To Kat: Here you are, I hope you haven't waited for too long. I will do my best and I'll try to give you a satisfying end, however it may sound to you right now. :) Thanks!
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Legolas blinked in both surprise and astonishment when he felt two gentle hands around his neck. He was confused, yes, even scared, slowed down and uncertain. Everything seemed so unreal and too fast for his elven senses. He only heard few whispered words in elvish when the elleth rested her silver head on his shoulder.
She was whispering sweet nonsense, more to herself that to the elf. She could hear his heart beating in restless, fast rhythm though his body was as still and cold as stone. His wet clothing damped her easy, light gown, but she kept on breathing into the skin of his neck, enjoying his scent that, no matter what, remained to stay same as hers.
Slowly and hesitating, Legolas lifted up his clenched fists and carefully put them on her back. She shivered and sobbed once again but clutched tighter onto him.
"We have missed you so much, Legolas, so much and for so long.. Where have you been.."- she was mumbling like she was in fever.
Legolas only shook his head and closed his eyes. His hands were firmly wrapped around the elleth's lean back. He breathed in her sweet scent and pressed her tighter on his chest.
"Naneth, you are alive."- he said and a small smile curved his lips.
She suddenly went rigid in his embrace and her eyes snapped open. The maiden blinked few times and her face went gray.
"No, no, my Legolas.."- she spoke in grievous tone and tried to pull back, but Legolas' hands around her waist wouldn't let her to do so.
The elf barely heard what she uttered. He was too happy and too sad in the same time, trapped somewhere between reality and fantasy, too lost to notice her soft attempts to get free.
"Legolas, ion nîn."- Thranduil spoke quietly and Legolas looked up at his face. He gave a shaky smile and the maiden released herself from his strong grip and Legolas barely had enough time to realize what had happened before he found himself in his father's hands.
„Adar.."- he breathed into the king's robe.
"Your mother died long ago."- Thranduil said after some time but he still wouldn't let his son go. Legolas blinked and squirmed in his father's embrace.
"But she is.."- he started to speak, feeling a dread building up in his stomach. He gulped.
"That is not your mother."- Thranduil painfully sighed-"That is your sister. Your sister Lostariel."
The elf's body didn't move and he wasn't blinking or breathing until he felt his lungs aching for air.
His sister? He shook his head slightly and moved a little bit in his father's embrace, but not really achieving anything. Thranduil pressed him tighter.
Unconsciously, Legolas smiled through all of his bitterness and sorrow. In the same moment he lost his mother over again, but earned a sister. It didn't matter that he didn't know them at all- love in their eyes was true, certain.
The elf briefly wondered for how long they were standing like that, with no thought on their minds. Finally, rain stopped and turned into a late haze.
When he noticed that it was getting dark, Thranduil sighed and took a step back but his hand was firmly wrapped around his son's shoulder.
"We have much to discuss, Legolas. No matter how much I want to see you rested and well, my wish to get to know you is far stronger. Will you.."- he started but Legolas nodded and stopped him from talking.
"Yes.. Adar."- the second word was a tough one for him to speak it aloud.
Thranduil gave a wide smile of relief although his eyes were dark. He pulled the elf with him slowly and they abandoned the main hall.
Lostariel was quietly following them in step, staring at Legolas and smiling whenever he would look at her.
"I thought you were my mother."- he said absently when they entered a long, high hallway. Thranduil pressed his shoulder tighter, giving him solace but finding support for himself too.
At first, Lostariel wasn't sure what she was supposed to tell on this. Legolas wasn't looking at her- he was staring at his feet.
"I am sorry if I've hurted you, gwanur."- the elf shivered but said nothing.
"She loved you very much, Legolas. She would sing night and day to you, carry you wherever she would go and.."- she suddenly stopped when she noticed the troubled look on the elf's face. She grabbed his hand.
"Selde, I would like to be alone with Legolas. You should go back and help Raunien with Legolas' guests."- Thranduil said to his daughter.
Lostariel nodded in understanding and crossed her long arms.
"As you wish, Adar."- she said quietly and, for the last time, squeezed her brother's hand, silently promising him that they will talk. A lot.
