Late February to early March, 1980
…
"Are you leaving again?"
"Have to, love." James said, and kissed his wife goodbye. "Be safe."
"Be safe yourself," Lily said, covering her front with a sheet. "Come back as soon as you can."
"I will," James said and kissed her soundly. And after one more glance he was gone.
So Lily got busy.
She made the bed, cleaned the dinner dishes from the night before and put a load of laundry on. She hadn't seen Grimm in a while, but she could only imagine that he was having more fun that she was, maybe hanging out with the other cats in the village.
She cleaned the kitchen top to bottom and washed the curtains on the main floor, ironed them once they were dry and re-hung them. She swept and mopped the floor and dusted the whole house.
And when the day was done, she lit candles around the kitchen and set the table for leftover spaghetti and salad- a dinner for one.
Grimm came back that evening and spent his night curled up beside her on the window seat, the tip of her blanket covering his tail. Lily had started a new novel, Sense and Sensibility, and sincerely hoped that it was as good as Emma had been. She could do with a strong female lead to remind her who she once was.
She magically refilled her teacup with hot water and blew on it slowly, watching the deep brown colour of the tea bag ooze into the water. She added a teaspoon of sugar and swirled it around gently with a spoon.
When it was this quiet, Lily could hear the waves crashing below the cliffs, the smell of the sea surrounded her on all sides. Her little house creaked as the wind blew and Lily sighed- thinking about the nights she and James had spent curled up on the balcony or their bed just listening like she was now.
Grimm meowed quietly and Lily rubbed his head, placing her tea cup on the windowsill beside her. Grimm didn't care that she was lonely, it didn't matter to him that she was afraid and melancholy over James being in danger and so, so far away from her.
And Lily almost envied him. At least he didn't miss James as much as she did.
The baby fluttered in her belly and she placed a hand over it and smiled quietly.
"He'll be back soon, baby." Lily whispered, "as soon as he can."
…
James pulled two missions that week- one with Sirius and Remus and the other with Amelia Bones, Marlene and Mad-Eye Moody in Sussex, awfully close to his and Lily's old neighbourhood, spying on Death Eater activity in the area.
They had set up camp in the wooded area just outside of Brighton, put up a couple of tents and attempted to start a fire the Muggle way, just to see if they could, and failed miserably. After a quick incendio they transfigured stumps and branches into sofas and chairs and sat around their new magically aided fire.
James didn't though. He was tired of sitting, tired of waiting. He was more than ready for adventure, thank you very much, and was happy to find it wherever he could.
"Having fun, Potter?" Mad Eye asked, and James sighed and looked up across the clearing,
"Just poking around, Mad-Eye," he said, and crawled out from the cave he was in, squinting in the bright daylight. "There's no harm in exploring."
"There is when snakes can bite your bollocks off," Mad Eye countered, and helped James up.
"You're ridiculous," Marlene said, turning away from their campfire to face James. "How old are you?"
"Old enough to know better than to poke around," Mad-Eye said and James shook his head.
"There is no harm in exploring," James said, and brushed off his jeans. "And just as old as you, Marlene thank you very much."
"Lily really keeps you contained," Amelia noticed, pulling a hot dog off of a stick. "It's a wonder how she does it."
"She doesn't contain me," James said. "She brings out the best in me."
"That I believe," Marlene said.
"What about you an Sirius, Marlene?" Amelia asked. "I heard you two were still dating."
"We are," she answered. "I don't get to see him very often, we're both too involved in the Order to see each other much."
"I probably see him more than you do," James said, and threw himself onto the sofa beside Marlene. "He comes home with me sometimes."
"To yours and Lily's house?" Amelia said. "That sounds nice."
"It is," James said. "Lily really misses seeing everybody."
There was silence then. Marlene handed James a bowl full of reheated canned beans and he ate it slowly, thinking about how much Lily would love to be back in the world, to see their friends, to be part of the Order. He knew that she couldn't, it wasn't worth the risk to the baby to be out of hiding.
But the thought still nagged on him, who was he to be out living his life while she wasn't able to? Who was he to be away when she so desperately needed him home?
He pulled a worn picture out of his wallet, the colours faded and warm. It was Lily the year they had started dating. She was smiling and happy, her cheeks pink and her hair curled, and whenever he was indecisive or unsure, seeing her face was all the assurance he needed.
