Guys, I did it again. I started writing another book. Hence, the slow update. The good news is that the conclusion is in sight! I am going to finish this thing, I swear!

Hypotheticals

Once Naruto's contingent of shinobi left the trees behind, it was a mere hour before they reached an area where the ground noticeably steepened and grew rocky. No longer bounding through the treetops, they walked at a casual pace in the open terrain. Tonight, they would sleep in the Hidden Cloud Village, in Kumogakure.

"Have you figured out how to get out of dying, Naruto?" said Kiba. Akamaru barked, echoing the question. He referred, of course, to the inevitable meeting between Naruto and the Raikage, who was rumored to have taken offense when Naruto informed every corner of the Five Nations that the Raikage sought to change his gender.

In Naruto's mind, there was no reason for the Raikage to get so bent out of shape by a little prank, even though said prank had induced a storm of articles in the newspapers. Karui said a few masochistic reporters had continued to dog the Raikage's steps until Raikage had electrocuted them and all their equipment. It didn't help that Naruto's interview had piqued B's muse, and he rapped incessantly of his approval before his reluctant audiences. B was unfailingly supportive of his brother and kept the narrative alive for months. The result was that people who had initially judged Naruto's interview as absurd had become inclined to think that Raikage was, in fact, a closeted transgender person who was burdened by the weight of his reputation and duty to his village.

In light of the story's continued existence, Naruto wondered if she'd underestimated the power of the press. She might have even, for a brief moment, felt a twinge of guilt, but her concerns blew away with the wind when she recalled how desperate she'd been back then, how Sasuke's future in Konoha hung in the balance, how the idea had seemed divinely inspired at the time.

"Karui-san," Naruto called behind her. "Any ideas?"

"Nope, you're toast, blondie."

Karui's friend and fellow shinobi Omoi of Kumo had joined them. He popped a lollipop out of his mouth and said, "What if Raikage-sama demands a spar with Naruto-san to defend the perceived slight to his honor and, Naruto-san, what if you think to yourself he won't actually come at you with killing intent, and because you want peace and all, you decide to stand down, and he thinks you plan to block the attack, and the result is that he kills you? If that happens, do you think it'll kick off the Fifth Shinobi War?"

Naruto glanced back, dumbfounded.

"Cause if it does, Karui will have to pick her loyalties," continued Omoi. "What if she runs away with Akimichi-san—"

Choji coughed and spluttered. "Eh?"

"And what if her poor mother dies of heartbreak? Then her father will have to kill someone from Konoha in retaliation, and Konoha will kill her father. Then when Karui gets the news, she'll come back with a vengeance against Konoha, and Akimichi-san will have to choose—"

"What are ya talking about, ya damn gibbering dolt! As if I'd run off with some guy!" Karui laughed with big, booming chuckles that fooled no one but Choji. His cheek tattoos seemed to droop.

"I seriously doubt any of that will happen," said Naruto. "I mean, Choji and Karui are a sure thing, but the rest of it—nah. I'd never drop my guard in front of Raikage, no way."

"Hypothetically," said Omoi. He twirled the lollipop on his tongue. "Raikage-sama's really fast, ya know. Say he slips up—because he takes everything so seriously—and you slip up and get killed. It could happen, so I ask you: How do you plan to avoid the next war?"

"Well, fine," said Naruto. She scratched her cheek. "Raikage's temper is the problem here, right? And there's no easy fix to that. So I guess I'd have to take him out before he took me out."

"By 'take out' you mean invite him to a restaurant and lecture him about cycles of hatred, orphaned children, and whatnot?"

Naruto gave Omoi the appropriate look to show what a stupid question that was. "We're talking hypothetically, right?" she said. "I meant I'd have to kill him. I'm not losing to some oji-san, especially not if it'd cause a war."

"But if you killed Raikage—"

"Yeah, B would come at me cause they're brothers and all. He'd be all over me like suckers on a squid—"

"Octopus," muttered Neji. He walked next to Naruto and thus far found Omoi's topic of conversation distasteful.

