A/N: This chapter is a bit longer and incorporates some different perspectives. I'll probably continue that throughout the story, but will primarily be Bella/Jacob POV, should you guys want more content. I appreciate the few of you who've read so far. It'd be nice to have some reviews to help guide my writing a little better. Again, I thank you. Enjoy!
Bella's POV
My head is pounding. It feels like my brain has grown overnight, too large for my skull to retain. My entire body is stiff; I try rolling over, but my muscles are too heavy to move. I seemed like a slab of concrete was sitting on my body. I comb through my memories to figure out why I feel so terrible.
Then it comes to me in glimpses: Seth standing at the door, face taut… Me, grief stricken over Charlie's unmoving body… Walking out of the room.
The last thing I remember is walking out of the hospital and feeling like my heart was breaking. I was overcome with guilt, an ongoing theme since I arrived in Forks.
I hadn't seen my dad once in six years, and the next day… he's dead.
Every time we spoke on the phone Charlie would ask when I was coming to visit, but I'd always make some excuse about being busy with work. Too self-centered to care, not wanting to interrupt my new normal life. It never even occurred to me how Charlie would feel about my leaving Forks. I just ran away and didn't think twice about the effects of my actions.
I had abandoned Charlie after he'd taken such good care of me when I wasn't human.
I could taste disgust in my mouth the more I thought about it.
Oh God…Renee.
Has anyone told her? I'm not sure if I can handle that phone call. I spoke to her even less, and I certainly hadn't seen her since graduating high school. The woman is already so emotional, I can only imagine her reaction. It'll have to be me, anyone else telling Renee just seems wrong.
I attempted opening my eyes, even they hurt. Everything was dark, though I was sure my eyes were open.
Where am I?
I forced myself to roll over towards the window, pushing myself up on my elbow. I was back in the motel room, although I have no idea how I got here. I could tell by the sliver of fluorescent light, peeking through the curtains, from outside.
What time is it?
I searched for my phone, it was on the nightstand closest to the window charging. I knew that wasn't my doing, I always forget to charge my phone regularly. I looked on the other side of the bed and nearly screamed at the dark figure sitting in the corner chair.
"Careful… You've been out for two days."
Two days? Two days have passed since Charlie's been gone?
"What time is it?" I heard myself ask. I still don't know who I'm talking to.
"Six, at night."
The muscles in my body seized at the recognition of that voice. I squeezed my eyes shut and bit my lip, afraid to see that face. Even in the dark I could sense those eyes bore into me. The room was silent for a long time.
"I'm sorry about Charlie. Billy and Sue are handling funeral arrangements, so you don't have to."
I stopped breathing.
"Bella." the voice sounded angry. I couldn't force myself to acknowledge the name, not yet.
There was movement then, the lamp next to the bed blinked on, and I felt the bed sway under the added weight of a body.
I bolted for the bathroom where the toilet was sectioned off and locked the door. Dropping to the floor I gasped for air, palms over my chest. I started to dry heave and bile began to rise from the pit of my stomach. I couldn't remember the last time I ate, all that came out was acidic green liquid, my body expelling whatever fluids I had in me. My eyes burned as I wiped my mouth with my forearm.
I blindly felt for the wall, crawling upwards, using it as a guide to find the light switch. Electricity hummed to life. It was far too bright, as if I had stared into the sun. I bent down on the tub and painfully scooted along to turn on the faucet. I was in so much pain now; more than the time I did that three hour cycling class with a girl from work. I was sore for a week straight afterwards. The water was rising and soon the tiny room filled with steam, signaling the OK for me to get in. I struggled out of whatever I was wearing, stuck in one leg at a time, and lowered myself in the scalding hot water. I closed my eyes and submerged myself underwater trying, to drown out my chaotic thoughts. I held myself under as long as I could stand until if felt like my lungs would burst. I sat up, against the back of the tub, rubbing my face. I have never felt so lost. I couldn't sort out one idea in my mind because they all ran together in a drowsy reel. I know I need to pull myself together, but all I really want to do is let darkness encompass me.
This wasn't supposed to happen. Not like this.
A door opened and slammed shut, making the walls vibrate.
I breathed a sigh of relief.
I sat in the tub so long my hands and toes pruned and the water grew cold.
My phone had been going off for some time now. Could have been hours. I forced myself to get out, unlocking the bathroom door and shuffled to the bed. I didn't care that I was naked and soaking wet; I crawled into bed and pulled the covers over my head.
Leah's POV
"These are the package deals we offer, this one includes: 50 programs, floral arrangements, thank you notes…"
We'd heard it all before, with my dad, and here we are again planning another funeral.
How much more could my mother take?
Sue was strong, but every night since Charlie passed I heard her quietly weeping. She tried her best to be silent but my sensitive ears heard every tear that hit her pillow.
Mom didn't deserve this.
Seth was having trouble controlling his phasing. I understood though, it was unfair to see our mom going through this shit again.
