A Touch Too Far

Nahyuta watched in stunned silence as she threw herself out the door. His cheeks were still red from the surprise. He felt the need to curse.

He'd brought her to his personal quarters, but only to show her what he'd found. Even so, he wasn't completely unaware of what it meant to invite a woman into one's room. But somehow, it never crossed his mind that Ema may, perhaps, want to take their relationship to that extreme at this stage. He'd thought with her, they could take things slower. More precisely. Give him time to ready himself for the act of sharing himself with another.

Give him the time to heal.

Still, the whole thing was his fault. He should have seen the signs and planned accordingly. He shouldn't have frozen so when Ema sought his touch. The last thing Nahyuta wanted her to think was that he wasn't attracted to her. He was.

But... it was more complex than that. Though a few months had passed since his chains were broken, the shackles he wore for five years still weighed heavily around his wrists. The chains that bound him to her every command, no matter how lewd or vile. Such things were not forgotten in so little time.

And yet, he'd hoped things could be different. These days were the days of revolution, of change within and outside oneself. Seeing Apollo stand behind the defense bench and give his all every day was a sight Nahyuta thought he'd never get to see in Khura'in. Not without fearing for the man's life. Seeing Ema teach other police officers how to embrace better forensics techniques gave him hope for the future, where the people of Khura'in could learn to accept the side by side placement of tradition and modernity. Devotion and Reason.

But such a balance could be hard to achieve, with each side bringing different expectations to the table. Nahyuta could only pray this was a temporary setback.

In the end, he still went to the temple gardens. When empty, the enclosed space served as an atmosphere of peace for the young monk. Leaving his guards at the entrances, Nahyuta removed what was necessary and placed himself beneath the waterfall.

It was not a strong one. Not one that would be used for any sort of spiritual training. But the familiar feeling had a calming effect. Feeling the cold, clear water rush over his skin made him feel clean again. Made him forget the filth and shame he carried deep within.

The Holy Mother was a protector of the abused, and was written about in the scriptures as being quite harsh towards men who would abuse their wives or soldiers who would assault their prisoners. Though she was an advocate for both in many spheres, the act of rape was never seen as something that could be done to a man. Few interpretations throughout history ever suggested such an idea could be taken from the goddess's words.

In spite of that, Nahyuta always believed she would protect him. And in a way, she had. How else had the very district Apollo worked out of became the one that was in need of his services? How else was it that Inga had sent the Orb to a town only hours outside the city, out of anywhere in the world? He was grateful his prayers had been answered.

But though the root of the evil was removed, the damages wrought were not. It was Nahyuta's job as regent to clean up his predecessor's mess, a job he'd dreamed of. A job that was proving nearly impossible.

And now, he'd messed things up with Ema. The one part of his day that he didn't dread. The part that kept him sane.

How was he going to clean this up?

The next day, Nahyuta sent a messenger to the investigator's apartment, asking her if she would see him again that evening. He got no reply, and spent all day in audiences and meetings thinking about what to say. It was terribly distracting.

When the time finally came, Nahyuta forced himself to keep a calm outer front. He remained perfectly still, seated upright in the living room of Inga's former quarters. He had no fond memories of his late uncle, but the ones he had of Ga'ran were far worse.

As the time he specified came and went, Nahyuta felt his hope slowly dwindle. He was about to return to his work when a knock came at the door.

"Come in," he replied, doing his best to prevent his voice from shaking.

His breath hitched when he saw Ema. She looked as fearful as he felt, eyes shining with concern. "Nahyuta."

"...Ema."

"I'm... really sorry, about yesterday. I didn't mean to take it too far like that. I guess I overstepped my bounds."

"No, it's fine. I now realize that my actions may have had... implications, that I hadn't considered." He had to be careful in how he said this. He didn't want to let out something he'd regret. "I should not have led you on as I did. It was never my intention.

"But please don't take this as a sign of indifference. I... I truly do like you. I'm not against us eventually having that sort of connection, but-"

"You don't want it today," she finished. "Or anytime soon."

He sighed, offering the smallest of a smile. "Yes. It has nothing to do with you. I'm simply not in the right place to take things to that level."

Ema smiled back, far wider than he had. "I understand. If I'm honest... I may not be, either."

"Hm?" Nahyuta leaned back, surprised. "So it's a relief, to you?"

"...Yeah." She took a while to answer him. Nahyuta understood, to an extent. The wounds of his past were still quite fresh. He had no intentions of revealing his scars to her. Not while their relationship was so new.

Perhaps something had happened to her, as well. Perhaps one day, she would share it with him.

But as she sat down across from him, and he taught her the rules to the infamous "Khura'inese chess", he realized he was okay with that. For now, a connection such as this was all he could bear. He shouldn't force himself beyond that.

Some wounds healed faster than others, but eventually, time would heal them all.

A/N's: So I finished this a lot faster than planned. The resolution was pretty short, mostly because I decided not to delve into the territory Oblivion's fic was already covering. I didn't want to write that story, and she's already writing it better than I could anyway.

But one thing I do want to get better at with this ship is writing Nahyuta's POV as well as I can Ema's. Even in the limited fanfics this ship has, Ema is overwhelmingly the POV character, mostly because she's easier for an author to write. I want to strike more of a balance. This is also in contrast to my earlier smut fic, a case where neither party wants to engage in physical intimacy and they can accept where they both are as people. As romantic as sex can be, it's important to remember other ways for couples to express their affections.

And that's all I have for this piece. Now back to slowly hacking away at the mountain that is Rise from the Ashes. I'm starting to believe I'll never have that case sinned.

Even so, thanks for reading. Hope you take the time to review/comment, and I'll see you on the far side!