Naruto said, "And I guess everyone would flock to that Darui guy as their leader next. So I'd take him out too and basically take over Kumo to prevent any sort of attack on Konoha shinobi and Konoha itself." She seemed to warm to the idea. She put her hands behind her head and looked up at the blue sky as she considered. "Hmmm…I'm guessing the shinobi from Kumo would all revolt though, so I'd have to take political prisoners to keep them quiet and keep the people from rioting. I wouldn't want to kill everyone if I could help it. If I couldn't convince my fellow Konoha shinobi to keep guard over the prisoners, I'd just make a bazillion clones to do the job. And unfortunately, some of the more scrupulous Konoha shinobi would put up a fuss, so I'd have to imprison them too. This is all in the first day, of course."

Naruto paused to breathe, scarcely noticing the wide eyes of her companions.

"Then in the second day, I'd think more about supplies and cutting off the people's access to food and water so that I could control and distribute those essentials. I'm sure a few shinobi would escape even my sensing abilities for a little while, and meanwhile some Kumo shinobi outside the village would return, so I'd still have some fighting to do. But while I'm doing that, I'd also be remodeling my new office in whatever version of the Hokage Tower Kumo has, and I'd declare myself Raikage. Once Kumo was under my control, it wouldn't take long to capture the Land of Lightning's daimyo and negotiate a full surrender. Or, maybe I should do that part first, before someone has the chance to hide him. Meh. Anyways, by that time, I'd have gotten word to Sasuke. He could take over the conquest while I rested, and we could trade off like that for a long time, however long it took people to quit resisting."

A furrow formed in Naruto's brow, and more than one listener hoped she would laugh and say something along the lines of how awful that'd be, dattebayo.

Instead, she said, "But I'll bet the other nations would be upset about the shift in the balance of power, so they might have to get conquered too. Actually, I guess Sasuke and I could conquer the whole of the Five Nations if we had to. Gaara would put up a fight, but let's be frank: Sasuke can take him. I'd keep myself out of that because Gaara's my friend and all, but I swear Sasuke'd actually be eager for it. He's been pissed about Gaara's ultimate defense for, like, years. He'd want to prove Susanoo is more powerful. But back to the original concern—Karui and Choji wouldn't have to choose sides or run away together because I'd just smash the two countries together. So Karui's mother wouldn't die of a broken heart, and her father wouldn't have to kill someone, so Konoha and Kumo wouldn't have to go to war officially. We'd have peace so long as everyone just obeyed me."

At that, Naruto laughed once.

"There are too many talented shinobi for that scenario to be plausible," Neji said.

"Well, there are," said Naruto, rising to the challenge, "but they wouldn't have time to coordinate a counterattack because Kumo and the whole Land of Lightning would fall within two days. That's just barely the amount of time it would take to get word to the other nations, let alone time to consider a counterattack. I'd invade before they could. If you think about it, Akatsuki gave us way too much time to prepare for the war. Their members should have all gone out at once and captured the bijuu instead of spreading it out over, like, years. That's why they lost."

Neji didn't take Naruto's assertions seriously, but it irked him for her to make so many assumptions and to bloat her own power to the extent that she thought she could actually conquer the Five Nations on the spur of the moment.

He said, "Two or three exceptional shinobi could hold you off until a more effective resistance could be mounted."

Naruto shrugged. "If anyone really gave us trouble, Sasuke could use his Rinnegan to zap them to another dimension or however that works. And if I'm serious about taking over the Land of Lighting in a timely manner, one tailed beast bomb—once Raikage and B are out of the picture—one bomb could wipe out Kumo. No need to fret about all those political prisoners. That would free me up to capture the daimyo on the first day."

Kiba said, "Hokage-sama and Konoha wouldn't just go along with such an evil plan."

"Hmph. Those batty, old, warmongering council members already admitted they want me to be the Rokudaime. I'll bet they would back me if it meant having Konoha as the supreme power in the continent, and they wouldn't have to worry about casualties because Sasuke and I'd do all the fighting."