I was also worried about Bella, we hadn't seen or heard from her since that day in the hospital. I'm still haunted by the sight of her leaving. I know Jacob followed her, but he hadn't said anything about it, and being the Alpha we don't always hear his thoughts. Jake had only been around for patrols and pack reports. Other than that, none of us saw him, or talked to him. Of course he'd grown distant after she left, but this was solitary even for Jake; the whole pack was on edge with haywire emotions.
As usual, Sam would step up, if necessary. He always seemed to have the weight of the world on his shoulders. Trying to deal with having me in his pack, the shame of what happened to Emily, and relenting his position to Jacob, feeling like he'd failed as a leader; it was exhausting for Sam. We could all see that even when he tried so hard to conceal the fact.
"Any word from Bella?" Sue asked sounding hopeful, entering the kitchen with arms crossed over her chest. She looked so tired.
"No. I tried calling and texting, but still no answer." I sighed, absently flipping the phone around in my hands. I was getting sick of sitting around, running patrols wasn't cutting it for me.
"She must be at the motel. I'm sure she's just trying to deal with this like we all are."
"I think I'll go find out." I got up from my seat at the kitchen table. I walked toward Sue and hugged her. "You'll be fine mom… We'll be fine." I kissed her cheek and walked out the front door.
I jogged to my mom's dark blue sedan and headed to Forks.
Why would Bella worry everyone at a time like this? Typical Bella Swan, not thinking about anybody but herself. I already didn't care much for her, but I refuse to let her add to this list of problems my family and my pack already had.
I pulled into the Pacific Inn and parked in front of her room.
Slamming the car door I bounded to the door, "Bella! It's Leah! Open the door." I shouted as I pounded on the door. I could hear breathing so I knew she was alive, at least.
"I know you're in there, open up. I will kick this door in." I warned.
I heard the locks turn, but the door didn't open. I cracked the door halfway, feeling a little concerned about what I'd find.
"What do you want?" her voice was hoarse.
"You need to come out. Sue and Billy are worried about you. Charlie's funeral is tomorrow."
"See you at the funeral." She plainly stated.
This wasn't worth my time. I shut the door on my way out.
Sam's POV
I watched Emily maneuver around the kitchen with ease as she prepared a meal for the Clearwater's. That's what I love about Emily, she's always been the nurturing type, so eager to help others in need.
Her smooth alto voice pulled me out of a daze, "Babe, can you take this food to the Clearwater's place? Sue already has her hands full, and with Seth and Leah's constant state of hunger, the last thing she needs to worry about is food."
Walking towards her I wrapped my arms around her waist and shamelessly inhaling her sweet scent; Emily smelled like warm cinnamon.
"Mmm… Sure thing beautiful" I said coming out more husky and sensual than I intended. Everything about Emily enticed the wolf and me. It's not just the imprint either. She was the most gorgeous woman I'd ever met, and one day in a split second of rage, I'd ruined that delicate face….
"Hey, you OK?" she asked raising her palm to my cheek, her eyes flitting between mine. Emily can always sense a shift in my mood.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll go drop it off now." I said bending my head down do kiss those full lips. In an instant I was lost in her touch, her moist lips gently pressing against my own. My mind saw flashes of vivid colors and chill bumps raced over my entire body. Then it stopped.
"OK Romeo, go now and hurry back" she sighed while laughing. She gave me a little shove off, my wolf whined a little, but the man knew it was a loving gesture.
I grabbed the canvas bags off the counter, gave her one last kiss on the cheek and strode of out of the house. The temperature was comfortable tonight, even for a human, and the rain finally stopped. The sun was setting and the sun cast orange and pink shadows over the sky. I could smell the ocean in the air mixed with the smell of people cooking dinner and the natural smell of the forest. It was a comforting smell that I welcomed, to help ease my mind even for a moment.
I rarely walked anymore in human form, so I ran through my "to-do" list for Jake. He's been on edge even more lately since Bella came back. Really I'm surprised at how strongly he still feels for her after all this time, but that doesn't mean he hasn't had his share of women. None of them lasted longer than a month. Our relationship had become strained, so I saved him the lectures despite how concerned I was. Now more than ever the pack needed to stick together, our souls being tied to the wolf, and our ability to feels each other had made everyone temperamental. Although Jake is a more than capable Alpha, I need to make sure our pack was alright, in order to keep our people safe.
Seth was standing in the doorway before I made it to the concrete steps of the wood paneled porch.
"Smells delicious!" he sniffed, "Mac 'n' cheese... Roast beef… Green bean casserole… Biscuits-"
"Alright already, I know what's in the bag!" I said in a half scowl and we clasped forearms. Tension immediately releasing our muscles. Touch is that most primal thing, but one of the essentials to our sanity.
"Leah's not here, she's driving back from Forks."
