with, not now or ever.

…

Things are far from normal, but for a few days Judy thinks things might be getting better. Then even that security is shaken. Nick hasn't talked to her much since the Bellwether incident anyway, so that isn't new, but then he starts to distance himself even further. Days with work he can't control it, but on off days he alters his sleep schedule slowly but surely so that they hardly see each other. He even stops eating meals at the same time as her, getting up at odd hours to sate his hunger. Judy can't find it in her to say anything about it either. He needs his space, she gets it. It's a lot to take in – the fact he killed someone. He may not have been in his right mind but that doesn't change the fact that it did happen. It's blood on his hands.

After a month, however, she just can't take it anymore. It wears on her and her state of mind until she is a nervous wreck, perhaps more so than him. He is holed up in his room per usual even though it is the middle of the day and she barges right in. She doesn't knock or give him any chance to get out of this.

Nick starts and jerks his head up. "Hey! You can't just come in here like that!" He means to sound irritated or at the very least offended but he is disgruntled to find he merely sounds apprehensive. His clenches his fists and goes rigid, a tight grimace stretching across his face.

"Like hell!" Judy crosses her arms and scowls at him. "I've come in here a million times before without permission and it was perfectly fine and you know it." She breathes heavily in and out. "So what is it now? Why are you suddenly afraid to let me in?"

Nick scoffs in an attempt to brush her accusation away, but a nervous edge slips through. "I'm not afraid. I just like some boundaries. That's all."

"Liar." Judy clenches her fists and they tremble terribly. "I'm not some dumb bunny. You've been pushing me away for a month now. And I want to know why." Her lips quivers. "Why?" Her voice cracks.

Nick swallows hard. Fear lights in his eyes and seizes his face. "Judy…"

Judy tenses. Oh no. He used her real name. This can't be good. She braces herself for a terrible truth that she had hoped to avoid.

"I…"He drops his gaze and pulls at the seam of his shirt. "It…It was me." He shudders. "Wasn't it?"

Judy's ears fold down. "What?" Her heart picks up speed and alarm bells go off in her head. She already knows the answer before he gives it. She was right. This is it – the moment she prayed he would never remember.

"Your arm." He says in the tiniest of voices. He bites his lip.

Judy averts her eyes. She unconsciously touches her arm. "Nick…" She needs to say more, wants to say more, but her throat tightens and rebels against her efforts.

"I knew it." He says through clenched teeth. His hands tremble in his lap. "Those dreams were too real…" The taste of blood to tangible. "I just knew it."

Judy slinks closer. "Nick, it wasn't your fault."

"Stop."

Judy jumps in her skin and freezes in place.

Nick sighs. "Don't get any closer to me." He shakes his head. "I don't want to hurt you again." Tears well in his eyes despite how hard he fights against the outpour of emotion.

Judy stamps a foot on the floor. "No! You stop it." Her expression crumples. "You're being stupid. Of course you aren't going to hurt me. You have never hurt me. You-You're my best friend. So just stop it." She shakes her head and tears fly from her face. "You dumb fox."

Nick can't control it any longer. At the sight of her crying, he can't keep the tears from flowing down his own face. "But what if it happens again?" His voice trembles. "What if I lose control…become a monster? I…next time I might…" She might be the murder case laid before him.

"Don't talk about yourself that way. Bellwether is the only monster here. Not you. You never were and never will be. You are the sweetest, most giving person I know. So don't ever let anyone call you a monster. And especially don't call yourself one."

Nick can only stare in silence at her. She sounds so broken and yet so much passion shines through anyway. Does she really have such faith in him? Even after what he did.

"Besides," Judy sniffles. "It won't happen again. No way I'd let a dumb fox beat me." She laughs through her tears. "I'll kick your butt next time."

Nick puffs out a laugh. Somehow he manages a small smile through the haze of guilt and pain. "Yeah?"

Judy wipes her arm over her face. "Yeah." She tentatively makes her way closer, all the way until she is sitting by his side on the bed. She is oh so thankful he did not stop her this time. It is a good sign, that's for sure.

Nick hesitates, unable to give up the wall he has built over the past month just like that. After a long minute, however, he slowly moves and wraps an arm around her. He pulls her close. "I'm sorry." Not just for hurting her or shunning her. For everything.

Judy leans against him. "It's alright." She sighs. It's been far too long since she has felt him against her. "Just don't do it again you dumb fox."

Nick chuckles. "Sure thing, Carrots."

So, yeah, Nick has panic attacks now. It isn't terribly crippling because it is only really triggered when they get a murder case that is animalistic. Ones committed by more human means such as gunshot, strangling, or what have you still make his skin crawl and unsettle him more than they did before but he can more or less handle it. Only ones that present like what he did are bad. I'll try and make the next one more feel good. We'll see how that goes. lol Please review!