"That's a large assumption," said Neji, taken aback despite himself by her certitude. "No doubt you could destabilize the continent, much like Madara did, but you wouldn't have Infinite Tsukyomi to keep us all in a trance. You'd have to govern. People would rebel."

Naruto scratched her nose. "I'd have to put out some story about terrible government corruption or something. Give people a reason to think that what I'm doing is necessary. I could force some officials to confess to terrible things and give the story real legs to stand on. I don't mean to brag, but I've got a loud voice. People tend to listen to me now."

Naruto saw Neji about to make another objection and preempted him. "And don't forget the Kyuubi's super cool ability to sense negative emotions. I could pretty much be certain when one of my underlings would try for a coup because I'd sense all that malice directed at me. "

"Hypothetically—," began Neji, not yet sure what new consideration he could throw at her.

"Hypothetically," emphasized Naruto, "the physical part wouldn't be so hard. There might be some emotional trauma, but hey, I'm kinda used to that so…"

She failed to notice the gaping jaws as her friends realized that she really could take over the world if she chose. It was one thing to know your powerful friend was unquestionably on your side. It was another to learn that the powerful friend had concocted a viable plan for world domination in the work of a moment. Omoi wondered if he should report this conversation to Raikage-sama as a warning not to attack Naruto in the first place. Of course, that would likely backfire and enrage Raikage-sama even more and kick off the whole doomsday scenario.

Of all the shinobi, only Ino found a reason to be happy with Naruto's malevolent, if rambling plot. "Hey, Naruto," she said, sidling between her and Neji. Ino elbowed Neji non-discreetly out of the way. "Why did you rope Sasuke-kun into your evil plan and not one of us? Or all of us?"

"Just trying to be reasonable," said Naruto. "If we're talking about the complete overthrow of an entire continent, he's my go-to guy."

"Yes," said Ino. She swung an arm over Naruto's shoulders and prepared for an assault of her own kind. "But you just assumed he would be on your side. Sasuke-kun's reformed. What if he didn't want to go along with it?"

"Are you joking?" asked Naruto.

"Not at all," said Ino, readying her weaponry. After all, she had put aside her own feelings in the pursuit of love and happiness and was now devoted to the cause of pairing up Sasuke and Naruto. "Sakura's your old teammate, too, but you didn't include her in your evil scheme."

"Her moral compass is a little less all over the place, and she's not the one who literally had a plan to kill all the Kages and start a revolution. Plus, she's got family to think about. Sasuke and I don't."

"So what you're saying is that you and Sasuke-kun have a special connection?"

"Um, yes?"

Ino studied Naruto's big blue eyes for some sign of comprehension. When she didn't see the slightest spark of interest or piqued curiosity, Ino felt like slapping the other blonde. Come to think of it, she might still feel some anger towards Naruto and Sasuke. Knowing full-well she had pined for a decade for a boy who would never glance twice at her did not evoke happy thoughts. Nevertheless, Ino calmed herself and adopted a carefree tone.

"If you and Sasuke took over the world," said Ino, "you'd be like Madara and Kaguya, except without turning on each other in the end." She released a dramatic sigh. "It may be hypothetical, but it's so romantic."

The stunt was blatant enough to catch the attention of every single shinobi. Eyes swiveled between Ino and Naruto.

Yes, good, thought Ino. Naruto actually stopped and stared. Ino could almost see the whirring and humming of the cogs in her mind. Naruto's brows drew together.

"Hypothetically," asked Naruto, "why are you being so weird?"

"Hypothetically, why are you being so impossible?" said Ino. She wondered if she should stop there and let Naruto mull over what she meant, but Ino needed a final nail in the coffin of her love for Sasuke-kun. She would not allow Naruto's stupidity to stop her from noticing Sasuke's feelings.

"You must have thought about the possibility of dating Sasuke-kun," she said. Behind Naruto, Kiba and Choji's mouths dropped open. She ignored them. "You want powerful kids, right? Shouldn't he be the first guy on your list?"