Thranduil opened the carved door of a chamber and led the quiet elf in. Legolas noticed how there were no soliders at the doors or passages like in Gondor.
The room was mostly wrapped up in darkness. The one and only light was coming from a large fireplace that was nicely tucked before a few padded armchairs and a couch. Fire was calmly crackling.
Legolas didn't bother to look around but with a corner of his eye he noticed a great bed opposite to the fireplace and usual things that are found in any other regular room.
His, now almost dry cloak, was pulled down his shoulders and he was gently pushed down, to sit in the armchair.
He obeyed and lowered his body down and he felt his frame nicely tucked in a clean softness. A blanket or a cloak, he wasn't sure, was wrapped around his shoulders and he was offered a warm cup filled with some tasty liquid. The elf accepted it all.
Thranduil, when he made sure that his son was comfortable, sat in the armchair and casted his eyes on the fire.
Silence.
Legolas remembered all the nights he has spent awake, thinking about all the things he wanted to ask his parents when and if he meet them. And now, when that day has finally come, he couldn't utter a word. His heart felt as if he was dicing away this precious chance, but his hazy mind knew that he wasn't going anywhere so he could reward himself with silence. He gently rubbed the warm cup between his hands.
"I've never stopped hoping."- Thranduil said slowly. Legolas lifted his head and watched his father's face expression but it was empty except of fire that reflected in his pupils.
"I was certain that one day you will find your way back home."- the woodland king continued in more desperate voice.
Legolas felt a dull sting on his spine when he heard the word "home". So far, he understood that Gondor was his home. Maybe not his original home, but Gondor was something he was offered, something that he didn't even deserve but it was his. He was allowed to spend his days as a noble.
But now, with a shudder, Legolas realized that nothing was the same. He took a gulp of his drink. It warmed his throat and chest.
"You don't talk much."- Thranduil said as he watched Legolas' plain features.
Legolas shrugged.
"I don't have anything to say."- it was a lie. He had to say so much. He wanted to say everything. How he was found by an oldman in the river, given to the Humans to serve them, sold and devoted to nothing, with no hope or desires. He wanted to say how he used to dream about great fires in the night, how he couldn't sleep or eat, how hard it was for him to understand what they were talking in languages so unknown to him, languages so crude and languages that made him forget his own mother tongue.
He wanted to shout how many times he wanted to sleep and never wake up. Or wake up somewhere else. Away from everyone. How lame, disgusting and filthy creature he used to be, afraid of life, of people, of his own shadow. That constant debacle could leave nothing unharmed and unsullied. Legolas wondered if his father would accept him the same way if he approached him not like an archer, but like a human's doormat.
And his years spent in Gondor. Years filled with happiness and love. But no matter how much he tried, he couldn't love that land. He loved the man and Aragorn's love was the only thing that made him stay there. People of Gondor acted as if he was a mirage and he acted as if they didn't even exist.
Yes, he could act like he didn't see them, but he could hear and feel them. Constant clamor they made when they talked or walked irritated him. His ears couldn't endure so much.
However, after all woes, he was here. He was supposed to be happy, to smile for his dream has finally become reality. But he couldn't. He was bitter, angry. When Legolas thought about his sister or father, he realized that he has been robbed. He was stolen his whole childhood and nothing and no one could bring that back to him. He shook his head and took another gulp.
"I understand."- Thranduil sighed.
"Were you at least treated nicely?"- it was a mere whisper.
Legolas' pupils went wide for a second.
"Yes. They were very welcoming."- he replied quietly. That chapter was closed long ago. It wasn't something that should be spoken. It could change nothing. Like Aragorn said to him, past is past.
"How did she die?"- Legolas asked suddenly.
Thranduil's face looked creased.
"We don't talk about her much, Legolas. It is too painful."- he said slowly and Legolas desperately searched with his eyes for some portrait of his mother on the walls, anything.
"We don't have such things as faces caught in the paper, my son. We don't need it. Our memory is evelasting, nothing fades away. I can recall everything about her. How her face looked like when she would frown, smile or worry. I can hear her laughing in my mind. I remember."- the woodland king was opening his wounds anew.
