Author's Note: Hey everyone it's been a very long time since I've touched my keyboard or even thought to return to fan fiction. I don't know if most of you know this but I've literally been on this site since it first came out. Back when they had very few categories to choose from. Unfortunately I don't have my old logins, wish I did though. Anyways since I've been a part of the magic of fan fiction since childhood I've grown up through it. Now on the cusp of turning 30 and having the life experiences that I have it tends to change my writing style over time. Ironically enough I have gone through something similar to this story, though not so dramatic. I'm engaged to be married, date tba. I've known him since the age of 9, 20 years of friendship and 6 together as a couple. Because of this I have been inspired to come back and finish writing this story.

They'll need a Crane

Chapter Eight

Throughout the years Sam could barely count on her one had how many times she's ever felt like she was less than. But this is bare far the lowest she's been. Love was never something she actively looked for growing up, like most girls wanting boyfriends etc, she just wanted her friends and a sweet life. Falling in love made her more insecure, unsure and scared to death of ever being alone again, when that was once so comforting. At least then she knew she could count on herself not to let herself down.

Being without Freddie now would be nearly kill her. How had she come this pathetic meat sack of a person?

Holding Hammy in her arms and stroking him gently she pondered a life that had one less Freddie in it.

She thought about what going to sleep at night in their bed would be like. The bed itself was too large for just her and tended to get really cold at night when just one person occupied it. Security also popped up, not that she was terrified to sleep alone but there's something about having another person there that makes it feel safer. She could definitely handle a threat if someone tried to break in but the lonely factor popped up again, having that space filled it comforting.

She'd learned that overtime when you cohabitate you become codependent on proximity. It becomes part of your routine and your life. The warmth of another body next to you and knowing that someone is just there puts this bubble around you making you feel complete.

Could she live without that?

Then there was just having someone to go home to at night, to share a meal with and to laugh and cry with. Such a simple concept. Everyone wants that, but then that's why they have friends. No, this was on a different level. This had more to do with companionship, having the ultimate partner in crime, someone through everything would have your back. Your player 2.

"Hams what are we going to do? Trying to rationalize this and make it hurt less doesn't make it hurt less."

"Sam," came a voice from the hall. It was Roger who popped his head into her guest bedroom door. "You have a visitor."

He looked a bit concerned as to whether she would receive this visitor mainly because he knew and so did she, who it was.

"Let him in." was a she said.

Roger's head disappeared and then the door opened gently so reveal Freddie looking like he'd gone without sleep and hadn't eaten in days. At least he was also suffering, she thought with a little satisfaction. It wasn't until he completely turn into the room and closed the door that she noticed a slight bruise on his right eye. He could see her eyes trail to it automatically and touched it unconsciously.

"Look what the Hams dragged in," she started not moving from the bed, nor making any room for him to sit.

Freddie sighed and found a place to sit down comfortably. He took in her face and could tell that she wasn't fairly any better than he was. Her eyes were puffy from crying, the bags under her eyes told him she hadn't slept properly in weeks and her posture told him her discomfort.

"Sam," he started but didn't know how to begin this much needed conversation. Just being in the room with her was enough for him to feel fulfilled. "I'm so sorry."

She knew that an apology would be placed but there was so much more to say than that. So many things that needed to be addressed that a simple I'm sorry almost had no meaning. People say sorry all the time but it's barely a band aid in a situation. Sorry was such an overused word, tossed around like a Frisbee.

"I'm sure you are, but that doesn't really fix everything does it?"

He looked taken aback by this statement and hadn't really known how to continue after that. He had so much to say but in that one statement he was completely shut down.

"You're right, sorry isn't going to take away the past few months. I've been such an asshole."

"Yeah I can see that. So is this the part where you tell me it's not me it's you and then you leave?"

The look of defeat upon her face stabbed him deep within his heart. Maybe Spence was right about her view of their entire life together. Could she seriously think that he would just give her up like that? Did she seriously not know his whole heart and how much space she occupied in it? If it were a house she would have paid off the mortgage and decorated it to fit her taste. She would allow others to visit under her supervision and maybe stay for expended times but she was the lady of the manor.

