Battlefield

"I'm in love with you."

Admitting it was half the battle.

She blinked at him. "I'm–you–what?"

He cleared his throat. Said it steadier this time. Maintained eye contact through every word. "I'm in love with you."

Indignant anger rose up, surrounding her in almost a palpable haze, her fists clenched and her left eye twitching, but only once. "Are you serious, Kai? We're at war! We can't–" her voice softened, as if she was catching herself before making a mistake, "we can't talk about this. Not when one or both of us very well may die."

Getting her to say it back was the other half.

He winced. "How could I keep it from you, Cinder? I couldn't die knowing I never told you. And I couldn't let you die without knowing." He rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, correcting himself. "Well, wait. I won't let you die at all. You know what I mean."

Cinder's resolve was crumbling–he could see it. Palpable. Almost corporeal. "We… we can't afford to think like this. We can't let down our guards."

"No one's letting down their guard."

He stepped forward and she shrank away, against the wall of the podship dock. She wrapped her arms around herself. He wanted to wrap his arms around her. How many times had they kissed? He'd lost count. How many times had they stolen moments out of the days just to be near each other, and alone? It wasn't like there was any possible way to pretend as though he hadn't fallen completely in love with her.

Was it possible she didn't feel the same way?

How could it be? And if it were true, that she didn't love him, why wouldn't she just say it already, then? He needed to know. It was vital, especially now.

Cinder looked up at him for a moment. Looked away, around, behind him. Then back again. "Kai…."

Maybe a little part of the battle was keeping himself together. But just a little part.

He wanted to kiss her. For her to tell him how she felt without words. But that would be invasive and rude and quite unwelcome in this situation.

It had been so hard to muster up the courage to tell her. He was the ruler of an entire nation, slated to marry an evil Queen–almost had just over a week ago, and yet he barely built up enough courage to tell a girl how he felt.

But Cinder wasn't just some girl. She was a lunar, a cyborg. A princess. Princess Selene. The news still struck him every now and then. She was more than all of that, though. She was Cinder. And he loved every little piece of her. Human or otherwise.

"We'll be on Luna in four hours and three minutes," she continued. "I can't… it's too…."

Perhaps an entire third of the battle was keeping himself together.

"Uncertain, I know," he said. "But it's like I said. I couldn't not tell you. I know it all seems very dire, and it is, but that's why I have to tell you."

She moved toward him. Reached out, clutched his upper arms. "You're an idiot," she told him. She seemed desperate. She was anxious about their plan and he knew he wasn't making it any better, but it would have been so terrible if he had died without being able to tell her. If, at the end of this revolution, Cinder knew nothing else, at least she would know that he'd loved her.

Cinder dropped her chin momentarily before looking up at him again. "Do I even have to say it? As if you don't already know?"

He tried to stare harder at her.

She dropped her hands back to her sides, as if she were defeated. And maybe she was. "I do. I do love you. I am in love with you."

He smiled. He couldn't help it, and he knew he looked like an idiot smiling like that. Cinder already thought he was an idiot, anyway.

He pulled her in for a kiss.

If nothing else, at least he'd won that battle.

Author's Note: I have not written anything in over a week. And then I wrote this. Sort of inspired by my real life, which I have been living over the last week. Who knew things existed outside of school? I finished catching up on the Raven Cycle. It was fabulous & I'm very excited for the last book. Anyway! Slowly getting my creative drive back. I think. I still have to finish the last chapter of TWP. Ahhhhhh. Okay. Enough rambling. xoxo