Chapter Six – Impressions and Absences
A/N: I'm so sorry for how long this has taken me to post! In fairness, my computer troubles became computer catastrophes when my laptop died completely. I had managed to save most things, but some needed some serious TLC, and some things I may never be able to recover.
I have a new laptop now and this story was one of those things I had saved (mostly), so I did some re-writing and adding and editing to what I had that hadn't been lost and here we are at chapter six!
Pixelerrante: Hillevi is one of my favorites - she is a lot of creepy, creepy fun, so I hope the larger role she has going forward is as enjoyable for you as it has been for me!
This starts from Ilmrs perspective before shifting to Hillevi's after the double page break. Lyrics in this chapter are from Maroon 5's "Harder to Breathe"
Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control
The first day of disquiet Ilmr had since returning to Vanaheim a year before was the night their enemy did not arrive to the battlefield.
Unsurprisingly, Calder did not see why the absence was cause for concern.
"I wonder whether your years away from the heat of battle have dulled you; we have run our enemy off. It is over." Calder failed to keep his self-satisfied smile to himself.
"It is not over, Brother." Ilmr felt contempt bubbling below the surface and took some small satisfaction in raising her brother's ire by refusing to use his title. "We will need to be vigilant until the night they make their return."
"And where have they gone? Do you have information we do not? I would order its reveal, if so."
"I do not. Merely to say it is not over."
Calder broke out into a wide, if pitying, smile. "Perhaps I was wrong to have Inghard bring you here."
"She does not think it is over because she is right."
It had been strange, at first, to have Loki in the place she had grown, but it was not unwelcome. While her siblings would shrink from her at the right words, the right motions, it was not always so immediate. When it came to Loki, though her siblings usually had a half-biting comment they, invariably, immediately shrank with only a word from him.
"And what makes you so sure?" Calder had never been her most intelligent brother.
Loki graced him with a cruel, cold smile, the likes of which she had not seen since it had been the Titan's, scrawled on innumerable scraps of paper. She suppressed a shiver.
"Mistress Death is the architect of this war and she will not rest until she has what she is after. If you wish it, we will depart immediately; it appears you have no more use for my wife save to find a pastime in gambling with her life instead of your own."
Ilmr suspected Calder had stopped listening after the mention of Death, given his ashen appearance.
"Are we quite finished here, Highness?" Ilmr used her sweetest tone and one Calder apparently remembered well, by the straightening of his shoulders that made him appear he was preparing for a blow.
When Calder merely nodded, she took Loki's arm and their leave of her brother.
"When will they return?" Hillevi asked, chewing thoughtfully and waiting for the reply of her aunt and Loki.
When they had explained why they would not be going to war that night, she had merely nodded and declared that it would give them more time to teach her.
"We do not know. Orders have gone out to our generals regarding daily drills until such time as our enemy resurfaces."
She nodded, quietly considering Ilmr's answer. She was sharp, her brother's daughter, though she was a mere year older than she had been when they first arrived.
Her daughter now, she reminded herself.
It had been something she had discussed with Loki at length, in the first days they spent with her in their care.
Loki spoke first after Hillevi had left for her daily instruction. As with all other conversations in her family's home, he made sure no other ears could hear them. "I would be far less apt to instruct her if she were unintelligent enough to trust us immediately."
"We've gained some small portion of her trust, at least, with our willingness to train her. The rest we will have to earn."
He gave her a grim smile. "It will be hard-earned."
In a bittersweet rush, Ilmr was reminded of Frigga and she took several moments to both relish the memory and combat the stab of despair. He was eerily perceptive, but he was ever obtuse when it came to himself; Frigga had been, as ever, correct.
"Not so much as you might imagine." Ilmr was not looking forward to this battle, his injured pride that the conversation would earn her.
"Oh?"
"Save for her father, she has been left out of her family entirely. And once he was gone she was ignored and overlooked for months. What she seeks is a welcoming place and it is what we can provide her: a safe haven and a warm home. It will take time, but it will not be so difficult, as the way of earning one's trust goes."
As expected, his features contorted. "Is it not? Pray tell, then, how does one provide such a place? I did not have one and if my memory serves, you didn't find yourself with a plethora of open arms."
"And did you not hate how you felt, how they made you feel, in those days? Surely you remember each slight against you. We would be singularly equipped to make her feel welcome, having spent so long looking in from the outside."
"We would attempt to do so but I rather suspect we will only do her the same injustices done to us. We are planning, after all, to use her to end this war if we can once we've trained her to usefulness, are we not?"
"Of course. But we will not fail her so spectacularly, I wouldn't imagine. Not if we are always honest with her."
Loki watched her for several long moments before nodding, a smile on his face. "Then we will make sure the choice is hers without giving her a choice beyond the obligation and affection she feels."
Ilmr nodded. "I leave much of the wording to you, my Silvertongue."
Since then, they had spent much time using the right words to keep Hillevi close to them. It was not difficult, given the foolhardiness of her siblings.