Naruto went rigid. The change was not an abrupt movement of surprise but a gradual straightening and stiffening of each and every muscle in her body that produced an undeniable shift in her bearing. She seemed taller. And more serious. A chill emanated from her. It rattled Ino to recognize the difference between their powers—not mere chakra, but powers of charisma and influence. All Naruto had done was stiffen, and Ino cringed from the weight of Naruto's displeasure. Maybe that was what Sasuke-kun saw in her. After all, he was the same.

Naruto said flatly, "I don't make a habit of fantasizing about my teammates' potential for reproduction. And me and Sasuke as parents?" Naruto snorted. "We'd kill each other."

Naruto jumped away then and set a pace swift enough that her teammates felt it wiser to hang back for a time. Ino received a few what the hells from her friends, but she still believed she'd done what was necessary. It was clear to her that Naruto had spent so long viewing Sasuke as a brother that any change in their relationship would take a series of sharp shocks. First off, Ino needed to confirm that Naruto was not, in fact, still attracted to women. Sakura and she could invite Naruto to the baths in Kumo and take care of that. Modest as Sakura was, she might raise objections to the plan, but Ino could not imagine a surer way of provoking a reaction from Naruto than having Sakura drop her towel and strut.

If the worst happened and Naruto went googly-eyed at the sight of pink in all its glory, then Ino would have to put her faith in Sasuke's considerable powers of seduction, which, come to think of it, Ino only assumed he had. He had never bothered to try them out on her.

Ino cut short that thought. A second strategy would be a series of bad dates that Ino would engineer for Naruto. When she spent time with Sasuke later, she would be amazed by the difference in caliber of Sasuke from all the other men in Konoha.

"Jeez, Ino," growled Kiba, "You sure made her mad."

For a brief moment, Ino worried she had gone too far.

"It's just like her to get all worked up about that bastard," he said. "Now she won't be fun for ages."

It was indeed like Naruto, except—thought Ino, her eyes growing wide—that it wasn't. When Ino had mentioned dating Sasuke, shouldn't Naruto have broken into laughter? Or at least shown some sign of surprise? If the idea had never occurred to her, was it possible not to be surprised? It was unlike Naruto to react in anger. It was unlike her to separate herself from her friends. She wasn't usually someone who needed time alone to work through her feelings. She was the type to bumble through uncomfortable situations and make an idiot of herself.

Ino picked at her fingernails in agitation. Once, she'd disavowed the habit since she was certain Sasuke-kun would find it unattractive. Now, Ino didn't care so much.

It was several miles down the road before Naruto slowed to let them all catch up. As a group, they were far more quiet than they'd been before Ino spoke up, but when they stopped for a meal in a quaint little town in the Land of Lightning, the silence was not unfriendly.

As they paid for their food, Choji asked, "In all of that, did we come up with a way for Naruto and the Raikage to avoid wrecking relations between Konoha and Kumo for all time?"

"I don't think we did," said Omoi glumly.

"We did not," Neji confirmed.

Silence descended over the group again until Naruto said, "I guess I could always apologize."

For some reason, no one had thought of that. The idea seemed inspired, but Neji had one objection: "As our future Rokudaime, make sure you don't admit to any wrongdoing. That implies a personal debt. He might call you on it."

"How do you apologize without admitting you were wrong?" complained Naruto.

"It's like having to look right and left…at the same time."

Naruto stopped dead and stared at Kiba, who had spoken. "Wha—?" Naruto began, her mouth hanging open.

Kiba bristled. "That might sound stupid, but I was just thinking…right and left—a simple analogy, ya know? Or…is it a metaphor? Dunno."

"Kiba," said Naruto as she placed her hand on his shoulder, "you're a genius."

Kiba, who had fully expected to be called an idiot, scratched behind his ear. He'd thought it was a good point but not quite at Shikamaru's level. Oh well. He'd bask in the praise while it lasted.

"Clones are always the answer!" declared Naruto. "Perfect!"

With that, she leaped forward on the road to Kumo. Her comrades exchanged startled looks and hurried after her.

