Chapter 5 - An Unwelcome Interruption

A/N: This a short and sad chapter, but good things are coming in the next. ;)

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Brief mentions of alcoholism and suicide.

- 9:26 Dragon -

The heat of the flames warmed Emilia's face, which was the only exposed part of her skin on this dreadful, frozen evening in Amaranthine. The crackle of the pyre was the sole sound to be heard even though a crowd of people stood around it. Emilia, now nineteen years of age, slid her gloved hand against Nathaniel's, the smooth leather nearly silent as it met his. She intertwined her fingers with her love's and he squeezed her hand tightly. Emerald eyes turned their focus away from the pyre and to the man she was concerned for. He stood tall, stiffer than usual, his jaw tightly clenched. His lips pressed into a frown, his eyes dark even as they focused on the fire. The flames reflected in his steel orbs, dancing and giving light to his eyes, a trespasser to his melancholy disposition. His brow was slightly knitted, quivering as he worked hard to maintain his composure. He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple moving in a grievous pace. Nathaniel squeezed Emilia's hand even tighter, pouring all the pain he didn't want the others to see into his grasp. She didn't mind; she knew he needed it.

Conflict filled Emilia's heart on this evening. She would be lying if she said she wasn't glad to see Nathaniel, but the current circumstances made it wrong to feel that way. Any other interruption to Nathaniel's training would have been welcome - but this sort absolutely was not.

The body burning on the funeral pyre was his mother's.

The official cause of death announced had been "a chronic illness," but Emilia knew better. Suicide by Antivan brandy.

Sniffles came from the other side of Emilia, so she reached over with her free hand and gently rubbed the back of her close and grieving friend. Delilah shifted toward Emilia, and soon enough the petite Cousland was holding her significantly taller friend. Her mother's death was both a tragedy and a cathartic release for her Delilah, who had been unsuccessful in her numerous attempts to convince Elaine to stop drinking. Instead, the Howe daughter had to witness her mother's slow and painful decline. Worry filled Emilia's heart - her friend would be alone with Rendon and Thomas now at Vigil's Keep, with no mother there to distract or help her. However, it was also possible that the tensions in the Howe household would be less now; the parents could no longer fight given that one of them was dead.

Emilia observed everyone around the pyre. Rendon stood stoned faced, hardly seeming affected by the loss of his wife at all. Thomas, who was now sixteen, seemed to simply copy everything his father did. One would expect the boy to appear more torn up, and perhaps even cry for the mother who had spoiled him rotten. No tears came from any of the Howe men, and whether that was because of pride or a lack of caring, Emilia was unsure - except for Nathaniel. His tight hold on her delicate hand spoke volumes for how he felt; he was grieving his mother without revealing his feelings to his father. Such feelings would be respected in any other family, but would perhaps be seen as a weakness to Rendon Howe.

Rendon met Emilia's stare briefly and she held his harsh gaze as long as it lingered; she would never show him weakness. As much as she loved Nathaniel, Emilia hated her future father-in-law. Once the cold widower moved his focus elsewhere, Emilia shifted her gaze to check on her own family. Her mother wept for the loss of her dear friend, and her father consoled his wife, his brow knotted, concerned. Fergus and his family stood respectful, quiet, frowns drawn across their faces. Poor Oren was only three and had no idea what was going on. He began to stir, and thus Oriana guided him away from the pyre before he could disturb anyone.

At the conclusion of the funeral, the Couslands retired to the guest quarters, but Emilia had no plans to stay where she was supposed to that night. Nathaniel needs me. Grateful for having practiced her stealth skills, Emilia was exhilarated to get the chance to use them in a situation that could have real consequences. Getting caught stealing an apple from her own kitchen was one thing, being discovered sneaking into a man's room in the middle of the night was another. She snuck her way through Vigil's Keep to Nathaniel's room, careful to stay light on her feet, stick to the shadows, and pause and check every turn.

Her heart pounded as she began to round the final corner. She had checked around it just like the rest, and the way was clear. She stepped out and saw Thomas enter the hall from another corridor, his head luckily dropped down towards the floor. Her breath hitched as she pressed back against the wall, listening carefully for the door to open and close, praying to Andraste that Thomas was indeed going to his room and not heading her way.

Upon hearing the blessed sounds she had been counting on, Emilia checked the hall one more time. It was clear, and so without hesitation she swiftly glided down the corridor and stopped just in front of Nathaniel's door. She knew she couldn't knock, otherwise Thomas may have heard. Silently, she placed her hand on the handle and slowly pushed the door open.