It was fairly infrequently that she and Loki had to orchestrate an event that would bring Hillevi closer to them. More often than not, her siblings did it for them: ignoring Hillevi, overlooking her, or purposefully brushing her aside so that Ilmr and Loki would have to remind them of her presence, to reprimand them for treating her with indifference at best and cruelty at worst.
She had to remind herself again and again that Hillevi might not have been of either she or Loki, but for all intents and purposes, she was theirs now. It would one day be second-nature and not a mantra she said silently each day.
"When they return, what then?" Hillevi's small, steady voice broke her reverie.
"Then we return to war."
"And I may go, then?" She was so eager to join them. It would be difficult, Ilmr knew, as Hillevi grew, to keep her from battle as long as would likely be necessary. Ilmr had been able to join the ranks of Vanirian warriors in her twenties and she intended the same for Hillevi.
"No." Loki sipped from his wine before continuing. "It is likely you will not yet be ready. Once you are ready, however, you may join us."
Hillevi narrowed her eyes at Loki. "When will I be ready?"
"Not for many years, yet. When you are, we will know. And so will you, I might add."
Hillevi ate silently after that, though not entirely sullenly. She was deep in thought, dark, dark eyes darting after her thoughts across the tabletop.
Ilmr's siblings neither paid Hillevi attention nor thought much of her, save to think she was a burden. It was why, when Hillevi mimicked Ilmr's expressions or Loki's wording, that they made no motion to smile as though it were amusing. None took Hillevi seriously, and so she and Loki had decided they would.
It was also why Ilmr found it necessary to discuss her family, though she was loathe to.
"Hillevi." Ilmr waited until she caught her eye to go on. "Your father was the greatest warrior our kingdom has ever had."
This peaked Hillevi's interest and Ilmr found herself surprised that Hillevi had not known, and surprised at herself for not discerning that her siblings would have told their niece as little as possible.
"Inghard said he was a fool."
"Inghard is so prideful he can scarce get out of the way of his ego. Your father perished while your uncle lived because your uncle fled. Your father met his end on the battlefield because he was unafraid of any."
Hillevi nodded.
"Your father was so gifted a warrior that they called him The Warhammer."
Again, Hillevi perked up. "Truly?"
"Truly. You know well enough his gifts, but they made him into the most fearsome warrior our kingdom has ever seen. He was tireless, fearless and endlessly strong. I have seen him take on a score of enemies at once. He felled every last one and had nary a scratch."
"Did you fight alongside him often?"
Ilmr nodded. "We were required at every conflict. He for his prowess on the battlefield, and I for my unsurpassed skill as Commander. Be it conflicts our kingdom were a part of, or conflicts we were lending aid to, we were required at every one. Every battle at which I was present until I left Vanaheim, I saw him fight. I have no doubt that when it is time for you to fight alongside us that you will be equally adept."
"And Inghard?"
Loki leaned forward, breaking a roll in half and holding it to her as he spoke. "When next your see your uncle, you will find him far less inclined to speak in such a way."
With a wide, delighted smile at the thought of Loki's mischief, Hillevi took the offered bread.
...
Hillevi's first impression of her father's sister was her absence and subsequent months of the same until one of her uncles tracked down their wayward relative. She had been alone those months, with only her nursemaids as company. The aunts and uncles that were present after her father's death saw her, if they saw her at all, as little more than an afterthought.
Her second impression of her father's sister –Ilmr, she was called- was of an aunt no more interested in her existence than the others; with a strange companion off of whom a mix of feral power, wisdom, and muted rage emanated.
Her third impression of Ilmr was that she and Loki, she had learned this companion's name was, were not the fools the rest of her family were. That perhaps her father had been right to name her Hillevi's guardian.
By the end of the first week, Loki had begun to teach her simple methods to better control and exert those abilities of hers she had told him of. Ilmr had garnered her with a child's practice sword and was teaching her basic forms and movements.
They went into battle each night and returned each day at dawn. Unlike many of her uncle's attempts she had overheard tales of, their battalions did not lose quite as many soldiers. This, Hillevi gathered, was the result of Ilmr's prowess as Commander and Loki's unparalleled abilities.
It was many months before she truly trusted them, but she allowed the appearance of trust long before in order to lead them into any number of traps, which would expose them as the frauds the rest of her family proved to be.
They were earnest in their promises, she found.
Loki took great pleasure in every ability she displayed and he helped her to grow far beyond what she had been capable of before, even at such a young age. He was sure she would be one of the more powerful beings in the Nine Realms.
Ilmr too taught her much and was pleased with her quick progression and dedication to her training. She praised her as consistently as she pushed her.
Hillevi remembered well the day she came to trust Ilmr and Loki implicitly. Thus far, all training had been either in their chambers or in a secluded area of the palace that Ilmr and Loki assured her none frequented.
