*gets on stage* cough-cough, Hello dear readers! Before formally introducing you to the new chapter i'd like to say a few things.
First of all, this story is going to face big changes soon, because i asked some advices about its features and came up with new ideas. So don't hate me for what i'm going to add.
Second, i appreciate the views that the story is receiving, though, i'd like to have some opinions from you readers, as well. Don't be shy.
third and last, i decided that i'm gonna take it slow with publishing, cause i don't want this fic to end too soon, forgive me, i love it too much.
Explained this, you can proceed with the chapter. Have a nice reading ^^
Tiny teardrops of rain were slowly running down the windowpane, tracing the slightly fogged up glass with tender trickles of water.
Under the pouring rain, everything outside the windows seemed so melancholic, but sweet at the same time. It was strange.
I was sitting on my knees, in front of a little table. On the other side, a pair of ambered jewels, only covered by a pair of glasses, were travelling
down my poised silouhette, carefully investigating every inch of my body, as for catching even a little glimpse of my thoughts.
He's face was so serious.
The vividness of those warm eyes, overshadowed by a heavy disturbance, made them look like those of an animal.
A restless beast.
Before that time, i could've never dreamed of comparing his angelic face with something so scary.
The heaviness of his disquiet was weighting on my frail shoulders. I could sense it.
A delicate smell of citrus fruit gently made its way in the wide room, spreading through the air and lightening the tense atmosphere in which we
were dipped untill a while ago.
Rin was coming with warm tea.
"Sorry for the waiting." he poured some of the orange-flavoured liquid in our cups, as i was still looking into my interlocutor's eyes.
Steam was lifting from the fragrant hot water.
Silence was floating and wrapping around us. Nobody spoke.
Not a single sound, except the roaring of the rain.
The flesh in my body was hardened from strain, bones were petrified and my blood froze into my veins.
Time had stopped flowing in the room, as i was waiting for those mouth to disclose.
Two guys were in front of me, now. Both filled with answers which i was craving to get.
Finally,Rin broke the loudneess of that void.
"So, have you calmed down a bit, princess?"
Ignoring the last word of his sentence, i tried to keep it cool and hide the goosebumps storming on my skin.
"Yeah, i think i'm alright now." i said as i lowered my eyes, looking at the filled cup.
"You're still shivering." Ren pointed out.
Seems like my attempt to look tough didn't work on him, again. He was a sharp watcher.
I've always hated looking vulnerable in front of other people, with them was a different story, though.
I clenched my fists under the table, catching a breath.
Calming down after a bad dream like that, it wasn't easy. Electricity was still running down my spine.
I wrapped my hands around the cup's ceramics, which was possesed by the heat.
"Would you give me an explanation, now?"
The conversation was proceeding at a very slow pace. Long pauses elapsed between a sentence an another one.
Ren was patiently pondering about the right words to say; he was staring at the clear surface of his beverage..
Rin was silent too. I guess he was expecting his brother to take the lead.
In the end, Ren sighed.
"First of all, we want to apologize to you. We're sorry we've been hiding things from you." I was carefully listening to the politeness in his words, as he was
keep on speaking with a half-hearted voice. "We just wanted to protect you from the things we have to face everyday."
I see, they were onmyouji, after all.
With my eyes closed, i bowed my head a bit, as a sign of appreciation.
Yeah, they were protecting me. It was their duty as my bodyguards and older brothers. There was no need to get angry at them.
"And, are these things you have to face everyday, connected to my dreams, in some way?"
Ren stood quiet, again. I insisted.
"You're talking about-"
"Impurities." the coldness of his answer bluntly cutted my words like an icy splinter. "I'm talking about impurities."
Rin was nonchalantely sipping from the warm cup, while his brother's gaze was directly staring into the clarity of my eyes.
I swollowed, parting my lips in astonishment, as my heart skipped a beat.
Impurities.
Kegare.
Little i did know about them. They were the main purpose of fighting for exorcists.