That day James Potter made a promise. He'd stand by Lily's side through thick and thin, for better or for worse, his own safety be damned. She and the baby came first.
James lived up to his promises, after all- he was brave until the very end.
He kept his word and never backed out of a dare, for good or for ill. He had once said that bravery is in those twenty seconds before you make the biggest decisions of your life, those twenty seconds of doubt and fear and uncertainty. In those twenty seconds, if he pushed everything else aside, James always knew he could make the right decision.
This was one of those times.
His wife was slowly going stir crazy sitting in their little house by herself and James needed to do something about it.
So he did, and right then, sitting by the fire with Marlene he decided that he was going to quit Order missions. Maybe for good.
…
Later that week, James pulled a watch at Order headquarters. There were wards up all over the place, the place Unplottable even, and although James had always taken Order stuff seriously his fatigue was betraying him. Headquarters quieted around him, he was alone in the dark house and the strange noises scared him half to death. He made himself tea and found some biscuits in the kitchen to have while he waited.
The shift was from ten to five A.M. Sirius stopped by for a drink just after two, and as hard as James tried to keep his eyes open, he knew he was failing. He could've sworn his eyes were only closed for a second before he heard a loud noise and jolted awake.
James scrambled for his wand and held it aloft. Seeing it was only Mad Eye, he relaxed a little, but decided to check to make sure it was really him. James knew that he couldn't trust appearances when people had access to Polyjuice, after all.
"What goes well with apple pie?" James asked, holding his wand out in front of him.
"A couple shots of whiskey," Mad Eye said, and James lowered his arm.
"Why are you still here?"
James looked up and yawned, his clothes rumpled and dirty. He was still dazed from sleep and hadn't processed what was said.
"What?" James asked, putting his glasses on his nose.
"I said," Mad Eye repeated, "What are you doing here? It's six o'clock for one thing- your shift ended over an hour ago."
"Who's-Who's my replacement?" James asked, and Mad Eye harrumphed.
"Me," he said, and pulled a chair out for himself on the other side of the banquet table. "Now git on out of here and get some sleep."
"Don't have to tell me twice," James said, grabbing his things from around him and putting his wand in his back pocket.
"Why are you still here?"
"I'm leaving, I'm leaving!" James exclaimed, and looked over at Mad Eye with both confusion and irritation.
"No, not that ya fool," Mad Eye replied. "Why are you still here? Working for the Order? Your wife is pregnant and alone somewhere, y'know. Probably alone too, if I've read you right."
"How did you know about Lily?"
"Word gets around," he replied, shrugging his shoulders. "Now listen, God knows the Order could use with more hands. Could always use more help-,"
"Now if you're telling me-,"
"I'm not telling you anything, son!" Mad Eye exclaimed. "Not officially anyways. Now shut your trap and listen. The Order isn't going anywhere. Voldemort is rising and the Death Eaters are getting more powerful by the day and meanwhile you aren't getting any younger. If Lily is pregnant, than you owe it to her to be with her. She needs you, y'know."
James stopped and looked at his hands. Was he being an ignorant man to her? Was he taking advantage of their time together by fighting for the Order?
"I know, it's just…" James sighed. "I don't know. My interests are divided. I want to be here, I want to be in the world and help, I need to help. I need to be needed and be in the thick of things or I feel so guilty. But I also want to be with my wife and our baby but I feel guilty being with her knowing that people are dying while I'm doing nothing!"
"It's not nothing."
"What?" James said.
"Being with her," Mad Eye repeated. "It's not nothing. You swore you'd be with her through thick or thin, right? That's usually in the vows. Times are thin, lad, where do your interests truly lie?"
"With her," James said promptly, "one hundred percent, it's just-,"
"Just nothing." Mad Eye said resolutely. "You owe it to her to be there. She's your wife, James. I know how strong that girl is, how independent she is, but this is different. She's in near isolation and she needs you there."
"Didn't know you had it in you to have relationship advice, Mad Eye," James said, slipping on his overcoat.
"Yeah, well Lily deserves it." Mad Eye said quietly. "You both do."
James looked back, one hand on the doorknob.
"Thanks," James said, "no seriously. This means to world to me."
"Just get out here, boy," Mad Eye said, and waved his hand dismissively. "Go back to her."
…
James Apparated onto the front step of the cottage and unlocked the door to the quiet house.
The sun was just beginning to rise over the horizon and James stood for a moment admiring the view through the eastern windows, the quiet sounds of the early morning surrounding him.
