The next day Belle and Rumple both decided to spend the day at home. Neither of them had a good day yesterday and neither felt like facing the town. Belle didn't want to run into the Charmings again and she definitely didn't want to explain her behavior to them. She didn't think she had to. Rumple didn't want to see Regina again, or worse. However, he did inform Belle had he would have to make a quick stop into town. When she asked him what for he simply told her it was to collect rent. He was surprised to see that during all of their 'adventures', Dove had continued to collect the rent from the town. No one liked it but Rumple was proud. He needed to raise that man's salary because truth be told, despite his love of squeezing people out of every penny, he had completely forgotten about Dove, rent, and living a normal life during all of their magical troubles. Though he wasn't sure what a normal life for the Dark One was.

But now that he had another child and he and Belle were actually trying to fix their marriage and trying to be a somewhat normal family, the normal life for the Dark One now seemed to be the normal life for any new dad. It meant actually sitting at the breakfast table watching his wife feed their baby. Sitting through the agony that was children's cartoons and even worse. The insufferable learning books that he wanted to burn. But he didn't. He knew his wife could get quite furious with him, but never dangerous. Considering her love for books, he didn't want to test the theory to see if Belle would actually get violent with him if he took all the baby books and tossed them in the fire. However, there was one book he wanted to burn most of all.

Her Handsome Hero. The one book that Belle was obsessed with it. It was the book that started her love for them all. The book whose hero bore the same name as his son. Or rather, his son was named after the hero. Rumple loved his son more than anything, but he hated his name.

When Rumple learned what Belle had named their child without him, he looked up what it meant. He knew Belle would only hear it as the hero of her book. A hero Rumple could never be, but he saw it differently. Perhaps he was looking for a reason to hate his child's name. He didn't want to, but it hurt him that she did everything without him. And he was certain Belle knew. She knew that she was excluding him from the smallest of details in their son's life. Even simply giving their child a name. And it hurt too much. She had made it perfectly clear that she didn't want him in their life. So he had to wonder why she was trying now.

He knew what the answer was though. It was the same answer to why Belle insisted on visiting the Snow Queen's cave to find some hat. Guilt.

Rumple knew guilt. He knew it better than most, but he never used it as a means to….He let out a breath. He couldn't put blame on Belle. It was all his fault. He pushed her away. With all of his lies and deceiving, he pushed her away and she tried to take their son. But even still. It hurt.

That afternoon Rumple finally found the energy and courage to make it into town. He wasn't sure why it was so difficult. He was just talking to Archie. He's done it plenty of times. Maybe it was because he was mad at the therapist. He didn't have the right to talk to Regina. At least, he didn't think so. Regina told him that Archie had power to go over client-patient confidentiality if it meant the client was in danger. Rumple scoffed. Him? In danger? No, he made danger.

He pulled up to Granny's and got out, ignoring the stares he got as he did so. He always parked his car in front of his shop, or next to it if he didn't want to be bothered too much by others. It wasn't normal for him to bring his car that he knew a lot of people, David especially, wanted so close to…well, people. But he didn't care. All he wanted was to get in and get out. So he made his way up to Archie's office above the diner and opened the door, not caring if he had another patient.

Leroy nearly lost his top when Gold barged in, complaining how he never got his full hour, but one look from the pawnshop owner and he was gone. Leroy hated Gold more than most, for some reason Gold couldn't fathom (though he figured the dwarf was just being protective over his snow white princess), but he wasn't stupid. So when Gold gave him a glare that clearly meant to shut up and leave, he did. Leaving the dark sorcerer alone with Archie.

"Gold-"

"Did you talk to Regina?" He said, not wanting to waste any time. He didn't mind giving the dwarf back his session, but not until he got his own answers.

Archie sighed and slowly stood up. He held up his hands in a manner that he hoped would calm Gold down. "I wanted her to talk to Zelena." He quickly said, noticing Gold's rushed mood.

"What?" Gold sneered.

