Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Bethesda Studios and I own nothing at all except for the OC and plot. There is no profit made at all, really.

Summary: A series of AU one-shots featuring the misadventures of Freyja and Alduin as they make their way through Skyrim. Basically fun, fluff and crack prompts which will never be featured in Dragonrend.

Genre: Adventure/Humour

A/N: The Muse is on some form of crack. Or maybe it's because I'm facing another no-writing drought once again. Anyway, here's the end of this short arc to do with dragons and their obsession with treasure. I hope you like it.

Sp1c3: *L* Oh, now that is lovely. Yes, a serving of eels is definitely in order. Midwinter Sun: Thank you for all the Freyduin (I saw this on Tumblr and it just stuck) love! I do believe I can do a little something with Miraak since this is AU. Guest: I can't help myself, *G* but admit it, you like it. Thedarkeuphie: Hahaha, yes, that she is indeed. But not without some wiles as well.

IMAGINE DRAGONS

II. The Smaug Effect: Part 2

Alduin put his foot on the pile of gold and I felt my dragon blood boil. Just for a moment, mind you, but it was all I needed to feel that startling amount of rage, that resounding echo of "Mine!" that trumpeted like a war cry. At that point, it mattered little to me that I had no clothes on, he had no armour on and that he was going to reach me in a matter of minutes and I didn't think it was just to talk either. Then, Alduin shot me a smouldering look from beneath his insanely long and thick eyelashes, and my all too human impulses took over. I could feel my legs taking on the firm consistency of a melted sweetroll. If he made it all the way here, which he probably was, I was going to be like clay in a potter's hands and I pretty much didn't care how he stretched me or kneaded me or stroked my—

"Ouch," I muttered, licking the stinging wall of my cheek, which I had just bitten. Pain, in such situations, was always helpful. Experimentally, I grabbed a fistful of septims and flung them in Alduin's direction. Since it wasn't an arrow, my aim proved to be excellent and Alduin held up an arm to shield his face from the shower of gold. "You are going to pay for that, Dovahkiin," he murmured darkly. I gulped, loudly and shamefully from excitement rather than fear.

'Think, think,' I scolded myself. I had made him an offer that most people would have taken. Except that Alduin wasn't most people. He was a dragon. Light dawned. And like all dragons, Alduin would never lower himself to settling for a bargain. As the dragon god of destruction, he would most likely feel entitled to claiming everything here. 'Including me.' I fought the sudden urge to press my thighs together and squirm. It was just disgraceful and I ought to have felt more shame but in a way, it was a relief to be confronting the mammoth in the room that Alduin and I had been assiduously ignoring for several weeks now. I couldn't put my finger on the exact moment when it had happened. But suddenly, glances were exchanged that grew a bit too long before being abruptly cut off. He made less sarcastic remarks about my terrible cooking. The stories that he told shifted from tales of how he had mercilessly and messily dispatched his enemies to the beginning of this world when it had begun. When we practiced sword-fighting, I was suddenly a ball of knots, all too willing and unwilling to lay a hand on him, to correct his stances, his grip. I found that I had stopped talking at him; I talked to him as I would any companion on the road, except that of course, it wasn't in my nature to daydream about jumping said companion's bones every five minutes. Brynjolf was the sole recipient of that honour...or had been at least, until Alduin.

Who had come to a halt and was standing over me. Damn, damn, damn. I did what any ordinary red-blooded woman would do when confronted with six feet something of dragon god, lean muscle and chiselled good looks that she wasn't supposed to touch with a ten-foot pole.

"Freyja."

"Hmm?"

"Keeping your eyes shut is not going to make me go away."

Was he laughing? He sounded like he was trying not to. Damn him. "Maybe I'm hoping that you will get the message and get off my pile of gold and remove yourself from this place—"

Warm fingers wrapped around my upper arms and pulled me up, pulled me forward. I yelped, clutching my arms and the septims plastered against my skin tighter to my chest. "You were saying?" Alduin asked smoothly. I glared at him in return. "Gold and jewels suit you far better than clothing I must say." He picked a stray septim from its precarious resting place on my knuckle. Then he plucked another from just under my collarbone. I felt the added flush of heat that made his eyes shine just so.

