I know we're all hyped from SDCC. Did any of you guys ok? Panels were lit. I'm really excited for S4 and Iris and Cisco's friendship.
Chapter 4: The Blame Game
It was too much. The nauseating smell of the food, people wanting to talk to her about Barry. Between the church and cemetery, Iris was drained and exhausted.
Watching them lower Barry's casket into the earth she had been seized by a sudden desire to throw herself in. Iris had found that writing part of her brain that was always wondering asking questions. Had Shakespeare felt that way upon losing some loved one and so Hamlet acted out that desire? She understood it. It had seemed like madness in that moment to let them bury Barry, to hide him away from the world. Seemed like madness that this was simply it that there was nothing more to do.
He was the Flash, after all, it didn't seem possible that he could have just died in a house fire. She had wanted to fight suddenly to win him back from...death? But death was not a force to be fought.
Instead, she found herself hiding in her childhood bedroom, while friends and family filled her parent's house.
There was a floor to ceiling bookcase with all of her favorite books, an old Destiny's child poster on the wall along with Rhiana, Kanye West, and The Jonas brothers. Her white writing desk and composition books filled with her teenaged musings were still in place.
The old bed sagged a bit under her weight, but she stayed there, staring up at a universe of glow in the dark stickers decorated the ceiling. Barry had hung them for her nearly a decade ago.
Memories jumped out at her in this room, but no tears came, no overwhelming sense of sadness. Numb wasn't exactly what she felt. Drained, wrung out would be more appropriate, but so impossibly heavy.
"Iris." Her mother's voice was accompanied by a knock.
"Come in mom."
Iris sat up as the door opened drawing her knees to her chest and tucking her arms beneath her thighs.
Her mom's entry was accompanied by the warm, rich scent of soup filling the air and Iris felt both hunger and nausea stir.
"I brought you something to eat."
"I feel sick."
"I know, but that's because you haven't been eating. You have to eat."
'Not true. I could waste away.'
"Try just a little, okay sweetheart."
Iris looked at her mother's face, saw pleading in her dark eyes and the heavy circles underneath them, noted the way her mother gripped the tray with tightly in her fists. Francine and Barry had been very close. Barry had needed a mother during the year and a half he'd lived with them, and Francine had been happy to fill in. That was what Francine did, throw herself into the lives of others, a way to hide from her own suffering. Her father had once called it an addiction.
Iris straightened her legs and let Francine settle the tray across her lap.
It was just a bowl of plain, clear broth, probably chicken. Iris took a cautious sip expecting she'd retch it back up immediately. Instead, warmth spread through her, soothing her raw aching throat and stirring an almost instant and ravenous hunger. She ate spoonful after spoonful, lifting the bowl to her lips at the end to drink the last drop.
"I guess I was hungry."
Francine smiled, and Iris' stomach rumbled.
"I'm still hungry."
"I'll go make you a plate."
"Thanks, mom."
Francine wasn't gone long before there was a knock at the door.
"Who is it?"
"Caitlin and Cisco."
Iris frowned she'd wanted to be alone.
"Come on in."
The door opened, and Caitlin sidled in followed by Cisco. She'd seen them both at the church, dressed appropriately in black Caitlin's doe eyes dull and distant, marked by a mash of bluish circle hiding beneath face powder. Cisco's expression was grim, dampened as if a great weight sat on his shoulders.
Cisco strode in a determined look on his face and sat down across from her on the love seat. Caitlin stood a moment wringing her hands before joining him.
"Listen, Iris," Cisco leaned toward her. "Barry became my best friend over the past two years, not because he was the Flash but because he was a good man, a great man. I loved him-"
"We loved him," Caitlin put in.
"Yeah and we just want to extend that friendship to you. If you need anything, anything at all we want to support you, be there for you ok?"
"You know-" Iris could hear the tremor in her voice as she spoke. "I keep trying to understand- I can't stop thinking about it. Like how could someone with Barry's powers die in a house fire? He was so fast." Iris bit her lip and blinked back tears. "I studied The Flash. I don't get it. I need to understand."
Caitlin glanced at Cisco who nodded. She took a deep breath before speaking.
"He was using a sedative." Caitlin's words were a whisper.
"A sedative?" Iris felt a sudden twisting dread in her stomach.
"Barry has-" The geneticist took a deep breath "Had a very high metabolism being a speedster."
She nodded, remembering just how much Barry could eat in a sitting.
"His cells were also in a state of constant regeneration so he healed really fast and could take a lot of punishment."
Iris flinched at the thought of Barry, her Barry being hurt.
"He got into a lot of fights as The Flash, he would heal fast even from serious injuries, but he was often in a lot of pain." Caitlin's voice shook as she spoke, hands twisting in her lap.
"I synthesized a pain medication for him-"
"-You synthesized a medication for him?"
"Y-yes. It -um, also served as a sedative." The final words came out in a whispered rush. "Something to let him sleep through the healing process. Something that wouldn't be processed as quickly by his metabolism. That medication was in his system at the time of death."
Caitlin finished her explanation eyes trained on her lap.
"So this is your fault."
The other woman looked up eyes flooded with guilty tears, lips twisted and Iris nodded as realization dawned on her. She'd known from the beginning that Barry would have needed help to die in that fire.
"It is. He wouldn't have been sleeping if you hadn't drugged him?"
"You can't blame Caitlin-"
"-Shut-up Cisco! If you really cared about Barry, you wouldn't be defending her."
"Barry was my friend, and I cared about him too," Caitlin insisted.
With that one phrase, something in her broke. Iris sat up straight, and some vicious, savage part of her that she'd never known existed until Barry's death stirred, surging, urging her to yell, scream, slap Caitlin Snow's face until it glowed red and it must have shown on her face. Cisco and Caitlin drew back.
"You didn't care about him at all!"
Iris screamed and leaped to her feet, skin hot with rage, vision fuzzy, body trembling with it. The tears and anger that had disappeared before returned surging. When the pair on the couch sat staring at her Iris felt her anger surge into rage as stars shot across her vision. The pair on the couch got to their feet, and Cisco imposed himself between the two women.
"You're protecting her?"
"Iris, you need to calm down," Caitlin's voice was calm, professional and it only angered her more.
"You frigid, fucking bitch you never cared. It's your fault my fiance is dead. My best friend is dead! The person I loved more than anyone in the whole world is gone because you and you want me to believe you cared." Iris shoved Cisco out of her way with all her strength. "You killed him!" The final words came out in a shriek, and she flew at Caitlin determined to drive her from the room, from the house. She didn't belong here-
-And suddenly it was hard to breathe. Iris staggered, her vision blurred and the world went black.
A/N- You can faint from anger. If you're exhausted like Iris and your body is too weak to sustain the emotion you will pass out. Also I'm kinda proud of this chapter that scene with Iris at the end was a lot of work, asexual-fandom-queen is a great beta.
And yes I went there with the WestAllen Spock/Uhura cosplay.
Hope you all enjoyed chapter four. Chapter five will be up soon and of course, I would love to hear from you. Please take a moment to read and review and don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss an update.