The evil, uncleanness, defilement. Monsters who lived into another dimension, but that sometimes use to sneak into our world
and bring disaster. Impurities need to be purified, which was my family's and other exorcists' duty.
I didn't know how dangerous those kegare's power could be, but i knew they were perfectly capable of killing humans.
"How these impurities are connected to me?" i kept on asking.
The guy with glasses on, suddenly diverted his golden eyes from mine, focusing on the smoothness of the table.
His expression faded into a darker one.
Nervously biting his lip, he was wrapped in pure distress. With his eyebrows furrowing above his gaze, squeezing the cup in front of him.
I never saw him like that. Where did the old Ren disappear?
He was usually so calm, peacefull, and posed. He...he was true harmony, in all senses!
And now, why was he making that face? Why was he trembling inside?
In that moment, i really wished i could do something to bring the old Ren back to me. I wanted to hold his hand and give him warmth.
He was cringing. Rin put his hand on his shoulder.
"It can't be helped, Nii-san. She doesn't remember."
Me, not remembering something? Impossible.
I carved every second of my childhood into my own memory.
Ren visibly sighed, blowing away the steam, which was still rising from the cup, with his breath.
"I guess you're right." he pressed his fingers against the glasses's bridge, fixing them better on his nose, "Your memory was altered."
After freezing in my place for an istant, i lifted my knees and leaned over the table.
"W-what do you mean with this? what happened to me?!"
Seeing their serious faces reminded me of my excessive reaction, so i returned composed.
I cleared my voice and then asked more calmly, "What do you mean?"
Ren lifted his cup as he began speaking, "There's no need to worry, you're memory was just partially modified, for your own sake."
He took a quick sip, wetting his lips. I was waiting for him to go on, perplexed.
After slowly putting down the filled cup, he was still staring into the clearness of the water.
"Since you were little, you've always been subjected to terrible nightmares."
I was looking at him without fully understanding. He was being mysterious about it, as he was still trying to hide something.
"Isn't having nightmare a normal thing?" i abruptly asked.
Ren calmly shooked his head, "No, not for you."
From his left side, Rin took the floor, "Your nightmares were more than just bad dreams."
I already knew that. A normal nighmare wouldn't make me feel like i'm still walk into it, even after i woke up.
Yet, I didn't get what was wrong with me.
Every muscle of my body stretched in irritancy, "Would you mind be clearer? You were talking about impurities, right?"
Rin threw a glance over his right shoulder, beckoning to Ren to take the reins of the speech.
"Yeah, i did talk about impurities. In fact, they are the cause of your nightmares."
I scratched my thighs, "Go on."
He lowered his gaze, again, silently agreeing, "In the past, we've always rushed to your room, at night, hearing you screaming
and crying in your dreams, like someone was killing you. Your parents were pretty alarmed too."
The rain started coming down thicker, filling the air like a relentless waterfall.
In a distance, i could see darker clouds coming and covering the sky.
A storm was approaching.
"No matter how hard we could've shaken you, waking you up was almost impossible. You were caged into a bad dream."
Ren's anxiety was touchable. He was speaking with every inch of his body tightened, like he was
desperately trying to stop the blood from flowing into his veins and reaching his pouding heart.
He was trying to hold his restlessness within.
"But, you weren't like this just when you were asleep."
I lifted an eyebrow in confusion.
"Even when you were wide awake, you used to run to us telling that a monster was
chasing after you, or that you could hear voices, or that..."
"Yeah, i get it." i interrupted him, keeping my eyes overshadowed.
"So you mean, that you still feel those things?" Rin asked. I nodded in risponse.
The boy right in front of me gritted his teeth at my silent confirmation. Ren was undoubtedly troubled.
"I see, so it's happening again..."
As he was keeping me on my toes, i was growing more and more anxious. He was sounding so tragic.
"W-what is happening to me?" i started trembling again. I was feeling so weak.
After regaining a bit of composure, he continued with his speech, "...we immediately thought about impurities as the cause
of your pain, but..."
A vague feeling of distress was knotting my throat, making it hard to speak.