… … …

It took one glance—just a single glance—for Uchiha Sasuke to ascertain who the mysterious Arakawa Hachiro was: Naruto's stated choice of husband and father to her child. The shinobi might very well be a cousin to the Yamanaka clan. His hair was bright blonde, perhaps a shade between Naruto and Ino's hair colors. His eyes were green. Tall, well-proportioned, and damnably handsome.

Sasuke hated him.

Their group of six set off from Konoha with an air of discomfort, which had begun when Sakura introduced Sasuke to Arakawa. Sasuke had stared at the other shinobi intensely, noting the strong chin, broad shoulders, and long legs. Annoyingly, there was no blemish to be found. He was taller than Sasuke. Another mark against him. A shinobi like this was the very kind who would attract a drove of female attention. Even Naruto's, it would seem.

When Sasuke's gaze returned to his face, he saw that Arakawa's cheeks were pink with embarrassment. Sasuke disdained the man for being intimidated by nothing more than a long look.

In their formation, as they ran through the trees, Sasuke set a blistering pace. Arakawa showed no signs of exhaustion, so his physical fitness was as superb as it appeared. Damn him. Around the campfire that first night, he showed a fine amount of wit and laughed with everyone else while Sasuke brooded. Arakawa was about four years older than the rest of them, but he made himself right at home with the shinobi who'd known each other for years, all Naruto's friends—with the exception of Karin, who had to a large degree ignored Sasuke from the start of the mission and now flirted with Arakawa. Sasuke really hated him.

On the second day, Sasuke ran behind Arakawa to better observe him. Sasuke's sharp eyes were on the lookout for some annoying habit or general sloppiness. But no, the man was diligent and focused. His only lapses occurred the one or two times he glanced behind to meet Sasuke's stare and quickly averted his gaze. At least Sasuke could make him uncomfortable, and when they met up with Naruto, he could make sure Arakawa knew he was not welcome any longer.

Was that cruel? Yes. Was it necessary? Yes. Sasuke would not allow anyone to ruin his reunion with Naruto, which he'd been dreaming about since roughly twenty minutes after she'd left Konoha. Absence might make the heart grow fonder, but he needed something extra to convert Naruto's fondness into romantic interest. Or lust. Whichever. Sasuke could work equally well with both.

He had altered his wardrobe. That was the first and most simple change he had to make. The shinobi gear he wore now was a tight-fit, high-necked, ivory tunic and a black cloak that fell to about his knees. The cloak hid his sword until he swung it back. The clothes made him look older, more confident. And while the single piercing he'd given himself might have been a tad excessive, he actually liked the effect of a small silver hoop in his left ear. Most of the time, the earring was hidden by his hair, which was longer than he used to wear it.

He needed Naruto to see him differently, so it stood to reason that he actually had to look different. At the time, he'd thought it might be enough to do the trick, but as he studied Arakawa and observed the shinobi's easy manner and good humor, he had to wonder if he'd gone about this the wrong way. Maybe it wasn't his appearance but his very personality that he should have altered.

In his innermost heart, Sasuke began to despair. Why would Naruto ever choose someone like him over Arakawa Hachiro? He suddenly couldn't bear to look at the man and shot forward to retake the lead. Shikamaru who had, unsurprisingly, been a lax leader gave way to Sasuke. Hinata tried to make small talk with him, but Sasuke at first did not realize her hushed observations had been directed at him. By the time he did realize, she had begun to drop to the back of the group. Sasuke could not bring himself to care.

Over the next half hour, Sasuke began to feel an intense gaze upon his back. The feeling started as a little pinprick on his neck and grew to the impression of a hot poker on his skin. When Sasuke finally gave in and shot a look backwards, he saw Arakawa Hachiro's eyes trained on him. The man quickly dropped his gaze. His cheeks reddened, and he almost misplaced his foot on the tree limb he was jumping from.

Interesting.

When they stopped for lunch, Sasuke asked for the salt and made sure his fingers brushed Arakawa's when the man passed it to him. The ensuing blush was profuse. Suddenly, Sasuke was giddy. Naruto could not become romantically involved with a gay man. Of course, if it were true that Arakawa had offered to have children with Naruto, he might be bisexual. Sasuke determined that action was in order.