"You said that Zelena put some spell on your heart, right? I am hoping that maybe Regina could talk to Zelena and get her to lift the spell. So you won't have anymore heart attacks."

Gold sighed. "Why? Why would you do that?"

Archie blinked, confused by Gold's…confusion. "I want to help. Both you and Belle. But you have to let me."

Gold glared at him but it wasn't harmful. "It won't work. Zelena will never lift it."

Archie sighed. "Regina called me yesterday. She said the same thing."

Gold scoffed. "See?"

"Unless…" Another glare. "We can get you two to talk."

The silence in the room was deafening and Gold was sure the doctor had lost his own mind.

"What?!"

"Listen, it won't be today. At least not until I think you're ready. And you won't be alone with her. Regina and I will be there as well to prevent-"

"Me from killing her?"

"Well…yes. But also so she doesn't try and hurt you. If you want Belle can be there as we-"

"NO!" Gold shouted before realizing his mistake. "No. No, I don't….I don't want Belle there."

Archie waited patiently. Gold was starting to breath hard and he sat down on the couch.

"Besides, maybe it's not just Zelena."

"What do you mean?" Archie sat in his chair.

Gold looked at him. He contemplated on whether he should continue or not, but he gave in. "Belle and I had lunch yesterday."

"That's good. We all need to start somewhere."

"Yes, well. She…she said something that…I don't know."

"What did she say?"

"She told me she talked to Snow. Apparently she wanted Belle to babysit Neal. Again. But Belle said she couldn't. She said that…she needed to focus on her own family."

"What happened?"

"I was pretty sure my heart almost stopped. When she said that I felt…I don't know. I just…" Gold groaned. This was so hard! He didn't like opening up his feelings. Whether they were to Archie or Belle. He hated it! He felt like he was breaking and wouldn't be put back together. He could do a good job on acting, but for some reason lately that wasn't working. He was perfectly okay telling stories, even of his past no matter how much he hated it, but his feelings? He didn't think he could do that.

"Gold, it's okay." Archie said. "It's okay to be open with what you're feeling and to talk about it. It doesn't make you weak."

When Gold looked up at the doctor, Archie suddenly felt cold. That look. He knew what just happened. It wasn't just past trauma and abandonment that was the core of Gold's problems. No one ever taught him how to be…human.

"I know otherwise." Gold stated. He glanced around and realized what he was doing. He stood up. "I'll be going now."

He left the office, not listening to Archie as he tried to call Gold back. Rumple looked around for Leroy to tell him the doctor was free again but the dwarf was already gone. He sighed. He didn't care.

When he returned home Belle had just put Gideon down for a nap. She returned from his nursery and saw the look on Rumple's face.

"Rumple, are you okay?"

He sighed. He left to go sit on the couch, leaning his head back. Belle went to go sit beside him, sitting on the other side to give him some space. She waited a few moments to see if Rumple would be ready to talk before asking him again what was wrong. He looked tired and exhausted. Was it that difficult to collect rent? But somehow she knew it wasn't rent. Rumple had gone to do something else and she couldn't think of what. What upset her now was that he lied to her. She had asked him what he had to do in town and he lied. Clearly it wasn't to collect rent. Before she lost her patience and got angry at him Rumple took a deep breath before answering.

"I went to see Archie."

"What?" She asked. "I thought he wanted us to have a few days off?"

"He did. I went on my own accord."

She furrowed her brows. "What for?"

He sighed again. "He…he went to talk to Regina."

Belle blinked. Clearly she was missing something that he clearly wasn't telling her and she couldn't figure it out.

"Why would Archie need to talk to Regina? What does that have to do with you?"

"It's not Regina that's the problem. It's her sister."

"Zelena? Rumple, what happened?" Belle was seeming more worried than angry now.

He looked at her in the eyes. He couldn't understand it. She actually seemed worried about him at the mention of the witch. But back at the farmhouse not that long ago….

"Do you remember when I had that heart attack?" He asked.

"You mean when you tried to kill Zelena?"