"...but?"
Ren took a deep breath, "...but, we couldn't see a thing around you." he said while exhaling.
Stunned. frozen.
A chill travelled through my whole body, making me shiver. What was the meaning of that?
Closing my mouth, i started biting and scratching my teeth against the softness of my lips, making them turn to red.
Again, i felt like something was eating me from the inside.
Ren took a pause, seeing me engulfed with a deep disquiet.
As i was staring at the brimming cup in front of me, i noticed that i didn't even swollowed a drop of it. I was too dragged into the conversation.
Loosing up the grip of my fists, i grapped my thighs instead, and gathered courage.
"So they weren't impurities?"
The twins looked even more concerned, "They were and weren't at the same time."
The glasses-wearer guy, gently moved aside his cup and folded his arms on the table.
"Actually, you were hunted by impurities, but they never attacked you. More like, you used to feel them coming close to you."
Getting close...
I knew what that meant. Shadows creeping and hiding in the dark corners of my mind.
Hearing his story, i could totally picture the image of a little me, curled up inside the thin white bedsheets, trembling in fear, with her teethrattling as she hears monsters
evil sniggering under the mattress.
"So, where are you going with this?" drops of salty water were running down my temple. I was sweating hard.
Ren half-lowered his eyelids, slightly bowing, "In the end, your parents brought you to a shintoist priest who casted a purifying enchantment on you,
which worked out, but since it was a short-term one, you had to go there many times, in order to be purified."
His chin was resting on his intertwined hands, as he was speaking without looking at me directly.
"What about my memories?"
"They were sealed and erased by the same priest. Apparently, he was a high-level exorcist." Rin answered while taking another sip of tea.
I couldn't believe at what my ears were hearing. I've passed all my life completely unaware of what i've really done.
No matter how hard i was trying, i couldn't minimally recall those memories, not a single shrine or man. They had been erased for real!
Pressing my fingers against a temple, i slowly started rubbing it.
"Knowing that is happening again, though..."
Ren never finished his sentece. He was sitting there, with his clenched fists and
his teeth pressed against each other, visibly engulfed with fear.
From my side, i wasn't properly sure about what kind of face showing. I was shoked in front of the truth of facts.
Of course, i was frightened, scrambled inside and deeply concerned. A thousand sparkles of electricity were dancing inside my bones; i felt
like my lungs were drowning and filling up with polluted air, as a dark spider was crawling up my spine, making me shiver.
So it was true.
Something was after me.
Impurites were after me.
They've always been. But why?
Why they were restlessly chasing and hunting me?
What they could've possibly wanted from me?
"Unfortunately, we don't know." Ren's deep voice, awakened me from my thoughts.
"Eh?"
Rin let out a small chuckle, "Your question was basically written on your face."
I waved, stunned. Was i being so see-through? My cheeks grew rosy as i started sulking.
"You should be thankful to your father if nothing bad happened to you." Ren abruptly broke the sympathy of the moment, returning to the main topic.
He pointed the hanging pendant from my neck. I instinctively brought my fingers on the jewel, carissing it.
"That charm has the power to keep impurities physically away from you."
Indeed, i knew that little pendant had that kind of power. After all, its light always warned me about dark presences coming closer.
But i was still having those nightmares. Did it mean that it wasn't enough?
He said physically, not totally.
"Woah!That's an enchanted stone. I'm surprised you noticed it." Rin said.
"I'm a A-class onmyouji, it just couldn't escape my eyes." he proudly lifted his chin, straightening his back in a respectful posture.
His brother's reaction to that sentece tuned out kinda odd, though.
The boy with messy hair, raised both his eyebrows; a malicious smirk appeared on his face as he told him, "Yeah, is because you're an A-class onmyouji. Sure!"
In a matter of a few moments, Ren's pale complexion suddenly turned into a bright and flashy red shade, as his eyes grown wide open, revealing the
brilliance of those ambered crystals in his eyes. He winced and quickly turned his visiby annoyed face into Rin's direction.