For the rest of the day, Sasuke gave him special marks of favor. Nothing obvious or even out of character: a well-timed glance, a subtle smile, a shift in his stance to include Arakawa in whatever was happening. Little things he did for no one else. And Arakawa had noticed. After another hour or two of these attentions, Sasuke had satisfied himself that he could make the man fall head over heels for him, if he chose.

It was good practice for Naruto, thought Sasuke as he sat down alone at a bar. The others had gone to a grill, but Sasuke ducked out at the last moment and went for ramen. Now he would allow himself a single cup of sake for a job well done and muse about how best to greet Naruto tomorrow afternoon.

"Sasuke, you son of a bitch," said Sakura, plopping down on stool next to him. For once, she succeeded in shocking him.

As she ordered sake, he recovered himself. "That was rude."

She snorted. "Your acid barbs wound me."

Okay, maybe he had not fully recovered. He was unaccustomed to Sakura's speaking to him in such a manner. Was this a new flirting tactic he had not yet thought of? Using vulgarity to assume a pretense of not flirting? Sasuke considered the implications of this tactic with Naruto. No matter how he spun it, he could only imagine her looking bemused or shrugging her shoulders at the profanity.

"What you are doing to poor Hachiro-san is criminal," said Sakura. She drained her cup of sake and refilled it.

"It's not my fault if he misinterprets my actions."

She glared. "Except that he's not misinterpreting. Maybe at first, but now you're making him think you like him! He may be older than us, but that doesn't make him immune to your particular brand of sadistic romantic manipulation." She cast a glance at the bar's upholstery and said abruptly, "Have you noticed what an ugly color green that is?"

"Er—my what?"

"You act cold and aloof to everyone, except to that one special person, who comes to think he or she's the sun to your solar system. You do everything possible to heighten your own sexiness—"

"This is what I look like," said Sasuke blandly.

"Oh, don't fuck with me, Uchiha," said the unidentified life-form who had taken over Sakura's body. "You let your hair grow longer. You changed your clothing. You got your ear pierced! And it doesn't look stupid or fake. You look badass! You look like a prince who's descended from his palace to grace the commoners with your presence. Better yet—an ice prince! Do you know how hot that is?"

"Ice is hot?"

She glared at him. "Back off Hachiro-san, or I'll tell Naruto you spent the whole of our trip flirting with him. We'll talk about the likelihood—you hear me? Not probability, likelihood—of your being gay, and then she'll be convinced. Your happily ever after will be shot to hell."

Sasuke raised a sardonic brow. "Like she'd believe that."

"You'd killed Orochimaru, and you were off with your new group, with that handsome Jugo guy. Handsome and tall and strong-looking! That's a man to admire. Not weedy and—and limber and—" Sakura cut off her story to take another swig of sake, and Sasuke was left to flounder about as to her meaning until she'd swallowed. "Back then, I got upset thinking that you would never return my feelings because you were gay. Naruto said, 'Of course he's not gay,' but when I started crying and wailed that something else must be wrong with me, Naruto backtracked and said, 'Well, you never know. I mean, it's not like Sasuke ever showed interest in girls. I dunno, Sakura-chan, maybe you're onto something.' That's what she said to me, Uchiha. She halfway believes it already, so don't think for a second I can't screw you over."

She had succeeded in shocking him a second time. It seemed that Sakura had decided it was fine to blab all of her inner feelings to him. He tried to remember what he had done to keep a proper distance between the two of them in the past: the cool disdain, the disinterest. The problem was that it was Sakura's own sensitivity and self-consciousness that made those methods so effective in the past. Like this, she reminded him a little of Naruto.

"You're being very honest right now," he said to buy time to come up with a decent response.

Sakura slapped the empty sake cup down as though it was a tankard of ale. "Welp, this is the new me. Love her, embrace her. And do not, under any circumstances, offer to do such over the top things for her. Damn it, she's her own woman!"