Rumple scoffed, getting up. "Of course that would be the part you remember."

"What does that mean?" Belle got up as well. If he was going to walk away she was going to follow.

"It means that like everyone else you only remember the bad things I did. Not the fact that maybe, oh I don't know, that I was dying?!"

"Do you not yell!" Belle emphasized. She pointed down the hall. "Gideon is sleeping. And Rumple, you can't die. You're immortal."

He started taking deep breaths. "Yes, I am. But that doesn't mean I can't have…issues."

"Oh you have a lot of issues." She scoffed.

Rumple bit back a growl. "I mean physically." He sneered.

"Rumple, please. Just tell me what happened."

They stood there staring into each other's eyes. Neither were wanting to leave. Well, Rumple wanted to but he didn't feel like leaving the house. He was just too damn tired. And he knew Belle was not going to let this go. For one, he wished she would.

"Back in New York, after you….exiled me."

Belle glanced away, putting her hands on her hips. She didn't like that word.

"I had a heart attack."

She looked back. "What? But-"

"I'm the Dark One. That's really the only answer you need. Belle, even a Dark One can die. We already know that."

Memories of Rumple and Pan standing in the middle of Main Street flashed themselves across Belle's eyes. She did know. She knew very well.

Rumple paused in his story, thinking back to the moment at the well. He had told Belle once, but it was forgotten. Regina made her forget and he still didn't forgive the mayor for that trick. He contemplated if he should just tell her, or show her his heart as well. He sighed, settling on his answer. Only the story this time.

"Years of dark deeds has….darkened my heart. Nearly to it being completely black."

He was ready to hear Belle say how it was all his fault. He knew it was, but instead she said, "But…your heart…it's pure. The Sorcerer's Apprentice-"

"You're right. He wiped my heart clean of any darkness. It was purer than Snow White's." And still you walked away. He shook his head. That wasn't important at the moment. "And while I do have the magic back, my heart is…in a way, normal. I don't have all the darkness around it. I have a much better chance. However….there are still…effects."

"Effects?" She asked, her arms now crossed in front of her.

He sighed. He was just about to answer when the phone rang. They both looked away from each other and to the source of the sound. Fearing it would wake up Gideon Belle quickly rushed over to it, picking it up.

"Hello?" She asked.

Rumple aimless shifted in his spot, listening to the one-sided conversation. His ears perked up when he heard Belle call the name of the other person.

"Snow. Is there something you need?"

Rumple sighed. Of course. He could put all his money on the Charmings interrupting every important moment of their lives and double it, making himself even richer. But why was the princess calling? Hadn't Belle told her that she couldn't spend time around them? That she had to focus on her own family? But unless it was a big crisis, one that concerned the whole town, he knew Belle couldn't let it go. For once, he wished she would. And not for the first time he wished his wife wasn't so helpful. He loved her more than anything and he always would, but they each had their own flaw. If they were going to fix their marriage he guessed he would have to live with his wife wanting to be the best hero she could be and helping everyone that lived. He just wished she would understand that it simply wasn't possible. And by doing so, she was forgetting about the more important people in her life. Though he figured he dropped a few notches, if not all of them, on that list.

He watched Belle hang up the phone and realized he missed the whole conversation. He would have cursed but he knew it didn't matter. "What did she want?"

"Um, she was just asking if I was okay. Anyways, you were saying?" He looked back up at him with those blue eyes.

Rumple paused. "Was there something she needed your help with?"

Belle shook her head. "No. Rumple, what were you going to say?"

He stared at her. "It was nothing."

He began to walk away when Belle grabbed his arm, gently forcing him to look at her.

"Rumple," She said softly. "Please. You don't have to be afraid to talk to me. I promise. I won't walk away."

Rumple started at her. He believed her. Somehow, he really did believe her. This time.

He cleared his throat. "Very well. Perhaps…we should sit down?"

Belle gave a pressed smile, nodding. "Okay."