Nathaniel sat on the edge of the bed wearing only breeches and a simple white shirt, head hung down, his bare hands twisting through uncharacteristically messy hair. As Emilia stepped forward, broken glass crackled beneath her boots, the remains shattered bottle of brandy. The scent of the alcohol stung her nose; the philter had just recently been destroyed. Nathaniel looked up, his steel eyes full of rage and depression. Emilia took another step into the room and quietly closed the door behind her. Liquor dripped down the wooden door, its trail leaving a stain.

"You shouldn't be here," his dark voice rasped.

"Like hell I shouldn't be," Emilia replied in a harsh hushed tone, approaching her love.

Nathaniel shook his head. "Thomas' room is just next door, if he hears you..."

"He'll what, tell your father on me? You think I care?" She spoke with conviction but still kept her voice down.

"Perhaps you should," Nathaniel noted.

Emilia sat next to him on the bed. "All I care about right now is you." She laid one hand on his leg, just above his knee, and pointed towards the broken bottle with the other. "And clearly you aren't ok, so don't even try to tell me that you are."

Nathaniel exhaled heavily, taking her hand in his. "Don't think for a minute that I don't want you here, because I do, it's just..."

Emilia's emerald orbs met his silver ones. "What?" she breathed, their faces close.

He sighed again. "Tonight isn't what I want for you. And if you stay, I'm worried I might lose control."

Crimson painted Emilia's cheeks. Is he saying what I think he is? She was baffled, speechless. Emilia Cousland always knows what to say, she scolded herself, attempting to come up with a reply.

But Nathaniel continued before she could. "Besides, if you fall asleep here and your parents don't find you where you're supposed to be in the morning, we'll both be in a lot of trouble."

Emilia objected, shaking her head. "Given the circumstances - "

"There is someone who needs you more than I do tonight," Nathaniel interrupted. He placed a finger over Emilia's lips, encouraging her not to contest. In the silence that followed, a mournful sound of lamentation filled the room. The cries from the next room may have been muffled by the walls, but Emilia could clearly hear a woman struggling to calm herself.

Delilah. It seemed so obvious now. Of course she shouldn't be left alone tonight. While Elaine's death certainly affected Nathaniel, he hadn't been the one around to watch as she crumbled into a shell of the woman she used to be.

Who she used to be. Emilia reflected on that thought, knowing that Elaine had never been the most affectionate mother to Nathaniel. She was too extreme with her first and last children, but just right with the middle one. Elaine had spoiled Thomas, and been kind, yet firm with Delilah, but Maker, was she tough on Nathaniel. Emilia recalled the last conversation she had with his mother. She thought the words aloud, so that he could hear them.

"I know I was always terrible at showing Nathaniel, but I love him. My first. I fear I was too harsh to him. But I have some peace because of you, Emilia. I've seen you two together. You do something I never could. You make my son happy."

It took Nathaniel a moment to process what Emilia had just said, given her lack of specification as to whose words they were. It was clear on his face when it clicked; his eyes glossed over, his brow twisted in. Finally, a tear escaped his stone grey eyes and Emilia embraced him. He buried his head into her shoulder, and she held him tight.

After lingering for a short while, Nathaniel came back up and met Emilia's eyes with his own. "Thank you, Em," he breathed, his breath hot on her face.

Sweet silence followed their moment, only to be swiftly shattered by the weeping coming from the neighboring room. Emilia placed her lips on Nathaniel's, lightly and briefly, knowing anything longer and she would never leave. She knew he was right; she knew what she needed to do. "I'll be just down the hall if you need me, ok?"

Nathaniel placed his forehead against hers and ran his fingers over her hair. "Go take care of Del." His words may have insisted she leave, but his body begged her to stay.

Reluctantly, Emilia released him and walked backed towards the door. She turned and nodded once slowly before departing. It killed her to leave him. Just as she was about to change her mind and stay, Delilah's cries could be heard again. Emilia swallowed, rooting herself in purpose and her resolution. With as much skill as she had gotten in, the Cousland rogue snuck out of her lover's room and went straight to Delilah's.

The next morning, Emilia was certainly in a bit of trouble when her parents discovered she wasn't in her room. It was quickly forgiven when she was found with Delilah, who was sleeping peacefully, her head on Emilia's shoulder.