"I could correct the misinformation easily enough," Sasuke managed. "One word to Naruto…" The conversation might be awkward, but he would admit the Kazekage's ultimate defense was more powerful than his own—it wasn't; it just wasn't—before he allowed Naruto to believe such a thing.

Sakura waved that off. "She'll think you're in denial."

"I am very confident that I can convince her otherwise." In fact, he was not. His horror at Sakura's threat mounted.

"The more you argue the more convinced she'll be that you just can't admit your homosexuality."

The truly terrible thing was that Sasuke could imagine it. He imagined screaming himself hoarse trying to make Naruto to believe one simple truth. When her gaze grew absolutely piteous, he would lash out in anger. It would provoke a fight like everything else did and dig Sasuke's grave deeper.

He couldn't let that happen. "The old Sasuke would have argued," he said. "I will be calm and reasonable. There's no way she won't believe me then."

"Not if I can help it."

Sasuke jerked in his seat when Karin appeared, breathing at the nape of his neck. Then she slid into a stool on the other side of Sasuke so that he was surrounded by the two girls who, more than any others in the world, irritated the hell out of him.

After she ordered her own sake, Karin said, "I can tell my dear cousin all about those missing years she wasn't privy to. Yes, 'missing years' has a nice ring to it. The phrase conjures all sorts of clandestine musings—just what was Sasuke doing for all those years? she'll wonder. I'll mention Jugo, of course, and that ass Suigetsu."

"Naruto convinced the whole world the Raikage was transgender," said Sakura. "The more he railed against it, the more people refused to believe him. You really think we can't make her think you're gay?"

Utterly appalled, Sasuke could only wonder when it had become acceptable for every shinobi in the world to butt into his private life, let alone threaten him and live to tell the tale. Had he lost his spine? Had he lost his mind?

"Why would you do that?" he asked.

Karin grinned. "You led me on for all those years—"

"I did not!"

"Payback's a bitch." Karin looked demented. "And Sakura's just trying to forget about—"

"And where's the rest of the sake?" Sakura yelled. Now thoroughly tipsy, she leaned close to Sasuke, closer than he'd ever allowed her before. She whispered, "Have you ever noticed what a shitty shade of green this bar is sporting? What sort of moron would deck out everything in green?"

The bartender returned with more sake and glared. Sakura returned the glare, and Karin took the opportunity to tell Sasuke, "It turns out Lee-kun figured that Sakura and the rest of us would come through this town on the way to Kumo. He came here two weeks ago and told all the restaurants to be on the lookout for the pink love of his life. He paid for a waiter to bring her flowers and a note that he must have copied a dozen times so each restaurant here would have one."

At that, Sakura dug out a crumpled piece of paper from her pocket that had some sauce smeared onto it. She threw it at the bartender. It bounced off his head. Sasuke looked to Karin for help, but she only smirked and paid her own small tab. Before Sasuke could voice an objection, Karin schlepped from the bar, leaving Sasuke in charge of the drunk girl.

"Byyeeee, Karin!" Sakura called.

Quite out of his element, Sasuke suggested, "Er, Sakura? Maybe you should go to bed."

Instead, Sakura sprawled over the bar and hugged her sake. "Just before we left, Lee-kun said, 'Sakura-san, for you I would scale mountains. To win your love I would cross the seas and dive to their darkest depths. I'd find a pearl of incredible beauty to give to you, Sakura-san, because its beauty is only exceeded by yours.' Now isn't that just—silly?"

Sasuke could not fathom how this had happened to him. Sakura was actually gripping the inner edge of the wooden bar. If he tried to drag her away, she'd drag the whole thing with her. Hoping to instill some sense into her, he said, "It's very irresponsible to get drunk on a mission."

"I've got baa-chan's secret hangover recipe. Heehee, isn't that funny? I called her baa-chan. I never do that. Naruto does. Haaa," she heaved a long sigh, "I miss Naruto. She talks to me and lets me say whatever I want. You're not much of a substitute."