Defeated, Legolas' gaze fell down.
"She died after you disappeared. She convinced me that she can endure your absence. We searched for you everywhere. Whole forest was turned over. Every rock, every tree. She hoped. But days were passing and it seemed that we were blind and deaf to everything that was associated with you. "- there was another gap of words filled with silence. Fire was peacefully crackling and Legolas sensed that the bitter ending was near.
" And then she suddenly stopped hoping. I wanted to send her away, to make her sail to Valinor. I wanted to save her life. But your mother was too weak. She left Lostariel and me behind. I thought I wouldn't last much longer, but your mother.. I took an oath. I said that, no matter what evil comes and devours this Land, I should not leave until I find you or until you come back home."- his voice was breaking as pictures filled with dismay once again ran before his eyes.
"Father, when you say find me.."- Legolas said carefully.
"Until I don't see you dead body laid before my legs."- a tear rolled down his hard cheek and disappeared in his kingly robe.
Legolas swallowed when he understood the full power of his father's grief.
"Those were hard and cold years, my son. I was eager and afraid to find you. I wanted you healthy, alive. We've searched in both Rivendell and Lothlórien, asked if anyone knew anything about you. It was unbelievable to me how a prince can be lost to the world. In the night I was hunted by the thought that you might be already… dead. I wish that no parent, no matter what race, have to confront that possibility. To search for his child's corpse."- Legolas wanted to jump on these words, to shake his father and to tell him that he is right here, that he was all his, his flesh and blood. He wanted to stay here forever, by his father's side, to remind him every night and day that he was alive. Every minute spent in fear, he wanted make up with a hour spent in joy.
Legolas remained to sit as a few tears fell into his cup.
"I've caused you a lot of pain, adar."- he started but Thranduil lanced him with fiery glare.
"Don't you even dare to say that. You've brought only joy and happiness in both mine and your mother's life. If I had a chance to steal time and go back in the past, I would change nothing. I would never erase you out of my life. And no matter how far you have been from me, from your home, my love for you is as strong as it is for you sister that grew up under my wing. For Valar's sake, you are a part of me, Legolas! This is the first and the last time you've said such thing."- his voice was louder and louder within every next word. Legolas was staring at him in shock, scared to believe that a sentence was enough to bring his adar to the brink of sense.
Legolas noticed that his face was bathing in sudden fury, but above everything, his father was in pain.
Thranduil managed to still his heavy breathing and his eyes lost their wild glow. He looked at the fireplace.
"Forgive me."- Legolas whispered.
The king showed no reaction, but after some time he slowly nodded.
"I understand. Drink it."- he sighed and smiled and pointed at the cup Legolas was holding on his knees. The elf obeyed and poured everything in his throat, eager to end it.
Thranduil slightly frowned but chuckled at this.
"Maybe you shouldn't have drunk it so fast.."- he said in wonder and watched Legolas' confused face.
"But you've said.."- he started and the elf nodded his head.
"Aye, I did. But your tea was quite spiced with herbs that make you to fall asleep faster than usually. It is all well if you drink it slowly but I think that you might faint at any moment. "- he said and carefully studied Legolas.
Just when Thranduil finished the sentence, Legolas felt slightly dizzy. He rubbed his forhead.
"Oh.."- he mumbled and lowered the cup down.
The king laughed briefly and walked to his son. Legolas was pulled up on his feet and led to the bed that, to Legolas' relaxed mind, seemed even softer, warmer. His view was dusky.
Some easy clothing was pushed into his weak hands. He started to unbutton his shirt and unlance his leggings when a knock on the door disturbed him.
Thranduil went to answer while Legolas was struggling with changing into the night robe.
Fast, whispered words were exchanged between the king and an elf. The voice sounded familiar to Legolas but he wasn't able to pay any attention to it for his head started to spin and the view went dim. He only managed to put on the lower part before he fell down on the bed. A small pile of clothing was lying in the mess on the floor.
With great effort, Legolas managed to crawl under the thick blankets and to pull his head up so he can breathe properly. He covered his eyes with his palm and sighed heavily.