Seth understood, along with the entire pack, how much of struggle it still was for Leah and me to be around each other. Despite my best efforts to spare her feelings, I couldn't deny what I had with Leah. Before Emily, Leah was my first serious girlfriend; she was carefree, always laughing, and beautiful. Hell, I still think Leah is beautiful, but then, I met Emily and there was a shift in the universe. I had no idea what had hit me, but the elders told me about imprinting, and we've been inseparable ever since. At first Emily had a hard time accepting the imprint. Everyone knew about me and Leah, and to make matters worse they were cousins, practically sisters. I had only seen Emily a few times before phasing, and then a few weeks after my first phase, I saw her and imprinted. Sometimes I wish Leah would imprint so she could forget about me, now that I know her pain, after she had phased.
"Try not to eat all the food Seth" I joked, although I knew he definitely could. Shifting to a more serious tone, "Quil, Embry, Colin, and Brady are out running patrols; at midnight you'll run with me, Paul, Jared, Leah."
"Roger that." He said while giving me a two finger salute. Part of me was relieved to see him trying to normal, however relative the concept was.
"Either me or Jake will fill you guys in on patrols during Charlie's funeral. I gotta get back to Emily before we run later."
Bella's POV
Today was the day.
Charlie's funeral.
To make the day worse, the weather was cold and heavy gray clouds hovered in front of the sun.
I still hadn't left my motel room, other than Leah coming by, I hadn't talked to anyone else.
I checked my phone: 15 missed calls, 20 unread texts, and 5 unheard voicemails. I scrolled through the missed calls; Billy (I had his number because of Charlie), Renee (I managed to call and tell her the news, but I have no memory of the conversation), Angela (I'm sure she'd heard what happened), the rest were unsaved numbers. Next I check the texts; Billy, Mom…
"At least answer to let someone know you're OK. Stop being Selfish. –Leah" I rolled my eyes.
"Bella plz respond to sum1. Just wanna kno ur ok" –Seth had always been so kind.
"Heard about your dad. So sorry Bella, if you need anything at all give me a call."-Angela
There were more texts, some from Renee begging me to check in with her, other numbers I didn't know sending their condolences. Finally I checked the voicemails.
"Bella, goddammit, answer someone."
It was Jake. I saved his number but deleted the message. The rest were from my mom, which I also deleted.
I let out a long sigh, and got ready for the funeral.
The funeral was being held in La Push at a cemetery near the cliffs. Billy gave the elegy. The atmosphere was somber, made worse by the weather, and I could hear women muffle their cries and men sniffle. The cold wind whipped my long brown hair over my face. Seth standing on one side, Sue crying on his shoulder, then Leah. Renee was on my other side, tears running down her face saying "No, Charlie. I'm so sorry", her arm linked in mine. Billy's deep baritone voice emanated calm through the sea of black, his face somber, but I saw the pain in his eyes. I was thankful the casket was closed. I didn't want my last memory of Charlie to be in a casket, it was bad enough seeing him in the hospital. If it wasn't for my mom holding on to me, I would have dissolved into the wind. My chest was caving in on me, and I was trying to hold it together for Renee's sake. Then everyone got in line to place a flower of their choice on his casket. When my turn came I lingered there, not wanting to leave his side again. I thought of every happy moment between us, but I couldn't, all I could see was him lying dead in the hospital bed.
I walked away.
I kept walking until I found myself standing on the cliffs.
The wind was still whipping around, making the waves below crash roughly against the rocks. The waves were so rough I could feel pelts of water hit my skin, standing on the edge. The black wrap dress I was wearing nearly blowing stiff in the wind, as I held my shoes in one hand at my side. I stood there listening to sounds of the ocean. I could feel my body swaying with the breeze. I dropped my shoes to the ground, stepping a little closer to the edge of the cliffs. I watched and listened, trying to force myself to remember a positive image of Charlie.
"Don't do it." A deep voice suddenly broke through my haze.
I made no movement to indicate I'd heard anything.
A large warm hand slid under my hair on the nape of my neck, from behind. Another hand on my shoulder pulling me around, away from the cliff's edge. I hadn't looked up, and both warm hands hadn't moved from their place.
"Look at me" that deep voice said so low under the wind. I raise my hand to a thick russet wrist, and wrapped my fingers around them, holding on for dear life. The warmth slowly creeping over my arm.
My head felt so heavy, but I managed. Still my vision was blurred by tears and hair blowing in the wind.
The hand on my neck moved, and suddenly I could see a little better, the hand pushing my long hair back from my eyes. I blinked away the line of tears rising; finally I could see who it was in front of me though I knew all along.
I sniffled, "Jake…I-I'm…I'm sorry." I cried in a staggered breath.
His eyes were closed, then he opened them. I was swallowed whole by those caramel colored eyes, infinitely deep, confronted by everything I'd feared for six years.
With one look my mind had shifted. My world altered. I squeezed my eyes shut, biting my bottom lip so hard it cracked.
A finger ran over my lip.
I knew what had happened in that very moment.