At that time, i didn't understand the meaning behind their strange behaviour, but i had to admit, they were so funny to watch! I couldn't hold back from giggling.
As they heard the cheerful sound of my stifled laughter, a tender smile spread across their faces.
I thought i'd been pacified by their unsullied innocence, but then, a shadow crossed my heart, again.
"So, what am i supposed to do now?" i asked while dropping my eyes into the stained, flavoured water.
The guys looked among themselves before giving me a proper answer, then Ren pulled out of his trousers'pocket a small piece of paper, making it slide
towards me, across the smoothness of the table surface.
I took the folded leaflet between my fingers and started examining it, as Ren proceeded with his explanation.
"These are the indications to get to the shrine; it's not too far from here. The priest should still serve that place."
Lifting my gaze from the paper, my eyes met with Rin's, "You're suggesting me to make myself purified again?"
"Up to this point, it always kept you safe for a period. Besides, we didn't figure out another way to keep impurities permanently away from you, yet."
I bowed my head and shifted the focus on the illustrated indications.
As he was telling me, the shrine wasn't so far from here, neither close though. It was located in the outskirts of the town, surrounded by
a very small forest, even though the main entrance was accessible from a common street.
A sudden sigh left my lips, "I guess, i don't have other choice."
"Don't worry, we'll come along with you."
Ahh, he came back.
My dear, overprotective brother.
I smiled to myself while thinking that. He just wanted to fulfill his work as my bodyguard.
"Are you sure? I mean, i can take care of myself, just fine."
Or at least, i was hopeful about it...
What could have ever happened while simply taking a walk?
Ren showed me a brotherly,warm smile, "We know you're pretty confident about yourself, Haru, but let us work for you, from time to time."
As i was heartily chuckling at his playfully desperate request, a shy ray of sunlight was breaking inside the room.
The rainy clouds were drifting away in a brand new sky, scattered by the piercing light of the sun.
A delicate veil of brilliancy landed all over the place, as colours regained their natural
brightness and dust was dancing in the rising light.
Shadows were finally returning to the darkness they belonged to.
Everything outside the big windowpane, was covered in many little diamonds of rain, which were sparkling under
the sun's essence. A silent peace embraced the world.
"We're leaving tomorrow, in the morning. Can you resist untill then?"
Swelling my chest with pride and blowing air out from my mouth, i answerd, "Humpf! Who do you think you're talking to? I'm a child of the Amawaka family;
there's no way i'm gonna lose to some filfhy impurity!"
Rin and Ren shared a complicit glance with each other, then turned to face me again.
"Yeah, you're right, Haru." the glasses-wearer boy answered me with a big smile, painted on his face.
I grinned back at him, with cheer, roughly grabbing the still-filled cup of tea and gracelessly shoving its content down my throat.
"Ouch! It burns!" i screamed while sticking out the tip of my tongue.
We couldn't hold ourselves back from laughing.
And just like that, the room suddenly filled with merriment.
My head was still storming with a thousand questions.
Even after talking about my problems with Rin and Ren, i was feeling troubled.
We didn't get a chance of deepening the theme of our conversation, at all.
There were so many things i wanted to ask them...
Why me of all the people?
I've always tried to keep myself away from the supernatural, but in the end, i turned out to be the most involved one with it.
A neverending series of episodes characterised by a dark texture.
I didn't want to be concerned with that stuff anymore; yet, i couldn't do anything, apart from running away and hide myself
in a place where shadows wouldn't have chased me.
Darkness was secretly craving from me, from a long time by now.
Suddenly, i felt a knot of fear in my throat, as i was asking myself what was i supposed to do from that point on.
It was fate? I was fated to feel haunted, forever?
Will i be bound to a shrine, for the rest of my life?
Certaintly, i needed to be purified.
I needed protection. I was talking about my own life, after all.
But, seriously there was no other way to escape this?
The thought of feeling cursed was burdening me and weighting on my stomach
like a big rock made of anxiety. I didn't want to accept it.
