Chapter 18

Guilt & Forgiveness

Connor's POV

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I noticed was that I was still alive. I was back in the manor and in bed. My upper body was bare and there were bandages on me in several places. I tried to sit up but it was too much. I fell back down and hissed in pain. I looked around but Sisika was not there.

"Sisika?" I called.

I heard someone downstairs but I didn't hear voices, just movement. Someone was coming up the stairs and then the door opened. There she was. She smiled when she saw me.

"You are awake." she said happily.

She ran and took my hand. I did not fail to see the bandage over her heart. I reached out and put my hand over it. I could not feel her heartbeat. She moved my hand to the other side and there I felt her heart. I looked at her curiously.

"My heart is here. And here…"

She then placed her hand over my heart. I smiled at her and found tears in her eyes.

"No, don't cry."

"I'm just so happy and relieved that are awake."

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Almost three days."

I closed my eyes and smiled a bit.

"You don't know how happy I am to know that your heart is special. And to know where it truly lies." I said softly.

At first I smiled, but then I opened my eyes and frowned.

"Who did this to you?"

"Kenway. I killed him."

I nodded. It did not anger me or make me sad. He was never a father to me. Yet she seemed guilty. I took her hand and she looked at me.

"Come here to me."

She sat down on the edge of the bed and I raised my hand to her cheek.

"You had every right to kill him. You avenged your father and he would be proud. You saved my life even though it almost cost you yours. Haytham Kenway was never truly a father to me. His death does not bring me pain or sadness. Only relief." I said.

I closed my eyes again and sighed.

"But Charles Lee is still alive."

She put hand on my chest gently.

"No. Do not think about that right now. You are not leaving this bed until Dr. White says you can. And you will not leave this house until he says you are well enough to fight and travel."

I could only smile at her.

"As you wish."

She smiled and leaned down. She pressed her soft lips against mine and I put my hand on the side of your face. I tried to move more but pain shot through me again. She pulled away and put her hands on my arm.

"Shh-hhh! It's alright, It will be alright. I know you are in pain but it will not last."

I calmed down and nodded.

"Perhaps I pushed myself too hard that day. But I had to keep going. I'd promised myself I'd come back to you alive."

"And you kept your promise. Now let me keep mine by taking care of you." she said softly.

I nodded and she started to remove the bandages.

"Dr. White instructed me to change these every five hours."

I watched her gently remove them and I saw what my father and the cannon fire had done to me. The look on her face told me she didn't want to see them.

"I can do it myself."

She shook her head.

"I don't want you to move. He said you have a fractured rib and two bruised ribs."

"I do not want you to be uncomfortable."

"I can assure you I am not. It breaks my heart to see you hurt and in so much pain. I wish I could take your pain away. Even if I had to be the substitute." she told me.

It would never cease to amaze me. Just how much this woman loved me. Despite all my faults and shortcomings. She did not find my scars repulsive, she saw the good in me even when I could not. I hissed as she cleaned the cuts and gashes. She took my hand and squeezed to comfort me. When she was done, she put clean bandages on them. She went and stoked the fire before coming back to me.

"Are you comfortable?"

"I'm a bit cold."

She nodded and walked to the other side of the bed. I watched her take her cloths off and then crawl in next to me. She pressed her warm body against mine and I closed my eyes again.

"Are you warm enough?" she asked.

I nodded.

"Much better." I whispered.

She hummed a response and then fell silent.

Sisika's POV

I had feared he would never wake up.

"I should have gone after you the moment I saw you were gone. Maybe this would not have happened."

"Don't you dare blame yourself. I made a choice and this is what happened. I will heal and we will finish this together. I won't leave like that again, I promise."

I sat up and looked at him. He looked into my eyes and I lightly touched his cheek with my fingertips. I heard someone knocking on the door downstairs and quickly got dressed.

"I will be back."

He nodded and I went downstairs. Dr. White was there and I let him in.

"Has he opened his eyes?"

I smiled and nodded.

"Although if he moves too much a terrible pain comes."

He nodded and we went upstairs.

"Good to see you awake Connor. We were all very worried when Sisika brought you back the way you were."

He checked to make sure he did not have a fever or any form of infection.

"And you cleaned them?" he asked me.

"Yes of course, as you instructed."

"Very good, and you did a fine job."

He stood up and looked at me.

"I will come again in a few days. Should a fever arise, come to me immediately. Do you remember how to make the porridge?"

I nodded and he looked at Ratonhnhake:ton again.

"You are very fortunate Connor. Very fortunate. I would spend some time here before you leave again."

Ratonhnhake:ton nodded and Dr. White left. I took a deep breath and went down to the kitchen.

Connor's POV

She went downstairs and I stared up at the ceiling. I knew he was not just talking about being fortunate to be alive. He was saying I was fortunate to have Sisika. And I was. I moved my arm slowly and touched my ribs. That was the source of my pain. I closed my eyes in pain and held my breath. I would be sure not to do that again.

"Ratonhnhake:ton."

I looked at her and smiled. She sat down beside me and I looked at the food.

"I know its not what you and I are used to, but Dr. White said it would help."

I nodded.

Sisika's POV

I fed him the porridge and he did not seem to enjoy it. I laughed a bit and then set it aside. He reached for my hand and I took it.

"Will you tell me about your life? When your father was alive?"

I smiled softly and nodded.

"I was born during the first few weeks of autumn. They names me Sisika because of all the birds flew through the village that day. I don't remember much about my mother, she died giving birth to my brother. He was very sickly but he lived each day with a smile. My father taught me to hunt and track, all the things he could not teach my brother. The women in the village taught me what my mother would have." I chuckled. "I remember complaining that the work of a woman was too boring. My elder said that I would one day need these skills. She said 'when you find a husband what will you do if he gets hurt? Without these skills he would suffer.' and I can see now that she was right. She was the one who became like a mother to me. She taught me to heal, to cook and prepare a meal, and to remember to protect those you love. She passed peacefully when I was seven years old. I had a loving father and the people of my village looked out for one another. I had everything I could ever want and need. And when that was destroyed, I thought I would never find that happiness again. Until I met you."

He smiled at me and stroked my hand.

"They would all be very proud of you. You have used what they taught you for good. I am sure they were preparing you to take care of someone as reckless as I am."

This made me laugh and nod my head.

"I think so too. Now you must rest my love."

"Stay with me?"

I smiled softly.

"Of course."

I laid down next to him and he tucked my hair behind my ear. I kissed his shoulder, then his neck and then his lips. He ran his fingers through my hair and I smiled. I pulled away and stroked his cheek with my thumb.

"Rest now. I will be right here next to you." I whispered.

"I love you, little bird."

I smiled again.

"And I love you, Ratonhnhake:ton."

I kissed him one more time before laying down.