"Legolas, can I leave now?"- Thranduil asked in caring voice and fixed the blankets. The elf weakly nodded and the hand fell down his face.
The king smiled down and remained to watch his son for few moments. He caught a small gleam on Legolas' finger.
"I know this ring."- he said in so low and so soft tone that Legolas wondered if he had imagined it. He opened his mouth to tell that the ring was given to him by Aragorn but he had no strength. He only shook his head and whispered something. Mixed, dark colors were dancing before his eyes.
When he sensed that Thranduil was about to leave, he let out something that was between a whimper and a sob. He found his father's hand somewhere on the bed and he squeezed it the hardest he could.
"Adar.. No more hunting dreams.. I'm alive. I'll stay."- he mumbled in low voice and searched for Thranduil's face.
Warm pressure on his palm was everything Legolas felt.
"Sleep now."- and nothing more.
Thranduil walked to the door and threw one last look over his shoulder at the mess of silver hair that was peeking over a big pillow.
"He is nice to me. Aragorn.. He is good, Adar, he really is.."- the elf mumbled , closing his eyes. The door were gently closed.
Every bone in his body was relaxed and with joy and serenity, Legolas has fallen asleep with sounds of the crackling fire that was sending dancing shadows all over his back. The bed was warm, soft and his tired body was easily tucked in the mattress.
For the first time in his life, Legolas felt complete. There was nothing, not a single dirty spot that could tear harmony apart. And he didn't want to leave this place. Ever again.
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Haldir walked into the room with a bright smile.
He searched for the boy's figure with his eyes, but before he was able to see him, he heard two high voices under the oriel.
The elf gave a closer look and saw Lostariel and Bjarte talking about something that, it seemed, was very ridiculous to the elleth so the boy continued to speak with a wide smile on his face and shine in his green eyes.
The maiden threw her head back and laughed in pure joy.
"He is charming. Even Taurvantian has changed his opinion about the boy."- Raunien came behind Haldir.
The blond elf nodded.
"Yes, he is surprisingly good with the Elves."
"I am not sure how the king will react."- Raunien said in wonder and Haldir turned around.
"There is a strong bond between Legolas and the boy."- Haldir stated firmly. Raunien blinked at his harshness.
"Yes, of course. But you know what I mean. However, it's not the boy that worries me, Haldir. The man, Elessar.. I am not sure."- the dark haired elf spoke in tone that had both worry and a bit of amazement in it.
Haldir lowered his gaze and sighed.
"Yes, I understand."- he said bitterly.
"But Legolas won't just turn his head and leave, Raunien."
"Elessar shall die."- it was a fact.
"Not yet."- it was a fact too. Raunien nodded slowly as he watched the princess and the boy.
"I won't bring any depressing topic up. Not now when everyone are happy. Lady Lostariel.. I cannot remember when was the last time she laughed this way. "- he said and smiled at Haldir. Haldir answered with a faint nod and he moved aside so the elf can pass by.
The elf closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath. There was another thing he had to do, no matter how much he wanted to avoid it.
He walked through the halls and gardens, searching for the man but he was nowhere to be found.
At last, he saw a dark figure next to the stables. Smoking. There was no doubt who it was.
"Aragorn."- he greeted the grim man and prepared himself mentally. To his own surprise, no hard word was spoken. The man was sitting down, leaned against the wooden wall of the stables. He was staring in front of himself, following Brego's large silhouette that was peacefully walking over the yard and eating damp grass.
"I know how you feel."- Haldir said calmly and watched the horse too.
"I've always wondered how could anyone know how another feels."- he said as a thin lance of smoke disappeared in the air.
"I couldn't tell you. I wasn't allowed."- the elf continued in soft voice.
"Why?"- Aragorn asked in plain tone.
"If you knew it, there was a slight possibility that you wouldn't let Legolas go."- these words were very slow and very careful.
"What kind a man you think I am? You really think I would steal anyone's chance to have a family and put my own desires first?"- the man breathed out a little bit too harsh.
"I said that there was a slight possibility."- the elf soothed and sat next to the man.
