Song inspiration - "Love In The Dark"

"Hi."

"Hi."

It didn't matter how long it had been since they talked. Olivia's heart would always swell when she heard his voice. There was something about the way he would say her name that brought relief to her soul. Butterflies rose within her again, sparking the excitement that began so many years ago.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm doing alright. Sorry for not getting back to you as soon as I wanted."

"No worries," Olivia crossed her legs on the couch, waiting for him to address her detailed and vulnerable messages.

"Good."

"So."

"So…"

Without fail, if there had been a lapse in communication, Olivia and Fitz's greetings were short, awkward, cute even. Always trying to figure out where to go next, before jumping into the heart of the matter.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, you?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Olivia wanted to be honest but her nerves were getting the best of her.

"Liv?" Fitz asked deeply. His tone suggested that he knew she had something to admit.

"I - I wanted to hear your voice."

"Yeah?"

"Silly, right?"

"Not at all. It's always good to hear from you."

"How's work?"

Fitz answered, "We're moving along. Making new contacts with the community. They have been very receptive. Marcus has been a great leader, helping us get settled and reputable. We're holding a meeting in Boston, in a few weeks, to reach out to lawyers who could help us."

"That's great."

Hearing Fitz speak enthusiastically of his new job, not being weighed down by the constant pressures and judging eyes from outside of the White House was very encouraging.

"How about you?"

"It's fine."

"Really?"

Olivia casually responded, "Yes. Busy as usual. You know how it goes."

Fitz chuckled, "Yes. Very familiar. Hey, your messages sounded very genuine to me. May I ask why?"

"I've been thinking about you. Realizing how foolish I've been. I didn't want to lose you."

"You haven't lost me."

"It feels like it."

Fitz explained, "I wanted to give you space. You know you like your space."

"Correct," she confirmed. "But it's been odd not talking to you."

"I know."

Olivia coyly suggested, "You should come down."

"Or you could always fly up here," Fitz replied. In her mind, she knew what kind of facial expression he gave - flirty, confident, and still very sweet. "It's gorgeous up here in May and it's so far from the political buzz. You could use a break and when's the last time you've been here?"

"It's not that simple."

"Hmm, ditto."

Olivia rolled her eyes; it was easy to convince him but now, not so much. "Fitz."

"Livvie," he offered, "I haven't heard from you since Inauguration Day. I gathered that you wanted a clean break. I wanted to make sure you could you do your job well, without distractions. I know how important it is to you. Yes, I could have called, but I had a new job as well. I'm finally getting settled. As much as I didn't want to leave you behind, I'm moving forward with my life. I'm finally free to do whatever I want, when I want. I don't know what else you want me to do."

"So coming to DC isn't an option?"

"I'm sorry. I won't be able to at this time."

"Okay."

Olivia sighed, quite dejected. This wasn't how she thought this conversation would go, now aware of Fitz deliberately going against her wishes, was frustrating. It wasn't what she wanted to hear. But he was his own person. He always was, but she was used to convincing him otherwise. That wasn't right; she wasn't fond of him pushing his will on her. The first time spent at the White House was a disaster beyond words. So, she had to remember not to override what he wanted.

"That doesn't mean we can't talk to each other," Fitz said. "Liv?"

"Okay."

"It doesn't seem like this. Your voice…"

Olivia cut him off, "Doesn't matter. I get it. Sorry for imposing."

"Hey," he pulled her back. "Do not shut down. What are you trying to say?"

"I miss you, okay? Is that clear enough for you?" Her voice shook with frustration.

Fitz cleared his throat. "Yes, so everything you said in your voicemail is true?"

"Yes."

"I'm glad you feel that way because I miss you so much. But to be honest, I don't know if we can make it, given our current situation."

Olivia frowned after hearing the double-edged comment, reaching for the bottle and ready to pour another glass of wine, but she didn't. She needed to have a clear mind. "What about the progress we made?"

"Was it though, Livvie? We keep going back and forth. Madly in love, blissfully ignorant of the world around us. Then a fight or someone gets in the way, and we're back to square one."