I didn't want to feel useless towards myself.
I had to do something. But what?
I was powerless against those monsters.
So many thing were happening around me, as a raging wind was blowing and thundering in my life.
I was standing there, in the eye of the storm, hopelessly weak, holding onto nothing but my faltering tiptoes.
Overwhelmed by the fateful events.
A sudden chill spread through my skin, as i was picturing that.
I stopped flipping the pages of the book about kegare i was reading, laying it on my chest as
i was staring at the empty ceiling of my room, from the softness of my bed.
I knew i had a choice.
Impurities weren't eternal being. Once you cleansed them, they won't come back.
I was the only daughter of a respectful family of exorcists, i've always watched them doing it. It wasn't a taboo, to me.
They were fiercily fighting kegare everyday, as their lives depended on it, for the sake of the others.
For the ones they loved.
In my eyes, it was a pathetic deed, but i didn't know if i could say the same thing now.
Impurities were a true disastrous phenomenon. They were like a tidal wave of darkness.
Craving for life to eat, thirsting for blood.
Chasing after innocent people with a hunger inside.
Letting them free wasn't allowed, they had to be purified at any cost.
It was the right thing to do.
No human being could possibly escape the prowling shadows which were staining the sky and
polluting the air. I couldn't escape from them, either.
I was a prey, as well.
A crucial question abrupty crossed my mind.
Will i always be a prey?
I stretched my arm towards the ceiling.
The candour of my hand was contrsting and glowing against the darkened wall, as i was reaching for nothingness.
Something was about to rip my policy apart. My solemn oath was trembling with uncertainty.
The chains wrapped around a long-time sealed door inside my heart were crumbling.
I've never thought that such a feeling could arise in me.
I can be...
The picture in my head was slowly taking a shape, when a sudden knocking on the door brought me back to reality.
"Yes?"
"It's me." my mom sneaked out of the half-closed door, revealing a part of her silouhette, "May i come in?"
I quickly lifted my back from the warmed duvet, "Y-yeah."
My mother was still recovering from her unpleasant accident, so she was spending a large part of her time at home, even
though she was busy with the paperwork. She managed to carve out a moment to pay a visit.
Delicately closing the door behind her back, she took a few steps towards the bed.
"What are you doing?" she asked with a sweet voice, carefully sitting on the edge of the mattress.
I crossed my legs on the unmade sheets, still holding the book in my hands.
"Uh, nothing. Just reading random stuff." i said with an awkard note in my voice, hiding the text behind my back, "How are you, mom?"
"'i'm okay, but i still have some work to finish, so i won't stay long with you. Sorry." she apologized to me with an innocent and goofy smile.
"Ah! D-don't worry!" I waved my hands in front of my breast.
Her smile was still radiating warmth while she was staring at another me wrapped up in blackness. Her smile loosened up bit.
"I wanted to apologize for making you worry about me, last night."
The woman in front of me was resting her hand on the injured one, as she was looking into the void.
A raging fire of pride inside my heart was fiercely burning against my chest, begging me to let it possess my mouth and
flaming up my words. A tiny voice in the deepest corner of my mind was telling me to act like i always did in the past:
putting on a mask of arrogance and scratching my sharp tongue against people's good purposes.
I wanted to tell her, Humpf! i wasn't worried at all!.
But this was what the old me would've said.
Old me?
Wasn't i being my usual self?
Yet, i couldn't release those words. Something was pulling them back in my throat and putting out the flames.
I lowered my gaze to the white sheets, focusing on the vanishing overheat within my chest, which triggered the pouding of my heart, earlier.
No more poisoned torns were stinging me.
So, i fixed my body besides mom's, sitting on the edge of the bed with her.
"I'm glad this thing didn't happen to you." she proceeded.
Throwing my concerned glance to the bandaged hand which was laying on her lap, i asked " Does it hurt?"
"Well, it's a bit uncomfortable, but i'll get well soon."
As i was looking at the innocence in her expression, i felt like something was pulling my heartstings.
Guilty.