Ilmr decided, this particular day, that it was time to begin taking advantage of the larger arena one of the inner courtyards had been converted into. It was always deserted in the hours just after dawn, most of the soldiers still asleep or just returned from battle. Ilmr had not yet changed from her armor and the streaks of black blood made the training much more real to Hillevi than she suspected it otherwise would have been.
It was on their return to their chambers that they were discovered by Orvar. Her uncle, who was far more like her grandfather than his siblings, halted his heavy tread towards the banquet hall to look both she and Ilmr up and down.
"Calder would not approve of your decisions, sister." His lips curled into a sneered smile. "A habit of yours, I believe."
Ilmr raised her chin and set him with a serene smile. "While it may have been quite some time since you read more than the dinner menu, I believe you will find my name as the one Njordr chose as her heir. Calder has no business in how I choose to raise her."
Ilmr made to take a step away but thought better of it, it seemed, as she turned back. She caught Hillevi's eye and gave her a small smile that gave Hillevi the sensation of being privy to a secret.
"And, given your…recent inattentions to the arena, someone will need to be here to defend you when the time comes and you are unable to escape."
Had she not been trying to suppress laughter, Hillevi would have had more time to enjoy the outraged expression her rotund uncle had fixed on his features. A hand at her back gently led her around and back to their chambers.
While Ilmr bathed, Hillevi took a meal with Loki and regaled him with the tale of their meeting with Orvar. Loki's chuckle, deep and amused, was cut short by a rap on their door.
A servant handed a note to Loki without a word before turning and leaving.
"I suspect we are being summoned to an audience with my eldest disappointment." Ilmr's voice came from behind them, steam following her out of their bathing chamber.
"So it would seem." Loki glanced over the note before tossing it aside. "Immediately after we have broken our fast."
Ilmr nodded. "Good. Hillevi, the side entrance to the throne room, just inside the door, has a small alcove in which you can remain undetected to hear the proceedings."
"How often did you frequent it when you were my age?"
"Every time I was able to without being missed for my lessons. At least once a day."
"May I do that?" Hillevi planned to do so regardless, but felt she would not be denied her request.
"I encourage it. The best way to learn of political intrigue is to experience it. Without hiding in this place, there would be no reason for you to hear any of what you'd need to."
After a last bite of her meal, she set her plate aside and stood. "May I be excused to find my way?"
Ilmr nodded. "Of course. We will be there in a matter of minutes."
Hillevi found the alcove easily enough and it was of a size such that she would be able to sit unnoticed there for many years as she grew.
"You requested our presence, brother?" The acoustics in the throne room meant Ilmr's voice carried easily.
"It has been brought to my attention that you would train Hillevi in the art of war."
There were several moments of silence. "I fail to take your point so I suggest you make it, both Loki and I are rather tired, as you could imagine."
"You will no longer train her in the art of war."
Hillev bristled at his decree. Loki's laughter halted her rising emotions.
"I too fail to see why we are here, my lord. Are you concerned Hillevi may turn out to be much like her aunt? The shame it would be, to have two such warriors in your family. You do have an overabundance."
More silence. When her uncle spoke, his voice near trembled with the effort to remain calm. "She will not be taught. Am I understood?"
"No." Hillevi could hear the smile in Ilmr's voice. "You are not. You are refused and unacknowledged."
"You will not disobey me in this." Calder's voice rose, furious and cold, to the rafters.
The room was entirely still for a short stretch. Loki's cool, calm voice broke the silence. "Then it seems we have no choice." There was a hint of resignation in his tone. "Prepare her, my dear, we depart for Midgard before nightfall."
Hillevi's eyes went wide. She had scarce seen the entirety of her uncle's kingdom and the thought of seeing a different realm entirely was thrilling. She wondered briefly how many mortals were as puzzling and irritating as the Man of Iron.
The sound of her uncle sputtering caught her attention.
"What? No, you –you are not free to leave. Not you, and certainly not with her."
"Do you forget, brother?" Ilmr's voice took on a cruel edge. "My reinstatement as Commander, as a member of this kingdom, this family, is dependent upon the outcome of this war. As the war is not yet over, I am not one of your subjects. You have no ability to keep me here and indeed, you seem to need me far, far more than I need you. Hillevi has been remanded to my care and I would not leave her here with the likes of you and our siblings even if it were to escape Death herself."
Silence reigned again.
Finally, finally, Hillevi heard a sigh. "Very well." Calder sounded infinitely more tired than he had a handful of minutes before, though no less furious for it. "Anleifr did not heed our father's warnings and it was the death of him. With any amount of luck, so shall the same foolishness be the death of you."
"You have never been particularly lucky, brother."
Hillevi could hear the recession of footsteps, and hastened to meet Loki and Ilmr in their chambers.
It had been months since that meeting and Hillevi's training had continued apace; now that their enemy was absent –no matter how mysterious and abrupt- Ilmr and Loki would be present more frequently to train her. It was an opportunity Hillevi was not about to squander.