"This is not a good idea," I said shakily. His thumbs were stroking over my skin. Back and forth, back and forth. I was acutely aware of how close he was like this, crouched over me, his knees planted firmly, implacably on either side of my body, almost caging me.

"I have to agree with that."

I raised my eyes to his. "I sense a 'but' coming."

He smiled. "We are dragons. We do what we want." Then he leaned down and kissed me.

I could never remember having been kissed. Watching couples sweetly brushing hands in daylight or grope each other openly in dark corners while I skulked by on the way to a target's house drew no similar recollection of having experienced such. "You can't possibly be a virgin," Vex had declared cynically. "You're not that bad on the eyes and ...well...who's a virgin these days? Life is too short for that." Neither of us had noticed Delvin in the shadows though and after that, I'd had to live with the title of Freyja the Frigid until Brynjolf got wind of it and assisted me in pitching Niruin, Cynric and Thrynn into the murky water of the Cistern. Delvin I had left to Vex and whatever she'd done had worked. He had spent the next week or so in the Ragged Flagon with his proverbial tail between his legs.

Somewhere at the back of my mind, I could hear Delphine and Esbern's horrified screams. So I pitched them into my mental equivalent of the Ebonmere and concentrated on the soft pressure of Alduin's mouth on mine.

He was sweetly hesitant, and somewhere between sighing into his mouth and giving in to the urge to run my tongue over his lower lip, I remembered that this was his first kiss too, if he hadn't been practising with anyone else behind my back. Given his propensity to look down the length of his nose at anything mortal though, I highly doubted that. One of his hands slipped from my arm to slide up my neck, his palm pressed against my racing pulse, fingers tangling gently with my hair before pressing against my scalp, angling my head as he thrust his tongue into my mouth. Swallowing my guttural groan, he pressed in eagerly as our tongues met in a messy wild clash that set those parts of me still buried beneath the gold on fire. I barely heard the sound of falling septims as I uncurled one arm from around my chest, fingers blindly seeking him, digging in as I latched onto his shoulder, slipping my hand beneath his thin shirt. Travelling the length of his collarbone, I moved my hand up, felt the apple of his throat bob when he swallowed hard as I lightly scratched a trail up to the underside of his jaw, splaying my hand wide to span it. And found the pressure points I was looking for.

"Enough." With superhuman effort, I pulled my mouth from his and promptly dodged as Alduin steamrolled over my wishes and went right back in for another kiss. His mouth ended up on my neck and I had to fight the urge to let my eyes roll up in my head and collapse with bliss so that he could have his wicked way with me. Obviously sex with a human might be a first for him but I had seen a couple of Dov having a go at it while I thanked Mara and Dibella as I crawled away to safety through the thick forest brush. Some things weren't that different.

And that was when I squeezed. Instantly he growled, drawing back and stopping when I applied pressure again. I tried not to show how I missed the feel of his flesh on mine, the warmth.

"You..." Golden eyes, richer and brighter than the septims, smouldered with fury for a moment. Then he blinked, let out a harsh exhalation and in spite of his anger, a smile weaved itself onto his mouth, lifting the corner. "You tricked me. I am impressed."

"All or nothing, Alduin. I win, this time." There was nothing he could do and he knew it. "Now, swear on Akatosh that you are going to walk out of here and leave me be."

"I sorely wish I had not shared that tale with you."

"Can't say I agree with that," I smiled sweetly at him. "Now promise me and I'll leave you conscious and with your dignity intact."

"This is not the end of things, Freyja." His hot gaze devoured me and I actually shivered. "But you have my word, upon Akatosh himself, that I will not pursue this matter for however long we stay here."

Barring any snowstorms, we would be leaving the cave first thing in the morning. Actually, scratch that. Snowstorms or no, we would be leaving. The next town was less than three miles away and Shadowmere had proven his ability to always find the right way time and time again. Yes, there was absolutely no reason why we couldn't leave.

The moment he resealed the entrance to give me privacy, I flopped back down on the gold, letting out a great gusty sigh. I had kissed the World Eater. I had tricked him too. And instead of feeling utmost horror and remorse, I was grinning like Nirn's biggest fool.

I was in so much trouble.