Everything was still, the quiet air of the sea hung above and all around him and he listened quietly for the sound of waves crashing on the cliffs. James inhaled and breathed in the wonderfully clean smell that was his wife and was so satisfied to finally be home.
He past the kitchen with its baby blue fridge and formica countertops and climbed the stairs leading to their bedroom, overjoyed to finally be with her.
The door to their bedroom creaked as it opened and James marvelled at the sight before him. Lily was tucked neatly onto her side of the bed, her hair splayed over her pillow, curly and unruly and bright.
James crouched beside her and ran a gentle hand over her cheek, over every freckle on her cheeks and her wonderfully long eyelashes. She was sleeping in his old Quidditch jersey, buried underneath the sheets and comforters piled on top of her.
She looked beautiful, and in that moment James knew he had made the right choice.
James took off his shoes and hung his jacket neatly over the arm of Lily's reading chair. He pulled up the warm sheets and tucked himself in behind her, breathing in her scent.
Lily groaned and shifted in her sleep.
"James," she whispered. "Is that you?"
"I'm here, love," he whispered back, "I'll always be right here."
"It's you," she said huskily, still half asleep, and turned to face him. "You're back."
"Back for good," James said. "If you'll still have me that is?"
"What you think I got married just for the heck of it?" Lily asked sleepily, and James grinned ear to ear. "Am having a baby with you just 'cause? I'm not stupid you know."
The early morning sunlight threw relief onto their bedroom, Lily's little desk beside the door, the antique chest of drawers and the silhouette photographs of her parents sitting on top. Lily's jewelry box and his shaving kit sat together on the desk, and his broom hung up over the door. Their wands sat side by side on the bedside table.
Their room was such a wonderful combination of the both of them. It was painted a delicate shade of yellow and the sunrise lit up the entire room from the two windows facing east and north. There was no his or hers, there was only theirs because even then they were too entwined to tell the difference between the two.
Lily's mum had made their quilt and gave it to them as a wedding present, and it covered them in warmth and familiarity every night. Her reading chair sat in the corner with a cozy blanket on top, a empty mug sitting on the windowsill beside it. Their house looked comforting and familiar and warm, and James was so happy he could burst. They were together at last.
"I love you," he said, and kissed her everywhere he could reach, pulling his wife into his arms.
"Whatever you say…" Lily teased, and then kissed him soundly.
"Good morning, love"
"Good morning," she answered back, and James kissed her forehead. Lily melted into his arms, her warmness seeped into James as he grinned ear to ear.
"You're so beautiful," James said, "do you have no idea how many of my fifteen year old fantasies started with you in my Quidditch jersey?"
"And nothing else?' she exclaimed. "You are such a pervert!"
"With your hair down and wild, telling me how fit I was-,"
"Yep, I definitely married a pervert." Lily said, and pulled the quilt up higher to cover them both. "It's the only thing thats comfortable enough to wear to bed. Not many of my shirts fit anymore. I've appropriated most of your closet since you've been gone, hope you don't mind."
"Why would I mind?" James said. "You look far better in it than I ever did. We'll go shopping sometime soon then for maternity stuff."
"And baby stuff," Lily said.
"And baby stuff. So I was thinking-," James started.
"Oh no, not thinking."
"Oh yeah," James said. "Lots of thinking."
"Don't strain yourself," Lily teased. "Might pop a blood vessel."
"Oh shut up."
"So what is this brilliant idea?" she asked.
"We should visit our parents," James said, and Lily smiled. "We haven't seen them since we went into hiding. I think that they'd like that."
"My mum definitely would," Lily said. "I'm not sure she even knows that I'm pregnant. It would mean a lot to her. But James, we're in hiding for a reason. We can't put the baby in danger."
"That's what I've just been thinking about," James said, and sat up. Lily sighed and lay down on his lap. "We can't give up on our lives because of the war. We have to live, because if we don't Voldemort has already won."
"But- James, we're not in hiding because we like it." Lily said. "We're doing it because it's whats best for the baby!"
"We can't just survive, Lily," James said, holding both of her hands in his. "And as great as it is for it just to be the two of us, we're not getting any younger."
"I just turned twenty, James. You're still nineteen,"
"That's not what I meant." James said, and she sighed. "Lily when was the last time you saw Sirius? Saw Lupin or Marlene or any of your friends?