Sasuke eyed the door and wondered if it would be fine to simply—

"Uchiha, if you leave me alone in this bar, I'll make sure Naruto knows about it."

Kami-sama, the woman was not sane. It wasn't until the bartender threatened to throw them out and Sakura threatened to the level the bar with her awesome shinobi powers that Sasuke deemed it necessary to place Sakura under a genjutsu and haul her off. With her body slung over his shoulder, he headed to their inn and hoped she didn't vomit down his back. In the lobby, he ran into Arakawa Hachiro.

"Uh oh, a lightweight?" he asked, nodding at Sakura.

"That's right," said Sasuke as he carefully avoided eye contact. He made it up two steps when Arakawa said, "Need any help?"

Ordinarily Sasuke would have ignored the stupid question, but with new perils teeming in his mind, he stopped and turned around slowly. There could be no mistaking the glare he directed at the hapless shinobi when he said, "Arakawa-san, I am not attracted to you."

"Of—of course not," he said, just managing not to sputter. "I never—I mean—"

"I suppose I should apologize for misleading you today," said Sasuke. "I did have my reasons, but new concerns came to light. I changed my mind and no longer intend to make you fall in love with me. You should know that I can be cold and unfeeling and cruel, so really you aren't missing much."

Open-mouthed, Arakawa seemed rooted to the spot. When he snapped out of that trance, he started edging away.

"One more thing," said Sasuke. As though compelled against his wishes, Arakawa paused. "If you have any intention of fathering a child with Uzumaki Naruto, I will be your worst enemy. Truly, you will know no peace until you've given up the notion entirely. Best you do so now before we experience any more unpleasantness." With that, he strode up the stairs.

Sasuke felt good about being honest. He felt good knowing he could report the conversation to Sakura and have her ease off the threat she'd made. He felt even better when he spotted Hinata coming out of her room. He could finally pass off Sakura to someone who was more of a sap than he was. Hinata fretted over Sakura for a moment before sliding back a panel to let them into the room the girls would share.

Sasuke had just begun to lower Sakura to the pallet on the ground when she threw up on him. Still fuming ten minutes later, Sasuke deposited his brand new and now disgusting clothes in a washbasin. He swirled the clothes in soapy water.

"Uchiha-san?"

Sasuke turned to see Hinata standing in the doorway. "Sakura's sleeping now," she said in her soft voice.

He snorted. "Good for her."

"Uchiha-san?"

He tried to conceal his impatience with her timid manner. If she had something to say, then damnit, she just better say it. Sasuke kept kneading his sopping clothes and cursing Sakura and all women in general.

"Will you take care of Naruto?" Hinata finally asked.

His hands paused their work. He raised his head to meet Hinata's steady gaze. Sasuke wondered if she had lingering feelings for Naruto after all this time.

"What do you mean?" asked Sasuke, uncertain if the Hyuuga heir expected some declaration of his intentions towards Naruto.

"She's not invulnerable," said Hinata. "Everyone seems to think so, but it's not true. She has insecurities like everyone else, and she tries to hide them behind her power and her duties as the future Rokudaime and by her joking and her sparring…but…she's not invulnerable. I've always watched him—her—Naruto. So I know."

Sasuke considered the young woman before him, whose pale eyes held an intensity of purpose he'd never seen in them before. This was the only girl that Naruto had actually dated, no matter how brief a time the relationship had lasted. Oddly, his heart had started to beat a little faster.

Hinata straightened and said with steel in her voice, "And now I want to know that you'll take care of her. I want to know she's safe with you. I want to know that you think'll about her first, not yourself."

"She's all I think about."

The admission startled them both. Sasuke felt discomfited and somehow exposed, but Hinata didn't mock him or roll her eyes or make any gesture that showed she didn't believe him. She only waited for him to say, "I'll take care of her, if she'll let me. I'll keep her safe."

"I'm glad," said Hinata. She inclined her head in a short bow and began to leave.

Then Sasuke said, "I see why Naruto likes you so much." Hinata's cheeks turned a little pink, and she smiled in acknowledgement before leaving.