Olivia leaned forward, becoming more tense as the conversation lingered. It was taking a sharp, dark turn, and she assumed her confession would smoothly resolve things. She thought wrong, again.

"I just want you to listen to how I feel."

"I am. But I need to be honest with you as well."

It was time for that drink.

"Go on," she invited.

"What's the point of bullshitting when we have proof of our reality? Remember all the times you would shake me senseless with the truth," Fitz stated firmly. "My ass was up in the clouds, ready to skip town and my responsibilities. You told me there was no us or Vermont. We had to wake up."

"Are you giving up?"

"No."

Olivia was fuming and responded harshly. "Why are you being cold? I didn't call to be lectured or feel more shitty. I'm trying, okay?"

Fitz shouted, "Well, I'm tired of getting hurt! I don't want to do this anymore. You never liked it when I made promises you knew weren't possible to keep. But now that we're single, doing our thing, I can't have you give me hope when you could back out when it gets too difficult."

Olivia pursed her lips and closed her eyes. "Fitz, don't say that."

"Is it not true? I'm here. I'm ready. Yes, I've fucked up in so many ways and I am sorry. I also don't want to be an embarrassment to you. You said it yourself, your work has come first. I don't want to compete. I know you would say the same if the tables were turned. If this means we need to stay friends for now, so be it."

Olivia blinked away a few stray tears. "But I don't want that."

"Me neither. But we will destroy each other if we do not clear this up. I don't want to keep going through the motions, pretending that we're fine when we're not."

"I know."

"We need to know where we stand and how we can succeed. Find a balance, personally and professionally."

Olivia abruptly inquired, "Would you end it?"

"Hmm?"

"End our relationship. If I hadn't called, would you have just stopped reaching out?"

Fitz paused.

"The universe sure knows how to sabotage."

"You know, Olivia, it's not just you going through shit," Fitz continued, only this time softening his tone. "I deal with regret every day. We both hurt each other deeply and I am sorry for all the pain I've caused you. You didn't deserve it."

"I forgive you," she quietly spoke.

"Thank you. I forgive you too."

The words echoed in her ear; he forgave her. She didn't deserve his mercy. That was one scar she couldn't let heal by itself.

"I can't do this without you. I'm broken," Olivia barely could get the words out with the huge lump caught in her throat.

"Me too. We've changed a lot. I want you, Olivia. But these last four months have taught me that I can manage without you."

The conversation stopped. To her, this was a nail in the coffin; there was no point to continue. Too much had happened. He was telling her that he didn't need her. She couldn't say the same. She needed him. Her world was upside down and the light he had, was dimmed, and she had no guidance. She couldn't even trust her gut anymore.

Their decisions - big and small - that nearly spanned a decade led them to another crossroad in their relationship. The obstacles present when Fitz was in Washington, were limited. Olivia couldn't use the same excuses of time, work, her family, anymore. Neither could he. Where could they go from here?

Fitz cleared his throat, "I don't want to argue and I'm not giving up. But we have a lot to think about. Let's hang up for now. If you want to talk another time, we can do that. I'll send you my new number. Maybe you can come to the house and we can discuss our future."

Olivia was antsy, defeated by his honest answers.

"Do you want me to," she asked timidly.

"Why wouldn't I? I love you. And it's your house. I built it for you. That never changed. You're always welcomed here."

"Okay."

"Good night, Liv."

"Good night."

Olivia tossed her phone on the couch cushion, then rested her head on the pillow and went over the last hour of talking with Fitz. It was a new day; they had a honest and vulnerable conservation. For the most part, they heard each other out. It was painful at times, but no one hung up in anger. This was progress.

Most of her adult life was spent fixing messes. It was dirty, unconventional. With practice, she could smooth over any situation with ease, finding the perfect phrases to assuage the toughest customer. But the one thing she was good at, she couldn't do it for herself. More work had to be done towards mending her heart and her complicated relationship with Fitz.

Olivia did find comfort in a simple truth: hope could still prevail.