They retook their previous seats on the couch. Belle was in her same previous position, but Rumple was now leaning forward, trying to bring all of his concentration to the story. But he stopped.

"Where was I?"

Belle giggled. "Effects?"

He smiled. "Right." They both laughed before getting serious again as Rumple continued.

"Effects. While all the darkness is gone and my heart, while not as pure now that I have the curse back, is somewhat…healthy, I seem to still be having some lingering…issues."

"Like what?" Belle asked.

Rumple took a breath. "Well, shortness of breath. At times."

"At times? What does that mean?"

"I'm not sure. Sometimes it happens, other times it doesn't. Archie thinks it might still be some PTSD, which…I don't doubt. Usually when I think or talk about…Zelena."

Belle remained quiet, thinking over what all she knew. Back in the farmhouse Zelena seemed…delighted that Rumple was hurting. Belle tried to quickly understand what was happening between what Rumple and Zelena were saying, but she still left confused. Of course, that interaction quickly left her mind the next day when she had to give birth. But now that everything calmed down she could try and understand it better.

"Rumple, Zelena said that you two made…a deal. What was it?" She asked slowly. She was learning now that her husband could actually get scared easy if it was a topic that caused him some sort of pain. And apparently, anything about Zelena was causing some sort of pain.

"It wasn't even much of a deal. Just something she did. I was…dying. At least it certainly felt like it."

Belle's breath hitched at the word. She didn't like seeing it the first time, but knowing she wasn't there the second time, or that it might have happened because she….She was about to cry again but she tightened her hands into a fist, trying to remain calm.

"I never made a deal with a dying man. There was an elixir she took from Robin who stole it for me-"

"Because she was pretending to be Marion." Belle said, understanding that part. Rumple nodded.

"Yes. I had another heart attack when I learned that."

Belle tried to ignore that, but it wasn't easy. She was just now learning that her husband not only experienced one heart attack, but three. She let him continue.

"Anyways, while I was laying there, hospital tubes in my chest, that was when she…made the deal. It's more of a spell than anything. Whenever I try to hurt her for any reason, I suffer a heart attack."

"That's not right."

Rumple was thinking she meant that it wasn't right for him to continue to try and hurt Zelena, but the sound of Belle's voice caught his attention. He looked back. She was starting to cry.

"Belle-"

She started crying more heavily at the mention of her name. "How could she do that? How could I do that?"

She couldn't say anything else. Rumple took her in his arms and held her as she cried, her shoulders moving up and down as she tried to catch her breath. He knew there was nothing he could say to comfort his crying wife. Not even reminding her that it was all his fault in the end. It was his dark deeds that caused his near death in the first place. Zelena only made it worse. Of course he knew that he didn't get to finish his story, but he didn't think he wanted to anymore. He wasn't breathing as hard anymore. Maybe Belle was his strength in more ways than one. He scoffed. That was a really stupid thought to have as he was holding his wife whose crying was starting to lighten.

Belle sniffed, sitting back up and wiping her tears. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Don't ever be sorry, Belle."

"But I am. If I hadn't…if I hadn't sent you away you wouldn't have suffered."

Rumple sighed. That was mostly true, since being in a world without magic excelled the rate of the darkness taking over his heart, but he certainly wasn't going to say that. Not now. Maybe not ever.

"Belle, we don't have to talk anymore. Maybe tomorrow? Archie is still wanting to see us I'm sure."

Belle nodded, still trying to get over her crying fit.

"Would you like something to drink. Tea, perhaps?"

She have a laugh. "No, I'm okay."

"Belle-"

"I am." She looked at him. She wasn't crying anymore but despite her efforts the evidence was still there. He was glad Belle didn't wear too much makeup. Smeared mascara never looked good on a woman. Though he felt Belle would still live to her namesake even if she did look more of a crying mess than she did now.

"I just…I didn't know." She said.

Rumple glanced down. "Because I never told you."

"Why?"

"I…I didn't think you would care." He said after a few seconds.

"What?"