I couldn't help myself but recognize that feeling which was sinking its teeth into my core.
I was feeling responsible for what have happened to my mom.
I knew she was hiding a serious wound under the blood-stained gauze, a wound inflicted by something. Probably the same
something which was searching for me.
The guitly was turning my heart into a weighing stone, as i was silenlty consumed by dark thoughts.
"Are you alright, Haru?" she sensed the scream of my troubled quietness.
Hearing the concern of her voice, i shook my head in response, trying to get back from the shadow.
"It's just...a lot happened, recently. I'm not sure about how to handle it."
Despite the darkness feeding on what little was left of the light in her eyes, my mother was still looking normal.
Sometimes i aslo thought that she didn't need the sight, as she could see with another thing.
She was watching everything with the eyes of the heart.
She remained quite for a moment before answer me.
"I see. I don't want to force you in telling me what is going but..." she layed her injured hand on mine, "...whatever is troubling you, you must never
lose sight of yourself."
That sudden and gentle physical touch kinda surprised me. She kept on talking.
"Darkness can be scary sometimes, it's heavy and thick, but you have light within yourself. You should never forget this. "
Light, i repeated to myself.
"What does it mean?" i asked in astonishment.
She softened her gaze while motherly looking at me.
The afternoon sweet light was overwhelming mom's figure as she simply said, "Faith and courage."
She was seitting pretty in the sunbath. It was a beautiful picture.
"Only the brightest faith can lead you to the heartfeit courage, Haru. Therefore..." she leaned over me, tightening the grip on my hand, "Never stop believing in yoursef.
Keep on shining like the sun, because you're more special and stronger than what you think."
The intensity of her words hitted me like a sudden rainfall, overwhelming me with drops of feelings.
She was like the rising sun, passionately breaking through the empy sky, enlightening the world.
Her eyes were filled with shadows, as she was caged inside an endless nightmare, yet, something was still sparkling into those opacified gem , just like
the stars were burning into the nigh sky.
There was no need to question why my father fell for her.
She was perfect.
My lips curved into warm smile, as i could feel a brand new emotion rising inside my chest, spreading throughout
my whole body and making me thrilled. Adrenaline was running wilde, as my skin turned goosebumps-encrusted.
Something was moving deep inside of me.
Hope.
I could feel it springing up into my soul.
Determination was now flowing into my veins.
With the most resolute look in my eyes, i turned to my mother while nodding, "Uhm! You're right.
Thanks mom, i feel already stronger, now!"
She simply smiled back to me, looking proud of my behaviour.
She was damn right.
It didn't matter if i had no true powers, as long as i was still believing in myself.
I was stronger than darkness! I would never have let impurities endanger my life or my family, anymore!
Taking a decision wasn't easy, but i had faith! Faith in me and in my beloved ones.
I was ready.
As i was wearing my lucky pair of stockings, i decided i couldn't stand still forever.
It was time to move for me.
I threw a look to my figure into the mirror once again, before definitively sneaking out of the mansion.
I was different somehow, i was still thrilled by my mother's words.
She triggered me.
There was no time to waste, i needed to get rid of my issues, as soon as possible. I wasn't afraid!
I'll change my fate, just watch me!
Said that to myself, i quickly flee from home.
Destination: the shrine.
Later, i would've regretted my impulsive choice.
Author's note:
*pant pant*...Okay ehm...*pant pant*..it was quite the climb till here!
Anyway i'm not so happy about having finished the chapter *sob* i don't want this story to end!
But turning back to the story...!
As you can see, Haru is about to take the final decision (which i guess you already hintend) and from here on the story
will be fuuull of plot twists, i already warn you XD . Actully i didn't know if it should have been better to use Yokai or Impurities...
in the end i opted for the second one, but...*evil laughter*
Joking.
I hope you guys liked this chapter better than the previous ones, i'm still trying to improve after all.
C-can i ask you to leave a review if you liked it? *shyly rising a hand*
I woud be overjoyed by your opinions ^^.
For new updates, stay tuned!