"Sam, do you seriously think that I would do that?"

"Well there was that redhead at your job that seemed to catch your attention. From what I saw you guys were pretty close. Besides I mean look at us, how long were we really gonna go?"

He gaped at her then, did she seriously think so little of him. He tried to think of other instances where he could have given her any indication that he might not stick around. Maybe he just missed key points on how to fully show his devotion. She's always been the one he's wanted, loved and adored. No other woman could hold a candle to her. She caused him to grow and change and become something more than he was. Before they even met, the person he was wasn't someone he now as an adult ever would have wanted to be. His evolution was in large part because of her powerful persona and guidance. Being with her made him a better stronger person.

"First of all," he started, "Becca is a lesbian. Let me just put that one out there," he rubbed his eyes and took in a deep breath. "Second, she's my second cousin and likes to tease me to death. I got her that job because my aunt needed her to leave Chicago. I told you months ago. I probably should have had her over for dinner or something but we aren't super close and she doesn't like my mom."

It was Sam's turn to be surprised and it took her a moment to go through her memory bank about Becca the cousin. It was before the wedding she vaguely remembered but she honestly couldn't remember the conversation. Maybe he had and she just pushed it out for some other information and just forgot. With just that bit of information she felt a bit of the weight on her heart lift up.

"Then why have you been acting like this?" she demanded now, feeling a bubble of anger swelling inside of her.

"I freaked out," he started. A confused expression grew upon her face as he got up from the floor to sit next to her on the bed. She allowed him to take her hand in his big one. He absentmindedly rubbed his thumb against the back of her hand. "It always felt like a game, I ask you say no. I do want to marry you, please don't take it as I don't. But the reality of it set in. Yes we live together but that's different than being married. It's a huge commitment and I think because my view of it is so skewed I psyched myself out. I've loved you for so long and have wanted this too for so long that everything started to hit home. Then I got scared when you said you wanted to have kids." He looked into her eyes and could see the wheels turning behind them. "I grew up without my dad, I don't exactly have the best example of what one of those looks like. The closest thing to a father figure is Spencer and that's not exactly setting the bar high." He chuckled a bit and she gave him a smirk, which helped him relax.

"Why didn't you just tell me this when we had that talk!" he snapped at him a bit. "We could have worked it out." Taking in a deep breath and then letting it out she continued. "Kids aren't a definite. I like the idea of them now more than I would have years ago. Heck more dogs would be fine with me too, but I had told you that because I wanted you to know I was opened to the idea of it if you were."

"I just panicked I guess. It's not like I dislike kids but it has always seemed like they don't like me."

She smiled then and tackled him to the bed.

"You're such an idiot," she said then kissed his lips. Pulling away to look him in the eyes, "Next time you pull this kind of crap I will be adding to that shiner I'm guess Carls gave you." She touched it a bit too hard and he winced.

"Don't touch it!"

Roger smiled as he passed by her room to the living room. Shooting out a group text to the group he felt that the storm had calmed.

Later on that night Sam and Freddie headed back home with Hammy in her arms. It felt weird stepping inside after all the turmoil that had happened the past few months. It felt like someone had scribbled into an etch-a-sketch and shaken it slightly leaving a half chaotic picture. It still looked the same though but the air around it that it had when things were wrong. Hammy wobbled over to his bed and curled up. Sam dropped her stuff by the door and sat down on the couch. The knickknacks had dust up to the ceiling and there was a weird smell coming from the kitchen as well.

"Home sweet home?" she asked.

He smiled and came to sit down with her.

"I think we've tainted it a bit." He sighed and sunk in the cushion.

"You know maybe we should consider a move? We had said at one point we could move away from the city a bit have our own house. That might be nice."

"I think a change would be nice." He agreed with a smile.

Author's Note: Sorry if this is super short but I just wanted to give you a piece of what's to come. There will be more soon. I have hope for a great end to this story.