"Belle, I had just come back from…from being gone. You were with Will-"

She scoffed. "Rumple, I never loved Will."

He furrowed his brows. "What?"

"I do regret how far the relationship got….don't worry! It was…it was just a kiss." She quickly said, noting Rumple's hurt expression at her saying how far they got. She could understand how he would easily misinterpret that.

"But you didn't love him?"

She shook her head. "I was lonely."

Rumple looked away. He understood that.

"And so was he." He looked back at Belle. "He had just lost his True Love. We didn't want to be alone."

They sat on the couch in silence, their hearts heavy and Belle's face drying up from her tears. They were each thinking about how much they hurt each other in their marriage, but Belle knew it was before they were married as well. Ever since they knew each other all they had done was cause hurt and pain. Breaking each other's heart. She wondered whose fault it all was but stopped. Marriage isn't a competition. That was what Archie had told her and at the time she couldn't understand it. Now she thinks she does. It wasn't about who hurt who more than the other. All that matters is that they did. And now they had the chance to fix it.

"I understand."

Belle looked at him. "What?"

Rumple took a deep breath, bracing himself for what he was about to say. "That's how I felt…with the Evil Queen."

Belle squared her shoulders. She really didn't want to talk about that, but she knew it wasn't fair. She couldn't talk about how he hurt her and what she did, and not let him. So she braced herself as well, ready to hear what he had to say.

"Belle," He paused. "I hate that I hurt you. I really do. And you need to know that it never meant anything either. I never felt anything for the Evil Queen. But," Belle raised her eyebrows. "I don't….fully…regret it."

"What?"

"Belle, please listen." He said, looking at her. "I needed someone. I needed to know that someone still cared."

Belle looked at him shocked, though not in the same way she had only seconds ago. The way Rumple was talking was as if…he was desperate. Really, really desperate.

"When you told me that you didn't care what I did, or who I did it with," Belle was starting to understand. "That….that felt like the end."

"Rumple."

"I lost my first son and everyone before that. I learned my second son hates me as well before he was even born. And then you-"

"I walked away. Not caring one bit." She whispered.

Rumple tried to breath. "I truly felt like I had absolutely. Nothing. Else."

He stared at Belle, not taking his eyes off of hers.

"I didn't love the Evil Queen. I couldn't. But we always had some sort of connection. A connection I knew…she could help…fulfill. Like with you and Will it never went beyond kissing, but with her, at least I knew. I never loved her. In fact, I still felt a bit dead inside. But at least I knew…someone….saw me."

Rumple froze. Seconds ticking away in the complete drowning silence. He did it. He actually told Belle exactly how he felt…and he didn't break. He was still there, still breathing. And somehow, he felt so much lighter. He looked at Belle before he realized it. She was still sitting there, next to him. He waited for a few moments, waiting for her to leave. But Belle just sat there.

"Belle?" He dared whisper her name. He didn't move. Not one inch. He didn't want to scare her. "Belle, please say something."

Belle was looking off in the distance, her eyes still on Rumple. Finally, she spoke in a hushed tone that he almost didn't hear her. "Am I truly that awful?"

Rumple was ready for her to cry again because she certainly looked like she was going to, but she didn't.

"Belle-"

"I…I became just like…like Milah."

Dammit! Rumple cursed in his head. That was not what he wanted. Belle hurt him but he knew very well that she could never become like Milah. Why? Because despite what he just told her….Belle was still here. But for how long? The coward in him asked.

"Belle-"

"No!" She stood up, taking a few steps away. "I…I did that, didn't I? I was…heartless." Tears in her eyes. "I…I caused you to have a heart attack."

That was it. Rumple couldn't take this anymore. "No." He stood up. "You didn't. I did. All my dark deeds darkened my heart."

"Than why didn't it hurt you before?" She asked, looking at him as if he was crazy.

"I had used magic to slow the effects." He said.

"Exactly!" She nearly yelled, forgetting about Gideon sleeping. "But because I pushed you out there in the cold, without magic-Rumple, I am not that stupid!"