"James-,"
"I'm twenty, James, your birthday's next week." Lily said. "Our lives are just beginning. This is only the first chapter."
"What if it's not?" James asked, and Lily sighed. "It's war, we could die at anytime. I want to spend the rest of it feeling alive and free no matter how much time we have left."
"Don't be so gruesome."
"I know we have to make the best of it, I understand that. It's just, that just surviving is slowly killing you."
Lily looked down. There was merit in his words, she hadn't been the same since she had gone into hiding. She was a recluse here, her people-oriented personalty dampened so their child could be safe. She hadn't felt like herself in months, and he was right: it was killing her.
"So what do we do?" Lily said quietly. "Just pack up and leave?"
"I don't know," James said. "I just want you to be happy again."
"I am happy, James. I'm happy when I watch the sunrise with a cup of tea. I'm happy when I can feel the baby move and grow inside of me. I'm happy when I have coffee in the village and watch people's days go by. I'm happy when I'm with you, when the three of us are together."
"So let's be together," James said. "How about that? I'll quit the Order and hang out here instead."
"All the time?"
"All the time," James confirmed. "You're past your fourth month now. I should be home all the time in case something happens."
"Nothing's going to happen. We're safe now that you're home."
"You're safe with me, Lily. I'd do anything to keep you and the baby safe.
…
Lily made pancakes and bacon while he made a pot of tea and they ate in comfortable silence. He washed and she dried, and once it was done, they headed back upstairs.
"Why don't we move?" James said, once he tucked her back into his arms under the blankets.
Lily turned to face him, a confused look on her face.
"Move?" she had said. "Why? We just got settled her."
"I don't know," James said, lying back on their bed with his arms crossed behind his head, Lily curled up on his chest. "Are you happy here?"
"I'm happy wherever you are," she said. "But I don't want to even think about moving until the baby's born. I won't be much help moving when I'm close to delivery. Plus, it's better when you're here. It fills this house up with someone other than me and the baby, which is a huge blessing."
"if you say so," James said.
"If you say so,"
"Are you teasing me, Mrs Potter?"
"Mm," Lily said. "I like when you call me that."
"I like hearing it."
"It doesn't sound like your mother?" Lily asked, and James laughed.
"No one calls her that," he said. "It's Dorea or auntie or mum. She doesn't like the formalness of Mrs Potter, she told me once that it makes her feel old."
"Huh," Lily said. "I like it because it makes me feel like an adult. Opposite problem."
Lily sat up on her heels at the foot of the bed, James' t-shirt hugging her belly gently and put her loose hair into a bun.
"You're so pretty,"
"Is that what one says to a pregnant woman, Potter? Not a very endearing compliment."
"Well it's the truth, you know. You've never been more beautiful."
"Because I'm wearing your clothes again?" Lily asked cheekily.
"Well, that shirt is definitely sexier on you that it will ever be on me."
"Oh yes," Lily said, securing her bun with a hairband. "Eight o'clock is definitely my beauty hour.'
"You look good because you aren't trying," James said, "You're just you and that's the most beautiful thing in the world. You're a wife and a damn good one at that. You're definitely a Mrs now, I'm afraid."
"Good," Lily said, and kissed him. The bare skin of her collarbone shone like marble in the early morning sunlight. Her hair was already falling out of its bun, and loose strands framed her face.
"I'd be happy for the rest of my life if we could freeze this moment forever." he whispered and Lily grinned.
"I'm happy wherever you are."
…
Okay so the fact that James is nineteen and Lily's only twenty is freaking me out. They were so young. I mean, i'm nineteen, how crazy is that? They were too young to make these huge decisions but were brave enough to do it anyways, which is something that I've always admired about them as a couple.
Here is also the place where Lily is starting to regain some of her old personality before James went away, which was an interesting character shift. Being around James brings out the true Lily.
They're also in a sort of honeymoon phase after being away from one another for so long, which is understandable, so hang in there if that isn't your thing.
Also, I've decided to try and keep the word count under 5K hopefully per chapter, a cap that is bound to fluctuate, but is in place for both our sakes.
The game plan moving forward is constantly changing in my mind. I'm thinking that there are going to be a couple of different stories leading up to Halloween 1981 so I can connect this arc with What Death Has Touched my piece on what happened that Halloween. Obviously, a lot is still up in the air, this is only chapter 3, after all.
What do you guys think? Should I continue until 1981?
Let me know :)
Love,
Violet Sky