Aragorn shook his head and looked down at his hands.
"Everyone knew it. My father, brothers.. And no one.."- he bit his tongue- "It doesn't matter anymore."
"How is he?"- another quiet question, this time with more emotions.
"He's sleeping."- the elf said and watched the man's profile closely.
Aragorn nodded and continued to smoke.
"You are not well."- Haldir concluded after few minutes.
Another hesitating nod.
"You don't have to worry, Aragorn, he is truly well."- Haldir continued to convince the man but he shook his head.
"I am afraid."- the tone was low, uncertain. The elf blinked.
"Of what?"
"I am afraid of tomorrow, Haldir. I am afraid of everything the next sun might bring with itself. Those weeks.. They weren't good. I cannot accept all of his sudden changes. It leaves me breathless."- he said bitterly and took another smoke.
"If you are talking about that childish performance in the hall.."- the elf smiled with relief.
"You've heard what he said. He said that I cannot have him by my side all the time."- and there was fear in the gray eyes.
"He was mad."- Haldir assured.
"He is mad all the time. Small, sudden breakdowns without a real reason, roaming around the forest.. I called him, I said to him that he should slow down.. And my voice failed to reach his ears."- the man rubbed his eyes.
"And he is right. I cannot chain him, but I've never said that I wanted such thing. He has to be free, like everyone else. It's just that feel.. Like he's turning into sand in my hands."- Haldir tapped his curled shoulder.
"You are worried about unimportant things."
The man nodded.
"Yes, you are right. Now, when he is a prince.."- he didn't say anything else. He didn't need to. Haldir understood, but now he had to offer no word of comfort.
"A king and a prince.. Different race, different land, different life. I must be madly talented if I win this battle and join those ends, Haldir."- he said absently and caressed his chin.
"You've won that battle already. He has been with you for almost a decade."
"A decade is nothing for an elf. Not even a blink of an eye."- Aragorn cursed silently.
"For a regular elf, yes.. But Legolas grew up among the humans. A decade for him is a decade for a human. He cannot understand his immortality until he starts living with the immortals. "
"Like now."- the elf sighed, sensing that it was a lost battle to talk to Aragorn now.
"You cannot understand my fears. Neither you nor Legolas. Only I can. I am dealing with a lost child that has finally returned home, his father that won't be able to sate his longing for him and with my death that is slowly approaching. I cannot be selfish now. Legolas needs to be home and his home is not Minas Tirith but Eryn Lasgalen. His home is not my home."- he banged his head back against the wall.
"Tell me, Haldir, what should I do?"- he desperately whispered.
"I don't know, mellon. I really don't know."- they remained to sit in silence.
"Sometimes I really hate being myself."- Aragorn sighed.
"You should rest. This is leading nowhere. Maybe tomorrow we can.."- he was interrupted.
"We cannot. You want him to stay."- the man spoke but his voice wasn't angry or disappointed. He accepted it.
"And what do you want, Aragorn?"- Haldir asked calmly.
"I want peace. I want Legolas to be happy. The only problem is that my happiness and his happiness are not the same thing anymore. They are not related."- the elf shook his head at these words.
"Of course they are. He wouldn't let you go."
"And what if he had to choose? Loud, raw city or peaceful, calm forest with his folk? He wouldn't let me go, but he wouldn't abandon his home either."
Haldir sighed and rested his aching head in his palms.
"We are now dissevered souls, Haldir, if we have ever been joined."
And after this, silence took over.
"You cannot speak thus when Legolas is asleep. You must be patient and wait until he wakes up."- he started again in order to calm the man down, but he knew it too that Aragorn was right.
"And to see a stranger. Not Legolas, but the prince of Eryn Lasgalen. When you are a noble, you are your title first, then yourself. I am Elessar first and then Aragorn. You'll see. There are a lot of tests awaiting him and me."
"You will pass them all."- Haldir forced a smile.
"But one."- Aragorn said in troubled tone. He covered his face with hands and leaned over his knees. The man sighed painfully and stilled himself.
"What will happen when Elessar decides that he should return back home?"- and there was no answer.