"I never said you were!"

"I can figure it out! Rumple! Gods, what have I done?"

She fell to the floor, but true to their history, Rumple was right there to catch her.

"Belle, you can't do this. I pushed you away first. I lied and deceived-"

"Archie." She said as she tried to bring back her own breath.

"What?" Rumple asked. What did the doctor have to do with this?

"He said…he said there was so much about you that I didn't understand. And maybe there were things…I didn't need to understand. But I kept asking to know everything." She said. "I pushed first."

Rumple wanted to say otherwise, but he was too overwhelmed. He wasn't sure exactly what happened in just a few short minutes, but now they were on the ground, holding each other. Belle taking all the blame and him trying to tell her otherwise.

"Who knows who hurt who first." He said. It was all he could think of.

He tried to think of a way to continue on. To help Belle understand that it was not all of her fault. That he continued to mess up. To their relief Gideon started to cry down the hall. They both cursed themselves. They had woken up their one reason to move on by their yelling.

Belle began to stand up. "I should-"

"No." Rumple said. "Let me."

He got up and left to tend to their waking son. Belle was still sitting on the floor, new information buzzing in her head. Her heart beating rapidly fast. She focused on her breathing. It quickly returned and she stood up, glancing down the hall to where Rumple disappeared.

He was trying. He was actually talking to her now, telling her things she knew he didn't want to tell. She wondered where it was all coming from, but now she knew.

I felt as if I had absolutely. Nothing. Else.

Did Rumple truly feel that lost? Had she made him that way? She knew of course she would have never been able to know that or even see it unless Rumple told her. Everyone who ever laid eyes on Rumple only saw him as the Dark One. They only ever saw a dark sorcerer ready to use and hurt people for his own gain. But she always saw differently. She always saw a man. A man who was hurt and lonely. She had seen him plenty of times before and she was seeing that now. When exactly had she forgotten that?

She realized Rumple had tried to tell her before. Plenty of times in fact. He always told her that she thought she saw a man but in time…she would see the beast. She admitted that he was right. That night. At the town line. She wondered if that was where it all went down. Where their marriage crashed. When Rumple returned her heart he said that he spent their marriage lying and deceiving her, but she knew he couldn't take all the blame. Not anymore. Because no matter what he did during their marriage, no matter what he didn't tell her, she still forced him out. She still refused to listen to anything. She guessed she couldn't blame herself too much there. She believed that anything he said would be a lie. But it still gave her no right to not try. Right?

Rumple returned. "He's back asleep. He was just…startled." He said.

They both tried to smile but it didn't work. They knew they both woke Gideon up and it was their fault. Belle scoffed. Was that what marriage was like as well? Finding fault and placing blame? If so, she hated it. She didn't want that.

"Are you okay?"

She looked up at Rumple. She nodded, and then shook her head. "I was actually wondering if you could explain something to me."

Rumple took a breath. "I'll try."

"The dagger."

He blinked. "What about it?"

"You said you had no choice. During our first session. You said all I had to do was ask you and you would have no choice but to tell the truth. What exactly did you mean by that?"

Rumple let go of his breath. "Exactly what it sounds like."

They stood there for seconds, neither continuing. Belle wanted to demand….no, ask more questions, but after what they just talked about and what they had just both been through, she felt it was okay to take a break.

She smiled. Maybe she could ask again tomorrow. When they weren't both emotionally raw.

"Right." She said.

Rumple looked at the clock. Maybe he should have woken Gideon up instead of luring the child back to sleep. But to his luck the child woke up again. He smiled.

"I guess he's hungry."

Belle looked at the clock as well. "It is time for dinner. Do you want to get started on that?"

Rumple nodded. "Yes. I would still like to have a kitchen."

They both laughed as Belle went to get Gideon and Rumple headed towards the kitchen to make dinner.

Well, that was intense. Lol I'm not sure who it was harder for. Rumple or Belle. Please review.